050813
I know the exact moment I grew up.
It wasn’t in New York City -- quite the opposite. It was midnight, and it was in Zanesville, Ohio. It was the twenty sixth of April and I was tired, but I had an application I really wanted to get done and I was forcing myself through it. I also really needed to print off the lyrics to the song I had written for the funeral the next day.
The entire time I told myself that I was getting all of this ready for the Grand Master List -- and somewhere along the line I broke down and said, “screw the Master List” (I’m at work). And I didn’t care at the moment. I could care less about that stupid list. And that’s when I grew up.
--
You’re probably like, “okay, you had a moment of weakness in your house, so what? That doesn’t mean you can just give up on being yourself” or what not.
But I digress. And this is why I’m taking time during work to write this (and avoid the huge stack of envelopes that is waiting right here for me). I’m here to argue something that I’ve discovered recently: that I’ve changed a lot within the past few months, and I’m trying to dissect why and how. Because I haven’t changed quite like this before -- well, not for several years, anyway.
And I believe I grew up.
This will probably be the first out of many posts on the subject.
--
This also has to do with me ‘quitting’ music.
I’m not quitting per se. But as I have mentioned before, I got tired of the pressure always put on me from other people to do something with my music. I was happiest when I could just play for people, just sit behind my piano and put my feelings out there. That’s precisely what I did at the funeral that next Saturday -- I took the song I had written that previous Sunday and I played it, to the best of my ability, but most importantly, I became real in that moment. I cannot be divorced from my music, I cannot sell it, it is yours, it is free! So please take it and pirate it and share it with all of your friends because I don’t think music should be something you put under lock and key anymore. And yes, we need a salary, but a salary to be a playing member of an orchestra or a music therapist is different than “I am a self entitled woman trying to get rich off of my own talent so please buy my CD.”
I will go home and immediately make all of my music available for free download. Take it. It’s yours. I no longer want your money. In fact, I kind of want to pay YOU to listen to it, but I will do that by paying for places to have free downloads. If you pay for a disc, you only pay for the money it takes to create the disc.
It will be different for my books. But not for long. Because I don’t want to self-publish anymore. I want to submit my body of work to a real publisher and let them handle the details, let them handle my salary. And this isn’t me quitting. This is me no longer claiming anything to my work, because it is creative, and yes, it should be out there. I have no problem with my music being free. And since I have a problem with books not being free, then I will make them legitimate.
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, Zanesville and Manhattan, I bring you the number one step to growing up: giving up control.
--
Because we all don’t want to be teachers and astronauts and firemen and singers and whatever when we grow up, but dangit, that’s what we’re TOLD we’re supposed to be. We are TOLD we must do these things or else we will not be successful members of society. And we feel like we are horrible beings just because we work the night shift at Time Warner Cable, or Levi’s, or Pizza Hut, or wherever we go. But really, if we don’t do those jobs, how will people get their cable, or jeans, or pizza?
And while we’re on the subject of pizza -- and this may get touchy for some of you -- growing up also means restraint. It means that Weight Watchers is good for you. It means that you can’t spend the rest of your life feeding yourself whatever you want to because we weren’t born for that. We were born to take care of this world and that means taking care of ourselves, and we only say that sucks because we’re so used to pizza and hot dogs and GETTING EVERYTHING OUR WAY.
America has bred an entire generation of eternal children.
--
And Christians shouldn’t think they’re off the hook.
Because ‘denying yourself and taking up your cross?’ What does that really mean? Does it mean you become a martyr and deny yourself all things in the name of Christ? What does it really mean to walk in the name of Christ? Does it mean you do what your boyfriend tells you to do even when he drags you around like a rag doll? Does it mean that all women should submit, that we should continue the literal translations from long ago? Does it mean that I should be shunned for something that’s in my DNA, something that I have tried for 25 years to change and have had NO LUCK?
(For those of you playing along at home, I just outed myself in this blog post as a nonpracticing bisexual. Have fun.)
