We have an order... Fuck!
So, we got an order for some shirts. Nothing big, just a small order of about fifty something to get our feet wet. Normally this would be cause for enthusiasm and celebration, our first step in the building of our business, but this has rapidly become tempered by the harsh fact that things get a lot harder when neither of us has any fucking idea what we're doing and something that might take an experienced worker 45 minutes in a training video can easily stretch into a several days when performed by a pair of bumbling hacks. Turns out that there are literally dozens of intermediate steps where even minor-seeming errors can generate a near total reset of a project. I have learned this from experience. So, while the promise of a quick buck is definitely a sweet smelling motivation, when things start to deviate from the idealized plan, the order morphs into a deadline, and deadlines cause stress. I was never a fan of deadlines. I fucking hate stress.
So here I am in the middle of the crash course. Knowing that, one way or another, it will be over soon, but not totally sure how. Kinda like it was back in school. Research paper's due in 72 hours... better get started. I have learned a lot, particularly in using paint shop, which is impressive considering the time frame I've had to work with. And each mistake I make now is one I'll avoid later. And all the do-overs I've had to contend with have been some good practice and have made me more comfortable with the various operations required. Still, I can think of much better ways I'd rather have spent the last couple of days, and I know there's more where they've come from on the horizon.
In the last few weeks it seems like there's always something been going on. House sitting, wedding, Ren Faire, concerts, my parents' dance recital (?!), Thanksgiving dinner. None of these things are bad or anything. In fact, I rather enjoyed most of them, but they do require time, and attention and it's a really strange feeling for me to be this occupied. Like I'm always on the go now. In motion. No time to smell the flowers, much less clean the house or sift through my mail. I have managed to keep my workouts going for the most part, and they've actually become something of an anchor in the churning chaos, but in the last few days even they've had to be pushed aside.
It probably doesn't help that I'm in the middle of another caffeine cutback. Mom gave me a lecture at the table on thanksgiving about the bad stuff caffeine does to your calcium levels and being that she's a) a nurse, and b) my mom, I decided to actually try to heed her advice, so it's been mostly decaf for the last week or so. Hell of a time for it. I wonder how much of this post is the direct consequence of anxiety and withdrawal.
I have a new job too. I decided to take the offer that was made from the interview a few weeks ago. Funny, to think of it as just a few weeks ago because my old job feels more like a previous life by now. It wasn't without misgivings. The hours are a bit later than I'd like: 10:30 to 7. This hasn't become a problem yet but it could in the future if there's a concert I want to go to on a weekday. My headhunter was so insistent that I take the job that I was beginning to question her motivation, I mean, her job it to look out for my interests isn't it? And I kinda felt that that end might be better served my maybe doing a few more interviews and comparing offers instead at diving at the first bone I was tossed. And it didn't help that my check engine light came on again at around the same time, contributing to an already pervasive sense of unease. (Turned out to be a false alarm though. My mechanic said the computer diagnosed the problem as "fumes leaking from the fuel system into the air", or a worn out gas cap. Cost me like 20 bucks or something...)
But in the end I caved and jumped. The pay is better at the new place. And I got a few weeks of training in the beginning, which was almost like a paid vacation since I wasn't actually taking calls or doing real work. Timely too, since I recall feeling the initial pangs of another burnout coming on at my last job. Got to cash out my unused vacation time at my old place to at half my hourly rate, which still resulted in a decent chunk of change since I had something ridiculous like 27 unused days off.
Potential rule 1 vio ahead:
The new place is... well, let me preface the next section by saying that, upon rereading it I decided to strike out all instances of the company's name. No sense in inviting trouble if my lj address falls into the wrong hands. And it might, since I may tell my coworkers about Friday Knights (haven't decided yet, though) but anyway...
XXXXXXXX has to be, hands down, the most schizophrenic company I've ever worked for. Part boardroom, part acid house. Neon lights, plasma screens showing the latest clown studded store opening gala, and the occasional beanie clad trainee parade across the live work floor where hundreds of people are on phones discussing the terminally sober facets of banking and insurance. And a lot of them join in, possibly even putting customers on hold to clap and cheer like retarded dogs who've long since stopped wondering why they do stupid tricks on command as long as there's a biscuit at the end. Me? I just try to keep from rolling my eyes, and I know I'm not the only one.
