arashi fiction 66 - you and me and pet rock makes three
IMPORTANT NOTE: I still have anonymous commenting enabled and am NOT logging IP addresses. This isn't to invite negative comments, just comments from shy people. ;D
Title: Are We Gonna Rock This?
Who: Sho/Nino ♥
Summary: Sho has pet rocks and he meets Nino because he enlists in this club, (online) for people who have pet rocks. It's up to you whether Nino actually has pet rocks. Thanks for the prompt, cherry_armrest! I had so much fun I couldn't help but go full one-shot instead of just short ficlet. :D
Subject: Help! What to do if pet rock catches cold?
User: TheShow
Level: ✩
I received my pet rock as a gift from a friend, but it didn't come with a manual! What happens if Spot feels cold and clammy? Do these things have some kind of computer chip inside that can simulate symptoms of real illness? I'm concerned it's going to beep at me if it dies.
User: KN83
Level: ✩✩✩✩
Memories of tamagotchi, Show-chan? Cold and clammy sounds like a rock.
-------
I tried being reasonable, I didn't like it.
Clint Eastwood
User: TheShow
Level: ✩
I never had a tamagotchi. My sister did though and she cried about it a lot. Anyway, cold and clammy sounds like a real rock, but I'm asking about this guy. Maybe I should give more details?
He's bright blue, fits in the palm of my hand, and has a spot sort of near his chin. Definitely plastic, more oval than a sphere. I'm thinking he should be room temperature. Help???
User: KN83
Level: ✩✩✩✩
I know all about the ones with chin spots. Get rid of him!! Bad news.
-------
I tried being reasonable, I didn't like it.
Clint Eastwood
User: TheShow
Level: ✩
I can't get rid of him! I got him as a gift!
But I solved it, so nevermind. He was too close to the air con.
User: KN83
Level: ✩✩✩✩
o(>▽<)o Classic. Do your best!
-------
I tried being reasonable, I didn't like it.
Clint Eastwood
Sho was starting to think that KN83 was the only person left on the pet rock forums. He hardly ever saw a moderator around to update things, or a new pet rock owner like himself asking questions. It was just his own threads, one after another, always answered by the same guy and without much useful advice.
But maybe that was because all the expert owners, if that's what you'd call them, were busy in ongoing threads about fashion and silly photos, the kind of content you could only access if you made it to level three. Sometimes Sho wondered why KN83 even bothered with him. That guy was level four already. He must have been taking care of pet rocks for years.
Which actually kind of pissed Sho off. He had the answers! He was just taking pleasure in making Sho suffer for them.
"Let's see what he says about changing diapers," Sho decided, glancing to Spot and flashing him a bright smile. Sho might not have been the most knowledgeable pet owner around, but he knew enough to understand that pet rocks didn't wear diapers.
Subject: How often to change diapers???
User: TheShow
Level: ✩
I got tired of Spot marking his territory all over my apartment. I really like my album collection and I don't want his smelly invisible pee everywhere. Turned to pet rock diapers, but can't decide how often to change. Thoughts?
User: KN83
Level: ✩✩✩✩
Once every two hours or he'll get boulder rash!
-------
I tried being reasonable, I didn't like it.
Clint Eastwood
User: TheShow
Level: ✩
... boulder rash??
"I brought you the best boulder rash remedy there is!"
Nino held out a small plastic bag filled with some kind of mushy goop, which Sho immediately opened and sniffed. Seemed like a combination of face wash and toothpaste, but who was he to argue with a level four?
Then again, Nino did have a spot on his chin, which Sho hadn't been expecting. If Nino said they were bad news, but Nino was therefore bad news himself, did that mean he was lying and all together it cancelled out? Sho shrugged his shoulders and carefully set the bag down on the table beside him.
"Thanks for bringing it. You didn't have to, really," Sho said, biting his lip.
Actually, what Sho meant to say was that he would have preferred Nino not showing up at his office unexpectedly when they were only Internet acquaintances and no one at work knew he had a pet rock. Sure, he'd responded to Nino's private forum message and told him his name and career and what he liked to do on the weekends, but that was just being polite. He also might have been four beers into a lonely night when he'd started sending the more specific details.
