My Mom's Nightmare Relatives
I guess one of the biggest reasons that I'm having these crazy cancer scare issues is that on my father's side... everyone dies of it. They were big drinkers and smokers so I assume that could have helped trigger things but my cousin (my dad's sister's daughter) who is 50 just got diagnosed with breast cancer not to mention my cousin who is what I came to actually talk about today.
My cousin was diagnosed with breast cancer late last year, had a lump she ignored and when she finally went it they told her it had grown enough so she needed to have the breast removed. Her then teenage daughter, well she was 19 at the time, had gotten pregnant by her longterm off / on boyfriend in an effort to keep him we all suspect. After pleading with my mother, who had moved to one of the islands for a long holiday AND to save a bit of money (St Croix I believe) as she could live rent free, my cousins coaxed her into leaving this paradise and coming to Chicago in the middle of the winter to help them out. I had told my mom when she first mentioned it NOT to do it but she ignored my request and snuck there anyways (I was under the assumption she was going to go to Florida for a couple of weeks then head back to Los Angeles).
Every since my mom has been there it's just been a pure nightmare. My mom likes to help people but six months later her patience has waned and she sees that set of relatives as I've always seen them and it's not in the best light.
Since my mom got there she was asked to pay $500 a month to help out. My cousin M. receives assistance from the government (note, she is in my opinion a welfare queen and the kind of people that the public hates as we're paying for her laziness) - so the majority of her apartment is paid for and she gets food vouchers so her refrigerator is always full and her utilities always paid for. My well to do aunt N. gives her money as well. She also received a huge tax refund to the tune of 8k recently so the only thing she really pays for is her $475 car note. Yep.
Last month I asked her in an attempt to lighten the load for my mom so she could save a little and get out of there. I received a hostile email back letting me know that she, my cousin, had been taking care of herself since she was 18 (she's been on welfare since she was 18 and now she's 50) and the arrangement my mother and her have is no business of mine and also, pointing out that I have taken money from my mom as well and maybe I needed to work on that. It's true that I have borrowed from my mom while my husband was awaiting his work visa but the thing is, one she's my mom, and two we have this unspoken agreement where her money is my money and mine is hers. We've always shared our money and when I have it and she needs it its hers and vice versa. I always put back the amount I borrow and she always puts back the amount she borrows and if neither of us do, neither of us have an issue with it. It might not be conventional but its been us against the world for a long time. And for a long time, my cousin has had her hand out to my mom. I never had an issue with it to be honest, I thought she needed it, my mom had it and she shared it with no expectations of getting it back. My only issue begin when it seemed that she was taking advantage of my mom and more so after going off on me after I asked if she would let my mom off of paying her for a month since she received a check for 8k so my mom could move. And the fact that after she went off on me, she had a screaming fit at my 70 year old mother.
And now I'm mad.
For the six months my mom has been there, the woman refused to let my mom borrow the car so she could get out of the house so for the whole winter she, my mom, was stuck in her bedroom more of less and if she ventured out, she was afraid she'd break her leg on the ice, something she had done 20 years ago and didn't want to go through again. They, my cousin nor her daughter or grandmom (mom's sister) for that matter, did not drive her around not even on Sundays to church and got attitudes when she asked for simple things like taking her to the store. So she just jumped on the bus to get around. My 70 year old mother.
When my niece J. had the baby, it took her about two weeks to get back on her feet and when she did she gave the baby to my mom and hit the streets. For the last few months my mom has been taking care of a newborn for 8-12 hours a day while the mom hung with her friends, the grandmom had better things to do (granted she had her breast removed but then again, she was well enough to go to the mall and shop and spend the 8k she got back from taxes) and the greatgrandmom was running around with her married boyfriend. My mom is the matriarch of the family now, the oldest, and shouldn't be taking care of a month old baby for long periods of time.
They are also receiving money from the government for babysitting and have offered none of the money to my mom even though she babysits 90% of the time.
So my mom gets to live there, pay rent, pay for food and forced to babysit a baby for extended periods of time without any compensation and my cousin gets an attitude with me for asking her to ease up just one time.
And recently we've figured out that my cousin and N. are conspiring to try to get my mom to stay there as their unpaid nanny. They're trying anything they can to keep her from moving back to California and me even suggested she file for Bankruptcy and stay there so she could save. WTF, there are no bills on her credit report that she pays. My mom's not as stupid as they think she is and is not happy. It's just been a total nightmare and I'm looking forward to getting her out of there as soon as she can.
