[ Locked Post: Njoki ]
Njoki--
You probably got my card but I know it didn't explain a hell of a lot of anything. I just needed time to get my head on straight. To step back from everything and sort myself out. It takes me a while sometimes so I guess I'm glad it only took a couple of days, I can be kind of emotionally retarded. I just...have issues about stuff. I take things to heart really easily, even if I know I shouldn't.
And that's kind of what happened. I'm not mad at you. I was never mad at you for any of this. I'm mad at myself. I let things get out of hand on my side and that's on me because I knew better.
I fell in love a little bit and that was stupid of me. I shouldn't have.
I'm gonna miss you. I don't know if we can be friends because of this idiocy of mine. I don't know if things are gonna be awkward. I hate all this not knowing but if I'm avoidant, that's why, okay? Not because of you, because I'm so afraid of things being weird, of being this huge failure all over again.
I'm sorry, Njoki. You're this beautiful woman, wonderful to be around and I'd like to say I can be the guy who can selflessly give you everything you need, a hint of what you deserve [which is everything] but I'm...I'm not that guy, I guess. I wish I could be. My emotions just get all caught up and ruin my good intentions.
You deserve a lot better than me anyway. I'm kind of a mess.
I'm working on it.
Yrs,
AE Hackett
You probably got my card but I know it didn't explain a hell of a lot of anything. I just needed time to get my head on straight. To step back from everything and sort myself out. It takes me a while sometimes so I guess I'm glad it only took a couple of days, I can be kind of emotionally retarded. I just...have issues about stuff. I take things to heart really easily, even if I know I shouldn't.
And that's kind of what happened. I'm not mad at you. I was never mad at you for any of this. I'm mad at myself. I let things get out of hand on my side and that's on me because I knew better.
I fell in love a little bit and that was stupid of me. I shouldn't have.
I'm gonna miss you. I don't know if we can be friends because of this idiocy of mine. I don't know if things are gonna be awkward. I hate all this not knowing but if I'm avoidant, that's why, okay? Not because of you, because I'm so afraid of things being weird, of being this huge failure all over again.
I'm sorry, Njoki. You're this beautiful woman, wonderful to be around and I'd like to say I can be the guy who can selflessly give you everything you need, a hint of what you deserve [which is everything] but I'm...I'm not that guy, I guess. I wish I could be. My emotions just get all caught up and ruin my good intentions.
You deserve a lot better than me anyway. I'm kind of a mess.
I'm working on it.
Yrs,
AE Hackett