I'm Not Leaving Without You
(THIS ENTRY WILL CONTAIN COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF GAGA GUSHING. A-PLUS TO THOSE WHO CAN PINPOINT THE EXACT MOMENT I BREAK DOWN AND STOP MAKING SENSE)
If someone were to ask me why I love Lady Gaga so much, I would have no conceivable idea where to start.
There's this stigma that all pop music is crap music, and while this may ring true for like 90% of the trash that gets pumped out by the music industry, people should always, ALWAYS remember that there are exceptions. Was Michael Jackson not pop? Madonna? They're considered exceptions. Lady Gaga is, obviously, mine.
This Italian-American, five-foot-one woman not only has an amazing voice (I mean come on), but she writes her OWN songs and directs her own shows. She's not just a pretty face riding on the waves a record label blows in her direction. She makes her own waves, and she determines her own direction. (she dares to be radical, but nobody shoot me please)
Not only that. She fights for her causes, not just mentioning them once in form of some vapid "inspirational" song, or endorsing some support organization because they paid her. She's written a song about kids kicked out of the house by their parents (Bad Kids), another about being yourself no matter who tries to stop you (Hair), and I really don't have to inform you of the existence of Born This Way, do I? And the woman even teamed up with Harvard to create the Born This Way Foundation, which you really really must check out.
So. About Lady Gaga. I watched her.
My story about the Born This Way Ball is long and frightening.
There's this legendary section of the audience called the Monster Pit, which is encircled by a ramp that Lady Gaga walks/dances on during the concert. Yes, so if you are watching in the Monster Pit, this flawless beautiful talented woman basically dances round and round you, and the distance between the two of you is essentially a blackboard away. According to her website, the only guests eligible for the Monster Pit are those who showed up the earliest, camped outside, and dressed up for the Ball.
So being reasonable, responsible people, Coycoy and I did all of those.
We showed up outside the stadium at 8AM, me as Jo Calderone and my sister as The Fame personified. Thus began our 12-hour wait for the queen. There were about thirty people in front of us in the line, not bad at all. We still had a great shot at the Monster Pit.
I loved the people I saw. They looked like true Gaga fans!!! Teenaged girls in denim jackets with hand-made designs on the back, wearing teal wigs or mint lipstick or studded boots. And don't get me started on the dudes!!! Sky-high heels, spikes, wigs, skeleton makeup, you name it. I don't think there was anyone in that crowd who was attracted to women. Seriously. Maybe a few lesbians, but those tend to like P!nk more.
Coy fell asleep while I drew this on my hand.
When she woke up, she asked me to write something on her hand.
Once indoors, we were still bored so I wrote this on her arm. (it's a Gaga song)
Now remember: according to Gaga's site, the reqs for Monster Pit were early attendance and costume. We had both. Our tickets were in the far, seated part of the stadium, as they were cheaper than the closer section which was just standing area.
Then the officials of the stadium choose THAT DAY OF ALL DAYS to be insufferable douchebags and announced at 11:30 AM "ONLY STANDING AREA TICKETS ARE ELIGIBLE FOR MONSTER PIT". my sister and i were outraged. we'd been waiting for hours and they only said this now!!! it wasn't fair!
My sister and I decided to play it dirty. we were going to try and sneak into the standing area by just showing the backs of our tickets to the guards, and not the front where it said our seat numbers.
TOUGH LUCK!!!! of course we were caught!!!! THERE'S NOTHING I HATE MORE THAN COMPETENT SECURITY!
So one of the officials brings us out to give us a talking to. Obviously Coy and I were terrified. We were praying in our heads that somehow, SOMEHOW we could still get inside. The official was nice enough, and talked to us gently, explaining to us that our seated tickets could not get us into the standing area and, subsequently, the Monster Pit.
and then, I kid you not, God worked his wonders.
While the official talked to us, two Caucasian women, a mother and a daughter, approached us.
Them: Excuse me, , did you say your tickets had seats?
Us: Um, yeah, why?
Them: Well, we have standing tickets, and we really want to sit down for the concert. Would you be okay to trade?
Us:
Them: Well?
Us:
Them: Would you like them?
Us: [endless screaming]
We asked them if the distance of our seats were okay, and they were fine, and even thanked us for trading. HELL! WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE THE GRATEFUL ONES! we were blubbering messes, and then we hugged the two girls, and the stadium official, who was probably kind of confused by then, led us to the standing area waiting line.
