FIC: Satiate: A Fairy Tale
I'm not really usually this spammy or productive. (HA! I LIE LIKE A RUG!)
This has just been LINGERING forever in my to be finished-pile, and I'm dashing off to visit dark_reaction tomorrow and give her lots of HUGS, and damn it! It's still NaNoJuJuMo! I NEED TO GIVE YOU PUDGY MIDWAY.
It has lots of food and weirdness and sex. I hope you like it, I'm really ridiculously proud of it for some reason (which means it's probably just me writing "COCK" and "CHUBBLY LITTLE WUB" like 50 times).
Also? Frosting.
Title: Satiate: A Fairy Tale
Characters/Pairings: Jared/Jensen
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 4,580
Notes: Thanks to dark_reaction for beta and brain-dumping with me. Even though I ramble like it's my job.
Summary: Once upon a time, there were two boys who were desperately in love. They consumed one another until there was nothing left.
Jensen notices it when he goes to shave, sees it in the mirror, the sharp edges of his face seem kind of, less so.
He worries his forehead a bit until Jared walks past his reflection, pausing only to give his ass a quick pinch. Jensen startles and turns around, Jared winks and throws aside the threadbare towel as he steps into the shower. Jensen smirks and follows him in.
***
Jensen measures out his breakfast, one cup of cereal (well, it's actually that Kashi granola no GMO organic stuff), low-sodium sugar-free soy, seven banana slices, 12 oz. of orange juice.
Jared eats waffles. He doesn't remember how many, but they run out of syrup that day.
***
Jensen spends 3 hours with his trainer at the gym every other day, and yet when he gets on the scale, the numbers go up, a pound or two. Jensen's head falls and his trainer swears he's just building muscle.
Jared's sitting on the couch when he gets back, eating coconut-covered marshmallow treats.
It's then that Jensen decides to not give Jared head anymore, that candy has to be getting into him somehow.
***
Jensen calls Eric on a Tuesday evening, they chat for a while, Jensen questions some of his crying scenes, and Eric calls him a pussy, normal chitchat. Jensen asks him questions and Eric dances around the answers. Jensen describes what he and Jared did in the wardrobe trailer in graphic detail, and Eric tortures him by reading the weekly weather outlook for L.A.
Their conversation is winding down, and Jensen makes a fist, short nails digging into his palm in order to steel himself.
"Hey Eric, got an urban legend-type question for ya."
"Shoot."
"Ever hear of something, I dunno, a curse or a thing, where like," Jensen dances around saying it aloud.
"Spit it out."
"Someone's not eating a lot, but gaining weight."
Jensen can just picture the shrug on the other end of the line. "Metabolisms change."
"But, and this is gonna sound crazy, what if this person was living with someone who ate like crap, and was-"
"Getting thinner? Like that Stephen King book?"
"Nah, just like, whatever that person was eating, was getting tacked onto someone else."
"Huh. Never heard of anything like that."
That same day, Jared gets a care-package from home, full of fat and sugar and the goodness of his mom's cooking and his sister's junk-food scavenging. His eyes light up and Jensen wonders if he should just have his pants let out.
***
The oral sex embargo is lifted by Jensen after one too many beers, light ones. Jared's head is swimming with Jack and Coke, and Jensen's tongue licking the roof of his mouth. It causes embarrassing and sweet noises to flow from his mouth, and Jared palms Jensen's cock, hand shoved down the other's pants, caressing the cotton boxer-briefs.
Jensen undoes Jared's fly quickly and moves down to lick the tip, leaking bitter precome. Jared falls hard against the wall and slides down, opening his legs wide enough for Jensen to crawl in between, mouth sucking at his cockhead. Eventually he opens his mouth more and more, and Jared allows himself to thrust, trusting Jensen from experience. Jared knows what Jensen can take now, knows he can buck up against that pliant mouth.
Jensen focuses on Jared's cock in his mouth, teasing with his tongue, flicking just slightly and listening to Jared react. He's so big and full and Jensen knows that he's close. Jared starts to ball his fist, slam his head against the wall to try and stave off orgasm a little bit longer. When Jensen's hands start to massage his balls, he knows he's done for. He stretches, one final gentle push into Jensen, just a slight bit deeper so he'll make a little sound to vibrate against his cock and yes! He's there and he's coming and Jensen's-
Jensen cups his chin and stands up, walks away quickly. Jared can't do anything but lie there and miss the tight, wet heat of his mouth. Sits there dumbfounded as he hears spitting noises and water running and he just can't believe it.
Jensen's never had a problem swallowing before.
***
Jared gets a little light-headed later in the day so he steals away to his trailer (well, Jensen's trailer) and finagles himself a whole pizza using a glib tongue and fast hands at the food tent.
Jensen's in there, writing furiously in a notebook and punching his calculator, literally. He's hitting the numbers and frowning and getting frustrated and pretty much slamming his fist down on the innocent little TI-83. Jared smirks. "Early jump on tax season, Jen?"
"Shut up."
Jared frowns and bites into a slice. "Tha wash harsh?" He says through the cheese and sauce.
Jensen puts his head in his hands and sighs, looking up at him. "I'm sorry. It's nothing, I'm just doing something wrong, and I can't figure out what."
Jared sits next to him, putting the pizza down on the little coffee table and placing a quasi-greasy kiss against Jensen's shoulder. "You'll figure it out, pizza?" He holds up a slice.
Jensen looks pale and shakes his head no.
***
Jensen weighs himself, he's barely eaten anything, but the numbers rise. Three more pounds, his flab is starting to show elsewhere. Jared doesn't seem to notice, or care. Wardrobe has been especially kind.
"Muscle weighs more than fat." Jensen reminds himself.
On the other side of the apartment, Jared's stomach growls and he reaches for some popcorn. With lots of butter.
***
Eric sends him an e-mail two weeks later. It reads:
Jack Sprat could eat no fat
His wife could eat no lean
And so betwixt them both
They lick'd the platter clean
Jensen send him back an appropriately smarmy response. He is not the wife.
***
"What?!" Jared laughs. "Jensen! What are you doing?"