Jesus said screw the rules just like I said to screw the Master List. And I know some people need the rules in order to be restrained, to live and be grown up. But the rules should not apply to EVERYBODY, EVERYWHERE. Because the spirit of the game should be what is most important and not following the rules to a T. For crying out loud, people. We only have one time around this Earth. And I know some people will be like ‘yeah, YOLO dude, do what you want to do!” And I’m like NO NO NO that’s not the point.
You either get it or you don’t.
--
Because this world has worked one way since it was first created, whether God did it in six days or a big bang caused the universe to split in two (Dvorak readers take note). We grow up, we eat, we sleep, we reproduce, we die. THAT’S IT. Culture is built upon those things, and I would argue at this point religion as well. This is what we were meant to do, boiled down to its lowest level (well, that and love God). We weren’t sent here to do anything special! We were sent here to take care of the Earth and ourselves, to live unassuming lives (Bible) and to be humble in everything but not to the point of being a Pharisee!
Which is all I’ve ever been and all I ever would have been had I stuck one hundred percent to the Christian faith. And I know some people will reply to this and say ‘you’re either all in or all out.’ I’d rather be with the sinners than the saints, dudes. (And TTR readers know how this will all shake out.) Screw it. Screw it just like the Master List. Because my grandma didn’t have a Master List. But you know what she did have? Family. Safety. And peace.
So what we should be doing is not telling each other how to live our lives and instead...just coming together as one great big global community and doing what we came here to do. Taking care of the world, and each other, and loving God for those who want to do that (myself included). And until we do this, there will continue to be wars and global warming and high fructose corn syrup which are all signs of a selfish worldly community that REFUSES to grow up and take responsibility for the world God has given us.
Thankfully, God gives us a back way out. And this is the way I have found.
--
I am aware that this will not happen to everybody. But whatever. All I am doing is reporting what I have found, and that is: I believe that God created love in order to make us grow up.
Because it happens like that. You think you’re so great. The world revolves around you and your hot girlfriend is by your side and you’ve got a sweet apartment in Chelsea and more money than you know what to do with. And none of it matters, as I have said before. All you’re doing is taking up space and wasting money and ruining that poor girl’s life.
Because -- and this usually happens with the guy, which is totally understandable because us women like to be won over, and that’s a biological thing -- the world suddenly stops. And time crawls to a halt. And there’s this guy, and there’s this girl whom he’s never met before, and pretty soon they will be married and have kids and a house in the suburbs. Single guys, you know EXACTLY what I’m talking about. Timon and Pumbaa sure did in The Lion King -- “Our trio’s down to two.” Precisely. They call it ‘game over.’ But that’s only because they haven’t grown up yet. And I’m not a pro, but I’m willing to bet this phenomenon happens to gays as well -- I’ve heard for a fact it happens to lesbians.
Love will change you. Love will put things in perspective. Love will make you grow up, will make those things that you thought were so important not important at all. It will make you bash your computer in with a baseball bat and forget about the boat you were saving up for (Fireproof, people -- that movie makes me cry every time). Because what’s most important? Taking care of this world, and ourselves. That translates into kids and a house they will feel safe in, usually in the suburbs. But it doesn’t translate into a fancy basketball pole and fifteen lessons a week and soccer practice and whatever YOU think that your kids will want.
Your childhood ended years ago. Get over it. Mine ended when I was uprooted from Fishers to Zanesville, and I spent thirteen years of my life trying to get that back. Well, kind of -- I’ve been on a bit of a journey these past three years after graduating from Miami just to figure out what life is all about. It’s about this: if you want to travel to Paris, take people with you. Take your boyfriend, your girlfriend, your kids (though please make sure they’re old enough to appreciate it, signed, your fellow traveler) your parents and your siblings and whoever else you want to take.
Because if you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.
And the sooner you realize that, the sooner you will stop wasting your time and you’ll get with the program. Take meds if you absolutely have to. Take care of the world and yourself. That’s it. THAT’S IT!
It’s not about me being famous or how many amusement parks I go to or how cool it is that I live in New York City. It’s really not. It’s that I’m Emily Ann Imes, and someday, my last name will change, and I’m totally okay with that. Because that’s what I’m supposed to do. And I will pray that the rest of the world will someday, hopefully, grow up, one love at a time.
