Myspace Blog Short Story (Calling It A Day Pt I & II)
Calling It A Day (Pt. 1)
Today wasn't exactly what I hoped for. Sure, I made it through the day, and I didn't get fired like I thought I would, but at the same time, I was kind of expecting something different for today. I wanted to be free at the end of the day, regardless of the fact that I have enough credit card debt to put my future great grandkids in the hole.
Don't get me wrong...I know that at the age of 25 I should be putting my life together. You know, finding a wife, saving up for a house. But right now, all I want is one minute. Just a little bit of time for myself. For the last 2 years I've been stuck in the same mundane schedule day in and day out. I wake up at 8 a.m. to catch the 9:20 a.m. bus to campus. I stay there until 3 p.m. and go straight to work at the pharmacy. I get out at 10 p.m. and catch the 10:30 p.m. bus home. I get in, heat up some food, watch a little TV, do some homework if I'm up to it, and then go to bed. Oh, and on Sunday I go to church. Real exciting.
Granted, I know I should be grateful for my family and friends and my health and what not, but I know that life wasn't meant to be this way. There's has to be more. I feel like a damn circus performer doing the same ridiculous act every single day.
For once I'd love to be able to take a day off, walk around downtown and meet someone new. I'm not asking to run into to the love of my life or anything, but maybe just someone interesting. Someone who's taking a break from everything, just like me. Someone who loves to surprise people but hates being surprised. Someone who listens to Owen and Nick Drake but secretly enjoys Kelly Clarkson. Someone that laughs until it hurts and cries until it doesn't.
We'd catch each other's eye from across the street, smile for a second and then look away. We'd both pretend that it was an accident, but we'd both know that it wasn't. We'd go out of our way to see which way the other person went, but we'd mess up and lose each other, and it'd feel worse than a break up. I'd take what's left of my night and grab a cup of coffee at the 24hr cafe. I'd sit down, take a sip, and then I'd hear a laugh. I'd look up and find you smiling from the table in front of me.
Like I said...I'm not looking for "the one" just yet, but who knows what would happen from there.
So yeah, I was just hoping that losing my job would be just what I needed. I'd punch in my time card for the last time, and I wouldn't ever have to restock another shelf of adult diapers or hemorrhoid cream ever again. I just have to wait and see what happens tomorrow. For all I know she just might end up on aisle 5 while I'm mopping up the rubbing alcohol someone spilled or on the 10:30 p.m. bus home. Maybe what I want isn't a minute to myself after all. I guess I'm just looking for another clown to join my act.
Calling It A Day (Pt. II)
I still don't know why I went up to her. If you ask any of my friends, I'm the last one to go up to a random stranger, but I also believe that everything happens for a reason.
I had just finished a twenty minute conversation with Mrs. Oglemeyer about which laxative would give her the best results. So after that delightful experience, I decided to take my fifteen minute cigarette break. I haven't smoked a cigarette in four months, two weeks, and three days, but I haven't told my boss because I like being able to go outside during my break. Sitting in the back room with Ryan and Jason arguing over which Disney character is hotter isn't exactly my idea of a break, so usually I'll just sit out back and have someone who really is smoking blow a couple puffs on my clothes before I go back in. So far no one's noticed the difference.
Today though, I didn't make it to the back of the building. As soon as the sliding doors opened, I heard her. Normally I wouldn't have paid much attention to the sound, but for some reason, I couldn't help but look to see who it was. All I saw was a pair of black Converse shoes, a torn pair of jeans, a black Saves the Day t-shirt, and a tangled mess of brunette hair. She was sitting on the curb surrounded by a mound of Kleenex, clutching her knees in perfect cannonball form.
Before I knew it, I was sitting next to her...not saying word. I wanted to ask, "Are you ok?" "What's wrong?" "Who did this?" "Is there something I can do?".....but nothing was coming out. I wanted to put my arm around her and tell her things would get better. But I couldn't. I had all these thoughts and emotions and possibilites going through my mind. Then, without realizing it, I started to cry. It wasn't one of those cries where you get a tear or two in your eye and a lump in your throat when they give the blind five-year-old girl a Braille version of Harry Potter on "Extreme Makeover:Home Edition." It was one of those cries where your chest heaves, your lips quiver, and you have so much liquid coming out of your face that you can't even see straight.
Mr. Hofman, the general manager, had come out after the first twenty minutes, but I guess he was too scared to say anything. He must have thought she was my girlfriend and that we had just broken up. Hofman had just gone through a really bad divorce a couple months ago, so he's been really sympathetic when it comes to relationships. He believes it was bad karma that broke up his marriage, so he tries to fix other relationships and give helpful advice to us when it comes to our significant others in hopes of building up his karma. I try not to take advantage of his kindness, but I couldn't help it today.
I stayed outside with "Jane Doe" for an hour without saying a word. Crying with a complete stranger. The thing is, I didn't feel like I was crying with a stranger. I felt closer to her in that hour than I've felt with anyone in the last six months. We both wiped off the last bit of residue off our cheeks and finally stood up. It was the first time I saw her eyes. And in that moment, life felt more real than ever before. People live their every day lives pretending to be something for someone else. And at the end of the day, they cry themselves to sleep. I never knew why until the moment I looked into her eyes. No one is ever more real than when they're crying. It's through tears and pain that our guard is let down long enough to let others in...to see a glimpse of who we are and who we can be.
I never said a word to her, and she never said anything to me. We both turned around and walked away. I finished my shift, caught the 10:30 p.m. bus and went home. I stayed up for a while thinking of what had happened and guessing what her name is. I don't know if I'll ever see her again. I really hope I do though. She's the closest friend I have.