"Mmm, not the wife," Jensen mumbles against him, touches his nose to Jared's. He's got an armful of him, carrying Jared over the threshold of the room like a bride on her wedding night. Jared's laughing and holding onto Jensen's neck, eyes bright and excited as Jensen drops him on the bed.
Jensen rubs his arms but man, he really has been working out, and the weight training is paying off, he's barely sore.
"So, you gonna consummate me or what?" Jared waggles his eyebrows as he rolls onto his stomach, head in his hands.
Jensen smiles. "I'm gonna ravish you good." He leans in to kiss Jared.
"Man, now I want cake," Jared says as Jensen pulls away. "Can we get married for real?"
Jensen says nothing in that moment, just tears off Jared's clothes and starts plundering his flesh with his mouth. Kissing and biting and jacking Jared nice and slow, until his hands are filled with his cock and then his mouth and then him. He fills himself to bursting with Jared, and rides him slowly. It's all wordless but not noiseless-groans and sighs of pleasure. They scream each other's names as they come.
Jensen answers him a year later. But we're not quite there yet.
***
Eric writes him back:
Idiot. You're Jack.
***
Jensen snatches the 3rd chocolate-chip muffin out of Jared's hand just as it's about to meet the same fate as the first two. Jared groans.
"Okay, you have to stop." Jensen says.
"What?"
"You have to stop eating."
"C'mon, I'm starving."
"No, you're not." Jared makes a grab for the muffin but Jensen moves out of his way and trashes it. "Stop it."
"But-"
Jensen pulls Jared's chair out, and whips it around, sits in his lap and crushes his mouth. Jensen kisses him hard, bruising, fast, bites his lip so hard, that Jared's eyes start to water. Jared's stomach growls until it's actually Jared, holding him close now. Jensen breaks the kiss and Jared's panting.
"What do you want?" Jensen asks, voice laden with sex and lust and hunger.
Jared pauses. "I want you to fuck me while I eat pancakes and then lick pudding off your chest. Do we have pudding?"
***
Putting Jared on a diet just seems to stall things, Jensen hasn't gained any weight but he can't get it off either. Doctors, nutritionists, gym bunnies all tell him the same thing. Muscle weighs more then fat, metabolisms change when you get older, the body likes to stay in a certain weight range.
Jensen's nutritionist tells him he's eating fine, he's got practically no dangerous cholesterol and his risk of heart disease is nil.
When Jensen gets back to the apartment, Jared's enjoying his Andouille turkey-chicken sausage that Jensen's got him on, and nibbling whole wheat toast. He's trying really hard not to think about candy and fried eggs.
"I think I'm stuck like this." Jensen announces, running his hands along the swell and paunch of his body.
Jared shrugs. "I like it." He licks his lips and thinks about Jensen's body, his cock, and candy.
***
Jared's awake before he realizes, opens and closes the fridge, trying to will the contents to change. They don't.
It's like he's in and out of his body all at the same time. There's this craving, this crying voice inside of him telling him what to do, and he does it. He goes to the store and buys a carton of ice-cream, some pretzel sticks, yogurt, whole milk, pepperoni, cream-based soups and other kinds of things covered in salt and sugar or oil. He just keeps wanting and eating, and somehow the food isn't food anymore, it's air that he just gulps and inhales and doesn't feel.
"Why are you a bottomless pit? Why can't you ever get enough?" Jensen asks when he catches Jared licking the bottom of his ice-cream bowl.
Jared sucks on his spoon and thinks, but doesn't manage more then a shrug and goes back to his Chunky Monkey. Jensen would never believe him, that some invisible force is driving him to eat and eat and never let him stop. Some void in his body is demanding to be filled.
The next day Jensen's scale says he's back on the gain, and he wants to tear his hair out but that won't even give him a pound to spare.
***
Jack Sprat could eat no fat.
It runs through Jensen's head, constantly, he can't figure it out, everything he's read tells the same story. Jack Sprat was a term for a smaller man with a larger wife. In some cases Jack was King Charles. Sometimes he was a little person.
Jensen breaks down and calls Eric, delighting in the sleepy tone in which he answers, glad that he woke him up.
"Hullo?" Eric mumbles.
"How the fuck am I Jack?" Jensen demands.
"You're fucking nuts, first of all." Eric clears his throat and coughs. "You don't eat fat, you're Jack."
"But I am fat, so I can't be Jack."
"You're not fat-"
"I have gained 20 pounds, and none of it is mine."
"Jensen."
"Whatever Jared eats, I gain, okay? He's eating like ten times more then usual, and I'm gaining all the damn weight. And yes, I know it's crazy, I know. But damn it, when he stopped eating so much, so did the weight gain, when he started again, so did it. So tell me, tell me how the fuck this is possible?"
"… Sleep-eating?"
"I have been to that doctor. I sleep like a rock. If anyone's sleep-eating, it's him."
"Osmosis?" Eric can't keep the laughter out of his voice. "You're pregnant?"
"I'm not joking."
"Jensen, I don't know what to tell you. I don't think it's possible."
"I'm not even hungry anymore. Sometimes I have quinoa and fruit or something so I don't get scurvy. Jared keeps saying he's hungry, then eats enough to feed a small army, and then claims that he's never full. It's like, he can't stop eating, I can't start. He's a void, a bottomless pit of need and want and I can't bring myself to feel anything like that. No desire, no appetite."
Before Eric can answer, call him crazy or tell him to see a therapist, Jensen hangs up.
When Jensen crawls into bed, Jared's already there, starts clinging to him almost as his body hits the mattress. He's whining in his sleep, gripping him and telling him he needs more, he's not done yet, not full. He needs more and wants more and will die without more, eventually his moans trail off into heavy, deep breaths and snores.
Jensen dreams.
***
The cake is divine, the tea leaves something to be desired.
"It's special," Jared explains, "birthday tea." He tips his cup to Jensen and swallows it in a few quick gulps.
"Purple really isn't your color, Jared." Jensen says, words spilling our of their own volition. Jared just smiles that manic, crazed smile. Eyes spinning red and blue and yellow swirls. Candy-colored purple and pink suit, matching top and tail.
