the 805
scheduled to turn off the gas at the 805 today. june 30th. such a weird mix of feelings about the whole thing. the 805 was supposed to be my dream house where everything worked and we all loved each other. and for a moment, it was and we did. and although that "moment" was really a few months, i will probably always remember the 805 as a constant source of conflict, worry, and stress. in the fall of 2010, i moved in with my three closest friends at iu. and by the summer of 2011, i was dating one of them, hadn't spoken more than a word to another, and couldn't stand the third. and now as i prepare to move my last pieces of furniture out of that place, i am still dating the first, haven't spoken to the other, and still can't stand the third. why did i think a second year would change all the bad?
some people surprise you. and i guess you can never be certain about anyone. if i look back in my journal about the first time i talked about john, you'd think he'd be the godparent of my future children. and ha! you'd think the father of those children would have been bryan! and that just makes me laugh now more than anything. i am glad that i saw what might be the true versions of them. i am glad that john blew me off and ignored me, i'm glad that bryan turned me down - and that is me being more blunt and honest about the whole situation than i have ever been. the truth is, i didn't have much of a say in the way that our relationships ended. and the bigger truth is that maybe that's better. maybe i would have still been hung up on bryan who has and has always had a girlfriend (no matter how open he claimed their relationship was). and i'd probably still worship john for the man that he really, well, isn't. i'm glad that the 805 opened my eyes on all of that.
so turning in my key will be...settling. the last piece of our goodbye. the only thing holding us to the fact that we were once friends. and i feel like we will have an awkward hug (or maybe even just a wave), and that'll be that.
some people surprise you. and i guess you can never be certain about anyone. if i look back in my journal about the first time i talked about john, you'd think he'd be the godparent of my future children. and ha! you'd think the father of those children would have been bryan! and that just makes me laugh now more than anything. i am glad that i saw what might be the true versions of them. i am glad that john blew me off and ignored me, i'm glad that bryan turned me down - and that is me being more blunt and honest about the whole situation than i have ever been. the truth is, i didn't have much of a say in the way that our relationships ended. and the bigger truth is that maybe that's better. maybe i would have still been hung up on bryan who has and has always had a girlfriend (no matter how open he claimed their relationship was). and i'd probably still worship john for the man that he really, well, isn't. i'm glad that the 805 opened my eyes on all of that.
so turning in my key will be...settling. the last piece of our goodbye. the only thing holding us to the fact that we were once friends. and i feel like we will have an awkward hug (or maybe even just a wave), and that'll be that.