On reflection.
Sorry to spam your f-list, dear anyone listening...
I just want to get a few things in the open before I do anything else to fuck shit up.
I know it's not an all-round trump card to be pulled out and flashed around as soon as anything bad happens, I know it doesn't excuse anything... and honestly I'm not trying to play it that way, but... just if it might make my recent actions seem a little less... douche-bag-like in nature..
I'm in a bit of a bad place, mentally, emotionally... all that jazz. Old habits are resurfacing. I'm dealing with... a hell of a shitstorm in terms of bodily health, side effects from certain treatments I'm on at the moment. The very fabric of who I am seems to be getting picked apart and frayed at the edges.
So if you catch me ranting and raving about all manner of stupid, emo fuckery... or if I may attempt to bite your head off and claw out your eyes over trivial matters... please remember that, in most likely cases, it's not how I really feel.
And I really am sorry for any confusion or hurt that I've caused anybody in the last few days. I'm not at all worthy of such amazing and supportive friends and it still bemuses and terrifies me every day that you keep sticking by me.
Anyone who happens to be sitting there thinking "wtf?", well... for that I'm even more sorry. I do hope that one day I will be strong enough to be open about this shit, especially to a certain friend for whom knowledge was promised and never delivered to.
You were there for me when I needed you, even when you were probably in a worse condition than I was. I owe you big time.
I don't know where these trust issues and social anxiety have come from but they're really starting to get on my bloody nerve.
I just want to get a few things in the open before I do anything else to fuck shit up.
I know it's not an all-round trump card to be pulled out and flashed around as soon as anything bad happens, I know it doesn't excuse anything... and honestly I'm not trying to play it that way, but... just if it might make my recent actions seem a little less... douche-bag-like in nature..
I'm in a bit of a bad place, mentally, emotionally... all that jazz. Old habits are resurfacing. I'm dealing with... a hell of a shitstorm in terms of bodily health, side effects from certain treatments I'm on at the moment. The very fabric of who I am seems to be getting picked apart and frayed at the edges.
So if you catch me ranting and raving about all manner of stupid, emo fuckery... or if I may attempt to bite your head off and claw out your eyes over trivial matters... please remember that, in most likely cases, it's not how I really feel.
And I really am sorry for any confusion or hurt that I've caused anybody in the last few days. I'm not at all worthy of such amazing and supportive friends and it still bemuses and terrifies me every day that you keep sticking by me.
Anyone who happens to be sitting there thinking "wtf?", well... for that I'm even more sorry. I do hope that one day I will be strong enough to be open about this shit, especially to a certain friend for whom knowledge was promised and never delivered to.
You were there for me when I needed you, even when you were probably in a worse condition than I was. I owe you big time.
I don't know where these trust issues and social anxiety have come from but they're really starting to get on my bloody nerve.