All I Want For Christmas Is...

[mendi1209]

It's early in the morning and I can't sleep. I sleep at strange times of the day anyway, so this isn't unusual for me, except I have something on my mind and it's kind of weighing me down. I've had a lot of time to heal more from my stroke, and while I still have impaired walking, I can take care of myself, and do chores at home, take care of my errands, and make doctor visits. I can do pretty much all the things I used to do, except, I don't have a job. My health is a lot better, and I still want to work. It's not like I haven't been putting in the energy to find work. I was getting calls for interviews less than a week from being let go from Xerox, and it was pretty steady for a few weeks. Then I got sick in August and spent about four days in the hospital,coincidentally it was after leaving a job interview (acute renal failure, again). I try to stay positive and pray about it, but as it's getting closer to the end of the year, I'm starting to panic. I don't have a lot of time left to keep getting unemployment benefits, and I get calls from employment agencies, only to not actually get a job, just to fill out paperwork or just chat about a potential for work. I'm told on the phone that I was thought of for a job, only to get to these offices and, well, nothing. I get some places calling me for work, and it's work that I can't do because of my health problems. The last call I got for a job was at Huntsville Hospital working in food services. I can't be on my feet because I have balance issues from my stroke, plus I have high blood pressure. These people have my resume with all my education and experience, and they want to offer me jobs that don't necessarily fit. I'd take any job at this point, if it weren't for my current health issues, but the reality is that I can't put any unnecessary stress on myself or I'll end up back in the hospital. Right now I feel, depressed, angry, discouraged, you name it. I don't know what I'm going to do. I guess I'll keep praying for a Christmas miracle. I want to be able to find a job soon and get back on the road to being like I used to be.

Until next time...