(no subject)
Have you ever felt happier than you ever have in your life? Felt accepted, free, loved, admired, equal, and better-than-you-used-to-be all at the same time? I love that feeling, and as much as I hate to admit it because I know some of you will take it the wrong way, I feel like that everytime I go to ECHS. I love it there, I truly do, though I miss you all at PCFC and SHS so much.
And then have you ever looked back and felt the warm feelings fade and become cold and hard in your stomach? Not because what you looked back on was a negative experience, but because those times where when you had been happiest in your life at that point in time, and then you realize the way you feel now is a magnification of those feelings, but you were still happy then too. You were still content and felt accepted, free, loved, admired, equal, and better-than-you-used-to-be. Why did these things change? By merely restarting your life, you can still have all that and more.
Then you ask yourself, "Did I really want it to get better? Is it better having those feelings be stronger?"
I answered to myself, "Not really. I miss it so."
Here's the difference between BLMS and ECHS: ECHS makes me feel more accepted and loved. BLMS made me feel better-than-I-used-to-be and free.
I prefer BLMS because not everyone accepted me.
People talk about accepting others, love thy neighbor, etc. etc. but I did like having a few people resent me. It gave me something to do; I could work to prove myself to them. I am getting slowly worse because I don't have to work to show what I'm made of. However, some don't even know that I deserve credit for things, and then I become irritated. That's just an example of how I'm getting worse.
I need to go back, but I don't want to. I wouldn't leave ECHS for the world. Actually, I wouldn't leave anything for the world; it's too messed up for my liking. There are a few certain friends at PCFC and SHS I want to still be with. Am I willing to choose between them and my new friends?
If I were given that choice, I would choose my PCFC/SHS friends. I love my ECHS friends so much, but my friendships with the others are stronger and longer.
Which me did I like better; the quiet 4.0 girl me, or the fun-loving 3.9 girl me? Do I want to return to being a shy student with a group of friends mostly like herself, or
And then have you ever looked back and felt the warm feelings fade and become cold and hard in your stomach? Not because what you looked back on was a negative experience, but because those times where when you had been happiest in your life at that point in time, and then you realize the way you feel now is a magnification of those feelings, but you were still happy then too. You were still content and felt accepted, free, loved, admired, equal, and better-than-you-used-to-be. Why did these things change? By merely restarting your life, you can still have all that and more.
Then you ask yourself, "Did I really want it to get better? Is it better having those feelings be stronger?"
I answered to myself, "Not really. I miss it so."
Here's the difference between BLMS and ECHS: ECHS makes me feel more accepted and loved. BLMS made me feel better-than-I-used-to-be and free.
I prefer BLMS because not everyone accepted me.
People talk about accepting others, love thy neighbor, etc. etc. but I did like having a few people resent me. It gave me something to do; I could work to prove myself to them. I am getting slowly worse because I don't have to work to show what I'm made of. However, some don't even know that I deserve credit for things, and then I become irritated. That's just an example of how I'm getting worse.
I need to go back, but I don't want to. I wouldn't leave ECHS for the world. Actually, I wouldn't leave anything for the world; it's too messed up for my liking. There are a few certain friends at PCFC and SHS I want to still be with. Am I willing to choose between them and my new friends?
If I were given that choice, I would choose my PCFC/SHS friends. I love my ECHS friends so much, but my friendships with the others are stronger and longer.
Which me did I like better; the quiet 4.0 girl me, or the fun-loving 3.9 girl me? Do I want to return to being a shy student with a group of friends mostly like herself, or