(no subject)
I'm still alive.
That is about all I can say right now.
Panic attacks come and go. I am on xanax twice a day. They gave me anti-depressants but I ended up in the hospital after waking up in the middle of the night feeling like my veins were on fire, so I do not take those anymore. They want to give me a different kind, but I am reluctant. It is hard enough trying to lessen my dependance on the xanax.
Mostly I am feeling depersonalization constantly. I hate feeling so detached from all that is me. I hate having my perceptions change. Things will randomly seem further away or people when they talk will start sounding like I am under water. My therapist tells me that my perception has been heightened because I am terrified of losing control. This explains why, when I am walking with someone and I turn my head briefly, then look back and the person is further away, I startle. My brain tells me they jumped from point A to point B because I did not see it. This was not the case at one point in time.
My head going numb I think is what frightens me the most. Frequently it induces a panic attack.
i struggle through most days, though my trip to Atlantic City wasn't terribly difficult to get through. Especially the day on the beach. i was attached to myself. I didn't panic and my head never went numb.
That was a good day.
That is about all I can say right now.
Panic attacks come and go. I am on xanax twice a day. They gave me anti-depressants but I ended up in the hospital after waking up in the middle of the night feeling like my veins were on fire, so I do not take those anymore. They want to give me a different kind, but I am reluctant. It is hard enough trying to lessen my dependance on the xanax.
Mostly I am feeling depersonalization constantly. I hate feeling so detached from all that is me. I hate having my perceptions change. Things will randomly seem further away or people when they talk will start sounding like I am under water. My therapist tells me that my perception has been heightened because I am terrified of losing control. This explains why, when I am walking with someone and I turn my head briefly, then look back and the person is further away, I startle. My brain tells me they jumped from point A to point B because I did not see it. This was not the case at one point in time.
My head going numb I think is what frightens me the most. Frequently it induces a panic attack.
i struggle through most days, though my trip to Atlantic City wasn't terribly difficult to get through. Especially the day on the beach. i was attached to myself. I didn't panic and my head never went numb.
That was a good day.