arashi fiction 28 - where no one makes any sense
Title: Only the Unknown (Chapter 03)
Genre: Slight Angst, Romance, Eventual Fluff
Who: Sho/Nino
Rating: PG-13
Notes: Previous chapters are - 01 02
Summary: It's not easy to take a risk. Sho might not realize he's being stubborn.
For awhile he was more worried for Ohno than he was for himself. That is, until he realized that Ohno didn't take much notice of the fact that Nino treated him different from everyone else. Or, to be more accurate, how Nino spent more time treating Ohno exactly the way he treated everyone else.
Because the rest of Arashi had already learned that Nino couldn't stand to be surprised. Random acts of kindness were far from welcome. People wanted to touch Nino because he made them want to touch him, and only if he'd planned for them to actually do it could it occur without a violent brush off and Nino's hastily retreating form.
Aiba had taken the hint early on, having spent the most time with him before debut, and so Aiba was the one to comfort Jun when he'd thought he'd done something to make Nino hate him (and had proceeded to awkwardly touch Nino more). Sho was highly aware of it, earlier than he let on, because if Nino didn't know he knew, then Nino would keep playing the game. But he'd given himself away before long, and now it was only his place to touch if and when Nino said go.
He hated it, but he accepted it, because sometimes Nino wanted him and somehow that mattered more.
Even Nino's new manager was quick to pick up on this pattern of behavior. Instead of harsh words about proper conduct, instead of assumptions about personal matters, there were occasional reminders for Nino to play nice and if possible, smile a bit more 'you're still young'.
Sho told himself now and then that he missed the old one, if only because he'd pulled something out of Nino. A reaction, some reasoning, the tiniest bit of proof that maybe Sho meant more than he was lead to believe. But Nino had dismissed that one almost a year ago, and had thrown away all desire to convey his emotions verbally soon after that.
At least the deeper ones. The true thoughts, the hidden opinions, the regrets and the wishes and the fears. It wasn't a problem, not in this line of work, where directors loved to have their way and Nino seemed to put his complete faith in them. And not for the others, who were perfecting the art of reading other people's moods and let actions speak louder than words. But it was a problem for someone who wanted all knowledge possible of something when he liked it. When he liked something so much he couldn't stand to not know how it worked. For someone who went to University and studied in spite of fatigue and pressure and still succeeded because he wanted to, because he wanted to learn and understand and grow. For someone who read books, who knew words and used them.
It was a problem for him, and it wasn't getting any easier.
He liked Nino more than ever and he couldn't make any progress, at least not without forcing himself to lay everything on the table outright. What did Nino think about men and women, about people and preferences and how the two fit together? What did Nino think about him that wasn't obvious already? Would he have to gather all of that information through his senses alone? He'd always been terrible at observing things when it had to do with... this.
Not to mention, it was Ohno who was always getting touched. Ohno had more access to Nino's moods than anyone, and he didn't seem to care. Nino felt comfortable because Ohno didn't care. Sho cared so damn much he wished he didn't give a flying fuck and then he'd have Nino in his lap and not be staring daggers at his styrofoam coffee cup.
Sho had worried because Ohno didn't notice that Nino was trying to get him to see the line.
Now he was sick of waiting for it to be his turn to try and cross it again.
"He's upset," Aiba voiced his opinion, directing Sho's eyes to the way Nino curled himself up against Jun's side and stayed there.
"How can you tell?" Sho truly wanted to know, but Aiba only laughed and waved a hand.
---
"He just turned 19, not 20, and we have a concert tomorrow. Could you please stop sneaking him your drinks?" Jun pleaded with Ohno, who was busy nudging Aiba into taking another sip from his glass.
Sho would, usually, find reason to concern himself with this kind of situation as well. But as it were, he was maybe possibly on the drunken side. Not drunk enough to puke on his shoes or do something silly like get a tattoo, but just drunk enough to think everyone else should be drunk with him. And he was stealing from Ohno too. Fair was fair.
