[log]; complete.

[ramenese]

Characters: Sasuke, Naruto.
When: Soon following November 16, so this is severely backdated.
Where: Clearing in the forest where Naruto and Sasuke train together.
Summary: Naruto talks to Tomoyo about their relationship and feels inspired so he tells Sasuke to meet him somewhere private.
Notes/Warnings: Fighting, forceful kissing, language.



It was past the day Naruto thought he would have kissed Tomoyo - past the day he figured he would have a girlfriend. At the ramen shop Naruto had invited Tomoyo to for a date, instead of becoming an item, Tomoyo had gently let Naruto down and admitted she had no romantic interest in him at all. In fact, Tomoyo told Naruto that she loved someone else - a girl she couldn't have, and everything became clear to Naruto. Tomoyo didn't even like guys in the first place. It had been a shock for him to find out, especially because he hadn't ever thought of girls liking other girls for real - not like guys who liked other guys. The blond was finding that same-sex relationships were pretty common, and he guessed it didn't bother him so much anymore.

There was something else Tomoyo had said, though. As Naruto stood in the clearing in the forest where he had sparred with Sasuke and Sakura, bundled up in his heavy orange coat and striped scarf that Tomoyo had knit for him, he thought of the person Tomoyo had told him needed his love more than she did. At first, he couldn't think of who she was talking about, but it became obvious that since she had read his long entry (which was supposed to be private) she knew about Sasuke kissing him. It made sense that Sasuke would be that person, especially if he thought about the last time they had been alone in Sasuke's room, and he finally knew exactly what to say to him. Naruto gripped his coat where his heart lay beneath and looked between the trees in front of him; he was starting to become positive that he loved Tomoyo. Even though she seemed to be around his age (older than him, but still not an adult), she had so many wise things to say, and her heart was so pure and kind he could hardly stand it. It was just what he wanted. They were meant for each other, he was sure, but Tomoyo liked girls - one girl in particular. Naruto wondered who the lucky girl was (even though he should know, the way Tomoyo went on about Sakura).

Trying to distract himself from the ache in his heart, Naruto mentally shook himself and removed his hand from his heart, taking a deep breath. He would practice a few moves while he waited for Sasuke to arrive to clear his mind and prepare for their talk. Naruto just hoped Sasuke wouldn't be too hurt and that they'd come to as good an understanding as he and Tomoyo had at the ramen shop. The blond was sure he had the right intentions in his heart, but the challenge would be to actually express that with words.

Tugging his cloak more tightly around his shoulders, Sasuke repressed a shiver. The shirt he'd mysteriously found in his room before had long sleeves and buttoned up the front, but it did little to fend off cold despite its vast improvement over his previous shirt. His toes were cold in these shoes, too, but he wasn't going to drop himself to the level of wearing those hideous slippers. He'd come up with a job that suited him, and then he would buy his own clothes.

As he neared the familiar clearing (why he'd decided to have them spar with him in the same clearing he always used, he didn't understand) he heard the sounds of movement, and stiffened. Naruto was here waiting for him, and he'd seemed... off when they'd agreed on the meeting. For a few moments, dark eyes simply watched as the blond went through his own training exercises, before he finally stepped out into the clearing, the sounds of his footsteps the indicator of his arrival as he remained silent.

When he noticed Sasuke step into the clearing, Naruto stopped what he was doing and turned to the other boy. A small smile was offered to him, but otherwise Naruto felt suddenly awkward. How was he supposed to break the ice? Should he draw out their meeting or get straight to the point? Everything felt tense, but Naruto wasn't sure if it was the atmosphere or just himself. He wondered how Tomoyo had felt.

"Yo. I thought we should talk. I don't want us to be confused anymore about each other." He paused, but only for a moment. "Sasuke ... do you like me or something? When you want to ... kiss me," he blushed, "is it because you want to be my boyfriend?" It sounded kind of strange, and he almost hoped Sasuke didn't look at him like he was crazy, because that would be even more embarrassing, but he knew it'd probably be better if Sasuke didn't know what the hell he was talking about, anyway.

When Naruto started talking, Sasuke's expression barely changed, though as he continued on, his lips turned further and further into a slight frown (though it was hidden behind the high collar of his cloak).