Nino smiled and poked his cheek before replying, "No problem. But I didn't just come here for that."
Sho didn't have to ask what Nino wanted. He seemed all too willing to lean against Sho's desk and elaborate without prompting.
"My best friend says that I don't have any friends and I should do something about it," Nino explained, but when Sho tried to tell him that didn't make any sense, he ignored it and continued, "I was thinking that we do okay together. Want to buy me lunch?"
Subject: Pet rock training?
User: TheShow
Level: ✩✩
I didn't realize until now that I haven't taught Spot any tricks. Is there a best method for training a pet rock to respond to commands?
User: KN83
Level: ✩✩✩✩
Try sit and stay. I think he'll be a natural.
-------
I tried being reasonable, I didn't like it.
Clint Eastwood
User: TheShow
Level: ✩✩
Nino!!
User: KN83
Level: ✩✩✩✩
Well it's obvious you are just trying to level up now. I see your stars.
Park tomorrow! Don't forget!
-------
I tried being reasonable, I didn't like it.
Clint Eastwood
Sho stared in wide-eyed surprise at the small, round creature in Nino's hands. Junior didn't look like the kind of pet you could purchase from the Internet. There were only so many varieties available for adoption, and most of them plastic these days, not igneous, metamorphic, or sedimentary beings. Then again, he was no expert on rock culture. He'd gotten Spot from a friend.
"He's a stray," Nino explained, petting the rock with his pinky finger, "Found him in the park getting kicked around by some yankees."
A rescue mission! Sho had to respect that. That was the problem with pet rocks, though, at least in his opinion. He wasn't sure he'd actually be willing to put himself in the line of danger for Spot. It seemed hard to imagine his pet rock feeling pain if he was kicked in the side. In fact, Sho had accidentally gotten Spot stuck in the opening of the vacuum cleaner once and he'd just pulled him out and placed him back on his book shelf. What did it say about him if he couldn't get emotional about an inanimate object?
That wasn't entirely true. He'd nearly cried when he thought he'd sat on his phone the other day.
"How come this is the billionth time we've gotten together, but only the first time you've brought your pet?" Sho asked, very carefully setting Spot down on the bench between himself and Nino. Billionth was an exaggeration, but he'd seen Nino more than anybody lately, and always without his rock.
Nino sighed and set Junior down beside Spot, nudging the rock forward gently. "He's shy around other rocks. I couldn't bring him too soon." He smiled up at Sho before adding, "But since we're friends now, I think they should be too."
"Since when are we friends?" Sho asked, more out of curiosity than objection.
"I told you just now." Nino laughed as he tried to place Junior on top of Spot and they both nearly rolled off the bench. "Don't you want to be friends with me? You buy me lunch all the time."
True. But Sho thought that after awhile they started counting as dates. Maybe he'd misread some signs. Usually, if someone put their hands on your thigh and leaned in close and tried to eat part of your gyoza when you were still in the process of putting it into your mouth? They were interested.
"Yeah, I mean... I thought we were already. I've just never heard anyone announce that it's happened," Sho lied.
When Nino invited Sho back to his apartment for beer, food, and a peek at what went on in the upper level sections of the forum, Sho was too disappointed to accept.
Subject: PET ROCK DISRUPTING SLEEP
User: KN83
Level: ✩✩✩✩
Having trouble sleeping. Pet rock's fault. He introduced me to this guy I can't get out of my head. What do I do? I want to play video games all night to distract myself from these feelings.
-------
I tried being reasonable, I didn't like it.
Clint Eastwood
User: TheShow
Level: ✩✩
I thought you always stayed up when you got a new game?
User: KN83
Level: ✩✩✩✩
You are being very cruel, Sho-chan. I'm in the middle of a love confession here.
And why haven't you been on the forums in a week? (?・・)σ You haven't returned my messages either. I have obviously been waiting.