It wasn’t in New York City -- quite the opposite. It was midnight, and it was in Zanesville, Ohio. It was the twenty sixth of April and I was tired, but I had an application I really wanted to get done and I was forcing myself through it. I also really needed to print off the lyrics to the song I had written for the funeral the next day.
The entire time I told myself that I was getting all of this ready for the Grand Master List -- and somewhere along the line I broke down and said, “screw the Master List” (I’m at work). And I didn’t care at the moment. I could care less about that stupid list. And that’s when I grew up.
--
You’re probably like, “okay, you had a moment of weakness in your house, so what? That doesn’t mean you can just give up on being yourself” or what not.
But I digress. And this is why I’m taking time during work to write this (and avoid the huge stack of envelopes that is waiting right here for me). I’m here to argue something that I’ve discovered recently: that I’ve changed a lot within the past few months, and I’m trying to dissect why and how. Because I haven’t changed quite like this before -- well, not for several years, anyway.
And I believe I grew up.
This will probably be the first out of many posts on the subject.
--
This also has to do with me ‘quitting’ music.
I’m not quitting per se. But as I have mentioned before, I got tired of the pressure always put on me from other people to do something with my music. I was happiest when I could just play for people, just sit behind my piano and put my feelings out there. That’s precisely what I did at the funeral that next Saturday -- I took the song I had written that previous Sunday and I played it, to the best of my ability, but most importantly, I became real in that moment. I cannot be divorced from my music, I cannot sell it, it is yours, it is free! So please take it and pirate it and share it with all of your friends because I don’t think music should be something you put under lock and key anymore. And yes, we need a salary, but a salary to be a playing member of an orchestra or a music therapist is different than “I am a self entitled woman trying to get rich off of my own talent so please buy my CD.”
I will go home and immediately make all of my music available for free download. Take it. It’s yours. I no longer want your money. In fact, I kind of want to pay YOU to listen to it, but I will do that by paying for places to have free downloads. If you pay for a disc, you only pay for the money it takes to create the disc.
It will be different for my books. But not for long. Because I don’t want to self-publish anymore. I want to submit my body of work to a real publisher and let them handle the details, let them handle my salary. And this isn’t me quitting. This is me no longer claiming anything to my work, because it is creative, and yes, it should be out there. I have no problem with my music being free. And since I have a problem with books not being free, then I will make them legitimate.
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, Zanesville and Manhattan, I bring you the number one step to growing up: giving up control.
--
Because we all don’t want to be teachers and astronauts and firemen and singers and whatever when we grow up, but dangit, that’s what we’re TOLD we’re supposed to be. We are TOLD we must do these things or else we will not be successful members of society. And we feel like we are horrible beings just because we work the night shift at Time Warner Cable, or Levi’s, or Pizza Hut, or wherever we go. But really, if we don’t do those jobs, how will people get their cable, or jeans, or pizza?
And while we’re on the subject of pizza -- and this may get touchy for some of you -- growing up also means restraint. It means that Weight Watchers is good for you. It means that you can’t spend the rest of your life feeding yourself whatever you want to because we weren’t born for that. We were born to take care of this world and that means taking care of ourselves, and we only say that sucks because we’re so used to pizza and hot dogs and GETTING EVERYTHING OUR WAY.
America has bred an entire generation of eternal children.
--
And Christians shouldn’t think they’re off the hook.
Because ‘denying yourself and taking up your cross?’ What does that really mean? Does it mean you become a martyr and deny yourself all things in the name of Christ? What does it really mean to walk in the name of Christ? Does it mean you do what your boyfriend tells you to do even when he drags you around like a rag doll? Does it mean that all women should submit, that we should continue the literal translations from long ago? Does it mean that I should be shunned for something that’s in my DNA, something that I have tried for 25 years to change and have had NO LUCK?
(For those of you playing along at home, I just outed myself in this blog post as a nonpracticing bisexual. Have fun.)