"We're staying in a hotel," Sho reminded the youngest, though the rest of his train of thought seemed to leave without him.
Driving, parents, safety in numbers, two beds, two not drinking.
Right.
"It's not my birthday, it's not Christmas, it's not New Years... it's not anything," Aiba stated for the fourth time or so, a giggle on his lips though everyone else showed more interest in their food. It wasn't anything, that was true, but that happened every year around this time. Those few days in between the New Year and Christmas, and they were here. As Arashi. On tour. So that was something more than usual, maybe.
"And stop being so depressing Nino, if you're not going to tell us what you're so upset about," Jun added, clearly exasperated, the number of plates on the table piling up and up and up.
It must have been less pleasant, when rehearsals ran long and he could only drink tea. Nino had changed, Sho noticed. He was wearing something different than before. But he was still frowning a little and smacking the chopsticks away from his face. Ah, because Ohno was holding them. Sticking something or other near his mouth. Nino didn't like that, but why was he scowling at him? Sho wondered, but instead of asking he picked up his glass.
"Masaki," he started, ignoring the strange looks he received from the others - it had been about two years now, and Aiba didn't really seem to mind, "it is not your birthday."
Aiba nodded.
"It is not your birthday, but... happy birthday," Sho heard himself saying before he pressed the glass to Aiba's lips. Aiba laughed and drank as if it were some running gag, Ohno's voice in the background shouting 'beer' and a giggling girl... no, that was Ohno too.
He didn't protest when the bill was paid and the van arrived and his feet were carrying him away. Mostly because his stomach hurt, but also because Nino. Nino was wearing something different and he was walking very, very close.
"I like your shirt," Sho told him. It was more honest and direct than he'd been in awhile. Maybe that's why Nino was looking at him that way. Like he hoped Sho meant it. They almost sat together, but they were sharing a hotel room tonight, and Ohno was pulling him to the backseat and asking questions.
"Satoshi-kun, shut up, you're annoying," his mouth said, but it also curved into a smile. And he didn't have to worry about Nino. He didn't worry about Ohno or Nino at all.
---
Nino was fussing over him and it was kind of weird, now that he'd sobered up enough to think about it. Nino had always managed to take care of them when he wanted, but massaging Sho's feet was a little bit much, and the scowl on his face didn't really suit the mood at all.
"Why don't you just say what's on your mind, and then you won't be avoided when you feel like shit," Sho suggested, but not all that boldly, more like he was letting a subject drop.
"Do you remember what I said to Matsujun? I'm only going to say this one more time," Nino started, settling down next to him at the edge of the bed, "I like all of you. That's all you need to know. I'm not going to bother you with my stuff all the time. You don't need that."
It sounded like the answer to an interview question. Sho felt his eyes narrow before he even really got himself worked up.
"What I need, I'll decide for myself."
He hated feeling all these things at once. It was as if he couldn't pick something and stick to it, a mood to be in or an attitude to attach to his responses. His heart pumped out love and affection, this sugary sweet undertone of 'awwwwww' for Nino. It was touched that the boy cared enough about them all to want to stop himself from troubling them, potentially dampening their spirits.
But it was kind of fucking selfish of him. To want to keep everything inside and assume he was doing them all some huge favor. And to lump Sho in with the rest of them again. To make it work, work, work - don't want to bother my friends at work.
"That's what I keep waiting for, but you're being kind of stupid, Sho, I have to say it."
Nino's hands were tangling in his shirt, pulling at the fabric the way his teeth pulled at his lips. Who was waiting for what exactly? WHO WAS WAITING? Who? He couldn't even bring himself to respond, his cheeks warm and not from embarrassment this time.
"You sat with Ohno-kun in the car. You went and sat with Ohno," Nino continued, his expression hurt, but Sho couldn't see a reason for that. It didn't make any sense, unless this was just another part of touchy-feely Nino he'd somehow missed. Nino's proximity had been a cue and he'd not followed directions. Too bad.
