A Johnny's Bachelorette
Title: A Johnny's Bachelorette
Author: Scribble
Groups: Arashi (main), KAT-TUN, NEWS, Kanjani8, Hey! Say! JUMP, Tackey&Tsubasa, KinKi Kids
Pairings: Ohmiya, ...probably more but undecided
Rating: PG
Summary: When Johnny's management decides it wants to hold its very own version of "The Bachelorette", kidnap ensues. Other hijinks follow one after another. This is Johnny's after all.
Warnings: The characterization in this fic is a mix of caricature, idealistic fangirlism, and utter ignorance (mostly in the case of HSJ and KinKi Kids). All of it is towards the end of crack and comedy. ^.^b
“Don’t make fun of my buns!” Aiba yelled, face red and incensed beyond any reason he’d had in the first place, however slight.
Sho took in that vibrant sight plus the area where Nino and Jun were fighting a small fire, consumed by wafts of smoke (he’d better get them out soon before they damaged their throats).
There was also the Ryo and Ohkura duo over in the corner who were currently trying harder to get into the vents so that they could spy on who knows what than to do their actual task (yes, Sho did know what, he just didn’t want to think about it).
Takki and Tsubasa had somehow convinced half of the groups from HSJ (specifically Yamada and Arioka, Takaki and Chinen, and Yabu and Nakajima) to do the dirty work for them. Seriously, at least the older ones should have known better.
Sho had half a mind to intervene in the slave system if he wasn’t dealing with his own disaster. Senpai shouldn’t take advantage of their kouhai.
Inoo and Morimoto as well as Yaotome and Okamoto were completely ignoring the extortion of their bandmates, although at least their allotted spaces were normally messy, covered with exploded powders etc.
The Kame and Junno team was doing splendidly by all accounts probably due to Kame’s abilities and Junno’s easy-going nature.
In any case they weren’t involved in anyone else’s disputes like Koki and Jin (too nosy for their own good) who were intent on trying to determine justice in the argument going on between the Subaru and Hina, and Maru and Yasu teams over which slightly charred implements belonged to who. Apparently the blast had mixed them up.
Poor Yoko was the odd one out, much like Ohno, and so the two had been paired together. This meant that after declaring everything Yoko had assembled “the best” despite some of it probably being deadly, Ohno had gone to sleep curled up on the floor not far away, somehow able to ignore the pandemonium.
Sho couldn’t feel too bad for Yoko though as he kicked at Ohno’s side every time he passed by and was cheating off of Kame’s team from what Sho could see. Nino would have been taking care of that had the fire not sprung up.
It really would have made more sense to treat Ryo as part of NEWS and then Kanjani8 could have paired off evenly as well.
Instead, Massu was demolishing Koyama and Shige’s creations faster than they could crank them out and YamaP was having too much trouble prying Tegoshi off of him to work, although Tegoshi could probably have outdone all but Kame if he decided to be serious. Strange that his well-known competitive streak was lying dormant in this prime situation.
The final KAT-TUN team, Nakamaru and Ueda were strangely nowhere to be found… huh.
And Sho’s brief meander through the chaos of the room again focused on his own problem. “Aiba, I didn’t say there was anything wrong with them. They’re just a little lopsided is all.” Sho tried his best to placate the insulted man.
“Oh, and that’s so much better to say, is it?” Aiba huffed and turned his back on his partner. “It’s not like I can control something like that.” He sniffed and Sho had a bad feeling Aiba was starting to cry. “Look, how did we even get on this topic anyway?” he asked helplessly.
This wasn’t how this was supposed to go at all. “You don’t think I’m good enough!” Aiba half yelled and half sobbed, only briefly distracting Jun’s attention from the almost-tamed blaze. Someone really should have come to deal with that sooner, but the agency had by now come up with the policy of “If the idols break it, the idols fix it.” It had solved them a lot of headaches.
“You guys never think I measure up at anything! Okonomiyaki, liquid nitrogen, romantic gestures,” “Aiba-chan, we never said that-” Aiba paid him about as much attention as he would an HSJ ankle-biter and continued on with his list. “Finding mushrooms, finding seaweed, acting, riddles, trivia, making up nicknames,”
“But we call you the nickname master.” Sho tried to make him see reason, a hopeless pursuit now that Aiba was rolling, “the way I cry when I’m deeply touched,” Okay, a little pornographic sounding there. Sho was embarrassed to notice three different people around the room had looked up at that, none of them in Arashi. He nodded at them uneasily until they turned away.