Having trouble sleeping. Pet rock's fault. He introduced me to this guy I can't get out of my head. What do I do? I want to play video games all night to distract myself from these feelings.
See?
-------
I tried being reasonable, I didn't like it.
Clint Eastwood
User: TheShow
Level: ✩✩
It's a love confession for me!?!?!?
User: KN83
Level: ✩✩✩✩
I told you I like home dates. I invited you home last week. What did you miss?
-------
I tried being reasonable, I didn't like it.
Clint Eastwood
User: TheShow
Level: ✩✩
That's not fair, Nino! You said we were friends. How was I supposed to know that's what you meant after you said we were friends?
User: KN83
Level: ✩✩✩✩
I couldn't tell you I was inviting you back for sex in front of the children!
-------
I tried being reasonable, I didn't like it.
Clint Eastwood
"I don't think it's a good time for you to be here," Nino muttered through the crack of the door.
Sho had dropped everything and immediately rushed to Nino's apartment and now Nino didn't think it was a good time? When was it going to be a good time, then? Because he'd clearly missed an important opportunity and it wasn't fair that Nino had confused him this way. Sho made a pained noise in the back of his throat. The door opened a little more.
"I'm having a fight with my internet boyfriend," Nino explained, "We might be breaking up. He hasn't responded in twenty minutes."
"That isn't funny."
Sho pouted and tried to nudge the door open further with his foot. He was trying to make up with Nino in person. He wasn't going to apologize because he'd not done anything wrong, so if that's what it was going to take...
"I'm sorry," Sho caved, "Not for misunderstanding, but... for not returning your messages. That was wrong."
"Apology accepted!"
"Wait, I --"
Sho wasn't expecting such quick forgiveness, especially not when another apology should have been made on Nino's side, but he was more surprised by the way the door swung open and Nino pulled him forward by the wrist.
Maybe he could count all the kissing as Nino's method of saying he was sorry. Sho wasn't the type of person who would hold a grudge for longer than a week anyway.
Subject: Anyone like pet rock families? ^_____^
User: TheShow
Level: ✩✩✩
Spot, Junior, and Junior Jr!
Title: Are We Gonna Rock This?
Who: Sho/Nino ♥
Summary: Sho has pet rocks and he meets Nino because he enlists in this club, (online) for people who have pet rocks. It's up to you whether Nino actually has pet rocks. Thanks for the prompt, cherry_armrest! I had so much fun I couldn't help but go full one-shot instead of just short ficlet. :D
Subject: Help! What to do if pet rock catches cold?
User: TheShow
Level: ✩
I received my pet rock as a gift from a friend, but it didn't come with a manual! What happens if Spot feels cold and clammy? Do these things have some kind of computer chip inside that can simulate symptoms of real illness? I'm concerned it's going to beep at me if it dies.
User: KN83
Level: ✩✩✩✩
Memories of tamagotchi, Show-chan? Cold and clammy sounds like a rock.
-------
I tried being reasonable, I didn't like it.
Clint Eastwood
User: TheShow
Level: ✩
I never had a tamagotchi. My sister did though and she cried about it a lot. Anyway, cold and clammy sounds like a real rock, but I'm asking about this guy. Maybe I should give more details?
He's bright blue, fits in the palm of my hand, and has a spot sort of near his chin. Definitely plastic, more oval than a sphere. I'm thinking he should be room temperature. Help???
User: KN83
Level: ✩✩✩✩
I know all about the ones with chin spots. Get rid of him!! Bad news.
-------
I tried being reasonable, I didn't like it.
Clint Eastwood
User: TheShow
Level: ✩
I can't get rid of him! I got him as a gift!
But I solved it, so nevermind. He was too close to the air con.
User: KN83
Level: ✩✩✩✩
o(>▽<)o Classic. Do your best!
-------
I tried being reasonable, I didn't like it.
Clint Eastwood
Sho was starting to think that KN83 was the only person left on the pet rock forums. He hardly ever saw a moderator around to update things, or a new pet rock owner like himself asking questions. It was just his own threads, one after another, always answered by the same guy and without much useful advice.