Today wasn't exactly what I hoped for. Sure, I made it through the day, and I didn't get fired like I thought I would, but at the same time, I was kind of expecting something different for today. I wanted to be free at the end of the day, regardless of the fact that I have enough credit card debt to put my future great grandkids in the hole.
Don't get me wrong...I know that at the age of 25 I should be putting my life together. You know, finding a wife, saving up for a house. But right now, all I want is one minute. Just a little bit of time for myself. For the last 2 years I've been stuck in the same mundane schedule day in and day out. I wake up at 8 a.m. to catch the 9:20 a.m. bus to campus. I stay there until 3 p.m. and go straight to work at the pharmacy. I get out at 10 p.m. and catch the 10:30 p.m. bus home. I get in, heat up some food, watch a little TV, do some homework if I'm up to it, and then go to bed. Oh, and on Sunday I go to church. Real exciting.
Granted, I know I should be grateful for my family and friends and my health and what not, but I know that life wasn't meant to be this way. There's has to be more. I feel like a damn circus performer doing the same ridiculous act every single day.
For once I'd love to be able to take a day off, walk around downtown and meet someone new. I'm not asking to run into to the love of my life or anything, but maybe just someone interesting. Someone who's taking a break from everything, just like me. Someone who loves to surprise people but hates being surprised. Someone who listens to Owen and Nick Drake but secretly enjoys Kelly Clarkson. Someone that laughs until it hurts and cries until it doesn't.
We'd catch each other's eye from across the street, smile for a second and then look away. We'd both pretend that it was an accident, but we'd both know that it wasn't. We'd go out of our way to see which way the other person went, but we'd mess up and lose each other, and it'd feel worse than a break up. I'd take what's left of my night and grab a cup of coffee at the 24hr cafe. I'd sit down, take a sip, and then I'd hear a laugh. I'd look up and find you smiling from the table in front of me.
Like I said...I'm not looking for "the one" just yet, but who knows what would happen from there.
So yeah, I was just hoping that losing my job would be just what I needed. I'd punch in my time card for the last time, and I wouldn't ever have to restock another shelf of adult diapers or hemorrhoid cream ever again. I just have to wait and see what happens tomorrow. For all I know she just might end up on aisle 5 while I'm mopping up the rubbing alcohol someone spilled or on the 10:30 p.m. bus home. Maybe what I want isn't a minute to myself after all. I guess I'm just looking for another clown to join my act.
Calling It A Day (Pt. II)
I still don't know why I went up to her. If you ask any of my friends, I'm the last one to go up to a random stranger, but I also believe that everything happens for a reason.
I had just finished a twenty minute conversation with Mrs. Oglemeyer about which laxative would give her the best results. So after that delightful experience, I decided to take my fifteen minute cigarette break. I haven't smoked a cigarette in four months, two weeks, and three days, but I haven't told my boss because I like being able to go outside during my break. Sitting in the back room with Ryan and Jason arguing over which Disney character is hotter isn't exactly my idea of a break, so usually I'll just sit out back and have someone who really is smoking blow a couple puffs on my clothes before I go back in. So far no one's noticed the difference.
Today though, I didn't make it to the back of the building. As soon as the sliding doors opened, I heard her. Normally I wouldn't have paid much attention to the sound, but for some reason, I couldn't help but look to see who it was. All I saw was a pair of black Converse shoes, a torn pair of jeans, a black Saves the Day t-shirt, and a tangled mess of brunette hair. She was sitting on the curb surrounded by a mound of Kleenex, clutching her knees in perfect cannonball form.
Before I knew it, I was sitting next to her...not saying word. I wanted to ask, "Are you ok?" "What's wrong?" "Who did this?" "Is there something I can do?".....but nothing was coming out. I wanted to put my arm around her and tell her things would get better. But I couldn't. I had all these thoughts and emotions and possibilites going through my mind. Then, without realizing it, I started to cry. It wasn't one of those cries where you get a tear or two in your eye and a lump in your throat when they give the blind five-year-old girl a Braille version of Harry Potter on "Extreme Makeover:Home Edition." It was one of those cries where your chest heaves, your lips quiver, and you have so much liquid coming out of your face that you can't even see straight.
Mr. Hofman, the general manager, had come out after the first twenty minutes, but I guess he was too scared to say anything. He must have thought she was my girlfriend and that we had just broken up. Hofman had just gone through a really bad divorce a couple months ago, so he's been really sympathetic when it comes to relationships. He believes it was bad karma that broke up his marriage, so he tries to fix other relationships and give helpful advice to us when it comes to our significant others in hopes of building up his karma. I try not to take advantage of his kindness, but I couldn't help it today.
I stayed outside with "Jane Doe" for an hour without saying a word. Crying with a complete stranger. The thing is, I didn't feel like I was crying with a stranger. I felt closer to her in that hour than I've felt with anyone in the last six months. We both wiped off the last bit of residue off our cheeks and finally stood up. It was the first time I saw her eyes. And in that moment, life felt more real than ever before. People live their every day lives pretending to be something for someone else. And at the end of the day, they cry themselves to sleep. I never knew why until the moment I looked into her eyes. No one is ever more real than when they're crying. It's through tears and pain that our guard is let down long enough to let others in...to see a glimpse of who we are and who we can be.
I never said a word to her, and she never said anything to me. We both turned around and walked away. I finished my shift, caught the 10:30 p.m. bus and went home. I stayed up for a while thinking of what had happened and guessing what her name is. I don't know if I'll ever see her again. I really hope I do though. She's the closest friend I have.