if you were a thought...

[memory_girl]

...you'd want me to think you. and i do."

if i were lost,
i'd want you to come seeking me.
if i were hurt,
i'd want you to wish that i'd heal.
if i needed time to rest,
i'd want you to smile and tell me you love me,
but give me my time to rest.

and so i give my spirit
(that thing you once gave me)
back into you to help you heal
and sing again.

spending time up north with my father as he heals.
there are very few feelings that a human is capable of feeling
that rival helplessness.
now is time for waiting.
for telling secrets to his heart and blood
on how to find the right path and pressure
to keep him strong.
its a time for strength and courage and smiles that mean it,
even when its hardest to make them mean it.
and its a time for me to step away.
and do some breathing.
and do something mindless and simple like check my email.
so thats what i'll do.
and push away the distraction of other
slights and arguements --
because the insecurity and insensitivity of others is not what ultimately matters.
nothing matters right now except my family.

the relatives are back from lunch.
time for me to be traffic control again.

~caroline