An update
Someone noticed that I haven't posted in a while. I knew I'd been ignoring things here, but I hadn't realized how long it's been. So, to bring everyone up to speed, here is the update:
I've been busy. Extremely busy.
Work has been trying to kill me, but that's alright. I've gotten better at performing minor miracles.
My living situation was up in the air for a while, but things seem to have settled down on that front. Things seem stable, and the immediate future, at the very least, is taken care of.
On the mental stability front, things have calmed down a good bit. I've accepted who I am, and the integration is proceeding nicely. The only thing that worries me is that there is a dark side of me that seems somehow seperate from the rest and intent on bending everything I do into something evil and casting doubt on everything I say and do. It's rather odd. It's like having another person in your head telling you things about yourself that you know aren't true.
Disturbing....
Physical health: I've lost a good bit of weight, and thigns are looking good. Smoking looks has decreased a slight bit. I've got to work on it a bit, but I think it's doable...at least in the near future. Somethings still have me a bit nervous right now. Other than that, I've either got my hands into some chemical (literally) or work is suddenly drying them out or something, because the skin is peeling from my finger tips. Slightly bothersome.
Love life: There simply aren't words to describe it.
I've met a woman that not only meets all my expectations, she excedes them. I never thought it was possible for someone to be this complex and... something.
(like I said, words can't describe)
She is redefining life for me. I thought I knew what love was, and in ways, I think I did, but this is completely different than anything I've ever known. I'm in foreign territory here, and for those that know me, you know how I feel about that. For those that don't: I hate it. I hate not knowing and not knowing how things are going to go.
Here is a news flash for some of you. I'm not sure how still reads this. I know at least one of you do, and by you... well that will become clear in a line or two.
I've always known things would end. That was part of why I was so clingy. For a few, I knew it wouldn't last because I would have it so. I entered into things as a diversion from life. For a rare few of you, I wanted things to last longer because of something special I saw in you. In a way- a very powerful way- a regret having met some of you because of the pain I have caused you. Know that I loved you, in my own way. That isn't to say that it was less than what many would think of as love. Far from it. What I felt for many of you was something far to intense for most people to deal with. At it's height, I would have died for any of you. In the embers that remain, I always remember you and the effect you've all had on my life. (Christ, this sounds like I am dying...perhaps in a way I am...the things I should have written down for later reference)
The book of this life has come to an end...
A new one has already been started, and the changes are coming fast.
HOWEVER,
Many of you are expected to be repete characters. This one will, most likely, be a more boring work.
You see folks, I've met my equal. A woman that never becomes predictable. A woman that is fully formed. One who is a swirl of life, and I've never known anything like it.
I will not be going anywhere for a long time to come.
I don't need good luck.
I don't need well wishing.
I'll end this now.
Anything else would be superfluous.
You all know how to reach me.
I'll be around, and all old agreements will be honored.
I've been busy. Extremely busy.
Work has been trying to kill me, but that's alright. I've gotten better at performing minor miracles.
My living situation was up in the air for a while, but things seem to have settled down on that front. Things seem stable, and the immediate future, at the very least, is taken care of.
On the mental stability front, things have calmed down a good bit. I've accepted who I am, and the integration is proceeding nicely. The only thing that worries me is that there is a dark side of me that seems somehow seperate from the rest and intent on bending everything I do into something evil and casting doubt on everything I say and do. It's rather odd. It's like having another person in your head telling you things about yourself that you know aren't true.
Disturbing....
Physical health: I've lost a good bit of weight, and thigns are looking good. Smoking looks has decreased a slight bit. I've got to work on it a bit, but I think it's doable...at least in the near future. Somethings still have me a bit nervous right now. Other than that, I've either got my hands into some chemical (literally) or work is suddenly drying them out or something, because the skin is peeling from my finger tips. Slightly bothersome.
Love life: There simply aren't words to describe it.
I've met a woman that not only meets all my expectations, she excedes them. I never thought it was possible for someone to be this complex and... something.
(like I said, words can't describe)
She is redefining life for me. I thought I knew what love was, and in ways, I think I did, but this is completely different than anything I've ever known. I'm in foreign territory here, and for those that know me, you know how I feel about that. For those that don't: I hate it. I hate not knowing and not knowing how things are going to go.
Here is a news flash for some of you. I'm not sure how still reads this. I know at least one of you do, and by you... well that will become clear in a line or two.
I've always known things would end. That was part of why I was so clingy. For a few, I knew it wouldn't last because I would have it so. I entered into things as a diversion from life. For a rare few of you, I wanted things to last longer because of something special I saw in you. In a way- a very powerful way- a regret having met some of you because of the pain I have caused you. Know that I loved you, in my own way. That isn't to say that it was less than what many would think of as love. Far from it. What I felt for many of you was something far to intense for most people to deal with. At it's height, I would have died for any of you. In the embers that remain, I always remember you and the effect you've all had on my life. (Christ, this sounds like I am dying...perhaps in a way I am...the things I should have written down for later reference)
The book of this life has come to an end...
A new one has already been started, and the changes are coming fast.
HOWEVER,
Many of you are expected to be repete characters. This one will, most likely, be a more boring work.
You see folks, I've met my equal. A woman that never becomes predictable. A woman that is fully formed. One who is a swirl of life, and I've never known anything like it.
I will not be going anywhere for a long time to come.
I don't need good luck.
I don't need well wishing.
I'll end this now.
Anything else would be superfluous.
You all know how to reach me.
I'll be around, and all old agreements will be honored.