"I was talking to him, I wanted to sit next to him, and if you're seriously moping because I didn't set you on my lap and feed you more compliments, just deal with it Nino. Grow up."
It was the wrong thing to say, he knew that, he knew it was stupid as soon as it came out of his mouth. But he also knew it was true, what he was thinking, and he couldn't be mad at Nino for hiding if he was going to do the very same thing.
"Do you know how much this shirt cost?"
"No."
"More than I have ever spent on a shirt before. I hate myself for wearing it, and I still wanted you to tell me it looked good," Nino was completely off-topic, or so Sho briefly thought, but his concentration was shot to hell when Nino pulled the shirt up and off and tossed it aside.
"I liked it, Nino. I liked the way you looked in it," he admitted, the situation completely out of control. His eyes caught on the way Nino's chest moved up and down and it was there. He lifted them to search Nino's own eyes and waited, for something though he wasn't sure what. Or he maybe he was sure, technically speaking.
What was it that he found frightening? What could be expected... or only the unknown?
"I don't understand you," Nino mumbled, the cold air finally causing his body to shiver, and Sho watched as he crawled into bed. He was sleepy, terribly confused, not that drunk. Nino was apparently finished speaking.
Sho didn't speak either. Didn't question why he was slipping into bed beside him when they were supposed to be having a fight. Didn't say a word, just lay down perfectly still, listening to Nino's body shift until he knew his friend was on his stomach.
Nino's arm found its way around his waist, they snuggled close under the blankets, but the timing couldn't have been right, if there was ever going to be timing at all. Actually, he still wasn't sure.
Next time they were alone, Sho half dreamed, they would either kill each other or kiss.
Kill each other or kiss sounded about right.
AN: Yay! I failed you again by taking forever with this. I'm sorry. Also, I know my writing style can be all kinds of confusing, feel free to ask questions and point out errors and so on. But mostly I'm hoping you'll enjoy! :D I want to write Nino's point of view D: D:
To the next chapter!
Genre: Slight Angst, Romance, Eventual Fluff
Who: Sho/Nino
Rating: PG-13
Notes: Previous chapters are - 01 02
Summary: It's not easy to take a risk. Sho might not realize he's being stubborn.
For awhile he was more worried for Ohno than he was for himself. That is, until he realized that Ohno didn't take much notice of the fact that Nino treated him different from everyone else. Or, to be more accurate, how Nino spent more time treating Ohno exactly the way he treated everyone else.
Because the rest of Arashi had already learned that Nino couldn't stand to be surprised. Random acts of kindness were far from welcome. People wanted to touch Nino because he made them want to touch him, and only if he'd planned for them to actually do it could it occur without a violent brush off and Nino's hastily retreating form.
Aiba had taken the hint early on, having spent the most time with him before debut, and so Aiba was the one to comfort Jun when he'd thought he'd done something to make Nino hate him (and had proceeded to awkwardly touch Nino more). Sho was highly aware of it, earlier than he let on, because if Nino didn't know he knew, then Nino would keep playing the game. But he'd given himself away before long, and now it was only his place to touch if and when Nino said go.
He hated it, but he accepted it, because sometimes Nino wanted him and somehow that mattered more.
Even Nino's new manager was quick to pick up on this pattern of behavior. Instead of harsh words about proper conduct, instead of assumptions about personal matters, there were occasional reminders for Nino to play nice and if possible, smile a bit more 'you're still young'.
Sho told himself now and then that he missed the old one, if only because he'd pulled something out of Nino. A reaction, some reasoning, the tiniest bit of proof that maybe Sho meant more than he was lead to believe. But Nino had dismissed that one almost a year ago, and had thrown away all desire to convey his emotions verbally soon after that.
