"She says she thinks Kristen Stewart seems like a bitch."
World's still all upside down. Life at school will probably be normal just in time for Christmas vacation, at the rate we're going.
My room is the way I like it, for the most part. They did a big furniture switch which makes me unhappy but what am I going to do about it?
I have my parking pass but I haven't attached it to my car... my car which probably has eighty parking tickets on it now. If I have any, I'm not paying them. It shouldn't take a week and a half to mail me a stupid parking pass.
I had to meet with my disability services guy, who I hate. At least, I thought I hated him. I really should have no complaints, since in four years I've met with him twice. I just don't like the way he talks to me. I am a person, I do have my own opinions... and I'd appreciate if you don't patronize me. But again, it's not like I can do anything about it. He's only my adviser until May... and then I won't have any advisers to worry about. Ever again.
I've had this DVD for awhile now but I've avoided watching it. I didn't want to see Eva... I didn't want to see her so sick, and then after her lung transplant so healthy and full of what could have been. I know how it ends, so to speak. But today I watched it, and I missed her so much. I missed her blog posts, following along with her story. And I reaffirmed the fact that I'm still not ready to watch her Celebration of Love videos... it's hard to love a world that takes away so many beautiful people.
I know this is a shitty post, and I'm sorry - I'm just not feeling up to writing anything spectacular. I'm feeling the way I always do after a life-changing, life-affirming summer - like everything I do here is not a whole lot. It's hard to keep your eyes on the prize when you've already seen the prize, when you've already lived with the prize for eleven weeks. It's hard to come back to a world that's full of stupid people and loud rap music and dumbass dorm mates and new people everywhere and no job and new furniture and... well, I could go on.
But it just proves that this isn't my world. This isn't my home. This is where I live while I wait to go back to the place I'm alive.
I wrote the following poem about Thursday nights at ESW, which were "dance" nights. It perfectly expresses how I felt during those nights.
don't stop believin'
thursday nights
we were invincible.
up and down on the dance floor
eyes bright
hands in the air
we were invincible,
yeah?
some of those songs
i think i'll never forget
i still sing "come get it" (grounded!)
and every time i think i can't make it through
i think of the moon shining down on us
a group of rebels
a group of exhausted wide-eyed kids
dancing like our hearts would break
a family
yelling "don't stop believin'" like the night would never end
because maybe if we didn't stop dancing
it wouldn't.
thursday nights
we were invincible
and all those things that don't really matter -
- all those wheelchairs and braces, walkers and feeding tubes, earphones and helmets
they somehow ceased to exist.
at least
that was how it seemed to me
and i've never stopped believin'
that it'd be the truth.
'cause thursday nights
we were invincible
and i loved the way it made me feel.
My room is the way I like it, for the most part. They did a big furniture switch which makes me unhappy but what am I going to do about it?
I have my parking pass but I haven't attached it to my car... my car which probably has eighty parking tickets on it now. If I have any, I'm not paying them. It shouldn't take a week and a half to mail me a stupid parking pass.
I had to meet with my disability services guy, who I hate. At least, I thought I hated him. I really should have no complaints, since in four years I've met with him twice. I just don't like the way he talks to me. I am a person, I do have my own opinions... and I'd appreciate if you don't patronize me. But again, it's not like I can do anything about it. He's only my adviser until May... and then I won't have any advisers to worry about. Ever again.
I've had this DVD for awhile now but I've avoided watching it. I didn't want to see Eva... I didn't want to see her so sick, and then after her lung transplant so healthy and full of what could have been. I know how it ends, so to speak. But today I watched it, and I missed her so much. I missed her blog posts, following along with her story. And I reaffirmed the fact that I'm still not ready to watch her Celebration of Love videos... it's hard to love a world that takes away so many beautiful people.
I know this is a shitty post, and I'm sorry - I'm just not feeling up to writing anything spectacular. I'm feeling the way I always do after a life-changing, life-affirming summer - like everything I do here is not a whole lot. It's hard to keep your eyes on the prize when you've already seen the prize, when you've already lived with the prize for eleven weeks. It's hard to come back to a world that's full of stupid people and loud rap music and dumbass dorm mates and new people everywhere and no job and new furniture and... well, I could go on.
But it just proves that this isn't my world. This isn't my home. This is where I live while I wait to go back to the place I'm alive.
I wrote the following poem about Thursday nights at ESW, which were "dance" nights. It perfectly expresses how I felt during those nights.
don't stop believin'
thursday nights
we were invincible.
up and down on the dance floor
eyes bright
hands in the air
we were invincible,
yeah?
some of those songs
i think i'll never forget
i still sing "come get it" (grounded!)
and every time i think i can't make it through
i think of the moon shining down on us
a group of rebels
a group of exhausted wide-eyed kids
dancing like our hearts would break
a family
yelling "don't stop believin'" like the night would never end
because maybe if we didn't stop dancing
it wouldn't.
thursday nights
we were invincible
and all those things that don't really matter -
- all those wheelchairs and braces, walkers and feeding tubes, earphones and helmets
they somehow ceased to exist.
at least
that was how it seemed to me
and i've never stopped believin'
that it'd be the truth.
'cause thursday nights
we were invincible
and i loved the way it made me feel.