my hands began playing as i did this tag. it's a signbrandsMay 21 2011, 03:24:06 UTC
[Fang notices the change in Vanille's voice, the too-bright smile. She knows that it's an attempt to make her feel better, to set her at ease. It doesn't work this time, however. She stares down at their clasped hands, and the smile she knows Vanille wants to see doesn't come.
She reaches up and cups Vanille's face in both her hands. It's a tenderness she only shows around Vanille, but today even it is different.] Vanille. [Inwardly, she takes a deep breath. She wishes she could convey what she means with her eyes alone, that she wouldn't have to say it. She knows, even if she loves Vanille, that Vanille is too kind to reject it, to turn her away. She's too nice for her own good, always has been.
And that's what has her the most afraid, but she can't keep running away. It's not in her nature to run away from a problem. She faces it, she takes it head on. This, in retrospect, is such a small thing. She became a l'Cie. She transformed into Ragnarok alone and tore apart Cocoon for Vanille, would do it again in a heartbeat. Every desperate, frantic step she takes to find a way around their Focus now, a way that doesn't exist, is for Vanille. Telling her she loves her should be such a small thing, when it shows in everything she does.] I'm going to tell you something now, something I've never told you before. And...[Her head cants to the side for a moment, but her eyes are drawn to Vanille's face shortly thereafter.] Remember what I said, you're not alone. Even if you don't feel the same...I won't leave you. I'll stay with you to the end, understand?
the universe wants them to make out.recallsMay 31 2011, 07:56:18 UTC
( There's something about the way Fang smiles, the way she touches her, that sets Vanille on edge. There's a fluttering nervousness low in her chest, and it makes her want to stop this, to pull Fang along and laugh and skip up the path until they've both forgotten this strange moment of intensity and seriousness. She is afraid of what Fang has to say, is certain it's something she doesn't want to hear.
But Fang's eyes tell her she has to stay, and Vanille has promised herself, promised Fang, that she won't run away anymore. She knows that if she were to run now, it would hurt Fang immeasurably, and so she can't bring herself to do it. She will be brave, and stand her ground. Next to Fang, she feels suddenly small, fidgety like a bird, but nods with a solemnity she rarely shows. She looks away, eyes darting from the grass to the trees to the sky, trying to clamp down on her rising panic, and finally looks back to Fang.) I understand.
[It's quiet now, save the sounds of nature around them. It's a heavy sort of silence, the quiet before a storm. An expression crosses over Fang's features -- her mouth twists as if she's in pain. Here, with only the two of them, the fear that she clamps down on and ignores day after day threatens to consume her, to freeze her on the spot. But she's come too far now. There's no turning back.]
I... [Her voice catches. She swallows hard, and speaks again. She keeps her eyes on Vanille, drinks in the sight of her, as if she's looking at her for the last time.] I love you, Vanille. I'm in love with you. I've loved you for as long as I can remember, ever since we were kids.
( It is difficult for Vanille to hold herself still, to keep silent, when Fang looks like she hurts so very badly. It's in Vanille's nature to offer comfort, and that she can't, to the one person who means the most to her in all the world, is like a sharp stabbing in her chest.
But her own pain doesn't last long. It's dispelled in a sudden burst of bright warmth that fills her, like a flash flood made of sunlight. She's not sure she hears it right at first, so sure she'd been that Fang had something terrible to tell her, but when the truth of it catches up to her, all she can do is laugh. It's a breathy, delighted sound, and her smile this time is genuine.
She falls forward into Fang, wraps her arms around her waist so tightly it's as if she wishes to never let go. ) Me too! ( Her voice is light with relief, with joy. ) I love you, too.
( But then her self-doubt, her insecurity gets the better of her, and she pulls back slightly, apprehensive. She looks up at Fang, anxiety evident in the tilt of her head, the hunch of her shoulders. ) Do you really mean it?
[When Vanille hugs her around the waist, when she speaks, a weight leaves Fang's shoulders. She's carried the burden of this feeling for so long, has been convinced that Vanille would never return her feelings. Having that fear dispelled so plainly and matter-of-factly is one of the many reasons that she loves Vanille, has always and will always love her.
