and though i try to pick them up / there are so many / i think i'll drown
Tonight I attended "Pumps and Glitter 2," the McDonel Hall drag show to benefit the Lansing AIDS network. Our mentors (especially my floor's mentors) and some students got all dragged up and sang and dance. I laughed a lot; it was a great release for tension and anxiety. Also, the best part was watching all of the Asian exchange students try to figure out if a particular performer was a girl or boy. Hi-larious.
I know I talk about my motive-doubtful mind-body communication class more than is probably necessary, but oh well. We had to read this book by a man named Bernie Siegel, who is a surgeon. It was all about how people with terminal cancer and ALS cured themselves through positive thinking and prayer. Now, I thought this was absolute bullshit, and I wrote so in my paper. And then today I turned it in. And now I'm feeling a little bit bad about the things I said, although I firmly believe them. I just can't find it in my heart to let this in. Do I believe prayer does something? Yes. Do I believe it will CURE things? No. Does this make me a bad person? No.
Okay, enough about that, because I'm getting angry again. The point is, I was absolutely furious at my professor and this class, which I find dips into religion more than I'd like. But today our professor reminded us about the guest speaker, Dr. Haynes, who told us to determine what we really wanted, and then to imagine ourselves there.
I have to admit, I grabbed onto this like I was sinking. For the first time in my life I know exactly what I'm going to do, and it's a little weird. Usually I'm surrounded by so much confusion and a lack of knowledge that having made this decision about my major is really screwing with my head. So I'm imagining myself graduating from school, working at Mott - the things I want to do.
Of course, this all gets dashed admirably when I talk to my mother, who wants to know how much longer I'm going to be in school. As in, years. And the answer is, probably three or four... which was NOT what she wanted to hear. I think she's worried about money, and honestly, I am too. But I know that this is what I want to do, and I know there's a way. There HAS to be.
Many of the things I do in my everyday life are considered impossible by some people.
Can a blind person fly a plane? No. Yes!
Can a schizophrenic girl go to college and be successful? No. Yes!
Can vent-dependent kids play in a treehouse? No. Yes!
I just cannot believe that I have come this far if I'm not going to keep going. I got here with scraped knuckles and some great stories to tell, and there's no way I'm giving up now. Are the odds stacked against me? Well, yes, but they always are.
But here is what I am realizing - I am strong... and I can do anything.
To everyone who reads this blog - thank you. Thank you for your support, for your jokes, for taking me out for ice cream, for teaching me the finer points of "clubbing", for your friendship. I know that I haven't met all of you in real life, but I'm way okay with that. Thank you for showing me that I can be strong, that I can be amazing, that I can change your life.
"Because it's not about what you change - it's about what changes you."
I know I talk about my motive-doubtful mind-body communication class more than is probably necessary, but oh well. We had to read this book by a man named Bernie Siegel, who is a surgeon. It was all about how people with terminal cancer and ALS cured themselves through positive thinking and prayer. Now, I thought this was absolute bullshit, and I wrote so in my paper. And then today I turned it in. And now I'm feeling a little bit bad about the things I said, although I firmly believe them. I just can't find it in my heart to let this in. Do I believe prayer does something? Yes. Do I believe it will CURE things? No. Does this make me a bad person? No.
Okay, enough about that, because I'm getting angry again. The point is, I was absolutely furious at my professor and this class, which I find dips into religion more than I'd like. But today our professor reminded us about the guest speaker, Dr. Haynes, who told us to determine what we really wanted, and then to imagine ourselves there.
I have to admit, I grabbed onto this like I was sinking. For the first time in my life I know exactly what I'm going to do, and it's a little weird. Usually I'm surrounded by so much confusion and a lack of knowledge that having made this decision about my major is really screwing with my head. So I'm imagining myself graduating from school, working at Mott - the things I want to do.
Of course, this all gets dashed admirably when I talk to my mother, who wants to know how much longer I'm going to be in school. As in, years. And the answer is, probably three or four... which was NOT what she wanted to hear. I think she's worried about money, and honestly, I am too. But I know that this is what I want to do, and I know there's a way. There HAS to be.
Many of the things I do in my everyday life are considered impossible by some people.
Can a blind person fly a plane? No. Yes!
Can a schizophrenic girl go to college and be successful? No. Yes!
Can vent-dependent kids play in a treehouse? No. Yes!
I just cannot believe that I have come this far if I'm not going to keep going. I got here with scraped knuckles and some great stories to tell, and there's no way I'm giving up now. Are the odds stacked against me? Well, yes, but they always are.
But here is what I am realizing - I am strong... and I can do anything.
To everyone who reads this blog - thank you. Thank you for your support, for your jokes, for taking me out for ice cream, for teaching me the finer points of "clubbing", for your friendship. I know that I haven't met all of you in real life, but I'm way okay with that. Thank you for showing me that I can be strong, that I can be amazing, that I can change your life.
"Because it's not about what you change - it's about what changes you."