Step 4: How to reborn friendship ties
"What the hell? Is that a gorilla?"
Yunho couldn't stop to look around. He was in Jaejoong's apartment, sat on his big couch. They had met one week later after Jaejoong went to his house in the middle of the night for the first time in a year.
Jaejoong's apartment was something he'd never imagined it would exist. Not even in his wildest dreams. Actually, the whole apartment could be call “Wild”. It was like being inside the last Katty Perry video, 'Roar'.
The center of Jaejoong’s apartment had a piano. On a corner, he had a big gorilla and more stuffed animals surrounding it. On the little table next to the sofa there was an art book, a bottle of wine, and the cover of his last album.
-You know, I haven’t heard your last CD
-No my last, not the one before that, not JYJ’s… - said Jaejoong entering the living room with two beers.
He sat next to Yunho and offered him one bottle.
-I was hurt, Jae… Listen to your voices would have made me hate you. I didn’t want to hate you
-I wrote songs for you
-Sad songs
-Yes, sad songs
-Spiteful songs, too
-You can't blame me for those
-Yes I can.... Seriously, I don't know why you wrote them. I know from a good source you were never alone during all these years...
-What do you mean? - Jaejoong knew where that conversation was going and he felt threatened.
-I think is time to catch up with your love life, don't you think?
This was the topic Yunho had been anxious to touch since they were in contact again. Actually, since their first meeting in Busan. “It’s naturally for friends to know about their love life” - Yunho tried to lie to himself, thinking what he was asking was harmless for both parts.
-Where to begin - Jaejoong started making the gesture to be thinking.
-Your most recently- Yunho tried no to sound so ansious but it was difficult.
-Casual or formal? - said Jaejoong shamelessly. If they had reached that level of confidence he sure can show his true colors to Yunho. There were never secrets between them, either.
-I don’t think I want to go into details… -
“I’m a concerned friend” - Yunho thought and then added - …and also if I get to meet one of your lovers I’d have something to talk about
-Do you think is wise to talk about me with an ex lover?
-So, you’re not dating? - Yunho asked hopeful
-No for the time being…
-So, who was your last?
Jaejoong found funny that Yunho was oblivious to his teasing. He was so concentrate in knowing Jaejoong’s last boyfriend he was practically jumping on the sofa. Jaejoong looked at the untouched beer Yunho had in his hands. He took it from him and opened and then gave it back insinuating he should be drinking. When Yunho caught the innuendo, he started to drink.
Jaejoong was pleased so he continued trying to sound offended.
-I can’t believe this, Yunho
-So, I can’t ask? - said Yunho in a soft voice
-No, what I mean is …. Seriously? I know you didn’t want to hear about JYJ, but I really thought you were at least looking information about me…I thought it was natural for you to stalk me over the internet...
-I don’t do that - Yunho blushed instantly
-Really?
-Not anymore…-he admitted - I used to do it
It was embarrassing for Yunho to admit it but he remembered how Jaejoong surprised him looking at his pictures, his sexiest moments on fan pages. In reality, the first time Jaejoong read a fanfic was due to Yunho. He had been reading a highly recommended fanfic when Jaejoong entered the room they both shared in a japanese hotel. Gashiyeon was one of the most tragic stories Jaejoong ever read so he couldn’t finish it. It was too much tragedy for him. The way they described him, scared him but at the same time he couldn’t help but to feel turn on from the sex scenes he made with Yunho on fiction.
-Ok, ok… if I have to guess…- said Yunho looking at the serious expression of Jaejoong - I’d say… Geun Suk
-Mmm you heard about him - said Jaejoong. By that time he already had finished his beer.
-I might say I felt offended…you know this couple things started with us, I never thought you’d used it with other boyfriend only for publicity
-Don’t misunderstand. I never gave him the sweater… he took it from my apartment when he stayed over…
-I don’t want to know that…
-What?! Are you blushing? - Jaejoong laughed
-No, I’m not - Yunho took another sip of his beer
-Well, I’ll give you credit for knowing this aspect of my life, but no…he wasn’t a formal in my life…actually I think he’s straight… he was just curious
-Curious?
