(copy from journal - weekend in review + week to come)
Weekend In Review
Seeing as I've been a slacker in terms of posting over the weekend again, I guess I have to play a bit of catch-up. In brief:
Saturday
We used my blingo ticket wins to see V for Vendetta. Made a special trip down to Ybor and the Premier theater there which has four screens 21+ only. They have these big, leather seats, huge arm rests and the chairs recline back. They also have a full bar and give you free popcorn with your ticket. There were about ten of us in the theater and it was blissfully quiet - no screaming, fidgety kids anywhere. I really enjoyed the film and definitely recommend it. Good overall tone and message of opression vs. in the name of so-called safety as well as cool visuals and good action.
While there, we came upon a small crowd gathered across the street from the theater. They had an expensive looking camera, a gaffer et al and appeared to be filming a movie. I say, "appeared" though because it really came off as being staged. They had a security guard and such, but... I don't know. The "actress" was very unattractive - looked like someone off the street. The "actor" in the scene was equally forgettable, coming across as some generic college kid. The director looked college age herself. She called the title as, "Honeymoon for Three" which, according to IMDB, has had three incarnations but not in some 60+ years. The director called for one take and the guard's cell phone rang. Each take would result in a few seconds of dialoge and then another cut. As we walked away towards the theater, there was a screaming fit by all people present including the actress, director and some genertic equitpment guy. And when I say, "screaming fit" I mean full on, hissy, yelling, just waiting for the hair pulling to start fit. Another reason it came off staged to me.
Don't get me wrong, the Tampa Bay area has been host to a few feature film shoots over the years - everything from Edward Scissorhands to scenes from Ocean's Eleven and the entire movie, The Punisher - but...when they come, you hear about it. And they don't just do it on the street like that. I wonder what it was really about.
Sunday
Busy day... It was my sister's 40th birthday so we headed to her place for a BBQ/Bday party. We spent most of the afternoon there. Had a nice time. Afterwards, we had to hit Love's parent's house which is out that way - good 30-40 minute drive from our apartment. After that, we hit Super Target to return the first set of dishes we had bought to get our money back. Didn't get home until around 9pm - just in time to watch Sopranos.
It was a bad weekend for my head. Saturday saw a migraine. Saturday night saw me hit instantly and without warning with a spike through my right temple. It hurt so bad I basically fell out of my computer chair crying and screaming in pain. Love didn't know if he needed to call 911 and I wasn't sure either. Thankfully, the intense pain went away after about 15 minutes and went to a low-level migraine so I was able to just go to bed. Sunday saw another one creeping in. By the evening, it was pretty bad and I was really spaced by the time we were at Target. Many times, I pretty much lose the ability to think cohesively when I get a migraine and I'm literally in a fog. I can't think clearly, I can't put together words to make sentences, I just can't think. I don't know why it's been so bad this weekend. It might be pressure/allergy issues which continue to be extremely high around here. Things like that never help and can defintely set off an attack. Even now, my head feels full of painful pressure.
The Week to Come...
Got a call this morning from K. She asked if I could come in the rest of this week and next week - but on full time. I'm happy they called me but...oh gods. I don't know if I'm going to be able to handle that many days full time. Between migraines which are bad enough and my chronic fatigue issues (which mean when I work full days, I come home from work, literally pass out for an hour or two, eat dinner and pass back out again for the night from exhaustion), the biggest hindrence of course is my IBS. It's impossible for someone to understand how a bad digestive system can impact your life so utterly and completely unless they have the misforutune of experiecing it themselves. I can't ever be away from the restroom for more then a couple hours at most and that's on good days. Bad days can mean I'm looking at multiple hour plus visits in a single day. You can't do this at work. And I can't count that my lunch hour is enough to get me through the long stretch of afternoon. It's horrible to be in pain and know you have hours to endure it. And hope and pray that you physically can. Because many times, you don't have a choice. (And no, it's not dietary. It's not food allergies. It's not manageable with prescriptions. It doesn't matter what I eat or don't and because it's not the kind of IBS that's one issue only, there are no meds for it. One day can be extreme in one direction, the next (or even later in the same day sometimes) extreme in the other. It's just a digestive system that does not and has never worked properly.)
So I'm worried of course. I really want them to offer me a perm part-time position - something which is on the table again now that they have a new CEO. I suspect that this week and next is a trial run of sorts to confirm to the Board that K. and J. need enough help to make my addition worthwhile. (i.e. is there truly enough to keep me busy?) So I really don't want to fuck it up. It's just so horrifying and terrifying knowing that I can not in anyway count on my body to behave and that it might be more then I can push it to do. I'm already in a bad migraine cycle place right now and today I'm completely run down from my weekend and the near-constant endurance of migraines that it worries me all the more. I know worrying isn't helpful. I get that. But...it's hard not to look at things realistically and seriously realize you might be screwed.
Anyway...speaking of my digestive system, it's acting up today. So I think here I shall close. I'm nervous about what tomorrow will bring and I want so desperately to get on perm part-time, I just don't want to miss my chance - again. Story of my life is always that my health gets in the way of holding down jobs. I'm tired of it and I want to be able to do what I can but I also know what my limits are (after ten years, trust me, I know my limits...) and I don't want to miss the chance to do what I can by failing through what I can not.