“Aiba-chan, could you just lower your voice a-” “I’M NOT FINISHED YET!” Aiba glared him down, breathing hard. “And then there’s the whole thing about the mirror man, and the time I ripped my pants on stage, but Nino actually fell on his butt you know!” “Thanks Aiba.” Nino’s voice floated over sardonically.
Aiba ignored it. “I’m in the top half in terms of dancers you know! You and Nino-chan can’t dance worth tootles unless it’s the robot!” “THANKS.” Nino’s voice was more forceful, the warning in it clear despite not quite knowing what ‘tootles’ meant. He was understandably touchy about his dancing.
“You say I’m YK,” “It’s KY Aiba-chan.” “But I pay attention more than Ohno-chan does!” That was the last straw. Nino came flying at Aiba, jumping on his back and forcing him down to the ground with a wrestling hold, an impressive feat considering Aiba was the most athletic of them all.
Jun, the only one who hadn’t been caught in the crossfire between Aiba and his imagined persecutors, magnanimously pulled the snarling Nino away. He may have gone crazy from the heat of the fire.
Aiba didn’t miss a beat and stood back up, delivering his zinger. “I’ve been right about all those things and now you have the nerve to insult my buns! I just won’t take it!” He waved the offending buns in Sho’s face and then stalked off to the other side of the room where others would surely be happy to appreciate them.
Sho sighed and rubbed his face with his hands. “Hey, at least we weren’t all burned to death.” Jun said comfortingly. Sho looked up into his and Nino’s soot-streaked faces and nodded silently. Up until recently Jun had been the one taking things the worst and understandably so. Overcoming the fire seemed to have brought him some kind of zen.
“Whatever possessed them to make us cook?” Sho asked despairingly. Jun shook his head helplessly, looking as desolate as Sho. “I just don’t know.” They looked out over the cooking arena, knowing that escaping with their lives would be a blessing in itself.
AU: KY stands for "kuuki wo yomenai", otherwise meaning "can't read the atmosphere". It's a term used for people who make random comments that don't quite fit the situation.
AU: There are at least 4 or so more chapters ready to go up, it just depends on whether I have the patience to post them. The story is also nowhere near finished and I'm rarely diligent in writing so... don't expect too much. m(_ _)m
Author: Scribble
Groups: Arashi (main), KAT-TUN, NEWS, Kanjani8, Hey! Say! JUMP, Tackey&Tsubasa, KinKi Kids
Pairings: Ohmiya, ...probably more but undecided
Rating: PG
Summary: When Johnny's management decides it wants to hold its very own version of "The Bachelorette", kidnap ensues. Other hijinks follow one after another. This is Johnny's after all.
Warnings: The characterization in this fic is a mix of caricature, idealistic fangirlism, and utter ignorance (mostly in the case of HSJ and KinKi Kids). All of it is towards the end of crack and comedy. ^.^b
“Don’t make fun of my buns!” Aiba yelled, face red and incensed beyond any reason he’d had in the first place, however slight.
Sho took in that vibrant sight plus the area where Nino and Jun were fighting a small fire, consumed by wafts of smoke (he’d better get them out soon before they damaged their throats).
There was also the Ryo and Ohkura duo over in the corner who were currently trying harder to get into the vents so that they could spy on who knows what than to do their actual task (yes, Sho did know what, he just didn’t want to think about it).
Takki and Tsubasa had somehow convinced half of the groups from HSJ (specifically Yamada and Arioka, Takaki and Chinen, and Yabu and Nakajima) to do the dirty work for them. Seriously, at least the older ones should have known better.
Sho had half a mind to intervene in the slave system if he wasn’t dealing with his own disaster. Senpai shouldn’t take advantage of their kouhai.
Inoo and Morimoto as well as Yaotome and Okamoto were completely ignoring the extortion of their bandmates, although at least their allotted spaces were normally messy, covered with exploded powders etc.
The Kame and Junno team was doing splendidly by all accounts probably due to Kame’s abilities and Junno’s easy-going nature.
In any case they weren’t involved in anyone else’s disputes like Koki and Jin (too nosy for their own good) who were intent on trying to determine justice in the argument going on between the Subaru and Hina, and Maru and Yasu teams over which slightly charred implements belonged to who. Apparently the blast had mixed them up.
Poor Yoko was the odd one out, much like Ohno, and so the two had been paired together. This meant that after declaring everything Yoko had assembled “the best” despite some of it probably being deadly, Ohno had gone to sleep curled up on the floor not far away, somehow able to ignore the pandemonium.
