We've come a long way, baby
I've been dealing with some stress lately. And by some stress, I mean I feel like I'm about to collapse pretty much every moment of my waking life. I can't sleep much anyway, and when I do, my dreams are...disturbing. Old memories I want to forget. Fears that I never want to think about having come true.
But I'm focused still. Even if I don't know what I want to do with life--I know I love being alive. I know there's so much that's beautiful and so much to love--and so little to hate. I get frustrated; I get angry; I get scared. Maybe I'm still messed up in the head. This is the big thing, though: I can deal.
Let's say that together. I can deal.
I'll smoke a cigarette. I'll scream and cry and kick my stand over in frustration. I'll listen to loud music and dance like an idiot and sing along. I'll write. I'll play. And I'll deal.
What matters is what I'm *not* doing. I'm not relapsing into old, bad habits. I'm not giving up. I'm not running away. That matters.
I think I didn't realize before how far I'd come because I hadn't had a personal crisis in so long that I didn't realize how much better I cope with it now than I ever have before in my life. I've never been this stable, and I never want to be any more stable. That would be boring. Right now, I'm just...me. Finally, completely, without regrets, and without apologies.
But I'm focused still. Even if I don't know what I want to do with life--I know I love being alive. I know there's so much that's beautiful and so much to love--and so little to hate. I get frustrated; I get angry; I get scared. Maybe I'm still messed up in the head. This is the big thing, though: I can deal.
Let's say that together. I can deal.
I'll smoke a cigarette. I'll scream and cry and kick my stand over in frustration. I'll listen to loud music and dance like an idiot and sing along. I'll write. I'll play. And I'll deal.
What matters is what I'm *not* doing. I'm not relapsing into old, bad habits. I'm not giving up. I'm not running away. That matters.
I think I didn't realize before how far I'd come because I hadn't had a personal crisis in so long that I didn't realize how much better I cope with it now than I ever have before in my life. I've never been this stable, and I never want to be any more stable. That would be boring. Right now, I'm just...me. Finally, completely, without regrets, and without apologies.