(no subject)
Thursday Andrew Franswa was making fun of me and he mentioned Chris. So when I left school I was upset and pissed so I called up Chris on his cellphone to tell him off and I called him an ass as soon as he answered, he asked why, and I told him that somehow some people knew. I told him I didn't expect him to not say anything, but not to tell people like Andrew Franswa. He made me promise I wouldn't tell anyone anything and i told him that it wasn't fair. He said he didn't breathe a word. I just sat there trying to be okay and trying not to cry out of anger and exasperation 'yeah, sure' <--note my sarcasm on the phone. He said he didn't. i didn't say anythhing. he just kept on saying 'i'm sorry'
sometimes i get so tired of people. but i needed to not feel like a bitch so i curled up in bed and called sarah. She told me everything was okay and I made an assumption that anyone would make. I felt so bad. I've been ignoring him all week and when I talked to him I yelled at him and accused him of something he didn't do. maybe.
I wrote a sonnet yesterday. It was pretty good. At first I thought I was pulling stuff out of my ass like I do for poetry for school, but after I wrote it and read it over, I guess it had some meaning. I thought it sounded whiny. But, meh, I guess that's how I am sometimes. Isn't everyone...?
I forget that people have the same problems as I do sometimes. People my age still live with their parents and have to deal with them. People lie to them. People judge and are judged. People talk about others behind their backs and in front of their faces. Man will always be man's worst enemy. I wish I could see how people see me. I wish I knew what they think of when I do something stupid. I wish I knew who people really were before I said things about them. I wish people wouldn't have to change themselves to be liked. I really wish I could be who I am and no one would stop me. I guess you have to remember that highschool isn't the world. Once you're out you don't have to worry as much about how you are seen, because the world is full of people who will see you today then never again. No matter what you do not everybody will know. You can make an ass out of yourself once and not have to carry it for the rest of your life. At least not until you get a job. a carrier. something real.
that's what I wish.
I wish life was real.
sometimes i get so tired of people. but i needed to not feel like a bitch so i curled up in bed and called sarah. She told me everything was okay and I made an assumption that anyone would make. I felt so bad. I've been ignoring him all week and when I talked to him I yelled at him and accused him of something he didn't do. maybe.
I wrote a sonnet yesterday. It was pretty good. At first I thought I was pulling stuff out of my ass like I do for poetry for school, but after I wrote it and read it over, I guess it had some meaning. I thought it sounded whiny. But, meh, I guess that's how I am sometimes. Isn't everyone...?
I forget that people have the same problems as I do sometimes. People my age still live with their parents and have to deal with them. People lie to them. People judge and are judged. People talk about others behind their backs and in front of their faces. Man will always be man's worst enemy. I wish I could see how people see me. I wish I knew what they think of when I do something stupid. I wish I knew who people really were before I said things about them. I wish people wouldn't have to change themselves to be liked. I really wish I could be who I am and no one would stop me. I guess you have to remember that highschool isn't the world. Once you're out you don't have to worry as much about how you are seen, because the world is full of people who will see you today then never again. No matter what you do not everybody will know. You can make an ass out of yourself once and not have to carry it for the rest of your life. At least not until you get a job. a carrier. something real.
that's what I wish.
I wish life was real.