Jet Lag (one-shot)
Title: Jet Lag
Rating: R for implied situations
Pairing: Rachel/Quinn
Summary: Rachel goes to New York for an audition, leaving Quinn alone for a few days in Los Angeles. They communicate via a series of voicemails.
“Hey Quinn, I guess you’re in a meeting or something. Umm, I’m about to get on the flight, but I just wanted to call and say hi. Hope everything is going well and I’ll talk to you when I get to New York. Love you, baby.”
& & &
“Hey baby, I’m pretty sure you’re still in the air and that’s why it went straight to voicemail. Anyways, I just wanted to call and say hi. I’m really going to miss you. You’re going to be awesome at the auditions, I just know it. Broadway has been waiting for someone like you. Anyways, yeah, call me when you land, ok? Love you!”
& & &
“Hey Quinn baby, sorry I missed your call. Um, you’re probably asleep by now. Sorry, the flight was delayed taking off, then it took forever to get the luggage and then we sat in traffic for about an hour trying to get the hotel and the whole thing just took forever. At one point I was pretty sure I would have to unpack and just stay in the taxi. Anyways, I landed safely; I’m at the hotel now. You’re probably asleep already, but at least this way you’ll have something nice to listen to when you wake up, right? I wish you were here beside me. I love you.”
& & &
“Hey baby. You’re right, that was a nice voicemail to wake up to. I guess you’re the one that’s asleep right now. Which I understand, I guess. I just wanted to hear your voice, you know? I miss you. Call me when you wake up. Love you, Rach.”
& & &
“Actually, I was in the shower, so there. Stop rolling your eyes. Yes, I can tell from 3,000 miles away when I’m talking to your voicemail. I’m Rachel Berry, don’t you know I’m a little bit psychic? Anyways, yeah, I think I might go down to the gym in the hotel or something, let off some steam before the audition. Love you, baby. And miss you. You have no idea how much.”
& & &
“There’s psychic and there’s psychotic. I’m still trying to decide which one you are. I mean, really, who has a shower and then goes to the gym? It makes no sense. It’s not even hygienic. I mean, I’m sure whoever is on the treadmill is going to enjoy your shampoo, but that being said, I’m not thrilled that they will be close enough to tell the difference between what’s you sweating and your shampoo. Love you, miss you, wish I wasn’t constantly talking to your answering machine.”
& & &
“I’m the psychotic one? I know the reason I’m talking to your voicemail right now is because you’re cleaning the apartment even though the maid is coming tomorrow. And I know you do that because you’re paranoid the maid will think you’re messy even though between the two of us you’re the one that is borderline obsessive compulsive. Anyways, I have to go get to the audition. I’ll try to call whenever I have a break. I really do want to hear your voice without having to press 7 afterwards.”
& & &
“If we’re going to talk about obsessive compulsive tendencies, I’m willing to bet that your rituals when you get to the audition haven’t changed. How many people will deliberately wait until their hot coffee is cold just to drink it? It’s all kinds of morally wrong. Anyways, yeah, I guess you’re still in your audition, which means it’s probably going well. I’m about to have a meeting with my Powers That Be, so call me and let me know. Love you, Rach… Now press 7 to replay this message.”
& & &
“You think you’re hilarious, don’t you Quinn? Not going to lie, your voicemail did make me smile, but I refuse to cater to your self-glorified narcissism. And for the life of me I just don’t understand your aversion to iced coffee. Most artists find it very soothing, in fact. Particularly iced soy lattés, because as you know, soy milk is considered to be very healthy for you and as a vegan it only helps my diet. In fact, a recent study also showed that soy milk reduces the chances of breast cancer, which has seen a rise in the female population of the US so really this is just a win-win for everyone involved.”
“And yeah, the audition went pretty well. There was some girl called Lea who walked in and was pretty good. It’s quite ironic, really, she wandered onto a Broadway stage when she was 8 and then left it for another kind of stage, if you get what I mean. But I guess she saw the error of her ways because she’s back now singing about a tragic love she can’t say away from.”
& & &
“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA”
& & &
“Oh my God, you did not just leave me a voicemail of you laughing hysterically. Please tell me Santana somehow managed to imitate your pitch perfectly and then stole your phone and somehow changed her maniacal laughter to sound like your giggling fit. Anyways, I have to get back to the second round of auditions, so Santana, please give my girlfriend’s phone back to her.”
& & &
“I’m sorry, baby, I really am, but your description of this Lea girl is priceless. She must be talented to have, well, gotten under your skin this much. And, for the record, I don’t care if she’s been on Broadway since she was 8. I don’t care if she left it only to come back. You know why? Because you belong on Broadway. It’s fate, Rach, it really is. Every moment has lead to this. You’ve always known you wanted Broadway, and this Lea girl, she had to leave to realize that. But when it’s meant to be, Rach, you don’t have to leave it behind to know that. It just is. Knock ‘em dead, Rachel. You belong on Broadway. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”
“Oh, and Santana says she only wishes she was as funny as me…”
& & &
“Oh my God, Quinn, you don’t understand, this Lea girl is good in that tragic kind of way, and I don’t mean like it’s a tragedy she came back, I mean it’s a tragedy she left to begin with. It’s the kind of story the Ancient Greeks wrote, well, tragedies about, and how am I supposed to compete against someone who has Hera on their side? And to make it even worse, Quinn, she’s singing ‘I Feel Pretty’! Quinn, that’s my audition song!”