Jesus said screw the rules just like I said to screw the Master List. And I know some people need the rules in order to be restrained, to live and be grown up. But the rules should not apply to EVERYBODY, EVERYWHERE. Because the spirit of the game should be what is most important and not following the rules to a T. For crying out loud, people. We only have one time around this Earth. And I know some people will be like ‘yeah, YOLO dude, do what you want to do!” And I’m like NO NO NO that’s not the point.
You either get it or you don’t.
--
Because this world has worked one way since it was first created, whether God did it in six days or a big bang caused the universe to split in two (Dvorak readers take note). We grow up, we eat, we sleep, we reproduce, we die. THAT’S IT. Culture is built upon those things, and I would argue at this point religion as well. This is what we were meant to do, boiled down to its lowest level (well, that and love God). We weren’t sent here to do anything special! We were sent here to take care of the Earth and ourselves, to live unassuming lives (Bible) and to be humble in everything but not to the point of being a Pharisee!
Which is all I’ve ever been and all I ever would have been had I stuck one hundred percent to the Christian faith. And I know some people will reply to this and say ‘you’re either all in or all out.’ I’d rather be with the sinners than the saints, dudes. (And TTR readers know how this will all shake out.) Screw it. Screw it just like the Master List. Because my grandma didn’t have a Master List. But you know what she did have? Family. Safety. And peace.
So what we should be doing is not telling each other how to live our lives and instead...just coming together as one great big global community and doing what we came here to do. Taking care of the world, and each other, and loving God for those who want to do that (myself included). And until we do this, there will continue to be wars and global warming and high fructose corn syrup which are all signs of a selfish worldly community that REFUSES to grow up and take responsibility for the world God has given us.
Thankfully, God gives us a back way out. And this is the way I have found.
--
I am aware that this will not happen to everybody. But whatever. All I am doing is reporting what I have found, and that is: I believe that God created love in order to make us grow up.
Because it happens like that. You think you’re so great. The world revolves around you and your hot girlfriend is by your side and you’ve got a sweet apartment in Chelsea and more money than you know what to do with. And none of it matters, as I have said before. All you’re doing is taking up space and wasting money and ruining that poor girl’s life.
Because -- and this usually happens with the guy, which is totally understandable because us women like to be won over, and that’s a biological thing -- the world suddenly stops. And time crawls to a halt. And there’s this guy, and there’s this girl whom he’s never met before, and pretty soon they will be married and have kids and a house in the suburbs. Single guys, you know EXACTLY what I’m talking about. Timon and Pumbaa sure did in The Lion King -- “Our trio’s down to two.” Precisely. They call it ‘game over.’ But that’s only because they haven’t grown up yet. And I’m not a pro, but I’m willing to bet this phenomenon happens to gays as well -- I’ve heard for a fact it happens to lesbians.
Love will change you. Love will put things in perspective. Love will make you grow up, will make those things that you thought were so important not important at all. It will make you bash your computer in with a baseball bat and forget about the boat you were saving up for (Fireproof, people -- that movie makes me cry every time). Because what’s most important? Taking care of this world, and ourselves. That translates into kids and a house they will feel safe in, usually in the suburbs. But it doesn’t translate into a fancy basketball pole and fifteen lessons a week and soccer practice and whatever YOU think that your kids will want.
Your childhood ended years ago. Get over it. Mine ended when I was uprooted from Fishers to Zanesville, and I spent thirteen years of my life trying to get that back. Well, kind of -- I’ve been on a bit of a journey these past three years after graduating from Miami just to figure out what life is all about. It’s about this: if you want to travel to Paris, take people with you. Take your boyfriend, your girlfriend, your kids (though please make sure they’re old enough to appreciate it, signed, your fellow traveler) your parents and your siblings and whoever else you want to take.
Because if you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.
And the sooner you realize that, the sooner you will stop wasting your time and you’ll get with the program. Take meds if you absolutely have to. Take care of the world and yourself. That’s it. THAT’S IT!
It’s not about me being famous or how many amusement parks I go to or how cool it is that I live in New York City. It’s really not. It’s that I’m Emily Ann Imes, and someday, my last name will change, and I’m totally okay with that. Because that’s what I’m supposed to do. And I will pray that the rest of the world will someday, hopefully, grow up, one love at a time.