The problem with all these things that never get talked about is that Dean is sure he and Sam mean every god damn thing they say to one another. In the heat of anger things might get exaggerated, but in the basic form, it’s truth.
So how the hell do they come back from this?
He can get past Sam’s words. He’s heard worse. He’s lived through worse. In truth, being told that he’s weak, that he’s holding Sam back isn’t as hard as being called Daddy’s little soldier, and that paled in comparison to the words “I’m leaving.” He’d been living with Sam’s words his whole life. A few more weren’t going to sink his boat, and even if they were, he’d still give his last life jacket to Sam. They both know it.
He takes a deep breath as he throws his bags on the bed closest to the door. New room since they managed to mangle the other one. They hadn’t said anything about it, just followed Bobby out of the building as soon as Dean was cleaned up and out to the cars. Bobby got the rooms and headed to his own with nothing more than a nod as he threw Sam the keys.
“I don’t think you’re weak.” Sam says into the silence.
Dean sighs. “I know you don’t Sam.”
“Then what Dean?”
He looks at Sam and can see the concern written there, the desperation to make things right between them. This isn’t about tonight or Ruby or the demon taint. It’s about what makes them work and Dean is damned if he could knows how to get past this one.
He sits down heavy, elbows resting on his knees as he looks down at his hands. “I…” He lets out a shuttered breath. “Tell me again how weak I am, Sammy.” He hears the sharp intake of Sam’s breath and continued on. “I said it because I needed to prove to you that I was better and to do that, I was going to kill you.” He knows his eyes are tearing over but he can’t help it. He looks up at Sam and sees something he can’t describe there. “Sammy, I’m sorry.” It’s all he can say but it’s no where near enough.
“You’re sorry.” Sam says the words like he’s tasting them, savoring them. “After all of that, after the only thing stopping you from putting that axe in my throat was Bobby and his knife… and you’re sorry.”
Sam moves fast, his hands clenching Dean’s thighs as he lowers himself to crouch in front of him. “Good.”
Re: Along The Way Part 2hunters_retreatFebruary 7 2009, 04:03:45 UTC
“What?”
“I said good. Do you have any idea how many times I’ve been on this side of it Dean? Do you know how many times I’ve had to say I’m sorry for something I couldn’t stop but felt responsible for anyway? Do you know how hard it’s been, waiting for the day you walk out because of what I said in Illinois? Or when Meg possessed me?”
Dean stared at Sam for a moment. “Those… different things Sam, that wasn’t what happened here at all.”
“No, it’s not like this, but it is. Something happened that made both of us crazy. You weren’t the only one taking a swing in there Dean. We were both fighting to the death. I’m sorry.”
“Sam, don’t.”
“Then you don’t. I love you Dean, you’re the strongest, bravest, most loyal person I’ve ever known. I don’t know how you’ve managed to be all those things the way you were raised, but you are. I was trying to kill you tonight, and you me, but I know there is nothing in the world that could actually make you want to do that.”
Before Dean can think of anything to say to that, Sam is pressing up into his space, his lips pressing softly to his cheekbone. “There is nothing that could make me want to do that.” He says, pressing a kiss to the other side of his face.
He raises his eyes slowly, watching Sam as he makes eye contact. “It’s just you and me Dean, against heaven and hell and anything else that might come.”
“Yeah Sammy.” He says, his voice breathy and uncertain.
When Sam presses in even closer it doesn’t surprise Dean anymore. The thought that comes unbidden is ‘finally’, as Sam presses his lips to Dean’s. It’s chaste, as most first kisses are, but when Dean licks at Sam’s bottom lip, he opens and Dean’s tongue slides against Sam’s, tasting and learning this new thing about his little brother.
“Heaven and hell Sam?” Dean asks when Sam pulls back enough to lean his forehead against Dean’s.
“Yeah Dean. You and me against Hell. Heaven too if we have to be.” And considering how things have been falling out for them, sometimes it feels that way too. Dean laughs into his mouth and Sam questions him with his eyes.
“Just… let’s hope my guardian angel isn’t watching.”
Sam laughs as Dean kisses him and then they both relax into it. The pressure of the world is still out there, but Sam has Dean and Dean has Sam and everything else will get sorted out along the way.
Re: Along The Way Part 2rejenerationFebruary 7 2009, 05:30:22 UTC
Holy cripes! This made me shiver in the best of ways. I love the construction on such a small piece, how powerful the emotion is between them. I also love that this is first time, that the thought that comes to Dean is finally.