Jensen really should know better, but the cookies on the plate that say "Eat Me" look amazing. Like the food you see in cookbooks, all bright colored and wrapped in fondant. So he takes a bite.
It's like swallowing the world, everything swells and he grows and grows and grows until he breaks the chair, bursts through the roof.
"I made them for you, myself!" Jared shouts from the ground, flamingo tucked under his arm. "With all my love!"
***
When Jared wakes up, Jensen's looking down at him, horrible, pained look on his face.
"We have to break up."
***
The second Jared is out of the apartment Jensen's appetite returns in full-force, and he clutches his stomach as it sends pangs of pain and starvation throughout his body. He empties half the fridge and lies on the couch, shaking.
The rest of the day is like that. Pain in his stomach, in his chest, sickness in the pit of his body. In the depths, he feels like nausea and miasma and regret. There's ache and longing and it hasn't been a day, it hasn't been a whole day yet.
Jensen has to steel himself, has to pull himself together and work to get over it. It's for the best, it needs to stop, whatever it is, curse or fluke or strange condition that he's found himself in, needs to stop. There's just no other way.
***
Jared stays away for three days before he's back, busting into Jensen's trailer and throwing out everybody who was in besides him.
"I thought I was missing something," Jared confesses. "God Jensen, I thought I knew what it felt like, to need something so bad that it hurts. But I was wrong. There was nothing missing because this feels like you've torn out something, like one of my lungs and I'm only at half-strength. You-"
"You make me fat." Jensen blurts out.
Jared laughs, "What?" His expression turns ludicrous. "You're insane!"
"I can't stay with you because you're making me fat."
Jared pauses. "I'm trying to tell you that I love you, and you're telling me I make you fat?" He turns around and leaves.
***
Only he doesn't leave. He's stopped because Jensen's big and muscled and weighs more than he used to and somehow he's able to pull him back with one arm, able to pin him down and kiss him and hold him and keep him.
They maneuver to the bed, shucking clothes along the way, mouths still locked together. Jared's moaning, strange little mantra of sorts, "Want it, want it, more and more and more…"
Jensen gives him it, and takes his own in kind. Jensen gets to the lube first and Jensen gets click fingers inside of him, pushing and stretching while Jared sucks at his throat, tugs at his hair. Jared moves back to his mouth, licking and sucking and pseudo-fucking Jensen with his tongue, while grasping tight and his broad shoulders. There's muscle and fat there, strong enough to be held in such a rough grip, soft enough to give under his palm. Jensen feels him stretched and open enough now, removes his fingers and works on slicking up his cock, aching and leaking.
Jared grabs it before Jensen can think to, and squeezes hard at the base, then moving to tease his balls. Jensen groans as his eyes roll back but Jared starts up again with his wanting and moaning and babbling so Jensen thrusts into him. It's like a slow dive into thick water. Jared lets himself fall back but Jensen steadies him with his arm, keeps him from flopping back too far and then in one liquid movement, turns them around. Jensen's back is against the headboard and Jared's on his lap, impaled on his cock, hips rocking.
Jensen pulls his chest closer, holds his face against the taut skin as Jared fucks with sinewy hips, with the grace and strength of a wild animal. Jared's all muscle and jutting hipbones with speed and agility and seems sculpted from rock. Jensen is soft, thick, malleable, lush hips and pillowy lips and gorgeous round face.
Jensen grabs Jared's cock and pumps him as he rides Jensen's. Jared's eyes roll back until they flutter shut. He's moaning but Jensen can't make out words anymore because Jared's clamping down on his cock, alternating pressure and rhythm. Jensen feels the pressure building, blood rushing and head about to spin and swim and suddenly there's white on the edge of his vision.
There's a burst and Jared laughs when Jensen comes trembling into him and he holds steady, letting Jensen spend himself. Jensen just feels pleasure and happiness and love and complete and utter saturation. Jared comes in his hands moments later, splashing on his chest, sticky wetness.
Jared eases off of him, letting his now flaccid cock fall and cleans Jensen's chest off with one of their discarded shirts, ignoring the glare and upturned nose as he does so.
Jared rubs his round belly. "So you think I did this?"
"Y-yeah," Jensen answers, voice raw.
"Sure you're not pregnant?"
"Jared." Jensen breathes, laughter threatening at the base of him.
"Maybe you're just fucked-full of my babies."
"Don't even kid like that," Jensen yawns, "almost wish I was, though. It'd make an inch more sense."
"Yeah?"
"I feel like you're making me fat, everything you're eating's showing up on me."
"Yeah, well I feel like I'm starving. I've lost a ton of weight and I can't stop eating and-" Jared blinks. "Uh, wow."
"Yeah."
"Sounds like a case for Sam and Dean."
Jensen laughs. "Where're those fuckers when we really need 'em?"
***
"Jared, your body," Jensen paws him through his clothes, "so fucking perfect."
"You're the most beautiful man-person-I've ever seen. Christ, your eyes, they fucking haunted me when we were apart."
"You've got the hips and the stomach."
"Your mouth, your fucking lips and teeth and what you can do with that tongue."
"Your legs, your thighs and your shoulders."
"Your nose."
"Your smile."
"Fucking kidding me? Your smile with the little lines in your eyes and-"
"You've got dimples."
"Freckles! Jensen, you with that perfect gorgeous skin and hair."
"Your hair! Jared, c'mon, whenever I'm around you I just wanna bury my hands in it and rub your scalp so you make those happy noises."
"I'm just an overgrown puppy to you, aren't I?"
"So you're saying I shouldn't scratch your head in public?"
"Fuck no! In fact, you should do more often, like right now-oh man that feels good…"
***
Jensen lets his feet dangle off the side of the mushroom. Lifts the hookah to his lips and sucks in the apple-flavored smoke.
"You have to finish what you start, y'know?" Jared says, purring in his lap like the cat into cream. "Even dreams. Tea?"
Jensen shakes his head as the smoke wobbles and spells out 'NO'. He sighs. "Maybe I want to start smoking again."