-Or was I?
-You?
-Yes…anyway, he has a girlfriend now. I don’t understand how a woman can be with a guy who is prettier or who used more makeup products than her… -Jaejoong stood up again and went to the kitchen to get two more beers. He continued when he came back - I don’t really like him; he looks too much like a girl. And when he talks is like you are with a travestite. I like his company though. He’s funny… he’s my neighbor so he likes to come to my house to hang out…nothing more.
-Then who?
-You don’t know him, Yunho - he opened a new beer and gave it to Yunho.
-Good, don’t want to know him, either… I was just asking - Yunho answered, receiving the beer
Yunho couldn’t help but felt disappointed. He had always been able to get from the other what he wanted, even if only unconsciously. This time, however, he had to be limited because he was not his boyfriend. He was his friend. Yunho found that following the path of friendship was considerably more difficult than he thought it would be.
-Do you want to know his name?
-No
-Well, he’s the son of a C-JES investor. He doesn’t live in Korea but he was here for business for 2 months. I met him in our staff meeting… He invited me to a private party and well, we keep in contact since then. Very handsome guy, beautiful eyes…
-I told you I don’t need the details…
-So we were dating. His family doesn’t suspect he’s gay but he wants to tell them this year. Anyway, we’re still in contact… I wanted it to be casual but he didn’t. He said I was too precious to be just anyone…-Jaejoong felt the old feeling growing inside his guts - sometimes people treats me like a woman
And here came the difficult question for Yunho. That question that is only made to someone you have a relationship with.He was not sure if it was because of the great confidence they had or because he thought he was so subtle that Jaejoong might not notice.
-So, you…and him…- Yunho stuttered- so you both…so…
-Had sex?
Yunho nodded.
-Of course
-Was he..?
-What?
Every word was more and more embarrasing. What was happening to him? Maybe the alcohol. He looked around. The big gorilla looked back at him as daring him to cower. The paint that was hanging on the wall at the other side of the room was made him feel nauseated. The entire room seemed to be talking, a language that only Jaejoong was capable to understand.
-Mmmm…. You know…that - he gestured with his two hands, motioning one hand on top of the other
-What??? - Jaejoong understood but he hated when Yunho couldn’t talk to him openly like in the old times- For heaven’s sake Yunho, speak!!
-Blanket or sheet? - Yunho spitted
-Ah??
-Top..or…??
-Are you seriously asking me that???? I think you had drank too much - said the older, taking from the other hands the bottle he was about to open
-I was curious - said Yunho blishing again. He certainly hated the red color spreading through his cheeks.
-I’ll let you live like that…
-You’re not telling me?
-Of course not. That’s private…
-But I…
-You, what? You were my boyfriend years ago, Yunho. I don’t think you have the right to know this kind of stuff about me
Yunho said nothing. He kept quiet. Jaejoong sensed he had gone too far so he tried to talk again, keeping a casual voice
-I’ll continue my tour in Korea in two weeks…
-How about your Japanese lovers? Do you still see them?
Yunho would not let the information he desperate wanted to know, escaped. He was really upset since he saw the picture of Yamashita flying on an airplane with him…He remembered how special that guy was. They were friends since their years as TVXQ and it was very well known they were lovers for some time after the breakup.
This side of Yunho was also very well known for the SM staff, who had years working with him. Yunho always appeared to be the centered one. The calm, the composure and the elegance never escaped from his appearance except when it has to do with Jaejoong. When he was with Jaejoong, Yunho was the jealous type. They had had innumerable fights due to Jaejoong charisma and his admirers. Their big fights were common knowledge in SM.
One trainee once got scared on his first day at work after hearing them fighting in a room for almost two hours. He wouldn't forget what he heard later also. Chairs and tables moving along with not very manly moans.
-I see them sometimes, we talked on the phone also - Jaejoong said - Why do I feel intervened?