Up til now I don't understand why God deemed me worthy of such a miracle (even a shallow one like that). I don't know what I did to deserve those standing area tickets for me and Coy. But the only thing I can do now is shrug, look skyward and thank God profusely for all of his blessings. Every single one of them.
So there are two blocks of standing areas. Block A was closer to the stage and more expensive, while Block B was behind them. Coy and I had new-found Block B tickets. We were eligible for Monster Pit! The waiting place for Block B had us eating, napping and sitting around for five more hours. We befriended a 19-year-old Singaporean named Jen who, as it turns out, has the exact same Gaga desktop wallpaper as me!! We shared gaga pics on our phones. Don't judge.
So anyway, an hour before the show, the guards showed up to escort Blocks A and B to the stadium itself. Only they had even more douchebag news to share us: "ONLY BLOCK A IS ELIGIBLE FOR MONSTER PIT".
The Block B guests who had showed up at 8AM dressed-up like us were in an absolute uproar. We were booing and yelling but the guards paid no mind. I mean, WTF man! That's so inconsiderate! But I paused from booing for a while to remember that God had given me Block B, and I remembered to be very, very, very thankful. Inhale, exhale. (There was even a funny moment when a photographer came to take a picture of Block B waiting for press, but everyone was angry so they turned their backs to him. Little Monster unity!)
Anyway, we eventually got into Block B itself. The stadium was surprisingly small! Cameras weren't allowed, so I had to make do with my phone camera.
NOTE: MY PHONE CAMERA HAS A REALLY WEIRD WAY OF MAKING THINGS SEEM MUCH FARTHER THEN THEY ARE LIKE THESE PHOTOS SHOW. I WAS MAYBE BACK-OF-THE-MRA FAR FROM THE STAGE.
NOTE 2: I did a little pretentious editing. Gagagaga
A quick summary of the concert, but if you're watching later this month PLEASE SKIP:
-Opening act is some crap hipster DJ named Zedd. Alllll of his songs were buildup-buildup-BUILDUP-BUILDUP-pause-DROP. So repetitive and so unoriginal. Highlight was an admittedly catchy Levels/Somebody That I Used to Know mashup.
-The stage is a gorgeous medieval castle that opens some parts, can rearrange itself, and change form. It's breathtaking.
-Lady Gaga enters... on a freakin animatronic horse. She's wearing a huge black veil to tease everyone, and she's flanked by these awesome looking gay bondage guards. it's so gaga and it's so awesome.
-At one point, you only see Gaga's upper body, and the rest of her is a gigantic, truck-sized pregnant belly with matching legs. She makes pained birthing sounds while... giving birth to her dance crew. HELL. EFFING. YES.
-She speaks in between some songs. They're mostly speeches about how she's happy to be there, how HK is super hot, and she swears a LOT. But she also talks about gay pride, acceptance, an end to bullying, and is just so sincere and wonderful and beautiful that I could just swallow this woman.
-She has maybe 15+ costume changes. Every single one is so Gaga and so stunning. Standouts include a meat swimsuit, a long white dress with hidden heels that makes her look like she's floating across the stage, and a motorcycle. Yes. I typed that right. She comes out as a motorcycle.
-Throughout the show, a pale white copy of her face hovers over the stage and tries to somehow "repress" her or restrain her from being who she is. At the end of it, Gaga picks up a machine gun, shoots at the face, and it starts to cry RIVERS of BLOOD. Terrifying and stunning-stunning-stunning.
-SHE CAME OUT FOR TWO ENCORES. SHIET. [not spoilin u]
So, yes, Lady Gaga performed phenomenally.I'm not even trying to reference anything there. If she sounds cool in her records, she sounds flawless live. Some stars just sing their songs exactly like in the album, while dancing to it. No, that's not Gaga. When she feels like belting a certain part, THE WOMAN FRIKKIN BELTS IT. She starts some numbers with just playing her piano, and it suddenly evolves to a massive heavy metal rock climax that leaves me SOBBING. I'm so happy I got to see her live.
Coy and I buying our merch after the concert! MY HAIR IS RUINED but my heart is not!!!
So, to close this gay-unicorn-sacrilegious-pop-music chapter of my life, I leave you with the words of the Queen herself:
"Just remember that you're a goddamned superstar, and you were born this way."
See you in 2015, Stefani.