At least the deeper ones. The true thoughts, the hidden opinions, the regrets and the wishes and the fears. It wasn't a problem, not in this line of work, where directors loved to have their way and Nino seemed to put his complete faith in them. And not for the others, who were perfecting the art of reading other people's moods and let actions speak louder than words. But it was a problem for someone who wanted all knowledge possible of something when he liked it. When he liked something so much he couldn't stand to not know how it worked. For someone who went to University and studied in spite of fatigue and pressure and still succeeded because he wanted to, because he wanted to learn and understand and grow. For someone who read books, who knew words and used them.
It was a problem for him, and it wasn't getting any easier.
He liked Nino more than ever and he couldn't make any progress, at least not without forcing himself to lay everything on the table outright. What did Nino think about men and women, about people and preferences and how the two fit together? What did Nino think about him that wasn't obvious already? Would he have to gather all of that information through his senses alone? He'd always been terrible at observing things when it had to do with... this.
Not to mention, it was Ohno who was always getting touched. Ohno had more access to Nino's moods than anyone, and he didn't seem to care. Nino felt comfortable because Ohno didn't care. Sho cared so damn much he wished he didn't give a flying fuck and then he'd have Nino in his lap and not be staring daggers at his styrofoam coffee cup.
Sho had worried because Ohno didn't notice that Nino was trying to get him to see the line.
Now he was sick of waiting for it to be his turn to try and cross it again.
"He's upset," Aiba voiced his opinion, directing Sho's eyes to the way Nino curled himself up against Jun's side and stayed there.
"How can you tell?" Sho truly wanted to know, but Aiba only laughed and waved a hand.
---
"He just turned 19, not 20, and we have a concert tomorrow. Could you please stop sneaking him your drinks?" Jun pleaded with Ohno, who was busy nudging Aiba into taking another sip from his glass.
Sho would, usually, find reason to concern himself with this kind of situation as well. But as it were, he was maybe possibly on the drunken side. Not drunk enough to puke on his shoes or do something silly like get a tattoo, but just drunk enough to think everyone else should be drunk with him. And he was stealing from Ohno too. Fair was fair.
"We're staying in a hotel," Sho reminded the youngest, though the rest of his train of thought seemed to leave without him.
Driving, parents, safety in numbers, two beds, two not drinking.
Right.
"It's not my birthday, it's not Christmas, it's not New Years... it's not anything," Aiba stated for the fourth time or so, a giggle on his lips though everyone else showed more interest in their food. It wasn't anything, that was true, but that happened every year around this time. Those few days in between the New Year and Christmas, and they were here. As Arashi. On tour. So that was something more than usual, maybe.
"And stop being so depressing Nino, if you're not going to tell us what you're so upset about," Jun added, clearly exasperated, the number of plates on the table piling up and up and up.
It must have been less pleasant, when rehearsals ran long and he could only drink tea. Nino had changed, Sho noticed. He was wearing something different than before. But he was still frowning a little and smacking the chopsticks away from his face. Ah, because Ohno was holding them. Sticking something or other near his mouth. Nino didn't like that, but why was he scowling at him? Sho wondered, but instead of asking he picked up his glass.
"Masaki," he started, ignoring the strange looks he received from the others - it had been about two years now, and Aiba didn't really seem to mind, "it is not your birthday."
Aiba nodded.
"It is not your birthday, but... happy birthday," Sho heard himself saying before he pressed the glass to Aiba's lips. Aiba laughed and drank as if it were some running gag, Ohno's voice in the background shouting 'beer' and a giggling girl... no, that was Ohno too.
He didn't protest when the bill was paid and the van arrived and his feet were carrying him away. Mostly because his stomach hurt, but also because Nino. Nino was wearing something different and he was walking very, very close.
"I like your shirt," Sho told him. It was more honest and direct than he'd been in awhile. Maybe that's why Nino was looking at him that way. Like he hoped Sho meant it. They almost sat together, but they were sharing a hotel room tonight, and Ohno was pulling him to the backseat and asking questions.
"Satoshi-kun, shut up, you're annoying," his mouth said, but it also curved into a smile. And he didn't have to worry about Nino. He didn't worry about Ohno or Nino at all.
