My daddy.
My dad was the epitome of a stubborn missouri mule, but with a kind heart. He was an airforce retiree with 20 years service under his belt. He knew his old cars, airplanes, and country music, and knew that pushing his daughters on swings higher than his head delighted them to no end, even as it dismayed his wife. He loved his pink panther cartoons and would cackle like a mad thing at the Three Stooges. He turned 78 on July 6th....He passed away early in the morning hours on 07-14-14 in his sleep...The paramedics say it was probably a silent heart attack.
I know intellectually that there was nothing I could have done...There was no noise outside of routine, and no warning other than the poor health of his lungs. But my mind won't stop playing back scenes, making me wonder if I'd only gone to check on him, beyond the casual glance when I got home around midnight, and saw him moving about as he usually did. The doctor said his illnesses would have killed him years ago, without me taking care of him...That I was a good daughter. I don't feel like one....I feel like I should have done more, in spite of what others say, and knowing in my mind that there was nothing. He was already cooling when I found him.
When I wake in the morning, I'll try to start putting back the pieces of my shattered heart. Maybe things will begin to make sense then.
I know intellectually that there was nothing I could have done...There was no noise outside of routine, and no warning other than the poor health of his lungs. But my mind won't stop playing back scenes, making me wonder if I'd only gone to check on him, beyond the casual glance when I got home around midnight, and saw him moving about as he usually did. The doctor said his illnesses would have killed him years ago, without me taking care of him...That I was a good daughter. I don't feel like one....I feel like I should have done more, in spite of what others say, and knowing in my mind that there was nothing. He was already cooling when I found him.
When I wake in the morning, I'll try to start putting back the pieces of my shattered heart. Maybe things will begin to make sense then.