I should've known what I was getting into when went through orientation, aka, indoctrination. I actually got advance warning about this one, but mere words simply can't do the experience justice. Held at the pompously named " XXXXXXXX University" training facility, which is, itself, a monument to the atmosphere of forced gaiety that pervades the company. There's a JD Power award in the marble, plant-garnished opulently windowed lobby, but beyond that, there's more neon and plasma. Irregularly shaped colored glass doors, life sized effigies of company mascots and a mazelike floorplan that suggests what it might look like if Alan Greenspan moved into Pee Wee's playhouse. The soundtrack to all of this, played throughout the building's internal speaker system, consists of top forty and showtunes remixed with company themed lyrics... I couldn't make this shit up! And the ultimate bait and switch, a fully stocked, totally complimentary snack buffet. Candy and soda. Coffee and bottled water. Yogurt, fruit cups, and power bars in case you missed breakfast and, I kid you not, fresh cookies baked on the premises. It's only available here, of course. In the building where I actually work there's the standard commissary with vending machines and price tags, illustrating how upper management could make all of their offices a joy to work at, but simply choose not to. It's a weird thing to realize, in this environment. To see the rainbow-fog lift and expose the machine soul of an actual corporation. But at least I figured it out pretty quick and, knowing how fleeting the opportunity was, grabbed jellybeans with both hands while they were still free.
Throughout the day, the people who would otherwise be leading the beanie marches jump with joy as they explain how we put the cult in culture (again, I am not exaggerating, the only thing missing was kool aid), how "no" is a dirty word, how to kiss ass the company way. Everything is so comically exaggerated, they make Lexcorp look demure. I mean, we all know corporations are whores, but XXXXXXXX is like the uber-skank that even the whores look down on. The one that'll do anything for the price of a pack of cigarettes and just doesn't care. "You wanna take a shit in my mouth? Okay. Don't forget your change." They paste their logo (or their mascot, and anthropomorphic version of their logo that looks like the product of Mickey Mouse's extramarital affair with the Microsoft Office paperclip) on everything down to the pseudo-ticket flyers they put on cars illegally parked in the lot (Mr. X says, use the annex across the street). And they have their own lexicon that replaces common vocabulary that the rest of the English speaking world uses. For example, they don't have branches, they have "stores" that "sell financial products" (like debt and interest rates, I guess) and they don't want customers, they want "fans". This is shit that scientology does.
The irony is that most of what they say (and shout, and sing, and chant) doesn't even really apply to me. See, while most of the company is a bank, the by-comparison miniscule insurance department is a brokerage (english: middleman) whose job is to take people and write them with one of a stable of affiliated third party carriers (and service them afterwards), taking a little off the top for their effort. But this means that the actual carrier has the final word on policy decisions, and if they say no, then the answer is no, regardless of our own personal mission statement.
And it makes me wonder about their business model. I mean, XXXXXXXX does stuff like overstaff their branches (sorry, "stores") and have call centers staffed 24/7. From a customer service standpoint, this is not a bad thing, and they seem to be enjoying record breaking growth because of it (hence my hiring) but in the long run, it kinda worries me. Having a huge and round the clock staff isn't exactly cost effective (how many people do their banking at 2:30am?) and that goes double for the insurance department since most of the carriers we deal with close at five, limiting any important transactions to regular business hours anyway. The law of diminishing returns will kick in eventually, and when it does, and the growth plateaus, excess personnel are the first to go. Turnover seems unnervingly high as it is, and I haven't even been looking that long. Wonder what sort of skeletons will come to light after I've been there a few months. But anyway, I guess it means my mission is to get myself entrenched before the shit goes down.
So, Wil and Gabi both got married last month. On the same day, no less. I got to wear a kilt (and a sword) which was interesting, but my goddamn thong didn't arrive on time, so it wasn't quite as interesting as it could've been. I walked, I danced, I posed, I gave a speech. Honestly, probably the most fun I've ever had at a formal function. Mildly awkward ending though.
Anyway, the above seemed to knock the comic off track a little bit, but we're starting to bring it back together. Wil's recent purchase of a Wii actually sparked a long overdue spurt of inspiration, so the next few comics should actually be timely for a change. The only thing that worries me is that we're getting pretty far from our original Tabletop subject matter. As one of the writers, it's partially my fault for not doing more RPG related research to try to find inspiration, but dammit, I think the Wii stuff is funny. And I figure once we do this for a few years the roleplaying stuff will end up prevailing, like we intended.