Sho couldn’t feel too bad for Yoko though as he kicked at Ohno’s side every time he passed by and was cheating off of Kame’s team from what Sho could see. Nino would have been taking care of that had the fire not sprung up.
It really would have made more sense to treat Ryo as part of NEWS and then Kanjani8 could have paired off evenly as well.
Instead, Massu was demolishing Koyama and Shige’s creations faster than they could crank them out and YamaP was having too much trouble prying Tegoshi off of him to work, although Tegoshi could probably have outdone all but Kame if he decided to be serious. Strange that his well-known competitive streak was lying dormant in this prime situation.
The final KAT-TUN team, Nakamaru and Ueda were strangely nowhere to be found… huh.
And Sho’s brief meander through the chaos of the room again focused on his own problem. “Aiba, I didn’t say there was anything wrong with them. They’re just a little lopsided is all.” Sho tried his best to placate the insulted man.
“Oh, and that’s so much better to say, is it?” Aiba huffed and turned his back on his partner. “It’s not like I can control something like that.” He sniffed and Sho had a bad feeling Aiba was starting to cry. “Look, how did we even get on this topic anyway?” he asked helplessly.
This wasn’t how this was supposed to go at all. “You don’t think I’m good enough!” Aiba half yelled and half sobbed, only briefly distracting Jun’s attention from the almost-tamed blaze. Someone really should have come to deal with that sooner, but the agency had by now come up with the policy of “If the idols break it, the idols fix it.” It had solved them a lot of headaches.
“You guys never think I measure up at anything! Okonomiyaki, liquid nitrogen, romantic gestures,” “Aiba-chan, we never said that-” Aiba paid him about as much attention as he would an HSJ ankle-biter and continued on with his list. “Finding mushrooms, finding seaweed, acting, riddles, trivia, making up nicknames,”
“But we call you the nickname master.” Sho tried to make him see reason, a hopeless pursuit now that Aiba was rolling, “the way I cry when I’m deeply touched,” Okay, a little pornographic sounding there. Sho was embarrassed to notice three different people around the room had looked up at that, none of them in Arashi. He nodded at them uneasily until they turned away.
“Aiba-chan, could you just lower your voice a-” “I’M NOT FINISHED YET!” Aiba glared him down, breathing hard. “And then there’s the whole thing about the mirror man, and the time I ripped my pants on stage, but Nino actually fell on his butt you know!” “Thanks Aiba.” Nino’s voice floated over sardonically.
Aiba ignored it. “I’m in the top half in terms of dancers you know! You and Nino-chan can’t dance worth tootles unless it’s the robot!” “THANKS.” Nino’s voice was more forceful, the warning in it clear despite not quite knowing what ‘tootles’ meant. He was understandably touchy about his dancing.
“You say I’m YK,” “It’s KY Aiba-chan.” “But I pay attention more than Ohno-chan does!” That was the last straw. Nino came flying at Aiba, jumping on his back and forcing him down to the ground with a wrestling hold, an impressive feat considering Aiba was the most athletic of them all.
Jun, the only one who hadn’t been caught in the crossfire between Aiba and his imagined persecutors, magnanimously pulled the snarling Nino away. He may have gone crazy from the heat of the fire.
Aiba didn’t miss a beat and stood back up, delivering his zinger. “I’ve been right about all those things and now you have the nerve to insult my buns! I just won’t take it!” He waved the offending buns in Sho’s face and then stalked off to the other side of the room where others would surely be happy to appreciate them.
Sho sighed and rubbed his face with his hands. “Hey, at least we weren’t all burned to death.” Jun said comfortingly. Sho looked up into his and Nino’s soot-streaked faces and nodded silently. Up until recently Jun had been the one taking things the worst and understandably so. Overcoming the fire seemed to have brought him some kind of zen.
“Whatever possessed them to make us cook?” Sho asked despairingly. Jun shook his head helplessly, looking as desolate as Sho. “I just don’t know.” They looked out over the cooking arena, knowing that escaping with their lives would be a blessing in itself.
AU: KY stands for "kuuki wo yomenai", otherwise meaning "can't read the atmosphere". It's a term used for people who make random comments that don't quite fit the situation.
AU: There are at least 4 or so more chapters ready to go up, it just depends on whether I have the patience to post them. The story is also nowhere near finished and I'm rarely diligent in writing so... don't expect too much. m(_ _)m