She holds her close, laughs, bright and free, and lifts her up as if she weighs nothing at all.]
Yeah. [It's said in a rush of air, as if she couldn't keep herself from speaking the words even if she wanted to now.] Of course I mean it.
( There's not much for Vanille to say as she's lifted up, so she says nothing at all, just laughs and raises her arms to loop them around Fang's neck, pressing a kiss against her cheek before she buries her face in the crook of Fang's neck. )
I was so worried. ( She breathes it out against Fang's skin, like she's ashamed, and curls her fingers into fists. She's so happy, so relieved, that she could cry. ) I didn't think you'd say that.
( If she feels the shift, Vanille does not react to it. She is only focused on Fang, as always, and simply stands, expectant, fingers laced together behind her back. Her head tilts to one side, eyes bright and soft. She is happy, so happy, that they could never move from this spot, from their positions, and she wouldn't mind. ) Yeah?
[It doesn't take much, to close the distance between them, but Fang still moves slowly, carefully. With anyone else she might be forceful, direct and fearless, but she has always saved this rarely seen gentleness for Vanille.
Once again, she takes Vanille's face in her hands, but this time she does not speak, simply waits for some unspoken acquiescence, a cue to continue.]
( With anyone else, Vanille might laugh nervously, smile, look away and then back again before changing the subject and heading off again, to diffuse an awkward situation as painlessly as possible.
But there is nothing awkward about this, the realization of so many nights of dreaming, and when Fang touches her again, she leans into it, wanting to be as close as possible. It is like her whole body sighs in satisfaction, and she tilts her face up, just slightly, in unconscious invitation. )
[That wordless invitation is all Fang needs to lean in and close the distance between them. Her eyes flutter closed.
The kiss is soft, gentle, but passionate. It carries the weight of all the years of feeling, of holding back, of hiding. Warmth spreads through her body, from the center of her chest to the tips of her fingers, and she presses against Vanille, seeking to be closer.]
( There's nothing for Vanille to do but smile into it, to sigh with a rush of relief she didn't know she was searching for. It is for her the culmination of years of wanting, of waiting, of hoping, of being so sure that she wasn't good enough.
She had been prepared to stay by Fang's side eternally, never as close as she wanted, and this is like the best of dreams. She kisses back carefully, slowly, as if she is afraid too much will wake her, will shatter this illusion.
When Fang presses closer, Vanille can't stop a small, needy sound from escaping. She feels suddenly weak-kneed, presses her palms flat against Fang's back, trembling, trying to steady herself. )
oh sweet jesus over a month old. i am sorrybrandsJuly 24 2011, 18:41:22 UTC
[The sound, soft and barely heard over the rush of blood in Fang's ears nonetheless makes her grip tighten around Vanille. She has to remember to be gentle, to remind herself to stay calm. She swallows that sound in the warmth of her mouth, and it is a long while before she thinks to pull away, breathless and flushed.
She laughs a little, and if Fang was the sort inclined toward nervousness, it might sound that way. As it is, she just seems a bit giddy, and presses another kiss to the side of Vanille's mouth.]
( She is worried that perhaps Fang might think her overeager, and so she is careful to follow her lead, to keep breathing slow and even, though she thinks she'll start panting with excitement any second.
When Fang pulls back, Vanille almost doesn't know what to do with herself. She feels off balance, dizzy, as if the world is rearranging itself around her. She can tell, by the laugh, that Fang probably feels the same way, but then she's being kissed again, and everything settles.
After a moment, she breaks away, bends forward to rest her cheek against Fang's shoulder. ) I never thought this would happen.
She reaches up and cups Vanille's face in both her hands. It's a tenderness she only shows around Vanille, but today even it is different.] Vanille. [Inwardly, she takes a deep breath. She wishes she could convey what she means with her eyes alone, that she wouldn't have to say it. She knows, even if she loves Vanille, that Vanille is too kind to reject it, to turn her away. She's too nice for her own good, always has been.