Re: Along The Way Part 2hunters_retreatFebruary 7 2009, 05:34:28 UTC
Thank you :P I hoped the bit about finally worked. I love the idea of everything just fitting together even when it wasn't necessarily a conscious desire before. Glad it came across right :P Such a great prompt and I loved the episode and the angst between the brothers. And there is something really sexy about Dean holding an axe :P
So how the hell do they come back from this?
He can get past Sam’s words. He’s heard worse. He’s lived through worse. In truth, being told that he’s weak, that he’s holding Sam back isn’t as hard as being called Daddy’s little soldier, and that paled in comparison to the words “I’m leaving.” He’d been living with Sam’s words his whole life. A few more weren’t going to sink his boat, and even if they were, he’d still give his last life jacket to Sam. They both know it.
He takes a deep breath as he throws his bags on the bed closest to the door. New room since they managed to mangle the other one. They hadn’t said anything about it, just followed Bobby out of the building as soon as Dean was cleaned up and out to the cars. Bobby got the rooms and headed to his own with nothing more than a nod as he threw Sam the keys.
“I don’t think you’re weak.” Sam says into the silence.
Dean sighs. “I know you don’t Sam.”
“Then what Dean?”
He looks at Sam and can see the concern written there, the desperation to make things right between them. This isn’t about tonight or Ruby or the demon taint. It’s about what makes them work and Dean is damned if he could knows how to get past this one.
He sits down heavy, elbows resting on his knees as he looks down at his hands. “I…” He lets out a shuttered breath. “Tell me again how weak I am, Sammy.” He hears the sharp intake of Sam’s breath and continued on. “I said it because I needed to prove to you that I was better and to do that, I was going to kill you.” He knows his eyes are tearing over but he can’t help it. He looks up at Sam and sees something he can’t describe there. “Sammy, I’m sorry.” It’s all he can say but it’s no where near enough.
“You’re sorry.” Sam says the words like he’s tasting them, savoring them. “After all of that, after the only thing stopping you from putting that axe in my throat was Bobby and his knife… and you’re sorry.”
Sam moves fast, his hands clenching Dean’s thighs as he lowers himself to crouch in front of him. “Good.”
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“I said good. Do you have any idea how many times I’ve been on this side of it Dean? Do you know how many times I’ve had to say I’m sorry for something I couldn’t stop but felt responsible for anyway? Do you know how hard it’s been, waiting for the day you walk out because of what I said in Illinois? Or when Meg possessed me?”
Dean stared at Sam for a moment. “Those… different things Sam, that wasn’t what happened here at all.”
“No, it’s not like this, but it is. Something happened that made both of us crazy. You weren’t the only one taking a swing in there Dean. We were both fighting to the death. I’m sorry.”
“Sam, don’t.”
“Then you don’t. I love you Dean, you’re the strongest, bravest, most loyal person I’ve ever known. I don’t know how you’ve managed to be all those things the way you were raised, but you are. I was trying to kill you tonight, and you me, but I know there is nothing in the world that could actually make you want to do that.”
Before Dean can think of anything to say to that, Sam is pressing up into his space, his lips pressing softly to his cheekbone. “There is nothing that could make me want to do that.” He says, pressing a kiss to the other side of his face.
He raises his eyes slowly, watching Sam as he makes eye contact. “It’s just you and me Dean, against heaven and hell and anything else that might come.”
“Yeah Sammy.” He says, his voice breathy and uncertain.
When Sam presses in even closer it doesn’t surprise Dean anymore. The thought that comes unbidden is ‘finally’, as Sam presses his lips to Dean’s. It’s chaste, as most first kisses are, but when Dean licks at Sam’s bottom lip, he opens and Dean’s tongue slides against Sam’s, tasting and learning this new thing about his little brother.
“Heaven and hell Sam?” Dean asks when Sam pulls back enough to lean his forehead against Dean’s.
“Yeah Dean. You and me against Hell. Heaven too if we have to be.” And considering how things have been falling out for them, sometimes it feels that way too. Dean laughs into his mouth and Sam questions him with his eyes.
“Just… let’s hope my guardian angel isn’t watching.”
Sam laughs as Dean kisses him and then they both relax into it. The pressure of the world is still out there, but Sam has Dean and Dean has Sam and everything else will get sorted out along the way.
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Thanks so much!! ♥
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