[LJ Idol] Brouhaha
I have been, in my day, in the middle of a brouhaha. You can find about it if you click the 'inadvertant shitstorm' link in my tags.
But that's not what I want to talk about. I want to talk about the brouhaha that really bothers me a lot. The brouhaha of the politics and philosophy of identity. (I was talking with someone whose opinion I respect last night, and what we discussed came up in my head to this.)
Let's set a ground level here:Brouhaha: brou·ha·ha /ˈbruhɑˌhɑ, ˌbruhɑˈhɑ, bruˈhɑhɑ/ Show Spelled[broo-hah-hah, broo-hah-hah, broo-hah-hah] -noun
1. excited public interest, discussion, or the like, as the clamor attending some sensational event; hullabaloo.
It seems to me that there's a lot of that these days, in a lot of places. Look at politics; it's become the constant level of discourse there. Look at people; there's always something to be excited - dare I even say offended - about.
Why? Why have we come to this?
I admit that I am a white straight male, and that gives me a certain set of filters. I also have had the face I have these filters pointed out to me by people, and tried to find ways to work to take them into account when I see things. But there's two ways I've seen things pointed out: one of them is the "hey, you may want to consider this when you address this issues".
The other is "OMG YOU ARE A STRAIGHT WHITE MALE YOUR OPINION IS IRRELEVANT AND USELESS AND YOU ARE INNATELY EVIL."
True story: I had someone yell at me when I asked them if they could step back a little in a bus. This person happened to be black and they thought I was telling them they had to go to the back of the bus. I said, when he loudly accused me of being racist, "No, there's room behind you and more people getting on the bus, if you step backwards we can all get on." (His filters assumed that I was being racist when I was just cold and tired and wanted to get to the ferry so I could get home on a cold, windy, snowy day.) It left me generally annoyed on a day that was already not particularly pleasant and I'm sure I was less than a joy to deal with afterwards.
But that's the problem with the brouhaha method, as I see it. You start out angry and taking offense and you yell at someone. And... they don't find a reason to care. Yelling at someone about how they're a bad person and should feel bad about something they may not even recognize they have in their worldview does not do anything except give them a push that actually reinforces it.
If you say to someone, politely and respectfully, "hey, you really showed a bias there, and I think I should explain to you why it's not respectful to other people", I'm willing to be that most people will listen to you... and those that still refuse to probably aren't going to change no matter what, and you know to walk away.
We need less brouhaha in the common discourse, and more honest, sane, rational discussion. I for one would appreciate it.
(This hit me again recently. My back-in-Jersey gaming group, whose mailing list I'm still on, has a married couple. She put a message on the list that her husband was 'grounded' due to getting home too late on gaming nights; one of the other people on the list - who owns the local gaming store! - was very rude to her about the way she put things. I admit that I thought she was rather disrespectful to her husband, but that's their stuff, I decided to not get involved. now the group is having issues, as the two of them are not willing to go to the store anymore for any reason... and I got a call from two different people asking if, when I go back there for the holidays, would I mediate. Every time you think you're out... But that's another brouhaha based on people's prejudices and issues that caused needless trouble.)
But that's not what I want to talk about. I want to talk about the brouhaha that really bothers me a lot. The brouhaha of the politics and philosophy of identity. (I was talking with someone whose opinion I respect last night, and what we discussed came up in my head to this.)
Let's set a ground level here:Brouhaha: brou·ha·ha /ˈbruhɑˌhɑ, ˌbruhɑˈhɑ, bruˈhɑhɑ/ Show Spelled[broo-hah-hah, broo-hah-hah, broo-hah-hah] -noun
1. excited public interest, discussion, or the like, as the clamor attending some sensational event; hullabaloo.
It seems to me that there's a lot of that these days, in a lot of places. Look at politics; it's become the constant level of discourse there. Look at people; there's always something to be excited - dare I even say offended - about.
Why? Why have we come to this?
I admit that I am a white straight male, and that gives me a certain set of filters. I also have had the face I have these filters pointed out to me by people, and tried to find ways to work to take them into account when I see things. But there's two ways I've seen things pointed out: one of them is the "hey, you may want to consider this when you address this issues".
The other is "OMG YOU ARE A STRAIGHT WHITE MALE YOUR OPINION IS IRRELEVANT AND USELESS AND YOU ARE INNATELY EVIL."
True story: I had someone yell at me when I asked them if they could step back a little in a bus. This person happened to be black and they thought I was telling them they had to go to the back of the bus. I said, when he loudly accused me of being racist, "No, there's room behind you and more people getting on the bus, if you step backwards we can all get on." (His filters assumed that I was being racist when I was just cold and tired and wanted to get to the ferry so I could get home on a cold, windy, snowy day.) It left me generally annoyed on a day that was already not particularly pleasant and I'm sure I was less than a joy to deal with afterwards.
But that's the problem with the brouhaha method, as I see it. You start out angry and taking offense and you yell at someone. And... they don't find a reason to care. Yelling at someone about how they're a bad person and should feel bad about something they may not even recognize they have in their worldview does not do anything except give them a push that actually reinforces it.
If you say to someone, politely and respectfully, "hey, you really showed a bias there, and I think I should explain to you why it's not respectful to other people", I'm willing to be that most people will listen to you... and those that still refuse to probably aren't going to change no matter what, and you know to walk away.
We need less brouhaha in the common discourse, and more honest, sane, rational discussion. I for one would appreciate it.
(This hit me again recently. My back-in-Jersey gaming group, whose mailing list I'm still on, has a married couple. She put a message on the list that her husband was 'grounded' due to getting home too late on gaming nights; one of the other people on the list - who owns the local gaming store! - was very rude to her about the way she put things. I admit that I thought she was rather disrespectful to her husband, but that's their stuff, I decided to not get involved. now the group is having issues, as the two of them are not willing to go to the store anymore for any reason... and I got a call from two different people asking if, when I go back there for the holidays, would I mediate. Every time you think you're out... But that's another brouhaha based on people's prejudices and issues that caused needless trouble.)