First of all....
ooSAWYERoo: http://onceadored.blogspot.com/
ooSAWYERoo: thats rosie donnels journal yours is much better and you can quote me on that
Thanks Gregory Paul Sawyer!!!
I seriously don't know where the shit i say comes from sometimes. The other night as I was wolfing down my peppered slaw at panini's (yeah i know its gross but we have to be good to our colon's, people!!) This guy was looking at me with that face that says "damn girl" and I knew what he was thinking...
"What? I know what you're thinking and yes, I will be shittin fairytales all night long"
The man looked absolutely appalled. Shittin Fairytales? Where the hell did that come from? It got me thinking. Am I too raw for people? Am I just not right sometimes? I decided to research.....
MeowAllyKt: i have a question
Mich7882: shoot
MeowAllyKt: what do you think is the grossest thing i've ever said
Mich7882: oh geez
Mich7882: seroiusly
Mich7882: allison you've really been there and done that
Mich7882: so i dont know
Mich7882: you've pushed it to every plataeu and limit---climbed every mountain and reached for the stars in the grossest things said ever department
Hmmmm. There's one hey hey's opinion. Lets examine my current conversation....
cmedefend: popped a big ol' honking zit. better than orgasm
MeowAllyKt: sweeeeeeeeet
MeowAllyKt: oh i love those
cmedefend: indeed
cmedefend: i love a good popper
MeowAllyKt: me too
MeowAllyKt: i love the multi-layered ones
cmedefend: yeah. this one actually had a second gooey phase. too much fun
MeowAllyKt: the ones that start out with the squishy stuff then it has a hardened center core...
MeowAllyKt: bliss!
cmedefend: yes ma'am
cmedefend: i think most of us have a secret love of zit squishing
MeowAllyKt: but u know my favorites are those big plump blackheads
MeowAllyKt: they are just beggin for it
This guy doesn't seem to mind. My kind of guy. But then there are other things that make me think i should tone it down a little. An example: My former roommate, a good pal named James that I absolutely adore, used to get more ass than a toilet. He was unstoppable. It was like his dick was made of birdseed and all the pigeons and chickenheads were coming off of a fast. He was the MAN.......and then he moved in with me.
I'm not kidding, I grossed him out on a daily basis. I told him all my nasty stories. Did all my nasty habits in front of him. I would wipe my boogies under the couch. I would trim the calluses on my toes and leave them on the carpet. No monthly period went undiscussed. I mean, I didn't hold back. But then there was that one day back in October when i probably should have...[WARNING, THIS MAY BE REALLY GROSS FOR SOME GUYS]
I had the whole crew up to visit me for halloween weekend. When we get together, we are a force to be reckoned with. We were all sitting around in my bedroom, recanting the previous night's antics, which, of course, included some candid details of hook ups and the conversation topic quickly turned to sex (as it usually tends to do). From sex, it turned to to another topic, often associated with sex but rarely discussed: The Queef. Yes, thats right, I said it. The good ol' front fart. And for any guy out there that doesn't know, the queef is, in no way, a fart. It is simply air that gets sucked in or pushed into the noony during sex and it has no choice but to come out eventually. The result is both humorous, yet extremely embarassing........for most people. Not me. I decided it was time to reveal my talent to my friends. Showing them that I can do it at will would be shocking enough in itself but I was going for jaw dropping...
"JAAAAAAMES!!!!!"
"Yeah? Whats up, Ally"
"I wanna show you something"
[Opens door]
"Sure, whats up?"
I re-adjusted my position on my bed from sitting upright to doing a sort of handstand against the side of the bed (I have to be upside down to do it. I first discovered my hidden talent while hanging upside down on the monkey bars in 8th grade). I straightened my legs in the air and a couple seconds later....."PFFFT".
"Whuuuaa? Ally, you....Was that what I think was?"
"You betcha!"
[BOOMING LAUGHTER FROM MY FRIENDS]
His face was like a deer in headlights at first then i slowly saw his face evolve into anger and disgust when he realized what had just happened...
"Oh my g...why.....AWWW SHIT ALLY! FUCK THAT! THAT SHIT is WRONG! I Can't believe you just did that!!! I'm not going to have sex for like 3 months!!! EEEEEW! DAMMIT, ALLY, DAMMIT!"
My friends and I could not stop laughing at how severely I had appalled poor James. But here's the thing: He really didn't have sex for like 3 months after that. He later told me that he truly believed living with me had changed his outlook on women and he now saw them as vile nasty creatures with whom he had no desire to copulate with (or something to that effect). I kinda almost felt bad for killing his libido........naaaaah who am I kidding, it was hillarious. And just an update that proves my theory that I killed James's libido: Since I've moved out, James has been banging just about everyone in the building. Gawd! He and his penis are so lucky I graduated!!!