And that's what has her the most afraid, but she can't keep running away. It's not in her nature to run away from a problem. She faces it, she takes it head on. This, in retrospect, is such a small thing. She became a l'Cie. She transformed into Ragnarok alone and tore apart Cocoon for Vanille, would do it again in a heartbeat. Every desperate, frantic step she takes to find a way around their Focus now, a way that doesn't exist, is for Vanille. Telling her she loves her should be such a small thing, when it shows in everything she does.] I'm going to tell you something now, something I've never told you before. And...[Her head cants to the side for a moment, but her eyes are drawn to Vanille's face shortly thereafter.] Remember what I said, you're not alone. Even if you don't feel the same...I won't leave you. I'll stay with you to the end, understand?
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But Fang's eyes tell her she has to stay, and Vanille has promised herself, promised Fang, that she won't run away anymore. She knows that if she were to run now, it would hurt Fang immeasurably, and so she can't bring herself to do it. She will be brave, and stand her ground. Next to Fang, she feels suddenly small, fidgety like a bird, but nods with a solemnity she rarely shows. She looks away, eyes darting from the grass to the trees to the sky, trying to clamp down on her rising panic, and finally looks back to Fang.) I understand.
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I... [Her voice catches. She swallows hard, and speaks again. She keeps her eyes on Vanille, drinks in the sight of her, as if she's looking at her for the last time.] I love you, Vanille. I'm in love with you. I've loved you for as long as I can remember, ever since we were kids.
Reply
But her own pain doesn't last long. It's dispelled in a sudden burst of bright warmth that fills her, like a flash flood made of sunlight. She's not sure she hears it right at first, so sure she'd been that Fang had something terrible to tell her, but when the truth of it catches up to her, all she can do is laugh. It's a breathy, delighted sound, and her smile this time is genuine.
She falls forward into Fang, wraps her arms around her waist so tightly it's as if she wishes to never let go. ) Me too! ( Her voice is light with relief, with joy. ) I love you, too.
( But then her self-doubt, her insecurity gets the better of her, and she pulls back slightly, apprehensive. She looks up at Fang, anxiety evident in the tilt of her head, the hunch of her shoulders. ) Do you really mean it?
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She holds her close, laughs, bright and free, and lifts her up as if she weighs nothing at all.]
Yeah. [It's said in a rush of air, as if she couldn't keep herself from speaking the words even if she wanted to now.] Of course I mean it.
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I was so worried. ( She breathes it out against Fang's skin, like she's ashamed, and curls her fingers into fists. She's so happy, so relieved, that she could cry. ) I didn't think you'd say that.
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I'm sorry. [It's said in a low murmur, and she smiles.] Guess I should've worked up my nerve a little earlier.
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Once again, she takes Vanille's face in her hands, but this time she does not speak, simply waits for some unspoken acquiescence, a cue to continue.]
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But there is nothing awkward about this, the realization of so many nights of dreaming, and when Fang touches her again, she leans into it, wanting to be as close as possible. It is like her whole body sighs in satisfaction, and she tilts her face up, just slightly, in unconscious invitation. )
Reply
The kiss is soft, gentle, but passionate. It carries the weight of all the years of feeling, of holding back, of hiding. Warmth spreads through her body, from the center of her chest to the tips of her fingers, and she presses against Vanille, seeking to be closer.]
Reply
She had been prepared to stay by Fang's side eternally, never as close as she wanted, and this is like the best of dreams. She kisses back carefully, slowly, as if she is afraid too much will wake her, will shatter this illusion.
When Fang presses closer, Vanille can't stop a small, needy sound from escaping. She feels suddenly weak-kneed, presses her palms flat against Fang's back, trembling, trying to steady herself. )
Reply
She laughs a little, and if Fang was the sort inclined toward nervousness, it might sound that way. As it is, she just seems a bit giddy, and presses another kiss to the side of Vanille's mouth.]
Reply
When Fang pulls back, Vanille almost doesn't know what to do with herself. She feels off balance, dizzy, as if the world is rearranging itself around her. She can tell, by the laugh, that Fang probably feels the same way, but then she's being kissed again, and everything settles.
After a moment, she breaks away, bends forward to rest her cheek against Fang's shoulder. ) I never thought this would happen.
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