"I'll kill you." Jared turns in his lap, whipping around to bury himself in Jensen, burrow in his chest and neck. "Never ever let go. Promise me you'll never let go."
"What if I swallow the world whole? What if I blow up and break everything to pieces? What if I grow-" Jensen gets quiet. "What if we outgrow each other? What if we wake up hating each other, sick and tired of what we've become?"
Jared cocks his head, at a perfect right angle, like an owl. "Why do you ask questions you know the answer to?"
"I'm old, I'm fat and my metabolism is getting slow. I'm only going to become more-"
"You've never tasted so lovely to me." Jared says, mouth moving closer to his, Jensen feels himself swell to bursting, but holds on to him. "I will always want another cup." His voice melts into the whistle of the bitter wind.
The world is white and then dark and then sun as Jensen wakes up and turns to Jared. He's leaning on his side, watching him.
You've never tasted so lovely to me.
"You laugh in your sleep dude, it's fucking scary." Jared says. "It's like living with a serial killer."
Jensen smiles. "It puts the lotion on it's skin…" He starts tickling Jared behind his ear as he squirms and swats him away. They wrestle for a few moments until settling in close, warm bodies nestled under soft flannel sheets and blankets.
***
"So, if the choice is to be fat and with you, or be fat and not with you and therefore completely miserable-" Jensen pauses and licks his thumb. "I choose you."
"Obviously. God, just feed me already." Jared moans, head down on the table. Jensen adds a pinch of salt to the soup.
"Yes, Audrey Junior."
"Stop it."
"Should I go chop up the dentist? Mr. Mushnik?"
"Fuck you, and feed me Seymour!" Jared points at his open mouth. "Food needs to be in here."
Jensen arches an eyebrow. "I can think of something else you can stick in there."
"Jensen, if it will get you to feed me any faster I will suck your cock dry. I will suck your cock like candy or popsicles or with popsicles. I will suck your cock for the rest of your life even if we've broken up and hate each other. I will come over and suck your cock every night while you yell about car payments or whatever it is we fight about and I make you come so hard you forget your middle name. And then I'll tell you it's Ross and you'll go back to hating me and I'll go back to sucking your cock. The point being, feed me and I will give you a golden ticket. And maybe even eat your ass out on every third Tuesday, just to keep things from becoming too predictable."
"Promises, promises." Jensen hums and turns back to the butternut squash soup. "Never gonna happen though, never gonna let you go," Jensen mutters.
"What was that?"
"I said do you want a spoon or the god damn ladle?" Jensen asks, laughing.
"I'll eat it with my hands! Drink it with a straw! Gimme!" Jared shouts, hands grasping at the air between them.
***
Wardrobe yells at them both. Jensen's agent has a coronary when he hears that 20 became 30 pounds. Jared's worried he looks like a ghoul or something, fat dropping from his cheeks, but Jensen assures him he's fine. He's muscled and lithe and beautiful.
Jared eats a box of cupcakes and lets Jensen rest with his head pillowed against his lap while they watch It Happened One Night. Jensen starts ranting about how much Clark Gable must've weighed when he made the movie and Jared rubs his temples and wonders if he can get his hands on some donuts. He shakes off the reverie and turns his focus to Jensen as he winds down.
"Jensen?"
"Yeah?" he says in a small voice.
"This works. Defies all logic but it works, okay? I'm keeping you from going crazy and you're keeping me from clogging my arteries too much. We can work this out, between the two of us."
They lick'd the platter clean.
The line runs through Jensen's head and he gets it, finally. It only works when they're together.
***
Jared's in front of the mirror, shaving and looking at his nose, pinching it and pulling it around to try and make it look more distinguished. Jared walks out of the bathroom to find Jensen at the breakfast table, eating cereal and flipping through the paper.
"What do you think? Do I look fancier?"
"You look like a guy with half his face shaved, squishing his nose up."
"Humph." Jared drops his hands and walks back to finish.
"You're not eating breakfast?" Jensen asks handing him his coffee and kiss when Jared's out of the bathroom. He's clean-shaven and smelling so nice, Jensen has to stick his nose in his hair and breathe in the scent of his shampoo. Jared nips at Jensen's chin and takes the proffered cup of coffee.
"Nah, I had a banana. I'm not really hungry." Jared pauses. "Huh." And walks to the bedroom. Jensen goes back to his cereal and reading. Jared returns to the kitchen dressed and sits across from him at the table, pulls the newspaper down so Jensen can see his eyes, alight with joy.
"Think it has anything to do with last night?"
"You mean, when I said I'd marry you?"
"Yeah."
"Well, I did agree to make a commitment to you, thereby solidifying our relationship in both my eyes and yours. Finally taking the final step to give you what you've been craving from me and letting myself feel comfortable and stable enough with you-thereby relieving you of whatever stress that's been manifesting itself in the non-stop eating. You're asking me if I think that's what cured it, what finally satisfied your seemingly never-ending appetite? That it was like a metaphor for our relationship problems and this is the magical 'deus ex machina' wedding ending to our twisted little fairytale?"
"Yeah."
"Then no, I don't think that had anything to do with it. I think it was all caused by angry gnomes."
Jared nods. "As do I."
***
Eric gets the invite by e-mail. Wedding in Canada, there's a funny little picture of a Moose holding a bouquet. Small, private civil ceremony at City Hall, quiet reception. Promises of cake, and fun, and drunken misanthropy.
Neither of them wear white. Jensen does look softer in the face, but you can't really tell because Jared won't let go of him, hands constantly moving to settle on his belly, his chest. Jensen hand-feeds him hors d'oeuvres whenever he needs to get a word in edgewise, his partner chatting a mile a minute. Stopping only when a morsel pops in his mouth, mini-quiche or braised scallop or something else. Jared doesn't eat that much during the reception, says he's saving room for dessert.
The cake is taller then Jensen's youngest niece (they measured). Someone sticks a Ken doll and a toy puppy at the top.
***
"I think you married me for the cake, Jared."
"Everyone has their own version of happily ever after, Jensen. Mine happens to include frosting."
