Crack Fic : Spring Break
Title: Spring Break
Characters: House/Wilson
Rating:PG-13, maybe bordering on R
Spoilers: Slight spoiler for 8.14 - Love Is Blind if you have no idea what the episode is about.
Words: approx 600
Genre:Crack/meta-ish
Summary: House's favourite website has been very slow lately...
House slammed down the lid of the laptop, startling Wilson who was sitting up in bed reading 'Oncology Today' and doing his nails.
"Nothing?" he asked, although he already knew the answer, if there had been anything there House would be getting the lube out, he was getting pretty desperate and Wilson had to admit he wouldn't mind some action either.
"Nothing. It's dead on there, what's wrong with them all? The season still has a couple of months to go, and all they can do is yammer on about sport, and St Patrick's Day and their kids, and god knows what else. Where's the sex? Where's the porn?" House whined in an unappealing fashion.
"Spring break, apparently," Wilson replied soothingly, "they'll be back. Anyway there's been a few lately. There's that one where we're brothers..."
House gave him a withering look. "Fat lot of good that does me, I'm not fucking my brother, Wilson."
"Well yes, I can see that wouldn't be very appealing. What about the one where we're on the boat in the 1930s, that's very glamorous, you get to play the piano a lot in that one. And, well... there were handcuffs," Wilson blushed and rubbed the back of his neck. "That was hot."
"It's in the 1930s, Wilson. It's all very tasteful, fade-to-black stuff. And we're on a boat, you know how I feel about boats."
Wilson remembered the unfortunate time he'd tried to take House sailing, yes, he knew how House felt about boats.
"And besides, you have that mysterious heart ailment, and I really don't want to know how that's going to turn out."
Wilson wasn't that keen on finding out himself. He hastily fished around for another one. "Oh, there was that weird AU one, where you rescued me from a New Orleans bar and took me back to a hotel room, what about that one?"
"Pre-infarction. Fucking you over a coffee table, yeah, that's not happening any time soon." House peered down at his leg glumly.
Wilson sat in silence for a moment and then hesitantly suggested another story, "well, there was the one with Chase, and Park, and um... me. I think that may end up in us having sex eventually. There's still a few sins to go."
"Eventually, after she's tortured us enough first. But I'm not calling Chase and Park in here for a re-enactment. Chase doesn't need any more ideas and Park sure as hell doesn't need a weapon."
Both men stared gloomily at the computer and then House picked it up and dropped it over the side of the bed. There was a satisfying smashing sound.
"Oh well, there's another episode on today, maybe there'll be something after that," Wilson said hopefully. "If we have some more of those highly suggestive lines, people might get inspired, it's happened before."
House stared up at the ceiling. "The episode is about my mother, Wilson, my mother in the sack with Billy Connelly. I'll be lucky if I feel like having sex again for the next year."
Wilson sighed and put aside his magazine. "You know, we can always make something up, we don't have to wait for them."
"We don't?"
"We don't."
House smiled in a way that Wilson found both lewd and slightly scary.
"Break's over."
Characters: House/Wilson
Rating:PG-13, maybe bordering on R
Spoilers: Slight spoiler for 8.14 - Love Is Blind if you have no idea what the episode is about.
Words: approx 600
Genre:Crack/meta-ish
Summary: House's favourite website has been very slow lately...
House slammed down the lid of the laptop, startling Wilson who was sitting up in bed reading 'Oncology Today' and doing his nails.
"Nothing?" he asked, although he already knew the answer, if there had been anything there House would be getting the lube out, he was getting pretty desperate and Wilson had to admit he wouldn't mind some action either.
"Nothing. It's dead on there, what's wrong with them all? The season still has a couple of months to go, and all they can do is yammer on about sport, and St Patrick's Day and their kids, and god knows what else. Where's the sex? Where's the porn?" House whined in an unappealing fashion.
"Spring break, apparently," Wilson replied soothingly, "they'll be back. Anyway there's been a few lately. There's that one where we're brothers..."
House gave him a withering look. "Fat lot of good that does me, I'm not fucking my brother, Wilson."
"Well yes, I can see that wouldn't be very appealing. What about the one where we're on the boat in the 1930s, that's very glamorous, you get to play the piano a lot in that one. And, well... there were handcuffs," Wilson blushed and rubbed the back of his neck. "That was hot."
"It's in the 1930s, Wilson. It's all very tasteful, fade-to-black stuff. And we're on a boat, you know how I feel about boats."
Wilson remembered the unfortunate time he'd tried to take House sailing, yes, he knew how House felt about boats.
"And besides, you have that mysterious heart ailment, and I really don't want to know how that's going to turn out."
Wilson wasn't that keen on finding out himself. He hastily fished around for another one. "Oh, there was that weird AU one, where you rescued me from a New Orleans bar and took me back to a hotel room, what about that one?"
"Pre-infarction. Fucking you over a coffee table, yeah, that's not happening any time soon." House peered down at his leg glumly.
Wilson sat in silence for a moment and then hesitantly suggested another story, "well, there was the one with Chase, and Park, and um... me. I think that may end up in us having sex eventually. There's still a few sins to go."
"Eventually, after she's tortured us enough first. But I'm not calling Chase and Park in here for a re-enactment. Chase doesn't need any more ideas and Park sure as hell doesn't need a weapon."
Both men stared gloomily at the computer and then House picked it up and dropped it over the side of the bed. There was a satisfying smashing sound.
"Oh well, there's another episode on today, maybe there'll be something after that," Wilson said hopefully. "If we have some more of those highly suggestive lines, people might get inspired, it's happened before."
House stared up at the ceiling. "The episode is about my mother, Wilson, my mother in the sack with Billy Connelly. I'll be lucky if I feel like having sex again for the next year."
Wilson sighed and put aside his magazine. "You know, we can always make something up, we don't have to wait for them."
"We don't?"
"We don't."
House smiled in a way that Wilson found both lewd and slightly scary.
"Break's over."