-Sorry
Yunho understood Jaejoong was right. He had no right to do more questions like that
Also Jaejoong knew what was troubling Yunho besides Yamashita. He had been in Japan not too long ago and was aware of the problems with Avex. He chose to change the topic - … -I think we should start buying our Christmas presents soon…
-What? Why?
-What do you mean, why? Because is December? - Jae looked at him like he was stupid
-And?
-And we have less than 30 days to buy our presents!! - Jaejoong yelled.
The real reason behind his question was about to pop up and he needed Yunho to keep playing with him.
-Remember that we have the most of our activities during this month
-Do you want us to go together to buy presents? I don’t think I can...
-We don’t have to go together. I’m a busy person, Yunho. I don’t have time to play with you
-Damn, my luck
-I have the big opening of my store, also…
-Are you trying to rub that on my face?
-That’s not my intention but you can’t blame me for being successful…and rich… and handsome…
--And an asshole
-That too…
Yunho laughed frantic. He had finished two beers already and was starting to see everything blurry. He didn’t drink too much but he had made sure to call his manager before arriving to pick him up in two hours, so he felt saved.
-Do you think Changmin would accept something from me?
-I don’t know
-Yunho…
-Maybe food…
-I can’t give him food like a present… it has to be something more personal
-Are you gonna tattoo his name on your chest?
-I'll do it but I bet he would throw up…
At some point, Yunho would never forgive Jaejoong for having Yoochun’s name on his chest. He had been his lover, why not his?
He imagined that part of being soulmates was they had supported each other after the breakup. Yunho was well aware the importance Yoochun had in Jae’s life. Without him, probably Jaejoong would have never make it through all those years.
-The only thing I know he won’t reject from you, is food
-Mmmm… I’ll think about it…
-And I’m sorry, Jae but I don’t think I could buy anything for you, either… is a very hard month - he smirked
-That’s ok
Deception could be seen in the older’s face. It was heartbreaking for Yunho to see him like that but he wanted his present to be a surprise.
“Stop behaving like a stupid boyfriend, you guys are only friends”
-Can I ask you something? -asked Jaejoong suddenly
-Go ahead
-Do you think there’s a chance we can have a Christmas dinner together?… I mean the five of us…
The words scaped from Jaejoong's lips without thinking. He had been planning this to be a different Christmas. It was true that he missed Yunho, but he also missed his family. That family that came to form despite the constant fights.
The five of them sitting at the table, planning their next tour. Listening to Yoochun and Yunho staying up late talking of the important things in life. Preparing something at midnight for Changmin. "Home is were the warm food is, why would you go away if you have family and warm food?"
It had been four years since their separation and had already served 10 years as artists. This was, for Jaejoong, a special year.
-Not even the slightest chance
Jae kept silenced. The old technique he used to make Yunho feel guilty.
-How about your concerts?
-I’m having one in Gwangyu in two weeks
-Really?
-Yes… do you think they..
-Nothing’s gonna happen Jae..that was a long time ago
-I can’t help but feel insecure… security will be extreme for that day
-Don’t exaggerate, nothing is gonna happen
-I expect so
-Listen, I’ll call the guys…let them know I’m back in contact with you…everything is fine
-It’s not them I’m worried about
-Who?
-Him
Yunho understood. Jaejoong was always kind with everyone, despite his shyness. Shyness that sometimes could be confused with vanity. But that person turned to be impossible even for Jaejoong’s kindness.
-He’s not in the country, he traveled
Jaejoong let go the air he didn’t feel he was containing. One less obstacle.
-That’s good to know
-Jae, nothing is gonna happen, believe me. .. what could he do?
Memories were tumbling in his head. The real reason behind their breakup.
***
-Here sir, I bring this for you
-Thanks
-What a lovely living room you have... You change the couch, right?
-Uhum
-Ah! I see the iron man!! It’s a present from hyung, right?
-Yes
Continue story here.
(LJ doesn't let me post long chaps. Don't know why :/ . Sorry. If anyone knows how to fix it let me know)