& & &
“But Rachel, you don’t understand, you can sing anything and it will be the sweetest lullaby they’ll ever hear. They will hear your voice and chills will go down their spines. Their faces might not reveal anything but they’ll be watching you and they’ll be thinking, it would be a crying shame if we were the only people to get to hear this girl sing like this. You know how I know this? Because I was one of them, Rach.”
“I remember the exact time, Rachel. It was Sectionals, our sophomore year, when you sang ‘Don’t Rain On My Parade’. And I knew it, Rach, I just knew that that was the mark of something special. You can call it fate if you want, or say that Hera had a say in it if that’s what it takes. But the truth is, even fairy tale characters would be jealous of the voice you have. And I would rather believe in a fairy tale character than an Ancient Greek God, because somewhere along the line, people stopped believing in Hera or Zeus or Aphrodite, but happily-ever-afters? People still believe in that.”
& & &
“I think you’re on your mandatory coffee break right now and you’re enough of a caffeine narcissist that you won’t have taken your Blackberry with you, but I just want you to know, I’ve never loved you as much as I do right now. I’m swooning, Quinn, I’m positively swooning while listening to a voicemail. I’m either ridiculously in love with you or should be committed to an asylum, but hopefully they have Broadway shows in there.”
& & &
“Iced coffee is wrong, soy lattés are the only way to go. I refuse to acknowledge any credibility in a claim that argues the contrary. Coffee is meant to be loved, to be savored, and chugging down a bunch of watered down coffee and ice cubes is an insult to coffee shops everywhere.”
“But, umm, more seriously, I love you, too. Hope the rest of the auditions go well. Call me later? Love you, Rach.”
& & &
“Hey baby, sorry I missed your call. I guess you’re driving or something and that’s why you’re not picking up. Or at least I hope that’s why. Umm, road safety is important, so I can’t hold it against you, but I just wanted to hear your voice. The audition went pretty well, they called about five of us back, which, if you consider who I’m up against, is either good or intimidating. But it was good, you know? I felt like I actually belonged, and usually I only feel that way with you. Umm, call me when you get home, ok? I miss you. Love you so much, Quinn.”
& & &
“Hi honey. Actually, I was in a board meeting. Not quite sure why they wanted me there because I don’t have any control over the finances, and that’s all they talked about, but hey. The coffee was decent, at least? So there’s that. Ohh, Santana and Britt are coming over to dinner tomorrow! It’ll be good to see them. Maybe we’ll even do Tequila shots!”
“Congrats on the call back, but I knew you would be. Come on, you’re Rachel Berry. I told you Broadway has been waiting its entire existence for someone like you to talk onto that stage. No producer would be dumb enough to let you walk away from their production. I mean, I would never let you walk out of my life, either. And I know that what I feel for you is about half as strong as your relationship with Broadway. I know, I know, I’m rambling, but what I wanted to say was just that I believe in you, I always have. Love you, Rach.”
& & &
“I think we both remember what happened the last time you, Santana, and Brittany were doing Tequila shots together, and all I can say is at least make sure Santana doesn’t pass out on my kitchen floor this time. I’m almost certain Santana doesn’t remember it either, but Brittany has a very good recollection and photographs that capture that incident perfectly. Anyways, I’m going to - I don’t know, have a shower and maybe see if Kurt can get over the fact I’m at this audition to begin with and he isn’t long enough to have dinner. It’s good to know his ego hasn’t changed. Love you, baby, and I’ll try and call later.”
& & &
“Contrary to what you may believe, I do remember that night, and Brittany isn’t the only one who has photographic evidence of Santana passed out on our kitchen floor. You really think I would turn a blind eye to an event like that? It’s so much more than blackmail material. This is something I can hold over her head every time she has a promotion. This is - ‘no, you’re paying for gas this time’ type of photographic evidence. It’s that good.”
“And God, Kurt, he really needs to get over this petty attitude. I’m sorry but ever since you were scouted and he wasn’t - well, I know, I know, I should let it go, but he’s acting like you don’t deserve it, but I don’t know anyone who deserves this chance more than you do. Anyways, Santana just got here with a bottle of Patron, so keep an eye on your phone for the next picture message.”
& & &
“You give the strangest pep talks, do you know that? I mean you basically went from ‘you deserve Broadway’ to ‘sorry, Santana arrived with my bottle of Tequila’. Not that I blame you, I wish I could be doing Tequila shots right now off you - I mean with you, of course. Sorry - actually, sorry I’m not sorry, I just wish you were here.”