Seeing as I've been a slacker in terms of posting over the weekend again, I guess I have to play a bit of catch-up. In brief:
Saturday
We used my blingo ticket wins to see V for Vendetta. Made a special trip down to Ybor and the Premier theater there which has four screens 21+ only. They have these big, leather seats, huge arm rests and the chairs recline back. They also have a full bar and give you free popcorn with your ticket. There were about ten of us in the theater and it was blissfully quiet - no screaming, fidgety kids anywhere. I really enjoyed the film and definitely recommend it. Good overall tone and message of opression vs. in the name of so-called safety as well as cool visuals and good action.
While there, we came upon a small crowd gathered across the street from the theater. They had an expensive looking camera, a gaffer et al and appeared to be filming a movie. I say, "appeared" though because it really came off as being staged. They had a security guard and such, but... I don't know. The "actress" was very unattractive - looked like someone off the street. The "actor" in the scene was equally forgettable, coming across as some generic college kid. The director looked college age herself. She called the title as, "Honeymoon for Three" which, according to IMDB, has had three incarnations but not in some 60+ years. The director called for one take and the guard's cell phone rang. Each take would result in a few seconds of dialoge and then another cut. As we walked away towards the theater, there was a screaming fit by all people present including the actress, director and some genertic equitpment guy. And when I say, "screaming fit" I mean full on, hissy, yelling, just waiting for the hair pulling to start fit. Another reason it came off staged to me.
Don't get me wrong, the Tampa Bay area has been host to a few feature film shoots over the years - everything from Edward Scissorhands to scenes from Ocean's Eleven and the entire movie, The Punisher - but...when they come, you hear about it. And they don't just do it on the street like that. I wonder what it was really about.
Sunday
Busy day... It was my sister's 40th birthday so we headed to her place for a BBQ/Bday party. We spent most of the afternoon there. Had a nice time. Afterwards, we had to hit Love's parent's house which is out that way - good 30-40 minute drive from our apartment. After that, we hit Super Target to return the first set of dishes we had bought to get our money back. Didn't get home until around 9pm - just in time to watch Sopranos.
It was a bad weekend for my head. Saturday saw a migraine. Saturday night saw me hit instantly and without warning with a spike through my right temple. It hurt so bad I basically fell out of my computer chair crying and screaming in pain. Love didn't know if he needed to call 911 and I wasn't sure either. Thankfully, the intense pain went away after about 15 minutes and went to a low-level migraine so I was able to just go to bed. Sunday saw another one creeping in. By the evening, it was pretty bad and I was really spaced by the time we were at Target. Many times, I pretty much lose the ability to think cohesively when I get a migraine and I'm literally in a fog. I can't think clearly, I can't put together words to make sentences, I just can't think. I don't know why it's been so bad this weekend. It might be pressure/allergy issues which continue to be extremely high around here. Things like that never help and can defintely set off an attack. Even now, my head feels full of painful pressure.
The Week to Come...
Got a call this morning from K. She asked if I could come in the rest of this week and next week - but on full time. I'm happy they called me but...oh gods. I don't know if I'm going to be able to handle that many days full time. Between migraines which are bad enough and my chronic fatigue issues (which mean when I work full days, I come home from work, literally pass out for an hour or two, eat dinner and pass back out again for the night from exhaustion), the biggest hindrence of course is my IBS. It's impossible for someone to understand how a bad digestive system can impact your life so utterly and completely unless they have the misforutune of experiecing it themselves. I can't ever be away from the restroom for more then a couple hours at most and that's on good days. Bad days can mean I'm looking at multiple hour plus visits in a single day. You can't do this at work. And I can't count that my lunch hour is enough to get me through the long stretch of afternoon. It's horrible to be in pain and know you have hours to endure it. And hope and pray that you physically can. Because many times, you don't have a choice. (And no, it's not dietary. It's not food allergies. It's not manageable with prescriptions. It doesn't matter what I eat or don't and because it's not the kind of IBS that's one issue only, there are no meds for it. One day can be extreme in one direction, the next (or even later in the same day sometimes) extreme in the other. It's just a digestive system that does not and has never worked properly.)
So I'm worried of course. I really want them to offer me a perm part-time position - something which is on the table again now that they have a new CEO. I suspect that this week and next is a trial run of sorts to confirm to the Board that K. and J. need enough help to make my addition worthwhile. (i.e. is there truly enough to keep me busy?) So I really don't want to fuck it up. It's just so horrifying and terrifying knowing that I can not in anyway count on my body to behave and that it might be more then I can push it to do. I'm already in a bad migraine cycle place right now and today I'm completely run down from my weekend and the near-constant endurance of migraines that it worries me all the more. I know worrying isn't helpful. I get that. But...it's hard not to look at things realistically and seriously realize you might be screwed.
Anyway...speaking of my digestive system, it's acting up today. So I think here I shall close. I'm nervous about what tomorrow will bring and I want so desperately to get on perm part-time, I just don't want to miss my chance - again. Story of my life is always that my health gets in the way of holding down jobs. I'm tired of it and I want to be able to do what I can but I also know what my limits are (after ten years, trust me, I know my limits...) and I don't want to miss the chance to do what I can by failing through what I can not.