But maybe that was because all the expert owners, if that's what you'd call them, were busy in ongoing threads about fashion and silly photos, the kind of content you could only access if you made it to level three. Sometimes Sho wondered why KN83 even bothered with him. That guy was level four already. He must have been taking care of pet rocks for years.
Which actually kind of pissed Sho off. He had the answers! He was just taking pleasure in making Sho suffer for them.
"Let's see what he says about changing diapers," Sho decided, glancing to Spot and flashing him a bright smile. Sho might not have been the most knowledgeable pet owner around, but he knew enough to understand that pet rocks didn't wear diapers.
Subject: How often to change diapers???
User: TheShow
Level: ✩
I got tired of Spot marking his territory all over my apartment. I really like my album collection and I don't want his smelly invisible pee everywhere. Turned to pet rock diapers, but can't decide how often to change. Thoughts?
User: KN83
Level: ✩✩✩✩
Once every two hours or he'll get boulder rash!
-------
I tried being reasonable, I didn't like it.
Clint Eastwood
User: TheShow
Level: ✩
... boulder rash??
"I brought you the best boulder rash remedy there is!"
Nino held out a small plastic bag filled with some kind of mushy goop, which Sho immediately opened and sniffed. Seemed like a combination of face wash and toothpaste, but who was he to argue with a level four?
Then again, Nino did have a spot on his chin, which Sho hadn't been expecting. If Nino said they were bad news, but Nino was therefore bad news himself, did that mean he was lying and all together it cancelled out? Sho shrugged his shoulders and carefully set the bag down on the table beside him.
"Thanks for bringing it. You didn't have to, really," Sho said, biting his lip.
Actually, what Sho meant to say was that he would have preferred Nino not showing up at his office unexpectedly when they were only Internet acquaintances and no one at work knew he had a pet rock. Sure, he'd responded to Nino's private forum message and told him his name and career and what he liked to do on the weekends, but that was just being polite. He also might have been four beers into a lonely night when he'd started sending the more specific details.
Nino smiled and poked his cheek before replying, "No problem. But I didn't just come here for that."
Sho didn't have to ask what Nino wanted. He seemed all too willing to lean against Sho's desk and elaborate without prompting.
"My best friend says that I don't have any friends and I should do something about it," Nino explained, but when Sho tried to tell him that didn't make any sense, he ignored it and continued, "I was thinking that we do okay together. Want to buy me lunch?"
Subject: Pet rock training?
User: TheShow
Level: ✩✩
I didn't realize until now that I haven't taught Spot any tricks. Is there a best method for training a pet rock to respond to commands?
User: KN83
Level: ✩✩✩✩
Try sit and stay. I think he'll be a natural.
-------
I tried being reasonable, I didn't like it.
Clint Eastwood
User: TheShow
Level: ✩✩
Nino!!
User: KN83
Level: ✩✩✩✩
Well it's obvious you are just trying to level up now. I see your stars.
Park tomorrow! Don't forget!
-------
I tried being reasonable, I didn't like it.
Clint Eastwood
Sho stared in wide-eyed surprise at the small, round creature in Nino's hands. Junior didn't look like the kind of pet you could purchase from the Internet. There were only so many varieties available for adoption, and most of them plastic these days, not igneous, metamorphic, or sedimentary beings. Then again, he was no expert on rock culture. He'd gotten Spot from a friend.
"He's a stray," Nino explained, petting the rock with his pinky finger, "Found him in the park getting kicked around by some yankees."
A rescue mission! Sho had to respect that. That was the problem with pet rocks, though, at least in his opinion. He wasn't sure he'd actually be willing to put himself in the line of danger for Spot. It seemed hard to imagine his pet rock feeling pain if he was kicked in the side. In fact, Sho had accidentally gotten Spot stuck in the opening of the vacuum cleaner once and he'd just pulled him out and placed him back on his book shelf. What did it say about him if he couldn't get emotional about an inanimate object?