& & &
“Rachel, darling, you should come on over and entertain me, I’ve had a stifling evening…”
& & &
“I can tell you’re wasted when you’re trying to imitate a British accent and quoting the National. This is just like the Mojito Incident of last November all over again. You’re probably passed out by now, hopefully not on the kitchen floor. And if you are awake you’re probably dancing to the Fray, which, well, speaks for itself. You probably won’t remember our earlier conversation in your current state, but I actually am going out to dinner with Kurt and Blaine, so I’ll talk to you later. Hope your hangover isn’t too bad in the morning.”
& & &
“That was a terrible thing to imply, and completely inaccurate as well. The Mojito Incident of last November was something you did, not me. And we weren’t dancing to the Fray, it was Taylor Swift. So there. You didn’t pick up the phone so either you were mugged as you were leaving the restaurant or you decided to sleep in. If it’s the first one, please give the phone back to my girlfriend, she’s strangely co-dependent on it. If you’re just asleep, please wake up and cater to my narcissism.”
& & &
“I can’t believe I’m dating such a complete narcissist. Or that I’m friends with such big Taylor Swift nerds. Not that I have anything against Taylor Swift, because she’s a good song-writer even if her dance skills are somewhat, well, lacking. But don’t you feel bad about the fact that the only time you publicly admit to liking her music is when it’s 2 a.m. and you’re drunkenly singing along to a version of Romeo and Juliet that has nothing to do with, well, Romeo and Juliet? Someone should really tell her they die in the end. Love you, hope the coffee is helping with your hangover.”
& & &
“I love Taylor Swift regardless of what time it is. It’s Taylor Swift, liking her is as much of a rule as the Washington Huskies building up the hopes of an entire state only to break their hearts in the final two minutes. Some things you just accept will happen, and you either grin and bear it or you drown your sorrows in Tequila. Trust me, I see it all the time on Grey’s Anatomy, so therefore it must be healthy. Hahaha. Sometimes I make myself laugh. I should really have my own show on Bravo, don’t you think? Love you, let me know how day two of the auditions are going well.”
& & &
“I’m never sure if your narcissism is endearing or just appalling, and honestly I tend to flip back and forth between the two. Then again, your life is sometimes pure hilarity with a side of alcohol, so it’s not like writers would ever run out of material with you. The auditions haven’t started yet, we’re all just waiting around and drinking coffee, really. I mean you walk into this hallway and you might as well be walking into Starbucks the smell of coffee is too strong. Not that I believe you could ever have too much coffee, you know, because coffee helps the mind focus and it just makes the day a little brighter.”
“But we were chatting a little with the producers and some of the writers, and it’s - well, interesting. These characters have all these layers, you know, there’s a complexity behind them that jut captures your attention. Lea - the New Yorker who fell in love with a different kind of stage before coming back - she was telling us about a character her friend once played, who was constantly alternating between serial killer and tragic lover. She says characters like that don’t come along everyday, be it on Broadway or elsewhere, and that’s why when a play like this comes along, it’s so important to do it justice. I could just see the producers swooning over that. Which actually is good, because -“
& & &
“Sorry, I have no idea why that call dropped. Anyways, I think it’s good, because she can talk about tragic characters all she wants, and how much she loves Broadway now that she’s come back to it, but it also pushes me more. I want the producers to understand that I love Broadway, I love this musical so much that I would never have to leave to understand that. Well, it looks like they’re about to put us through our paces again, so I’m going to hang up now. Love you, Quinn.”
& & &
“Hi, it’s me. I just called because I have a bit of a break in between meetings and I wanted to chat, but I guess you’re still in rehearsals. I’m bored! And I miss you a lot, it’s a little ridiculous. You’re just in New York, it’s not like you’re on the other side of the world… It just feels like it, I guess. I don’t know why I sound so sentimental; it’s been a long day or something. And it’s not even over yet, there’s still the executive meeting tonight which I’m sure will go on for hours. I love my job, I do, but it’s just been a long day and I wish I could hear your voice without having to press 7 to replay a message from you.”
& & &
“Aww, baby, I’m so sorry I missed your call! They were putting us through dance rehearsals and so I couldn’t answer. I’m really, really sorry I didn’t pick up, please don’t think I was dismissing you or anything. Sorry, I feel like I’m basically panting into the phone right now, but that choreography was so intense I really am about to kneel over and die. But rest assured, my last gasping breath will be ‘Quinn’. Oh my God, Quinn, I really feel like I’m dying and I’m not freaking out partly because I’m too exhausted to panic and partly because everyone else looks like they need oxygen masks, too. I miss you too, baby. I think you’re in a meeting right now and that’s why you’re not picking up, but call me as soon as you’re done, and we can have a real talk, ok? … Now press 7. Kidding. I do love you, my adorable caffeine narcissist.”
