do you remember / that song you wrote for me? / you said it was all mine / all those notes for me
Today I looked
For something to say,
Something to convince myself
I believed in second chances
In new romances
In last dances.
Something to convince you
That I'm breathing
That I'm reaching
That I'm working and striving and sweating and bleeding
Same as I always do.
And despite the fact
I was denied
Those second chances
Those new romances
Those last dances,
I keep breathing and reaching
And working and striving
Because I know now
What it's like
To live outside yourself.
My feet point
Like I want to dance on my toes
Though my pain holds me to the ground
I can see those dances in my head.
And though I've given up
I'm not beaten
I am not falling
I am still hanging on.
With my hands in the air
I am dancing
With my mouth open wide
I am singing
After all,
It is through these tears
Through this struggle,
Through this pain,
I grit my teeth
And remember -
This is what it means to live.
To give up is cowardly,
To choose life
- not once but three or four times, yes -
Is to be strong.
And no matter how small the world makes you feel
Never again will I feel guilty
For that choice I made.
It did not make me strong.
It made me vulnerable.
It taught me how to pray.
To everyone who has been commenting here and by Facebook and email for these past few days - I am so grateful for you. Just when it seems that I can't get through another moment, I get an email or a Facebook note or a song suggestion that helps me keep going. For every night that I sit in front of my computer and cry, there are moments in the early mornings that I realize how honestly blessed I am to be so supported, so loved.
I haven't turned a corner yet - I'm still full up of worry and pain and struggle - but today I saw brightness again and I know I'm going to be all right.
this is what it means to be held
-- "Held," Natalie Grant
For something to say,
Something to convince myself
I believed in second chances
In new romances
In last dances.
Something to convince you
That I'm breathing
That I'm reaching
That I'm working and striving and sweating and bleeding
Same as I always do.
And despite the fact
I was denied
Those second chances
Those new romances
Those last dances,
I keep breathing and reaching
And working and striving
Because I know now
What it's like
To live outside yourself.
My feet point
Like I want to dance on my toes
Though my pain holds me to the ground
I can see those dances in my head.
And though I've given up
I'm not beaten
I am not falling
I am still hanging on.
With my hands in the air
I am dancing
With my mouth open wide
I am singing
After all,
It is through these tears
Through this struggle,
Through this pain,
I grit my teeth
And remember -
This is what it means to live.
To give up is cowardly,
To choose life
- not once but three or four times, yes -
Is to be strong.
And no matter how small the world makes you feel
Never again will I feel guilty
For that choice I made.
It did not make me strong.
It made me vulnerable.
It taught me how to pray.
To everyone who has been commenting here and by Facebook and email for these past few days - I am so grateful for you. Just when it seems that I can't get through another moment, I get an email or a Facebook note or a song suggestion that helps me keep going. For every night that I sit in front of my computer and cry, there are moments in the early mornings that I realize how honestly blessed I am to be so supported, so loved.
I haven't turned a corner yet - I'm still full up of worry and pain and struggle - but today I saw brightness again and I know I'm going to be all right.
this is what it means to be held
-- "Held," Natalie Grant