"Whatever. Keep licking, wifey."
And together, they did.
This has just been LINGERING forever in my to be finished-pile, and I'm dashing off to visit dark_reaction tomorrow and give her lots of HUGS, and damn it! It's still NaNoJuJuMo! I NEED TO GIVE YOU PUDGY MIDWAY.
It has lots of food and weirdness and sex. I hope you like it, I'm really ridiculously proud of it for some reason (which means it's probably just me writing "COCK" and "CHUBBLY LITTLE WUB" like 50 times).
Also? Frosting.
Title: Satiate: A Fairy Tale
Characters/Pairings: Jared/Jensen
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 4,580
Notes: Thanks to dark_reaction for beta and brain-dumping with me. Even though I ramble like it's my job.
Summary: Once upon a time, there were two boys who were desperately in love. They consumed one another until there was nothing left.
Jensen notices it when he goes to shave, sees it in the mirror, the sharp edges of his face seem kind of, less so.
He worries his forehead a bit until Jared walks past his reflection, pausing only to give his ass a quick pinch. Jensen startles and turns around, Jared winks and throws aside the threadbare towel as he steps into the shower. Jensen smirks and follows him in.
***
Jensen measures out his breakfast, one cup of cereal (well, it's actually that Kashi granola no GMO organic stuff), low-sodium sugar-free soy, seven banana slices, 12 oz. of orange juice.
Jared eats waffles. He doesn't remember how many, but they run out of syrup that day.
***
Jensen spends 3 hours with his trainer at the gym every other day, and yet when he gets on the scale, the numbers go up, a pound or two. Jensen's head falls and his trainer swears he's just building muscle.
Jared's sitting on the couch when he gets back, eating coconut-covered marshmallow treats.
It's then that Jensen decides to not give Jared head anymore, that candy has to be getting into him somehow.
***
Jensen calls Eric on a Tuesday evening, they chat for a while, Jensen questions some of his crying scenes, and Eric calls him a pussy, normal chitchat. Jensen asks him questions and Eric dances around the answers. Jensen describes what he and Jared did in the wardrobe trailer in graphic detail, and Eric tortures him by reading the weekly weather outlook for L.A.
Their conversation is winding down, and Jensen makes a fist, short nails digging into his palm in order to steel himself.
"Hey Eric, got an urban legend-type question for ya."
"Shoot."
"Ever hear of something, I dunno, a curse or a thing, where like," Jensen dances around saying it aloud.
"Spit it out."
"Someone's not eating a lot, but gaining weight."
Jensen can just picture the shrug on the other end of the line. "Metabolisms change."
"But, and this is gonna sound crazy, what if this person was living with someone who ate like crap, and was-"
"Getting thinner? Like that Stephen King book?"
"Nah, just like, whatever that person was eating, was getting tacked onto someone else."
"Huh. Never heard of anything like that."
That same day, Jared gets a care-package from home, full of fat and sugar and the goodness of his mom's cooking and his sister's junk-food scavenging. His eyes light up and Jensen wonders if he should just have his pants let out.
***
The oral sex embargo is lifted by Jensen after one too many beers, light ones. Jared's head is swimming with Jack and Coke, and Jensen's tongue licking the roof of his mouth. It causes embarrassing and sweet noises to flow from his mouth, and Jared palms Jensen's cock, hand shoved down the other's pants, caressing the cotton boxer-briefs.
Jensen undoes Jared's fly quickly and moves down to lick the tip, leaking bitter precome. Jared falls hard against the wall and slides down, opening his legs wide enough for Jensen to crawl in between, mouth sucking at his cockhead. Eventually he opens his mouth more and more, and Jared allows himself to thrust, trusting Jensen from experience. Jared knows what Jensen can take now, knows he can buck up against that pliant mouth.
Jensen focuses on Jared's cock in his mouth, teasing with his tongue, flicking just slightly and listening to Jared react. He's so big and full and Jensen knows that he's close. Jared starts to ball his fist, slam his head against the wall to try and stave off orgasm a little bit longer. When Jensen's hands start to massage his balls, he knows he's done for. He stretches, one final gentle push into Jensen, just a slight bit deeper so he'll make a little sound to vibrate against his cock and yes! He's there and he's coming and Jensen's-
Jensen cups his chin and stands up, walks away quickly. Jared can't do anything but lie there and miss the tight, wet heat of his mouth. Sits there dumbfounded as he hears spitting noises and water running and he just can't believe it.
Jensen's never had a problem swallowing before.
***
Jared gets a little light-headed later in the day so he steals away to his trailer (well, Jensen's trailer) and finagles himself a whole pizza using a glib tongue and fast hands at the food tent.
Jensen's in there, writing furiously in a notebook and punching his calculator, literally. He's hitting the numbers and frowning and getting frustrated and pretty much slamming his fist down on the innocent little TI-83. Jared smirks. "Early jump on tax season, Jen?"
"Shut up."
Jared frowns and bites into a slice. "Tha wash harsh?" He says through the cheese and sauce.
Jensen puts his head in his hands and sighs, looking up at him. "I'm sorry. It's nothing, I'm just doing something wrong, and I can't figure out what."
Jared sits next to him, putting the pizza down on the little coffee table and placing a quasi-greasy kiss against Jensen's shoulder. "You'll figure it out, pizza?" He holds up a slice.
Jensen looks pale and shakes his head no.
***
Jensen weighs himself, he's barely eaten anything, but the numbers rise. Three more pounds, his flab is starting to show elsewhere. Jared doesn't seem to notice, or care. Wardrobe has been especially kind.
"Muscle weighs more than fat." Jensen reminds himself.
On the other side of the apartment, Jared's stomach growls and he reaches for some popcorn. With lots of butter.
***
Eric sends him an e-mail two weeks later. It reads:
Jack Sprat could eat no fat
His wife could eat no lean
And so betwixt them both
They lick'd the platter clean
Jensen send him back an appropriately smarmy response. He is not the wife.
***
"What?!" Jared laughs. "Jensen! What are you doing?"