Part 1
My cousin was diagnosed with breast cancer late last year, had a lump she ignored and when she finally went it they told her it had grown enough so she needed to have the breast removed. Her then teenage daughter, well she was 19 at the time, had gotten pregnant by her longterm off / on boyfriend in an effort to keep him we all suspect. After pleading with my mother, who had moved to one of the islands for a long holiday AND to save a bit of money (St Croix I believe) as she could live rent free, my cousins coaxed her into leaving this paradise and coming to Chicago in the middle of the winter to help them out. I had told my mom when she first mentioned it NOT to do it but she ignored my request and snuck there anyways (I was under the assumption she was going to go to Florida for a couple of weeks then head back to Los Angeles).
Every since my mom has been there it's just been a pure nightmare. My mom likes to help people but six months later her patience has waned and she sees that set of relatives as I've always seen them and it's not in the best light.
Since my mom got there she was asked to pay $500 a month to help out. My cousin M. receives assistance from the government (note, she is in my opinion a welfare queen and the kind of people that the public hates as we're paying for her laziness) - so the majority of her apartment is paid for and she gets food vouchers so her refrigerator is always full and her utilities always paid for. My well to do aunt N. gives her money as well. She also received a huge tax refund to the tune of 8k recently so the only thing she really pays for is her $475 car note. Yep.
Last month I asked her in an attempt to lighten the load for my mom so she could save a little and get out of there. I received a hostile email back letting me know that she, my cousin, had been taking care of herself since she was 18 (she's been on welfare since she was 18 and now she's 50) and the arrangement my mother and her have is no business of mine and also, pointing out that I have taken money from my mom as well and maybe I needed to work on that. It's true that I have borrowed from my mom while my husband was awaiting his work visa but the thing is, one she's my mom, and two we have this unspoken agreement where her money is my money and mine is hers. We've always shared our money and when I have it and she needs it its hers and vice versa. I always put back the amount I borrow and she always puts back the amount she borrows and if neither of us do, neither of us have an issue with it. It might not be conventional but its been us against the world for a long time. And for a long time, my cousin has had her hand out to my mom. I never had an issue with it to be honest, I thought she needed it, my mom had it and she shared it with no expectations of getting it back. My only issue begin when it seemed that she was taking advantage of my mom and more so after going off on me after I asked if she would let my mom off of paying her for a month since she received a check for 8k so my mom could move. And the fact that after she went off on me, she had a screaming fit at my 70 year old mother.
And now I'm mad.
For the six months my mom has been there, the woman refused to let my mom borrow the car so she could get out of the house so for the whole winter she, my mom, was stuck in her bedroom more of less and if she ventured out, she was afraid she'd break her leg on the ice, something she had done 20 years ago and didn't want to go through again. They, my cousin nor her daughter or grandmom (mom's sister) for that matter, did not drive her around not even on Sundays to church and got attitudes when she asked for simple things like taking her to the store. So she just jumped on the bus to get around. My 70 year old mother.
When my niece J. had the baby, it took her about two weeks to get back on her feet and when she did she gave the baby to my mom and hit the streets. For the last few months my mom has been taking care of a newborn for 8-12 hours a day while the mom hung with her friends, the grandmom had better things to do (granted she had her breast removed but then again, she was well enough to go to the mall and shop and spend the 8k she got back from taxes) and the greatgrandmom was running around with her married boyfriend. My mom is the matriarch of the family now, the oldest, and shouldn't be taking care of a month old baby for long periods of time.
They are also receiving money from the government for babysitting and have offered none of the money to my mom even though she babysits 90% of the time.
So my mom gets to live there, pay rent, pay for food and forced to babysit a baby for extended periods of time without any compensation and my cousin gets an attitude with me for asking her to ease up just one time.
And recently we've figured out that my cousin and N. are conspiring to try to get my mom to stay there as their unpaid nanny. They're trying anything they can to keep her from moving back to California and me even suggested she file for Bankruptcy and stay there so she could save. WTF, there are no bills on her credit report that she pays. My mom's not as stupid as they think she is and is not happy. It's just been a total nightmare and I'm looking forward to getting her out of there as soon as she can.
Part 1