stop looking at me, SWAN.....
Let's talk about the worst ever concept for a pet, Jaeda.
A Tree Frog.
Yes, I agreed to frog-sit Stella, the murderous whore of a frog while you are in Vegas. You are my cousin and I love you and you are sick and your job sucks and that is why I accepted the duty bestowed upon me. But fuckin A.
It has only been a couple hours and she and I are already not getting along. First of all, she smells like a dead hooker. I dunno if its her or the mold stricken moss or the mass of rotting cricket corpses. Eat the fucking crickets, stella! Eat the FOOD, Tina! I mean, what, did the little bitch realize she has been packin on the milligrams and decide to go on some kind of Nicole Richie diet? And another thing. She has a staring problem. The last thing I need at the end of my day is to come home to some little bitch treefrog glaring at me. Watching,waiting, judging. Yeah, Stella, I know I need to trim my bangs. Yes, Stella, I know the dishwasher needs to be emptied. Yes, Stella, I know I should read more. Stella, goddamit, I will call my Grandmother tomorrow! For the love of god, stop sizing me up with those bulging, probing eyes. What did YOU do all day, Stella?? Yeah, thats what i thought. You sat on your prissy little frog ass all day, stinking up my living room.
I probably wouldn't be so bitter if there was more of a give and take relationship to be had with Princess Bitch Frog. But really, what kind of joy can i possibly get out or a tree frog? I can't pet her. She doesn't do tricks. She won't hug me. I can't go out to dinner with ehr. If i were to even try take her out and play with her, i gaurantee you that little bitch would be out the door on her way to mexico before I could say "don't let the door hit u in the ass". Oh yeah, and P.S. frogs don't even have asses. I think she shits out of her leg or something. Just another reason not to trust her. I totally get why sometimes the French are referred to as Frogs. They're lazy, snotty, judgemental and pampered. And stinky. (sorry if ur french) I am her only source of food, shelter and water and she could give two shits whether I live of die. I don't see much give and take in that.
I think its really funny when Jaeda tries to describe the nonstop thrillride that Stella takes her on when she ::gasp:: eats a cricket. Is that the only payoff?? To watch her eat a cricket? A cricket that YOU payed for? Hows about this. I'll take you to the park and you can watch me stomp ants for an entire afternoon. And I'll only charge you for gas money. Buy me MacDonalds and I'll even pour salt on a slug. If you think watching a treefrog eat a cricket is exciting, what is going to happen to you in Vegas? I think your head might fall off. Take my advice, hun. Get a ball python and feed it pinky mice. When the snake attacks the mouse, it squeezes it so hard it's eyes pop and blood squirts out of them. Now that's something to watch.
Goddamit, she's staring at me again. Well I guess I should go "mist" her majesty now. Yes, thats right, I have to "mist" her. Because apparently I'm running a fucking spa.
Peace.
p.s. Can you grill frog legs on a George Foreman? Just wonderin....
A Tree Frog.
Yes, I agreed to frog-sit Stella, the murderous whore of a frog while you are in Vegas. You are my cousin and I love you and you are sick and your job sucks and that is why I accepted the duty bestowed upon me. But fuckin A.
It has only been a couple hours and she and I are already not getting along. First of all, she smells like a dead hooker. I dunno if its her or the mold stricken moss or the mass of rotting cricket corpses. Eat the fucking crickets, stella! Eat the FOOD, Tina! I mean, what, did the little bitch realize she has been packin on the milligrams and decide to go on some kind of Nicole Richie diet? And another thing. She has a staring problem. The last thing I need at the end of my day is to come home to some little bitch treefrog glaring at me. Watching,waiting, judging. Yeah, Stella, I know I need to trim my bangs. Yes, Stella, I know the dishwasher needs to be emptied. Yes, Stella, I know I should read more. Stella, goddamit, I will call my Grandmother tomorrow! For the love of god, stop sizing me up with those bulging, probing eyes. What did YOU do all day, Stella?? Yeah, thats what i thought. You sat on your prissy little frog ass all day, stinking up my living room.
I probably wouldn't be so bitter if there was more of a give and take relationship to be had with Princess Bitch Frog. But really, what kind of joy can i possibly get out or a tree frog? I can't pet her. She doesn't do tricks. She won't hug me. I can't go out to dinner with ehr. If i were to even try take her out and play with her, i gaurantee you that little bitch would be out the door on her way to mexico before I could say "don't let the door hit u in the ass". Oh yeah, and P.S. frogs don't even have asses. I think she shits out of her leg or something. Just another reason not to trust her. I totally get why sometimes the French are referred to as Frogs. They're lazy, snotty, judgemental and pampered. And stinky. (sorry if ur french) I am her only source of food, shelter and water and she could give two shits whether I live of die. I don't see much give and take in that.
I think its really funny when Jaeda tries to describe the nonstop thrillride that Stella takes her on when she ::gasp:: eats a cricket. Is that the only payoff?? To watch her eat a cricket? A cricket that YOU payed for? Hows about this. I'll take you to the park and you can watch me stomp ants for an entire afternoon. And I'll only charge you for gas money. Buy me MacDonalds and I'll even pour salt on a slug. If you think watching a treefrog eat a cricket is exciting, what is going to happen to you in Vegas? I think your head might fall off. Take my advice, hun. Get a ball python and feed it pinky mice. When the snake attacks the mouse, it squeezes it so hard it's eyes pop and blood squirts out of them. Now that's something to watch.
Goddamit, she's staring at me again. Well I guess I should go "mist" her majesty now. Yes, thats right, I have to "mist" her. Because apparently I'm running a fucking spa.
Peace.
p.s. Can you grill frog legs on a George Foreman? Just wonderin....