"Mmm, not the wife," Jensen mumbles against him, touches his nose to Jared's. He's got an armful of him, carrying Jared over the threshold of the room like a bride on her wedding night. Jared's laughing and holding onto Jensen's neck, eyes bright and excited as Jensen drops him on the bed.
Jensen rubs his arms but man, he really has been working out, and the weight training is paying off, he's barely sore.
"So, you gonna consummate me or what?" Jared waggles his eyebrows as he rolls onto his stomach, head in his hands.
Jensen smiles. "I'm gonna ravish you good." He leans in to kiss Jared.
"Man, now I want cake," Jared says as Jensen pulls away. "Can we get married for real?"
Jensen says nothing in that moment, just tears off Jared's clothes and starts plundering his flesh with his mouth. Kissing and biting and jacking Jared nice and slow, until his hands are filled with his cock and then his mouth and then him. He fills himself to bursting with Jared, and rides him slowly. It's all wordless but not noiseless-groans and sighs of pleasure. They scream each other's names as they come.
Jensen answers him a year later. But we're not quite there yet.
***
Eric writes him back:
Idiot. You're Jack.
***
Jensen snatches the 3rd chocolate-chip muffin out of Jared's hand just as it's about to meet the same fate as the first two. Jared groans.
"Okay, you have to stop." Jensen says.
"What?"
"You have to stop eating."
"C'mon, I'm starving."
"No, you're not." Jared makes a grab for the muffin but Jensen moves out of his way and trashes it. "Stop it."
"But-"
Jensen pulls Jared's chair out, and whips it around, sits in his lap and crushes his mouth. Jensen kisses him hard, bruising, fast, bites his lip so hard, that Jared's eyes start to water. Jared's stomach growls until it's actually Jared, holding him close now. Jensen breaks the kiss and Jared's panting.
"What do you want?" Jensen asks, voice laden with sex and lust and hunger.
Jared pauses. "I want you to fuck me while I eat pancakes and then lick pudding off your chest. Do we have pudding?"
***
Putting Jared on a diet just seems to stall things, Jensen hasn't gained any weight but he can't get it off either. Doctors, nutritionists, gym bunnies all tell him the same thing. Muscle weighs more then fat, metabolisms change when you get older, the body likes to stay in a certain weight range.
Jensen's nutritionist tells him he's eating fine, he's got practically no dangerous cholesterol and his risk of heart disease is nil.
When Jensen gets back to the apartment, Jared's enjoying his Andouille turkey-chicken sausage that Jensen's got him on, and nibbling whole wheat toast. He's trying really hard not to think about candy and fried eggs.
"I think I'm stuck like this." Jensen announces, running his hands along the swell and paunch of his body.
Jared shrugs. "I like it." He licks his lips and thinks about Jensen's body, his cock, and candy.
***
Jared's awake before he realizes, opens and closes the fridge, trying to will the contents to change. They don't.
It's like he's in and out of his body all at the same time. There's this craving, this crying voice inside of him telling him what to do, and he does it. He goes to the store and buys a carton of ice-cream, some pretzel sticks, yogurt, whole milk, pepperoni, cream-based soups and other kinds of things covered in salt and sugar or oil. He just keeps wanting and eating, and somehow the food isn't food anymore, it's air that he just gulps and inhales and doesn't feel.
"Why are you a bottomless pit? Why can't you ever get enough?" Jensen asks when he catches Jared licking the bottom of his ice-cream bowl.
Jared sucks on his spoon and thinks, but doesn't manage more then a shrug and goes back to his Chunky Monkey. Jensen would never believe him, that some invisible force is driving him to eat and eat and never let him stop. Some void in his body is demanding to be filled.
The next day Jensen's scale says he's back on the gain, and he wants to tear his hair out but that won't even give him a pound to spare.
***
Jack Sprat could eat no fat.
It runs through Jensen's head, constantly, he can't figure it out, everything he's read tells the same story. Jack Sprat was a term for a smaller man with a larger wife. In some cases Jack was King Charles. Sometimes he was a little person.
Jensen breaks down and calls Eric, delighting in the sleepy tone in which he answers, glad that he woke him up.
"Hullo?" Eric mumbles.
"How the fuck am I Jack?" Jensen demands.
"You're fucking nuts, first of all." Eric clears his throat and coughs. "You don't eat fat, you're Jack."
"But I am fat, so I can't be Jack."
"You're not fat-"
"I have gained 20 pounds, and none of it is mine."
"Jensen."
"Whatever Jared eats, I gain, okay? He's eating like ten times more then usual, and I'm gaining all the damn weight. And yes, I know it's crazy, I know. But damn it, when he stopped eating so much, so did the weight gain, when he started again, so did it. So tell me, tell me how the fuck this is possible?"
"… Sleep-eating?"
"I have been to that doctor. I sleep like a rock. If anyone's sleep-eating, it's him."
"Osmosis?" Eric can't keep the laughter out of his voice. "You're pregnant?"
"I'm not joking."
"Jensen, I don't know what to tell you. I don't think it's possible."
"I'm not even hungry anymore. Sometimes I have quinoa and fruit or something so I don't get scurvy. Jared keeps saying he's hungry, then eats enough to feed a small army, and then claims that he's never full. It's like, he can't stop eating, I can't start. He's a void, a bottomless pit of need and want and I can't bring myself to feel anything like that. No desire, no appetite."
Before Eric can answer, call him crazy or tell him to see a therapist, Jensen hangs up.
When Jensen crawls into bed, Jared's already there, starts clinging to him almost as his body hits the mattress. He's whining in his sleep, gripping him and telling him he needs more, he's not done yet, not full. He needs more and wants more and will die without more, eventually his moans trail off into heavy, deep breaths and snores.
Jensen dreams.
***
The cake is divine, the tea leaves something to be desired.
"It's special," Jared explains, "birthday tea." He tips his cup to Jensen and swallows it in a few quick gulps.
"Purple really isn't your color, Jared." Jensen says, words spilling our of their own volition. Jared just smiles that manic, crazed smile. Eyes spinning red and blue and yellow swirls. Candy-colored purple and pink suit, matching top and tail.