& & &
“You’re probably brushing your teeth right now, but it was good actually having a conversation with you. Sweet dreams, Quinn, and dream of me.”
& & &
“Heyy, not sure why you’re not picking up, you might be in the shower or something, but yes, it was great talking to you last night. I really needed that call. Just hearing your voice makes things better, you know. And it doesn’t really matter what you’re talking about. You could be reciting the phone book for all I care and honestly it would still be my favorite sound in the world. I like it when you talk… I like you, too, kind of a lot in fact. I like you in that I think there really are songs written about you. Maybe I’m narcissist, maybe I’m just sentimental, but you matter most to me. Anyways, off to go convince the Powers That Be to see things my way for a change.”
& & &
“You’re a narcissist, sometimes, but it’s okay because you’re totally my neurotic, self-glorified narcissist and I love you and your caffeine addiction a little more each day. Your voice makes my day better as well, so you’re definitely not alone in this. You never have to feel alone as long as we’re together, Quinn. I like you too, kind of a lot in fact as well. Um, you’re probably in your morning meeting right now, or on a coffee break, but I love you? I really do. Anyways, I’m not actually going to be spending my day reciting phone books, as riveting as they may sound to you, but rather try and get cast in this musical. Love you, miss you, wish you were here.”
& & &
“If loving coffee is a crime, I will plead guilty for the rest of my life. Coffee just makes the day worth getting up for, and by that I am referring to hot coffee, not that cold stuff you sometimes insist on drinking for reasons I can never quite grasp. I mean, is it still narcissism if it’s right? Anyways, well, the meeting went well in that they agreed to compromise, now it’s just a question of setting the terms of agreement, which sometimes I feel is the most painful part. How is the audition going? Have they shipped you all off to a deserted island to determine who gets cast?”
& & &
“Funny that you mention that, we were thinking of turning this into a drinking game. Well, most of us do, for some reason when we mentioned drinking, Lea stuttered and begged us not to give her Champagne. Apparently last night she drank too much Champagne she ended up almost groping her costar on live T.V. Now we’re all determined to find out what exactly happened that night because you only go that red when something happened afterwards. Or before. She kept mentioning Claire Danes as well? Not sure if Claire Danes was the costar she groped on national TV or if she walked in on the groping, but it’s definitely something we’ll settle on over Tequila shots.”
& & &
“Like HELL you’re doing Tequila shots with a stranger. Then you’ll be getting all sentimental, and then the next thing you know the whole bunch of you will be getting drunk at a karaoke bar in downtown New York and it won’t be the same karaoke bar the cast of Gossip Girl usually stumbles into, and then you’ll become a statistic on CSI: New York and then you’ll never know if you actually got cast! So you can’t go!”
& & &
“Quinn, baby, we’re in the middle of an audition, it’s not like we’re planning on picking up hookers? I promise you, the only way we will end up being a statistic on CSI: New York is if they somehow end up shooting in front of our theatre, and if by some miracle that does happen I guarantee you there will be Tequila shots. There is always an appropriate time for Tequila shots! Especially if you’re in the middle of an audition that has been going on for the better part of three days. Quite why I don’t have my own reality show on Bravo, I don’t understand. Explain it to me, Quinn, explain why my talent is so under-appreciated by the general public?”
& & &
“Explain to me how I’m the ‘self-glorified narcissist’ in this scenario?”
& & &
“Because artists resent their talent, Quinn. They look at it, at themselves, and they don’t understand it. They don’t understand why people think it’s something special because for them, it’s just - well, it’s just there. It’s a part of them the same way their arm is a part of their body. It’s present. It’s always been there, really. I mean, yes, they practice, they nurture it, they push themselves - but they breathe it, too. It’s inside them and unless they express it, it eats them up inside. They have to find a way to unleash it. That’s what Broadway is to me, Quinn. Somehow it got under my skin and it has stayed there ever since. We find out in about an hour who got the lead. I’m so nervous. I am Grace Kelly, Grace Kelly is me. I am Grace Kelly, Grace Kelly is me…”
& & &
“You’re under my skin, too, does that mean you’re a part of me, too? I love you, call me back when you know if you’ve got the part.”
& & &
“QUINNNNNN!!!!!!!! I got it!!!!!!!! QUINN I CAN’T BELIEVE IT, I ACTUALLY GOT THE LEAD!!!! I’m so excited! Quinn, oh my God, I think I’m hyperventilating, I really do, Quinn why can’t I breathe, Quinn what’s happening to me? Quinn do you understand what this means? I’m the lead!! I got the lead!! Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. I’ll tell you all about it when I get home.”
& & &
“Hey baby, parking was a pain. I’m waiting by the arrivals lounge. Can’t wait to see you. Just wanted to ask you something… Hey Rachel, will you marry me?
