pre birthday
Its my 26th birthday on december 4th...just a couple of days away...and i will be home alone. lella and frank will be in hialeah.so I did somthing really stupid (not the first time lol) I told chelsea that i liked her first before issac did. honestly i dont know what i was thinking part of me was just not caring about issac part of me wanted a girl to want me and i just didnt think about what i was doing.....it's so lame i dont want a girlfriend but i opened my mouth anyway. it was like i was compelled to state the obvious...issac being upset that i was flirting with her...and my dumbass decides to tell her that he's upset just cause i had previously said i liked her. in a fantasy world i would get any girl i want...in this world i really wasent trying to get her. so i dont understand why i did it. literally at the exact moment that i said it she responded with well im with issac... and my twisted brain felt happy like she was saying she would be interested if she wasent with issac...not that i wanted them to end just that it made me feel good about myself....ive been overly hard on myself for about 4 years now everything i do feels wrong like im living the wrong path. so that was a minor high point that i havent felt in awhile. however the repercusions of that night were far worse than i expected.....now after the fact i realise she must of felt pinched by people she just met in a new town. like she was gonna drive us apart or somthing.....lol people really dont know me im still getting to know issac even though ive known him for 20 years. he would have to do somthing really bad in my book for me to stop hanging out with him.....lol and he's alredy broken my winshield hit me been a jerk puff and so on and i still enjoy hanging out with him....a beautiful woman isint gonna break that lol. at least not from my end. on another note. i still want to be friends with her but i dont know how to even talk to her now, like i get the feeling that she would rather not deal with me...and i need to add some other notes here to explain what i did wrong, and since we dont know eachother she got the wrong idea lol......i wanted to go to the movies....hang out not date hang out...i wanted to go with chelsea issac kyle and stormi....and boom brick wall ..w/e lol......they thought i was trying to ask them on a date......then issac had an incedent.. following the incedent she called me to see how issac was doing and i put a post on facebook the next day or so "Ever get excited that someone called u. And then realised it wasent for you." i had given my number to a girl i met at the pool hall a week earlier and she called me asking for another guys number...emotionally shattering...and i thought she was calling for me.....and i think that chelsea thought i was talking about her....which from her perspective if i were her i would think the same thing.........and then a couple weeks later there was a girl at fedex looking for a place to rent...so i asked chelsea if the room was available to rent and how much...well she never responded...and then a couple days later issac comes to me saying that chelsea called him telling me that i asked to move in...wtf i live in the miscommunication zone of horrer lol.....so end result i like chelsea i think she's awesome however i dont want to date her....and issac and i have a funny relationship but i love him. and over all i just dont know what to do....i kind of gave up again for alittle while didnt call issac gave up on trying to hang with chelsea..and just go to the pool hall every once in a while and racquetball on wednesday...and work every night.....and blah....but fuck thats thats not what i want ...i need to at least try to fix some things