i wish i were famous

[mendedwing]

i jsut hung out with josh and it was so much fun. i miss all my friends so much...lately i have been completely void of like any emotion. like tonight talking to josh i started getting choked up and it aws almost a great feeling just to feel something. i am so drained and i get sad thinking that my personality and my view of life in general is so much more... negative and tainted than it used to be. i remember when i was happy, but im not not happy... i just feel like ive let the world get the best of me and get me down. i need god so bad right now but i dont even have the energy or faith to reach out to him. i love all of you so much: josh, ammon, ali (especially), billy, frank, brent, charley, peter, jonathan, kris, christa, kali... you all know who you are. but its like i know that all there is left of some of these relationships is missing them. and thats ok i guess. its better than nothing. sometimes its better than something maybe. i wish i could back to being myself. i wish that everything could get back to the way it was 6 months ago. i know that alot of my posts are negative but i feel like its because i still see things that are bad that most people dont see. maybe they are just more obvious to me because i am more sensitive to them. i dont know lol i dont make any sense.
ps- josh i was thouroughly impressed with your manliness getting your rook pierced tonight. take care of it and i hope it feels better. later kiddies