Disclaimers:
- Obviously, I don't own Glee
- The title of the fic is based on the song 'Jet Lag' by Simple Plan
- Special thanks to Erika for looking things over
Rating: R for implied situations
Pairing: Rachel/Quinn
Summary: Rachel goes to New York for an audition, leaving Quinn alone for a few days in Los Angeles. They communicate via a series of voicemails.
“Hey Quinn, I guess you’re in a meeting or something. Umm, I’m about to get on the flight, but I just wanted to call and say hi. Hope everything is going well and I’ll talk to you when I get to New York. Love you, baby.”
& & &
“Hey baby, I’m pretty sure you’re still in the air and that’s why it went straight to voicemail. Anyways, I just wanted to call and say hi. I’m really going to miss you. You’re going to be awesome at the auditions, I just know it. Broadway has been waiting for someone like you. Anyways, yeah, call me when you land, ok? Love you!”
& & &
“Hey Quinn baby, sorry I missed your call. Um, you’re probably asleep by now. Sorry, the flight was delayed taking off, then it took forever to get the luggage and then we sat in traffic for about an hour trying to get the hotel and the whole thing just took forever. At one point I was pretty sure I would have to unpack and just stay in the taxi. Anyways, I landed safely; I’m at the hotel now. You’re probably asleep already, but at least this way you’ll have something nice to listen to when you wake up, right? I wish you were here beside me. I love you.”
& & &
“Hey baby. You’re right, that was a nice voicemail to wake up to. I guess you’re the one that’s asleep right now. Which I understand, I guess. I just wanted to hear your voice, you know? I miss you. Call me when you wake up. Love you, Rach.”
& & &
“Actually, I was in the shower, so there. Stop rolling your eyes. Yes, I can tell from 3,000 miles away when I’m talking to your voicemail. I’m Rachel Berry, don’t you know I’m a little bit psychic? Anyways, yeah, I think I might go down to the gym in the hotel or something, let off some steam before the audition. Love you, baby. And miss you. You have no idea how much.”
& & &
“There’s psychic and there’s psychotic. I’m still trying to decide which one you are. I mean, really, who has a shower and then goes to the gym? It makes no sense. It’s not even hygienic. I mean, I’m sure whoever is on the treadmill is going to enjoy your shampoo, but that being said, I’m not thrilled that they will be close enough to tell the difference between what’s you sweating and your shampoo. Love you, miss you, wish I wasn’t constantly talking to your answering machine.”
& & &
“I’m the psychotic one? I know the reason I’m talking to your voicemail right now is because you’re cleaning the apartment even though the maid is coming tomorrow. And I know you do that because you’re paranoid the maid will think you’re messy even though between the two of us you’re the one that is borderline obsessive compulsive. Anyways, I have to go get to the audition. I’ll try to call whenever I have a break. I really do want to hear your voice without having to press 7 afterwards.”
& & &
“If we’re going to talk about obsessive compulsive tendencies, I’m willing to bet that your rituals when you get to the audition haven’t changed. How many people will deliberately wait until their hot coffee is cold just to drink it? It’s all kinds of morally wrong. Anyways, yeah, I guess you’re still in your audition, which means it’s probably going well. I’m about to have a meeting with my Powers That Be, so call me and let me know. Love you, Rach… Now press 7 to replay this message.”
& & &
“You think you’re hilarious, don’t you Quinn? Not going to lie, your voicemail did make me smile, but I refuse to cater to your self-glorified narcissism. And for the life of me I just don’t understand your aversion to iced coffee. Most artists find it very soothing, in fact. Particularly iced soy lattés, because as you know, soy milk is considered to be very healthy for you and as a vegan it only helps my diet. In fact, a recent study also showed that soy milk reduces the chances of breast cancer, which has seen a rise in the female population of the US so really this is just a win-win for everyone involved.”
“And yeah, the audition went pretty well. There was some girl called Lea who walked in and was pretty good. It’s quite ironic, really, she wandered onto a Broadway stage when she was 8 and then left it for another kind of stage, if you get what I mean. But I guess she saw the error of her ways because she’s back now singing about a tragic love she can’t say away from.”
& & &
“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA”
& & &
“Oh my God, you did not just leave me a voicemail of you laughing hysterically. Please tell me Santana somehow managed to imitate your pitch perfectly and then stole your phone and somehow changed her maniacal laughter to sound like your giggling fit. Anyways, I have to get back to the second round of auditions, so Santana, please give my girlfriend’s phone back to her.”
& & &
“I’m sorry, baby, I really am, but your description of this Lea girl is priceless. She must be talented to have, well, gotten under your skin this much. And, for the record, I don’t care if she’s been on Broadway since she was 8. I don’t care if she left it only to come back. You know why? Because you belong on Broadway. It’s fate, Rach, it really is. Every moment has lead to this. You’ve always known you wanted Broadway, and this Lea girl, she had to leave to realize that. But when it’s meant to be, Rach, you don’t have to leave it behind to know that. It just is. Knock ‘em dead, Rachel. You belong on Broadway. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”
“Oh, and Santana says she only wishes she was as funny as me…”
& & &
“Oh my God, Quinn, you don’t understand, this Lea girl is good in that tragic kind of way, and I don’t mean like it’s a tragedy she came back, I mean it’s a tragedy she left to begin with. It’s the kind of story the Ancient Greeks wrote, well, tragedies about, and how am I supposed to compete against someone who has Hera on their side? And to make it even worse, Quinn, she’s singing ‘I Feel Pretty’! Quinn, that’s my audition song!”