Jensen really should know better, but the cookies on the plate that say "Eat Me" look amazing. Like the food you see in cookbooks, all bright colored and wrapped in fondant. So he takes a bite.
It's like swallowing the world, everything swells and he grows and grows and grows until he breaks the chair, bursts through the roof.
"I made them for you, myself!" Jared shouts from the ground, flamingo tucked under his arm. "With all my love!"
***
When Jared wakes up, Jensen's looking down at him, horrible, pained look on his face.
"We have to break up."
***
The second Jared is out of the apartment Jensen's appetite returns in full-force, and he clutches his stomach as it sends pangs of pain and starvation throughout his body. He empties half the fridge and lies on the couch, shaking.
The rest of the day is like that. Pain in his stomach, in his chest, sickness in the pit of his body. In the depths, he feels like nausea and miasma and regret. There's ache and longing and it hasn't been a day, it hasn't been a whole day yet.
Jensen has to steel himself, has to pull himself together and work to get over it. It's for the best, it needs to stop, whatever it is, curse or fluke or strange condition that he's found himself in, needs to stop. There's just no other way.
***
Jared stays away for three days before he's back, busting into Jensen's trailer and throwing out everybody who was in besides him.
"I thought I was missing something," Jared confesses. "God Jensen, I thought I knew what it felt like, to need something so bad that it hurts. But I was wrong. There was nothing missing because this feels like you've torn out something, like one of my lungs and I'm only at half-strength. You-"
"You make me fat." Jensen blurts out.
Jared laughs, "What?" His expression turns ludicrous. "You're insane!"
"I can't stay with you because you're making me fat."
Jared pauses. "I'm trying to tell you that I love you, and you're telling me I make you fat?" He turns around and leaves.
***
Only he doesn't leave. He's stopped because Jensen's big and muscled and weighs more than he used to and somehow he's able to pull him back with one arm, able to pin him down and kiss him and hold him and keep him.
They maneuver to the bed, shucking clothes along the way, mouths still locked together. Jared's moaning, strange little mantra of sorts, "Want it, want it, more and more and more…"
Jensen gives him it, and takes his own in kind. Jensen gets to the lube first and Jensen gets click fingers inside of him, pushing and stretching while Jared sucks at his throat, tugs at his hair. Jared moves back to his mouth, licking and sucking and pseudo-fucking Jensen with his tongue, while grasping tight and his broad shoulders. There's muscle and fat there, strong enough to be held in such a rough grip, soft enough to give under his palm. Jensen feels him stretched and open enough now, removes his fingers and works on slicking up his cock, aching and leaking.
Jared grabs it before Jensen can think to, and squeezes hard at the base, then moving to tease his balls. Jensen groans as his eyes roll back but Jared starts up again with his wanting and moaning and babbling so Jensen thrusts into him. It's like a slow dive into thick water. Jared lets himself fall back but Jensen steadies him with his arm, keeps him from flopping back too far and then in one liquid movement, turns them around. Jensen's back is against the headboard and Jared's on his lap, impaled on his cock, hips rocking.
Jensen pulls his chest closer, holds his face against the taut skin as Jared fucks with sinewy hips, with the grace and strength of a wild animal. Jared's all muscle and jutting hipbones with speed and agility and seems sculpted from rock. Jensen is soft, thick, malleable, lush hips and pillowy lips and gorgeous round face.
Jensen grabs Jared's cock and pumps him as he rides Jensen's. Jared's eyes roll back until they flutter shut. He's moaning but Jensen can't make out words anymore because Jared's clamping down on his cock, alternating pressure and rhythm. Jensen feels the pressure building, blood rushing and head about to spin and swim and suddenly there's white on the edge of his vision.
There's a burst and Jared laughs when Jensen comes trembling into him and he holds steady, letting Jensen spend himself. Jensen just feels pleasure and happiness and love and complete and utter saturation. Jared comes in his hands moments later, splashing on his chest, sticky wetness.
Jared eases off of him, letting his now flaccid cock fall and cleans Jensen's chest off with one of their discarded shirts, ignoring the glare and upturned nose as he does so.
Jared rubs his round belly. "So you think I did this?"
"Y-yeah," Jensen answers, voice raw.
"Sure you're not pregnant?"
"Jared." Jensen breathes, laughter threatening at the base of him.
"Maybe you're just fucked-full of my babies."
"Don't even kid like that," Jensen yawns, "almost wish I was, though. It'd make an inch more sense."
"Yeah?"
"I feel like you're making me fat, everything you're eating's showing up on me."
"Yeah, well I feel like I'm starving. I've lost a ton of weight and I can't stop eating and-" Jared blinks. "Uh, wow."
"Yeah."
"Sounds like a case for Sam and Dean."
Jensen laughs. "Where're those fuckers when we really need 'em?"
***
"Jared, your body," Jensen paws him through his clothes, "so fucking perfect."
"You're the most beautiful man-person-I've ever seen. Christ, your eyes, they fucking haunted me when we were apart."
"You've got the hips and the stomach."
"Your mouth, your fucking lips and teeth and what you can do with that tongue."
"Your legs, your thighs and your shoulders."
"Your nose."
"Your smile."
"Fucking kidding me? Your smile with the little lines in your eyes and-"
"You've got dimples."
"Freckles! Jensen, you with that perfect gorgeous skin and hair."
"Your hair! Jared, c'mon, whenever I'm around you I just wanna bury my hands in it and rub your scalp so you make those happy noises."
"I'm just an overgrown puppy to you, aren't I?"
"So you're saying I shouldn't scratch your head in public?"
"Fuck no! In fact, you should do more often, like right now-oh man that feels good…"
***
Jensen lets his feet dangle off the side of the mushroom. Lifts the hookah to his lips and sucks in the apple-flavored smoke.
"You have to finish what you start, y'know?" Jared says, purring in his lap like the cat into cream. "Even dreams. Tea?"
Jensen shakes his head as the smoke wobbles and spells out 'NO'. He sighs. "Maybe I want to start smoking again."