I actually have a digit camera of my own now. My parents got me this little keychain job while they were away a few weeks back. I haven't actually tested it yet, and it's obviously not high end, but it's still pretty neat, especially considering how it looks like a toy. When I finally figure it out, maybe I'll test it on the cat.
… I really need to post more often. I'm trying to think something else to write about, and even I can't remember what else has happened these past two months. I guess this would mean that everyone else would be well past caring even if I could think of something. So I guess I'll kill this here. After all, the shirts await....
So here I am in the middle of the crash course. Knowing that, one way or another, it will be over soon, but not totally sure how. Kinda like it was back in school. Research paper's due in 72 hours... better get started. I have learned a lot, particularly in using paint shop, which is impressive considering the time frame I've had to work with. And each mistake I make now is one I'll avoid later. And all the do-overs I've had to contend with have been some good practice and have made me more comfortable with the various operations required. Still, I can think of much better ways I'd rather have spent the last couple of days, and I know there's more where they've come from on the horizon.
In the last few weeks it seems like there's always something been going on. House sitting, wedding, Ren Faire, concerts, my parents' dance recital (?!), Thanksgiving dinner. None of these things are bad or anything. In fact, I rather enjoyed most of them, but they do require time, and attention and it's a really strange feeling for me to be this occupied. Like I'm always on the go now. In motion. No time to smell the flowers, much less clean the house or sift through my mail. I have managed to keep my workouts going for the most part, and they've actually become something of an anchor in the churning chaos, but in the last few days even they've had to be pushed aside.
It probably doesn't help that I'm in the middle of another caffeine cutback. Mom gave me a lecture at the table on thanksgiving about the bad stuff caffeine does to your calcium levels and being that she's a) a nurse, and b) my mom, I decided to actually try to heed her advice, so it's been mostly decaf for the last week or so. Hell of a time for it. I wonder how much of this post is the direct consequence of anxiety and withdrawal.
I have a new job too. I decided to take the offer that was made from the interview a few weeks ago. Funny, to think of it as just a few weeks ago because my old job feels more like a previous life by now. It wasn't without misgivings. The hours are a bit later than I'd like: 10:30 to 7. This hasn't become a problem yet but it could in the future if there's a concert I want to go to on a weekday. My headhunter was so insistent that I take the job that I was beginning to question her motivation, I mean, her job it to look out for my interests isn't it? And I kinda felt that that end might be better served my maybe doing a few more interviews and comparing offers instead at diving at the first bone I was tossed. And it didn't help that my check engine light came on again at around the same time, contributing to an already pervasive sense of unease. (Turned out to be a false alarm though. My mechanic said the computer diagnosed the problem as "fumes leaking from the fuel system into the air", or a worn out gas cap. Cost me like 20 bucks or something...)
But in the end I caved and jumped. The pay is better at the new place. And I got a few weeks of training in the beginning, which was almost like a paid vacation since I wasn't actually taking calls or doing real work. Timely too, since I recall feeling the initial pangs of another burnout coming on at my last job. Got to cash out my unused vacation time at my old place to at half my hourly rate, which still resulted in a decent chunk of change since I had something ridiculous like 27 unused days off.
Potential rule 1 vio ahead:
The new place is... well, let me preface the next section by saying that, upon rereading it I decided to strike out all instances of the company's name. No sense in inviting trouble if my lj address falls into the wrong hands. And it might, since I may tell my coworkers about Friday Knights (haven't decided yet, though) but anyway...
XXXXXXXX has to be, hands down, the most schizophrenic company I've ever worked for. Part boardroom, part acid house. Neon lights, plasma screens showing the latest clown studded store opening gala, and the occasional beanie clad trainee parade across the live work floor where hundreds of people are on phones discussing the terminally sober facets of banking and insurance. And a lot of them join in, possibly even putting customers on hold to clap and cheer like retarded dogs who've long since stopped wondering why they do stupid tricks on command as long as there's a biscuit at the end. Me? I just try to keep from rolling my eyes, and I know I'm not the only one.