& & &
“But Rachel, you don’t understand, you can sing anything and it will be the sweetest lullaby they’ll ever hear. They will hear your voice and chills will go down their spines. Their faces might not reveal anything but they’ll be watching you and they’ll be thinking, it would be a crying shame if we were the only people to get to hear this girl sing like this. You know how I know this? Because I was one of them, Rach.”
“I remember the exact time, Rachel. It was Sectionals, our sophomore year, when you sang ‘Don’t Rain On My Parade’. And I knew it, Rach, I just knew that that was the mark of something special. You can call it fate if you want, or say that Hera had a say in it if that’s what it takes. But the truth is, even fairy tale characters would be jealous of the voice you have. And I would rather believe in a fairy tale character than an Ancient Greek God, because somewhere along the line, people stopped believing in Hera or Zeus or Aphrodite, but happily-ever-afters? People still believe in that.”
& & &
“I think you’re on your mandatory coffee break right now and you’re enough of a caffeine narcissist that you won’t have taken your Blackberry with you, but I just want you to know, I’ve never loved you as much as I do right now. I’m swooning, Quinn, I’m positively swooning while listening to a voicemail. I’m either ridiculously in love with you or should be committed to an asylum, but hopefully they have Broadway shows in there.”
& & &
“Iced coffee is wrong, soy lattés are the only way to go. I refuse to acknowledge any credibility in a claim that argues the contrary. Coffee is meant to be loved, to be savored, and chugging down a bunch of watered down coffee and ice cubes is an insult to coffee shops everywhere.”
“But, umm, more seriously, I love you, too. Hope the rest of the auditions go well. Call me later? Love you, Rach.”
& & &
“Hey baby, sorry I missed your call. I guess you’re driving or something and that’s why you’re not picking up. Or at least I hope that’s why. Umm, road safety is important, so I can’t hold it against you, but I just wanted to hear your voice. The audition went pretty well, they called about five of us back, which, if you consider who I’m up against, is either good or intimidating. But it was good, you know? I felt like I actually belonged, and usually I only feel that way with you. Umm, call me when you get home, ok? I miss you. Love you so much, Quinn.”
& & &
“Hi honey. Actually, I was in a board meeting. Not quite sure why they wanted me there because I don’t have any control over the finances, and that’s all they talked about, but hey. The coffee was decent, at least? So there’s that. Ohh, Santana and Britt are coming over to dinner tomorrow! It’ll be good to see them. Maybe we’ll even do Tequila shots!”
“Congrats on the call back, but I knew you would be. Come on, you’re Rachel Berry. I told you Broadway has been waiting its entire existence for someone like you to talk onto that stage. No producer would be dumb enough to let you walk away from their production. I mean, I would never let you walk out of my life, either. And I know that what I feel for you is about half as strong as your relationship with Broadway. I know, I know, I’m rambling, but what I wanted to say was just that I believe in you, I always have. Love you, Rach.”
& & &
“I think we both remember what happened the last time you, Santana, and Brittany were doing Tequila shots together, and all I can say is at least make sure Santana doesn’t pass out on my kitchen floor this time. I’m almost certain Santana doesn’t remember it either, but Brittany has a very good recollection and photographs that capture that incident perfectly. Anyways, I’m going to - I don’t know, have a shower and maybe see if Kurt can get over the fact I’m at this audition to begin with and he isn’t long enough to have dinner. It’s good to know his ego hasn’t changed. Love you, baby, and I’ll try and call later.”
& & &
“Contrary to what you may believe, I do remember that night, and Brittany isn’t the only one who has photographic evidence of Santana passed out on our kitchen floor. You really think I would turn a blind eye to an event like that? It’s so much more than blackmail material. This is something I can hold over her head every time she has a promotion. This is - ‘no, you’re paying for gas this time’ type of photographic evidence. It’s that good.”
“And God, Kurt, he really needs to get over this petty attitude. I’m sorry but ever since you were scouted and he wasn’t - well, I know, I know, I should let it go, but he’s acting like you don’t deserve it, but I don’t know anyone who deserves this chance more than you do. Anyways, Santana just got here with a bottle of Patron, so keep an eye on your phone for the next picture message.”
& & &
“You give the strangest pep talks, do you know that? I mean you basically went from ‘you deserve Broadway’ to ‘sorry, Santana arrived with my bottle of Tequila’. Not that I blame you, I wish I could be doing Tequila shots right now off you - I mean with you, of course. Sorry - actually, sorry I’m not sorry, I just wish you were here.”
