something happened to me
and i got used to emotional intimacy.
I feel myself spiralling deeper and deeper into being a Loser, hurting my female friends feelings, singing those same bright eyes songs under my breath i remember from high school, asking awkward unkind questions on AIM, even natron tells me of how i squandered opportunities, - i dont ask girls to take me seriously but i wish one would. my friend told me i make her feel guilty, thats true, that sucks, i wish i was able to be sad independently of everyone because honestly feeling like I burden other people with the weird feeling of My Friends Sad I Guess I Better Console Them breaks my heart. Half of me wants to savor the misery of listening to slowdive/ride in my underpants and toying with my sensitive spots emotionally the way one picks a scab or sticks salt in an ulcer, i just dont want to hurt You(s) when I do that, i forget you arent able to take everythang in stride. ANd I know what will happen on one level. I will keep bumbling around thinking I am smarter than everyone and being the one who is the saddest, gradually getting fewer and fewer facebook invitations until John Mclean has the majority opinion.
One of the reasons I hate america so much politically is because I feel like I cant hack it here. my self/selbst/mismo which is good enough to get the people I like to like me back in europe or argentina is not good enough to convince anyone of anything more profound than Heres a Natty light here. thats wack yo. I am totally disintegrating at the speed of blight anyy chances I ever had with anyone I like. Im going to fail my bio class. and if i keep going on like this become terrible terrible a grinch.
I feel myself spiralling deeper and deeper into being a Loser, hurting my female friends feelings, singing those same bright eyes songs under my breath i remember from high school, asking awkward unkind questions on AIM, even natron tells me of how i squandered opportunities, - i dont ask girls to take me seriously but i wish one would. my friend told me i make her feel guilty, thats true, that sucks, i wish i was able to be sad independently of everyone because honestly feeling like I burden other people with the weird feeling of My Friends Sad I Guess I Better Console Them breaks my heart. Half of me wants to savor the misery of listening to slowdive/ride in my underpants and toying with my sensitive spots emotionally the way one picks a scab or sticks salt in an ulcer, i just dont want to hurt You(s) when I do that, i forget you arent able to take everythang in stride. ANd I know what will happen on one level. I will keep bumbling around thinking I am smarter than everyone and being the one who is the saddest, gradually getting fewer and fewer facebook invitations until John Mclean has the majority opinion.
One of the reasons I hate america so much politically is because I feel like I cant hack it here. my self/selbst/mismo which is good enough to get the people I like to like me back in europe or argentina is not good enough to convince anyone of anything more profound than Heres a Natty light here. thats wack yo. I am totally disintegrating at the speed of blight anyy chances I ever had with anyone I like. Im going to fail my bio class. and if i keep going on like this become terrible terrible a grinch.