"I'll kill you." Jared turns in his lap, whipping around to bury himself in Jensen, burrow in his chest and neck. "Never ever let go. Promise me you'll never let go."
"What if I swallow the world whole? What if I blow up and break everything to pieces? What if I grow-" Jensen gets quiet. "What if we outgrow each other? What if we wake up hating each other, sick and tired of what we've become?"
Jared cocks his head, at a perfect right angle, like an owl. "Why do you ask questions you know the answer to?"
"I'm old, I'm fat and my metabolism is getting slow. I'm only going to become more-"
"You've never tasted so lovely to me." Jared says, mouth moving closer to his, Jensen feels himself swell to bursting, but holds on to him. "I will always want another cup." His voice melts into the whistle of the bitter wind.
The world is white and then dark and then sun as Jensen wakes up and turns to Jared. He's leaning on his side, watching him.
You've never tasted so lovely to me.
"You laugh in your sleep dude, it's fucking scary." Jared says. "It's like living with a serial killer."
Jensen smiles. "It puts the lotion on it's skin…" He starts tickling Jared behind his ear as he squirms and swats him away. They wrestle for a few moments until settling in close, warm bodies nestled under soft flannel sheets and blankets.
***
"So, if the choice is to be fat and with you, or be fat and not with you and therefore completely miserable-" Jensen pauses and licks his thumb. "I choose you."
"Obviously. God, just feed me already." Jared moans, head down on the table. Jensen adds a pinch of salt to the soup.
"Yes, Audrey Junior."
"Stop it."
"Should I go chop up the dentist? Mr. Mushnik?"
"Fuck you, and feed me Seymour!" Jared points at his open mouth. "Food needs to be in here."
Jensen arches an eyebrow. "I can think of something else you can stick in there."
"Jensen, if it will get you to feed me any faster I will suck your cock dry. I will suck your cock like candy or popsicles or with popsicles. I will suck your cock for the rest of your life even if we've broken up and hate each other. I will come over and suck your cock every night while you yell about car payments or whatever it is we fight about and I make you come so hard you forget your middle name. And then I'll tell you it's Ross and you'll go back to hating me and I'll go back to sucking your cock. The point being, feed me and I will give you a golden ticket. And maybe even eat your ass out on every third Tuesday, just to keep things from becoming too predictable."
"Promises, promises." Jensen hums and turns back to the butternut squash soup. "Never gonna happen though, never gonna let you go," Jensen mutters.
"What was that?"
"I said do you want a spoon or the god damn ladle?" Jensen asks, laughing.
"I'll eat it with my hands! Drink it with a straw! Gimme!" Jared shouts, hands grasping at the air between them.
***
Wardrobe yells at them both. Jensen's agent has a coronary when he hears that 20 became 30 pounds. Jared's worried he looks like a ghoul or something, fat dropping from his cheeks, but Jensen assures him he's fine. He's muscled and lithe and beautiful.
Jared eats a box of cupcakes and lets Jensen rest with his head pillowed against his lap while they watch It Happened One Night. Jensen starts ranting about how much Clark Gable must've weighed when he made the movie and Jared rubs his temples and wonders if he can get his hands on some donuts. He shakes off the reverie and turns his focus to Jensen as he winds down.
"Jensen?"
"Yeah?" he says in a small voice.
"This works. Defies all logic but it works, okay? I'm keeping you from going crazy and you're keeping me from clogging my arteries too much. We can work this out, between the two of us."
They lick'd the platter clean.
The line runs through Jensen's head and he gets it, finally. It only works when they're together.
***
Jared's in front of the mirror, shaving and looking at his nose, pinching it and pulling it around to try and make it look more distinguished. Jared walks out of the bathroom to find Jensen at the breakfast table, eating cereal and flipping through the paper.
"What do you think? Do I look fancier?"
"You look like a guy with half his face shaved, squishing his nose up."
"Humph." Jared drops his hands and walks back to finish.
"You're not eating breakfast?" Jensen asks handing him his coffee and kiss when Jared's out of the bathroom. He's clean-shaven and smelling so nice, Jensen has to stick his nose in his hair and breathe in the scent of his shampoo. Jared nips at Jensen's chin and takes the proffered cup of coffee.
"Nah, I had a banana. I'm not really hungry." Jared pauses. "Huh." And walks to the bedroom. Jensen goes back to his cereal and reading. Jared returns to the kitchen dressed and sits across from him at the table, pulls the newspaper down so Jensen can see his eyes, alight with joy.
"Think it has anything to do with last night?"
"You mean, when I said I'd marry you?"
"Yeah."
"Well, I did agree to make a commitment to you, thereby solidifying our relationship in both my eyes and yours. Finally taking the final step to give you what you've been craving from me and letting myself feel comfortable and stable enough with you-thereby relieving you of whatever stress that's been manifesting itself in the non-stop eating. You're asking me if I think that's what cured it, what finally satisfied your seemingly never-ending appetite? That it was like a metaphor for our relationship problems and this is the magical 'deus ex machina' wedding ending to our twisted little fairytale?"
"Yeah."
"Then no, I don't think that had anything to do with it. I think it was all caused by angry gnomes."
Jared nods. "As do I."
***
Eric gets the invite by e-mail. Wedding in Canada, there's a funny little picture of a Moose holding a bouquet. Small, private civil ceremony at City Hall, quiet reception. Promises of cake, and fun, and drunken misanthropy.
Neither of them wear white. Jensen does look softer in the face, but you can't really tell because Jared won't let go of him, hands constantly moving to settle on his belly, his chest. Jensen hand-feeds him hors d'oeuvres whenever he needs to get a word in edgewise, his partner chatting a mile a minute. Stopping only when a morsel pops in his mouth, mini-quiche or braised scallop or something else. Jared doesn't eat that much during the reception, says he's saving room for dessert.
The cake is taller then Jensen's youngest niece (they measured). Someone sticks a Ken doll and a toy puppy at the top.
***
"I think you married me for the cake, Jared."
"Everyone has their own version of happily ever after, Jensen. Mine happens to include frosting."
"Whatever. Keep licking, wifey."
And together, they did.