& & &
“Rachel, darling, you should come on over and entertain me, I’ve had a stifling evening…”
& & &
“I can tell you’re wasted when you’re trying to imitate a British accent and quoting the National. This is just like the Mojito Incident of last November all over again. You’re probably passed out by now, hopefully not on the kitchen floor. And if you are awake you’re probably dancing to the Fray, which, well, speaks for itself. You probably won’t remember our earlier conversation in your current state, but I actually am going out to dinner with Kurt and Blaine, so I’ll talk to you later. Hope your hangover isn’t too bad in the morning.”
& & &
“That was a terrible thing to imply, and completely inaccurate as well. The Mojito Incident of last November was something you did, not me. And we weren’t dancing to the Fray, it was Taylor Swift. So there. You didn’t pick up the phone so either you were mugged as you were leaving the restaurant or you decided to sleep in. If it’s the first one, please give the phone back to my girlfriend, she’s strangely co-dependent on it. If you’re just asleep, please wake up and cater to my narcissism.”
& & &
“I can’t believe I’m dating such a complete narcissist. Or that I’m friends with such big Taylor Swift nerds. Not that I have anything against Taylor Swift, because she’s a good song-writer even if her dance skills are somewhat, well, lacking. But don’t you feel bad about the fact that the only time you publicly admit to liking her music is when it’s 2 a.m. and you’re drunkenly singing along to a version of Romeo and Juliet that has nothing to do with, well, Romeo and Juliet? Someone should really tell her they die in the end. Love you, hope the coffee is helping with your hangover.”
& & &
“I love Taylor Swift regardless of what time it is. It’s Taylor Swift, liking her is as much of a rule as the Washington Huskies building up the hopes of an entire state only to break their hearts in the final two minutes. Some things you just accept will happen, and you either grin and bear it or you drown your sorrows in Tequila. Trust me, I see it all the time on Grey’s Anatomy, so therefore it must be healthy. Hahaha. Sometimes I make myself laugh. I should really have my own show on Bravo, don’t you think? Love you, let me know how day two of the auditions are going well.”
& & &
“I’m never sure if your narcissism is endearing or just appalling, and honestly I tend to flip back and forth between the two. Then again, your life is sometimes pure hilarity with a side of alcohol, so it’s not like writers would ever run out of material with you. The auditions haven’t started yet, we’re all just waiting around and drinking coffee, really. I mean you walk into this hallway and you might as well be walking into Starbucks the smell of coffee is too strong. Not that I believe you could ever have too much coffee, you know, because coffee helps the mind focus and it just makes the day a little brighter.”
“But we were chatting a little with the producers and some of the writers, and it’s - well, interesting. These characters have all these layers, you know, there’s a complexity behind them that jut captures your attention. Lea - the New Yorker who fell in love with a different kind of stage before coming back - she was telling us about a character her friend once played, who was constantly alternating between serial killer and tragic lover. She says characters like that don’t come along everyday, be it on Broadway or elsewhere, and that’s why when a play like this comes along, it’s so important to do it justice. I could just see the producers swooning over that. Which actually is good, because -“
& & &
“Sorry, I have no idea why that call dropped. Anyways, I think it’s good, because she can talk about tragic characters all she wants, and how much she loves Broadway now that she’s come back to it, but it also pushes me more. I want the producers to understand that I love Broadway, I love this musical so much that I would never have to leave to understand that. Well, it looks like they’re about to put us through our paces again, so I’m going to hang up now. Love you, Quinn.”
& & &
“Hi, it’s me. I just called because I have a bit of a break in between meetings and I wanted to chat, but I guess you’re still in rehearsals. I’m bored! And I miss you a lot, it’s a little ridiculous. You’re just in New York, it’s not like you’re on the other side of the world… It just feels like it, I guess. I don’t know why I sound so sentimental; it’s been a long day or something. And it’s not even over yet, there’s still the executive meeting tonight which I’m sure will go on for hours. I love my job, I do, but it’s just been a long day and I wish I could hear your voice without having to press 7 to replay a message from you.”
& & &
“Aww, baby, I’m so sorry I missed your call! They were putting us through dance rehearsals and so I couldn’t answer. I’m really, really sorry I didn’t pick up, please don’t think I was dismissing you or anything. Sorry, I feel like I’m basically panting into the phone right now, but that choreography was so intense I really am about to kneel over and die. But rest assured, my last gasping breath will be ‘Quinn’. Oh my God, Quinn, I really feel like I’m dying and I’m not freaking out partly because I’m too exhausted to panic and partly because everyone else looks like they need oxygen masks, too. I miss you too, baby. I think you’re in a meeting right now and that’s why you’re not picking up, but call me as soon as you’re done, and we can have a real talk, ok? … Now press 7. Kidding. I do love you, my adorable caffeine narcissist.”