I should've known what I was getting into when went through orientation, aka, indoctrination. I actually got advance warning about this one, but mere words simply can't do the experience justice. Held at the pompously named " XXXXXXXX University" training facility, which is, itself, a monument to the atmosphere of forced gaiety that pervades the company. There's a JD Power award in the marble, plant-garnished opulently windowed lobby, but beyond that, there's more neon and plasma. Irregularly shaped colored glass doors, life sized effigies of company mascots and a mazelike floorplan that suggests what it might look like if Alan Greenspan moved into Pee Wee's playhouse. The soundtrack to all of this, played throughout the building's internal speaker system, consists of top forty and showtunes remixed with company themed lyrics... I couldn't make this shit up! And the ultimate bait and switch, a fully stocked, totally complimentary snack buffet. Candy and soda. Coffee and bottled water. Yogurt, fruit cups, and power bars in case you missed breakfast and, I kid you not, fresh cookies baked on the premises. It's only available here, of course. In the building where I actually work there's the standard commissary with vending machines and price tags, illustrating how upper management could make all of their offices a joy to work at, but simply choose not to. It's a weird thing to realize, in this environment. To see the rainbow-fog lift and expose the machine soul of an actual corporation. But at least I figured it out pretty quick and, knowing how fleeting the opportunity was, grabbed jellybeans with both hands while they were still free.
Throughout the day, the people who would otherwise be leading the beanie marches jump with joy as they explain how we put the cult in culture (again, I am not exaggerating, the only thing missing was kool aid), how "no" is a dirty word, how to kiss ass the company way. Everything is so comically exaggerated, they make Lexcorp look demure. I mean, we all know corporations are whores, but XXXXXXXX is like the uber-skank that even the whores look down on. The one that'll do anything for the price of a pack of cigarettes and just doesn't care. "You wanna take a shit in my mouth? Okay. Don't forget your change." They paste their logo (or their mascot, and anthropomorphic version of their logo that looks like the product of Mickey Mouse's extramarital affair with the Microsoft Office paperclip) on everything down to the pseudo-ticket flyers they put on cars illegally parked in the lot (Mr. X says, use the annex across the street). And they have their own lexicon that replaces common vocabulary that the rest of the English speaking world uses. For example, they don't have branches, they have "stores" that "sell financial products" (like debt and interest rates, I guess) and they don't want customers, they want "fans". This is shit that scientology does.
The irony is that most of what they say (and shout, and sing, and chant) doesn't even really apply to me. See, while most of the company is a bank, the by-comparison miniscule insurance department is a brokerage (english: middleman) whose job is to take people and write them with one of a stable of affiliated third party carriers (and service them afterwards), taking a little off the top for their effort. But this means that the actual carrier has the final word on policy decisions, and if they say no, then the answer is no, regardless of our own personal mission statement.
And it makes me wonder about their business model. I mean, XXXXXXXX does stuff like overstaff their branches (sorry, "stores") and have call centers staffed 24/7. From a customer service standpoint, this is not a bad thing, and they seem to be enjoying record breaking growth because of it (hence my hiring) but in the long run, it kinda worries me. Having a huge and round the clock staff isn't exactly cost effective (how many people do their banking at 2:30am?) and that goes double for the insurance department since most of the carriers we deal with close at five, limiting any important transactions to regular business hours anyway. The law of diminishing returns will kick in eventually, and when it does, and the growth plateaus, excess personnel are the first to go. Turnover seems unnervingly high as it is, and I haven't even been looking that long. Wonder what sort of skeletons will come to light after I've been there a few months. But anyway, I guess it means my mission is to get myself entrenched before the shit goes down.
So, Wil and Gabi both got married last month. On the same day, no less. I got to wear a kilt (and a sword) which was interesting, but my goddamn thong didn't arrive on time, so it wasn't quite as interesting as it could've been. I walked, I danced, I posed, I gave a speech. Honestly, probably the most fun I've ever had at a formal function. Mildly awkward ending though.
Anyway, the above seemed to knock the comic off track a little bit, but we're starting to bring it back together. Wil's recent purchase of a Wii actually sparked a long overdue spurt of inspiration, so the next few comics should actually be timely for a change. The only thing that worries me is that we're getting pretty far from our original Tabletop subject matter. As one of the writers, it's partially my fault for not doing more RPG related research to try to find inspiration, but dammit, I think the Wii stuff is funny. And I figure once we do this for a few years the roleplaying stuff will end up prevailing, like we intended.
I actually have a digit camera of my own now. My parents got me this little keychain job while they were away a few weeks back. I haven't actually tested it yet, and it's obviously not high end, but it's still pretty neat, especially considering how it looks like a toy. When I finally figure it out, maybe I'll test it on the cat.
… I really need to post more often. I'm trying to think something else to write about, and even I can't remember what else has happened these past two months. I guess this would mean that everyone else would be well past caring even if I could think of something. So I guess I'll kill this here. After all, the shirts await....