Planning the Plans (another long overdue update Pt 3)
After the burst of creativity and excitement over the last couple of weeks today the universe seems to have made sure I take stock of all I have signed myself up for over the coming months, and all that I so badly need to achieve. Life has been so flat of late, with only the stresses and unknowns of work creating the ripples. That can never be a good status quo. For so long now I have espoused on here and elsewhere the stresses and utterly ridiculous working practises I face from all levels of the organisation and industry I work in. Yet every time I remember why I work in the field and what I believe in and I keep going repeating the same old complaints, trying to move the immoveable and change the immutable.
It has taken me so long to get to this point where I have to admit I can do it no more. The job I am in now makes me miserable. It is the job not the workload that creates all the stress that I know takes such a toll on my health and well-being. The mainstay of my belief - in supporting people in the community to regain independence and autonomy in their lives - is no longer an anchor that will keep me slogging away futilely. The belief remains, but it will never realise it's potential under the current systems. There are too many traditions, conventions politics and external conflicting interests for this support mechanism to reach its true potential.
I would like to believe that over the years, I have made a difference, that it has not all been for nothing. I know that there are amazing people out there making the right choices to empower and protect those who need support to get going. Unfortunately you hear so little about those people, all that is heard is the negative, the expense, and the criticisms. And to be completely honest, most of them are completely true and deserved. It is a gravy train that keeps rolling. Government after government announces how much money they are investing into social and health care, the rows of zeros after the figures are truly awe-inspiring until you realise how little of that cash gets to the front line services that really impact on peoples lives in a positive way. The rest is spent on quangos, office leases and refurbishments and think-tanks and training for middle management who don't actually have a fucking clue how to implement the support. Millions are wasted on setting up new project models that close within two years because no one actually engaged the common-sense module and why should they? It's not like it is their money! In the last year alone I have personally seen thousands of pounds wasted on sending managers to meetings and conferences from which nothing is brought back to improve the service we offer. Just a bit of jolly away from the office.
And so here it is. For years I have said I need to get out of social care but have always kept holding on. Now enough is enough. The way I work at the moment leaves me no energy or resources to develop my herbal practise (an industry which is in real danger at the moment but that is for another post) and as I have discovered/ remembered over the last few weeks it does not bring me the joy or satisfaction that being a herbalist or even dressmaking does.
I need a part time job, at least 21 hours a week, to ensure minimum income whilst I expand the clinic but it does not have to be a career. I do not have to give my whole life to it. I get that now. Thank you to all my friends for repeatedly telling me this, it has finally sunk in. Whether I can put that into practise is another question entirely but I have to try. This doesn't mean that I am walking into work on Monday and telling them exactly where they can stick their job. It means I am getting my CV in order and job hunting. It means I am organising work so that someone else can take over, rather than all the information and on-the-job knowledge just being stuck in my head. It means I am open to suggestions of what other fields I can work in whilst realistically working towards being entirely self-employed doing what I love and what brings me joy!
It is going to take some doing, there is no easy way to go through this transition but FFS if I can work in social care for 13 years I think I can do this!
It has taken me so long to get to this point where I have to admit I can do it no more. The job I am in now makes me miserable. It is the job not the workload that creates all the stress that I know takes such a toll on my health and well-being. The mainstay of my belief - in supporting people in the community to regain independence and autonomy in their lives - is no longer an anchor that will keep me slogging away futilely. The belief remains, but it will never realise it's potential under the current systems. There are too many traditions, conventions politics and external conflicting interests for this support mechanism to reach its true potential.
I would like to believe that over the years, I have made a difference, that it has not all been for nothing. I know that there are amazing people out there making the right choices to empower and protect those who need support to get going. Unfortunately you hear so little about those people, all that is heard is the negative, the expense, and the criticisms. And to be completely honest, most of them are completely true and deserved. It is a gravy train that keeps rolling. Government after government announces how much money they are investing into social and health care, the rows of zeros after the figures are truly awe-inspiring until you realise how little of that cash gets to the front line services that really impact on peoples lives in a positive way. The rest is spent on quangos, office leases and refurbishments and think-tanks and training for middle management who don't actually have a fucking clue how to implement the support. Millions are wasted on setting up new project models that close within two years because no one actually engaged the common-sense module and why should they? It's not like it is their money! In the last year alone I have personally seen thousands of pounds wasted on sending managers to meetings and conferences from which nothing is brought back to improve the service we offer. Just a bit of jolly away from the office.
And so here it is. For years I have said I need to get out of social care but have always kept holding on. Now enough is enough. The way I work at the moment leaves me no energy or resources to develop my herbal practise (an industry which is in real danger at the moment but that is for another post) and as I have discovered/ remembered over the last few weeks it does not bring me the joy or satisfaction that being a herbalist or even dressmaking does.
I need a part time job, at least 21 hours a week, to ensure minimum income whilst I expand the clinic but it does not have to be a career. I do not have to give my whole life to it. I get that now. Thank you to all my friends for repeatedly telling me this, it has finally sunk in. Whether I can put that into practise is another question entirely but I have to try. This doesn't mean that I am walking into work on Monday and telling them exactly where they can stick their job. It means I am getting my CV in order and job hunting. It means I am organising work so that someone else can take over, rather than all the information and on-the-job knowledge just being stuck in my head. It means I am open to suggestions of what other fields I can work in whilst realistically working towards being entirely self-employed doing what I love and what brings me joy!
It is going to take some doing, there is no easy way to go through this transition but FFS if I can work in social care for 13 years I think I can do this!