That wasn't entirely true. He'd nearly cried when he thought he'd sat on his phone the other day.
"How come this is the billionth time we've gotten together, but only the first time you've brought your pet?" Sho asked, very carefully setting Spot down on the bench between himself and Nino. Billionth was an exaggeration, but he'd seen Nino more than anybody lately, and always without his rock.
Nino sighed and set Junior down beside Spot, nudging the rock forward gently. "He's shy around other rocks. I couldn't bring him too soon." He smiled up at Sho before adding, "But since we're friends now, I think they should be too."
"Since when are we friends?" Sho asked, more out of curiosity than objection.
"I told you just now." Nino laughed as he tried to place Junior on top of Spot and they both nearly rolled off the bench. "Don't you want to be friends with me? You buy me lunch all the time."
True. But Sho thought that after awhile they started counting as dates. Maybe he'd misread some signs. Usually, if someone put their hands on your thigh and leaned in close and tried to eat part of your gyoza when you were still in the process of putting it into your mouth? They were interested.
"Yeah, I mean... I thought we were already. I've just never heard anyone announce that it's happened," Sho lied.
When Nino invited Sho back to his apartment for beer, food, and a peek at what went on in the upper level sections of the forum, Sho was too disappointed to accept.
Subject: PET ROCK DISRUPTING SLEEP
User: KN83
Level: ✩✩✩✩
Having trouble sleeping. Pet rock's fault. He introduced me to this guy I can't get out of my head. What do I do? I want to play video games all night to distract myself from these feelings.
-------
I tried being reasonable, I didn't like it.
Clint Eastwood
User: TheShow
Level: ✩✩
I thought you always stayed up when you got a new game?
User: KN83
Level: ✩✩✩✩
You are being very cruel, Sho-chan. I'm in the middle of a love confession here.
And why haven't you been on the forums in a week? (?・・)σ You haven't returned my messages either. I have obviously been waiting.
Having trouble sleeping. Pet rock's fault. He introduced me to this guy I can't get out of my head. What do I do? I want to play video games all night to distract myself from these feelings.
See?
-------
I tried being reasonable, I didn't like it.
Clint Eastwood
User: TheShow
Level: ✩✩
It's a love confession for me!?!?!?
User: KN83
Level: ✩✩✩✩
I told you I like home dates. I invited you home last week. What did you miss?
-------
I tried being reasonable, I didn't like it.
Clint Eastwood
User: TheShow
Level: ✩✩
That's not fair, Nino! You said we were friends. How was I supposed to know that's what you meant after you said we were friends?
User: KN83
Level: ✩✩✩✩
I couldn't tell you I was inviting you back for sex in front of the children!
-------
I tried being reasonable, I didn't like it.
Clint Eastwood
"I don't think it's a good time for you to be here," Nino muttered through the crack of the door.
Sho had dropped everything and immediately rushed to Nino's apartment and now Nino didn't think it was a good time? When was it going to be a good time, then? Because he'd clearly missed an important opportunity and it wasn't fair that Nino had confused him this way. Sho made a pained noise in the back of his throat. The door opened a little more.
"I'm having a fight with my internet boyfriend," Nino explained, "We might be breaking up. He hasn't responded in twenty minutes."
"That isn't funny."
Sho pouted and tried to nudge the door open further with his foot. He was trying to make up with Nino in person. He wasn't going to apologize because he'd not done anything wrong, so if that's what it was going to take...
"I'm sorry," Sho caved, "Not for misunderstanding, but... for not returning your messages. That was wrong."
"Apology accepted!"
"Wait, I --"
Sho wasn't expecting such quick forgiveness, especially not when another apology should have been made on Nino's side, but he was more surprised by the way the door swung open and Nino pulled him forward by the wrist.
Maybe he could count all the kissing as Nino's method of saying he was sorry. Sho wasn't the type of person who would hold a grudge for longer than a week anyway.
Subject: Anyone like pet rock families? ^_____^
User: TheShow
Level: ✩✩✩
Spot, Junior, and Junior Jr!