---
Nino was fussing over him and it was kind of weird, now that he'd sobered up enough to think about it. Nino had always managed to take care of them when he wanted, but massaging Sho's feet was a little bit much, and the scowl on his face didn't really suit the mood at all.
"Why don't you just say what's on your mind, and then you won't be avoided when you feel like shit," Sho suggested, but not all that boldly, more like he was letting a subject drop.
"Do you remember what I said to Matsujun? I'm only going to say this one more time," Nino started, settling down next to him at the edge of the bed, "I like all of you. That's all you need to know. I'm not going to bother you with my stuff all the time. You don't need that."
It sounded like the answer to an interview question. Sho felt his eyes narrow before he even really got himself worked up.
"What I need, I'll decide for myself."
He hated feeling all these things at once. It was as if he couldn't pick something and stick to it, a mood to be in or an attitude to attach to his responses. His heart pumped out love and affection, this sugary sweet undertone of 'awwwwww' for Nino. It was touched that the boy cared enough about them all to want to stop himself from troubling them, potentially dampening their spirits.
But it was kind of fucking selfish of him. To want to keep everything inside and assume he was doing them all some huge favor. And to lump Sho in with the rest of them again. To make it work, work, work - don't want to bother my friends at work.
"That's what I keep waiting for, but you're being kind of stupid, Sho, I have to say it."
Nino's hands were tangling in his shirt, pulling at the fabric the way his teeth pulled at his lips. Who was waiting for what exactly? WHO WAS WAITING? Who? He couldn't even bring himself to respond, his cheeks warm and not from embarrassment this time.
"You sat with Ohno-kun in the car. You went and sat with Ohno," Nino continued, his expression hurt, but Sho couldn't see a reason for that. It didn't make any sense, unless this was just another part of touchy-feely Nino he'd somehow missed. Nino's proximity had been a cue and he'd not followed directions. Too bad.
"I was talking to him, I wanted to sit next to him, and if you're seriously moping because I didn't set you on my lap and feed you more compliments, just deal with it Nino. Grow up."
It was the wrong thing to say, he knew that, he knew it was stupid as soon as it came out of his mouth. But he also knew it was true, what he was thinking, and he couldn't be mad at Nino for hiding if he was going to do the very same thing.
"Do you know how much this shirt cost?"
"No."
"More than I have ever spent on a shirt before. I hate myself for wearing it, and I still wanted you to tell me it looked good," Nino was completely off-topic, or so Sho briefly thought, but his concentration was shot to hell when Nino pulled the shirt up and off and tossed it aside.
"I liked it, Nino. I liked the way you looked in it," he admitted, the situation completely out of control. His eyes caught on the way Nino's chest moved up and down and it was there. He lifted them to search Nino's own eyes and waited, for something though he wasn't sure what. Or he maybe he was sure, technically speaking.
What was it that he found frightening? What could be expected... or only the unknown?
"I don't understand you," Nino mumbled, the cold air finally causing his body to shiver, and Sho watched as he crawled into bed. He was sleepy, terribly confused, not that drunk. Nino was apparently finished speaking.
Sho didn't speak either. Didn't question why he was slipping into bed beside him when they were supposed to be having a fight. Didn't say a word, just lay down perfectly still, listening to Nino's body shift until he knew his friend was on his stomach.
Nino's arm found its way around his waist, they snuggled close under the blankets, but the timing couldn't have been right, if there was ever going to be timing at all. Actually, he still wasn't sure.
Next time they were alone, Sho half dreamed, they would either kill each other or kiss.
Kill each other or kiss sounded about right.
AN: Yay! I failed you again by taking forever with this. I'm sorry. Also, I know my writing style can be all kinds of confusing, feel free to ask questions and point out errors and so on. But mostly I'm hoping you'll enjoy! :D I want to write Nino's point of view D: D:
To the next chapter!