So in conclusion I have decided that can only be me and I'm just gonna keep doin like i'm doin. And if people can't handle it, they will just have to lick my grandpa's left nut.
ooSAWYERoo: thats rosie donnels journal yours is much better and you can quote me on that
Thanks Gregory Paul Sawyer!!!
I seriously don't know where the shit i say comes from sometimes. The other night as I was wolfing down my peppered slaw at panini's (yeah i know its gross but we have to be good to our colon's, people!!) This guy was looking at me with that face that says "damn girl" and I knew what he was thinking...
"What? I know what you're thinking and yes, I will be shittin fairytales all night long"
The man looked absolutely appalled. Shittin Fairytales? Where the hell did that come from? It got me thinking. Am I too raw for people? Am I just not right sometimes? I decided to research.....
MeowAllyKt: i have a question
Mich7882: shoot
MeowAllyKt: what do you think is the grossest thing i've ever said
Mich7882: oh geez
Mich7882: seroiusly
Mich7882: allison you've really been there and done that
Mich7882: so i dont know
Mich7882: you've pushed it to every plataeu and limit---climbed every mountain and reached for the stars in the grossest things said ever department
Hmmmm. There's one hey hey's opinion. Lets examine my current conversation....
cmedefend: popped a big ol' honking zit. better than orgasm
MeowAllyKt: sweeeeeeeeet
MeowAllyKt: oh i love those
cmedefend: indeed
cmedefend: i love a good popper
MeowAllyKt: me too
MeowAllyKt: i love the multi-layered ones
cmedefend: yeah. this one actually had a second gooey phase. too much fun
MeowAllyKt: the ones that start out with the squishy stuff then it has a hardened center core...
MeowAllyKt: bliss!
cmedefend: yes ma'am
cmedefend: i think most of us have a secret love of zit squishing
MeowAllyKt: but u know my favorites are those big plump blackheads
MeowAllyKt: they are just beggin for it
This guy doesn't seem to mind. My kind of guy. But then there are other things that make me think i should tone it down a little. An example: My former roommate, a good pal named James that I absolutely adore, used to get more ass than a toilet. He was unstoppable. It was like his dick was made of birdseed and all the pigeons and chickenheads were coming off of a fast. He was the MAN.......and then he moved in with me.
I'm not kidding, I grossed him out on a daily basis. I told him all my nasty stories. Did all my nasty habits in front of him. I would wipe my boogies under the couch. I would trim the calluses on my toes and leave them on the carpet. No monthly period went undiscussed. I mean, I didn't hold back. But then there was that one day back in October when i probably should have...[WARNING, THIS MAY BE REALLY GROSS FOR SOME GUYS]
I had the whole crew up to visit me for halloween weekend. When we get together, we are a force to be reckoned with. We were all sitting around in my bedroom, recanting the previous night's antics, which, of course, included some candid details of hook ups and the conversation topic quickly turned to sex (as it usually tends to do). From sex, it turned to to another topic, often associated with sex but rarely discussed: The Queef. Yes, thats right, I said it. The good ol' front fart. And for any guy out there that doesn't know, the queef is, in no way, a fart. It is simply air that gets sucked in or pushed into the noony during sex and it has no choice but to come out eventually. The result is both humorous, yet extremely embarassing........for most people. Not me. I decided it was time to reveal my talent to my friends. Showing them that I can do it at will would be shocking enough in itself but I was going for jaw dropping...
"JAAAAAAMES!!!!!"
"Yeah? Whats up, Ally"
"I wanna show you something"
[Opens door]
"Sure, whats up?"
I re-adjusted my position on my bed from sitting upright to doing a sort of handstand against the side of the bed (I have to be upside down to do it. I first discovered my hidden talent while hanging upside down on the monkey bars in 8th grade). I straightened my legs in the air and a couple seconds later....."PFFFT".
"Whuuuaa? Ally, you....Was that what I think was?"
"You betcha!"
[BOOMING LAUGHTER FROM MY FRIENDS]
His face was like a deer in headlights at first then i slowly saw his face evolve into anger and disgust when he realized what had just happened...
"Oh my g...why.....AWWW SHIT ALLY! FUCK THAT! THAT SHIT is WRONG! I Can't believe you just did that!!! I'm not going to have sex for like 3 months!!! EEEEEW! DAMMIT, ALLY, DAMMIT!"
My friends and I could not stop laughing at how severely I had appalled poor James. But here's the thing: He really didn't have sex for like 3 months after that. He later told me that he truly believed living with me had changed his outlook on women and he now saw them as vile nasty creatures with whom he had no desire to copulate with (or something to that effect). I kinda almost felt bad for killing his libido........naaaaah who am I kidding, it was hillarious. And just an update that proves my theory that I killed James's libido: Since I've moved out, James has been banging just about everyone in the building. Gawd! He and his penis are so lucky I graduated!!!
So in conclusion I have decided that can only be me and I'm just gonna keep doin like i'm doin. And if people can't handle it, they will just have to lick my grandpa's left nut.