& & &
“You’re probably brushing your teeth right now, but it was good actually having a conversation with you. Sweet dreams, Quinn, and dream of me.”
& & &
“Heyy, not sure why you’re not picking up, you might be in the shower or something, but yes, it was great talking to you last night. I really needed that call. Just hearing your voice makes things better, you know. And it doesn’t really matter what you’re talking about. You could be reciting the phone book for all I care and honestly it would still be my favorite sound in the world. I like it when you talk… I like you, too, kind of a lot in fact. I like you in that I think there really are songs written about you. Maybe I’m narcissist, maybe I’m just sentimental, but you matter most to me. Anyways, off to go convince the Powers That Be to see things my way for a change.”
& & &
“You’re a narcissist, sometimes, but it’s okay because you’re totally my neurotic, self-glorified narcissist and I love you and your caffeine addiction a little more each day. Your voice makes my day better as well, so you’re definitely not alone in this. You never have to feel alone as long as we’re together, Quinn. I like you too, kind of a lot in fact as well. Um, you’re probably in your morning meeting right now, or on a coffee break, but I love you? I really do. Anyways, I’m not actually going to be spending my day reciting phone books, as riveting as they may sound to you, but rather try and get cast in this musical. Love you, miss you, wish you were here.”
& & &
“If loving coffee is a crime, I will plead guilty for the rest of my life. Coffee just makes the day worth getting up for, and by that I am referring to hot coffee, not that cold stuff you sometimes insist on drinking for reasons I can never quite grasp. I mean, is it still narcissism if it’s right? Anyways, well, the meeting went well in that they agreed to compromise, now it’s just a question of setting the terms of agreement, which sometimes I feel is the most painful part. How is the audition going? Have they shipped you all off to a deserted island to determine who gets cast?”
& & &
“Funny that you mention that, we were thinking of turning this into a drinking game. Well, most of us do, for some reason when we mentioned drinking, Lea stuttered and begged us not to give her Champagne. Apparently last night she drank too much Champagne she ended up almost groping her costar on live T.V. Now we’re all determined to find out what exactly happened that night because you only go that red when something happened afterwards. Or before. She kept mentioning Claire Danes as well? Not sure if Claire Danes was the costar she groped on national TV or if she walked in on the groping, but it’s definitely something we’ll settle on over Tequila shots.”
& & &
“Like HELL you’re doing Tequila shots with a stranger. Then you’ll be getting all sentimental, and then the next thing you know the whole bunch of you will be getting drunk at a karaoke bar in downtown New York and it won’t be the same karaoke bar the cast of Gossip Girl usually stumbles into, and then you’ll become a statistic on CSI: New York and then you’ll never know if you actually got cast! So you can’t go!”
& & &
“Quinn, baby, we’re in the middle of an audition, it’s not like we’re planning on picking up hookers? I promise you, the only way we will end up being a statistic on CSI: New York is if they somehow end up shooting in front of our theatre, and if by some miracle that does happen I guarantee you there will be Tequila shots. There is always an appropriate time for Tequila shots! Especially if you’re in the middle of an audition that has been going on for the better part of three days. Quite why I don’t have my own reality show on Bravo, I don’t understand. Explain it to me, Quinn, explain why my talent is so under-appreciated by the general public?”
& & &
“Explain to me how I’m the ‘self-glorified narcissist’ in this scenario?”
& & &
“Because artists resent their talent, Quinn. They look at it, at themselves, and they don’t understand it. They don’t understand why people think it’s something special because for them, it’s just - well, it’s just there. It’s a part of them the same way their arm is a part of their body. It’s present. It’s always been there, really. I mean, yes, they practice, they nurture it, they push themselves - but they breathe it, too. It’s inside them and unless they express it, it eats them up inside. They have to find a way to unleash it. That’s what Broadway is to me, Quinn. Somehow it got under my skin and it has stayed there ever since. We find out in about an hour who got the lead. I’m so nervous. I am Grace Kelly, Grace Kelly is me. I am Grace Kelly, Grace Kelly is me…”
& & &
“You’re under my skin, too, does that mean you’re a part of me, too? I love you, call me back when you know if you’ve got the part.”
& & &
“QUINNNNNN!!!!!!!! I got it!!!!!!!! QUINN I CAN’T BELIEVE IT, I ACTUALLY GOT THE LEAD!!!! I’m so excited! Quinn, oh my God, I think I’m hyperventilating, I really do, Quinn why can’t I breathe, Quinn what’s happening to me? Quinn do you understand what this means? I’m the lead!! I got the lead!! Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. I’ll tell you all about it when I get home.”
& & &
“Hey baby, parking was a pain. I’m waiting by the arrivals lounge. Can’t wait to see you. Just wanted to ask you something… Hey Rachel, will you marry me?
Disclaimers:
- Obviously, I don't own Glee
- The title of the fic is based on the song 'Jet Lag' by Simple Plan
- Special thanks to Erika for looking things over