*cue unintelligent flailing at screen*
I truly ought to post here more, but you know how it is... plenty of stuff has been throwing itself at my life with a tad too much enthusiasum lately.
Work is a great hairy bastard and a side of bacon, more so than usual in fact.
I'm over a week late for my testosterone injection and I think I'm out of balance. Getting all emotional and worrying about things that haven't so much as brushed my subconsciousness since I started the treatment.
Actually had a small panic attack in the toilets yesterday from work pressure.. it was as if every little insecurity had never gone away at all - they were all merely hiding behind a wall of hormones.
I suppose thats a comfort in some way.. that this sort of thing can be controlled as soon as I'm back on the sweet sweet drugs. But considering I thought I had beaten these irrational anxieties by willpower and logical thought alone, it's a bit of a downer.
Oh and the boss had a helpful little 'chat' with me today seeing as apparantly I am completely shite at my job lately too. Wahey!
I had assumed the talk would just be regarding the fact that I've been a bit snappy and frustrated lately, so I immediately told her all about how my hormones were fucked up and everything would be fine soon.... She, however, thought I was trying to blame my generally bad performance on hormone problems, which wasn't what I was trying to put across at all.
And trust me on this one, boys and girls... never blame anything on hormones when the person you're talking to has been pregnant recently.
You will never hear the bloody end of it. Never.
But anyway. Enough ranting.
Made some lovely new friends over the weekend, an epic FTM gathering where around 70 of my fellow transsexicals decended on an unsuspecting city of Exeter. Much fun was had.
The only way I can describe it is... well... I can only assume it must be how religious people feel when they're in church, except without the God bit. It felt so nice to just be around people who were all from completely different places and were all completely different, complex people... but underneath all the surface stuff we ALL shared the same connection, and we were all accepted.
I came away from that weekend feeling more peaceful and content than I have in a long while. It's a pity the hormone thing had to come along and fuck it up, to be honest.
Oh and in the space of one week my Mum caught swine flu, had a massive fight with her fiance, nearly broke off their 7-year relationship, narrowly avoided a mental breakdown, got back together with the fiance, and is currently on her way to recovering from the flu too.
So.... hectic week.