Early Decision
I had a nice talk with my mom this afternoon. Well, maybe nice is not the right word... we talked and there was no fighting. I called NYU as soon as I got home from school because I had some questions about their early decision policy and the stimulations about backing out if I don't get enough financial aid. The woman who I spoke to (who was all-too happy to tell me the dreadful news) suggested to me that if money is a large factor, I shouldn't apply for early decision. ::as my heart hits the floor:: This now means that I would have to wait all those extra months just to see if I could get in, let alone to determine if I've received enough financial aid. So, I went into my living room and sat down with my mom to inform her about the info. I had just received. She agreed with the lady I spoke to: don't apply early decision, then. We talked about other things, as well, such as: why I would want to go out of state; how I would feel if I didn't get accepted into any of the schools I'm applying to up north; what would happen if I *did* get accepted but I didn't get enough money; grants/loans/scholarships; graduate school; basically, life after I leave home. Oy, what am I to do? She knows and acknowledges how I feel about everything.. infact, she's being really great about this. I hope I'm not taking her for granted. I feel bad now.
I had a simliar conversation with Cait about a week or two ago. She wants to make sure that I'll be ok if I don't get my top choice. I'm sure I will be, it just might take some time. I'll live, right? Right.
I know I shouldn't be stressing over this, but omg, I am. I don't care what anyone says to comfort me, I'd be lying if I said I felt otherwise. I want this so badly. I can't even describe in words everything I'm feeling right now. I wish I could. I don't know how I feel. I want to make good decisions. I want to become someone of importance. I want to get what I want, because deep down I'm nieve enough to think I know what's best for me, and I'll do whatever I can to achieve those goals. There's much left to be said, but I have yet to figure it out for myself. I just feel crappy. I feel like I should apologize for things I haven't done and may never do. Why do I always want to be the good person?
I'm sorry.
I had a simliar conversation with Cait about a week or two ago. She wants to make sure that I'll be ok if I don't get my top choice. I'm sure I will be, it just might take some time. I'll live, right? Right.
I know I shouldn't be stressing over this, but omg, I am. I don't care what anyone says to comfort me, I'd be lying if I said I felt otherwise. I want this so badly. I can't even describe in words everything I'm feeling right now. I wish I could. I don't know how I feel. I want to make good decisions. I want to become someone of importance. I want to get what I want, because deep down I'm nieve enough to think I know what's best for me, and I'll do whatever I can to achieve those goals. There's much left to be said, but I have yet to figure it out for myself. I just feel crappy. I feel like I should apologize for things I haven't done and may never do. Why do I always want to be the good person?
I'm sorry.