love the skin i'm in
i think i'm learning. learning to be myself even when it feels like the wrong thing to be. i feel like i'm learning to let go of anger or hate or jealousy or whatever it is that eats away at me, and just be. i have made mistakes, a lot of mistakes in the past few months. mistakes i wish i could erase from my life and start all over again new. Mistakes i was ashamed to come home after. But i'm realizing as i'm getting more mature that mistakes are to be made and to be learned from. like drinking for example. it took several times of near death experiences that i should learn and know my limit and not exceed it for anyone's approval. and that has saved my life and others. smoking is another example. i don't need to smoke to release stress and maintain my hunger. dance does both pretty well. and i think i'm coming to the conclusion that it isn't all this material everyone else obsesses over that is important and i don't have to act like all the other black girls to be black. i am learning, although slowly that being me, hyacinth erika amerika wallace blake is enough for me and if anyone has a problem with it, it's exactly that; their problem. i shouldn't go out and buy rockawear coats and tim boots to be sexy and fly. i can wear my salvation army finds and cony's and still attract the fellas. it's been a painful journey, figuring all of this out, and some people may have come to this conclusion earlier in life, but i have always been a little slow on the pick up.