He was feeling the heavy atmosphere now more than he had before when Naruto had told him to meet him, and he wasn't exactly sure what he was supposed to say in response. Did he like Naruto? It was certainly plausible, but he really didn't know. As many times as he'd asked himself why he did what he did when he was around the blond, he couldn't figure it out. Did he want to be Naruto's boyfriend? That question just sounded completely absurd to him. What was the truth? What was it that he felt?

As the silence stretched on, he found himself groping for words to say to fill it, only to have them slip right through his cold fingers. Naruto was the one with all the words, after all.

"Sasuke?" The blond's eyebrows knit. He couldn't read Sasuke's silence, and he didn't know what else to say if Sasuke wouldn't answer him. After all, Naruto's whole speech hindged on what Sasuke would say, and if Sasuke said nothing, Naruto had no material to work with. "I just want to know because ... I think it's kind of important...." he attempted, his words trailing off. "I just don't know why else someone would kiss someone else ... unless you're just curious." That's why Naruto had kissed Sasuke as a girl, after all, but Sasuke seemed so mature.

Sasuke was searching still for the words, but the only thing that he could come up with was, "I don't know."

He watched the discomfort show itself on Naruto's face, listened to the way even the verbose blond fumbled for words, and still didn't know what it was that made him want to get closer when they were in close quarters. Right now, he was far enough away that he didn't feel the same kind of pull, and he kept himself there, not wanting to get too close.

Sasuke's answer pretty much ruined Naruto's plans entirely. If Sasuke didn't know then Naruto couldn't formulate a speech as easily as he'd wanted to. He guessed he could remind Sasuke he liked Tomoyo, but he doubted Sasuke forgot, and everyone seemed to know anyway. Naruto lowered his eyes to the grass at his feet. "Oh, okay."

At this point, Naruto was feeling embarrassed he'd called Sasuke out there to talk to him when it seemed like they weren't going to talk about anything, after all. He'd made it seem important, and it was important to him, but he wasn't about to put words into Sasuke's mouth, or feelings into Sasuke's heart, that weren't there. "I guess ... I just wanted to know. I talked to Tomoyo-chan and she said she doesn't like me, so we're just friends now. It felt really good to be honest with each other like that, even if ... I wish she had said something different. But I thought maybe it would be good if we did the same thing and let each other know how we feel."

"How I feel?" Sasuke questioned, finding the words coming easier despite the fact that he knew precisely what was coming. He was tense for a reason he didn't understand, felt like turning and just walking off. He wanted to ask if it was for him or for Naruto, really, but he bit down on the harsh words.

This was just making more of a mess out of what he didn't understand to begin with, and yet he didn't feel like he could even begin to convey that to the blond standing across the clearing from him. He wished they were more evenly matched, because a spar right now would both warm him up and ease the tension he was feeling. He wanted to hate, because hate felt natural and whatever this was both did and didn't. "What I feel isn't important," he said, trying to ease the clenching of his fists inside the sleeveless cloak, "because I'm here so that you can tell me the same thing she told you."

Naruto nodded when Sasuke spoke, hoping that he would actually try to explain a little to him. Sasuke had to have feelings about the situation, even if he couldn't come to a conclusion what it all meant. Naruto knew how that was well enough; he usually couldn't puzzle most things out, but then again he didn't often try. But when Sasuke said what he felt wasn't important, Naruto just felt confused - that is, until the older boy continued, at which point Naruto's eyes opened wide.

The words struck him in a way even a good, swift kick couldn't. That had kind of been what Naruto had come to do. Actually, it was exactly what Naruto had come to do, and he felt suddenly guilty. "Sasuke," he said, looking distinctly pained, "I really don't want to say the same thing! It's just that Tomoyo-chan said something really great and I think I should say part of it to you, too. I already told you I like Tomoyo-chan. I want to know if you like me, but I guess it doesn't really matter. I just want you to know that we'll be friends no matter what, but I know how I feel about her. When I think of the person I want to kiss, it's Tomoyo-chan. That's the way it is. And it hurts me inside, okay? I know how it is. If you felt stuff for me and felt bad inside, I wanted you to know I understand. When Tomoyo-chan talked to me, I felt better, though. I want you to feel good, too."

Sasuke felt just the slightest bit bad at the pained look Naruto had, but only that. Suddenly, the feeling he'd had before about breaking off all contact, all bonds came back tenfold. This was it. This was why. His chest felt tight but he didn't know why, because the more the blond tried to sugar coat it and make it better, the more it felt that way.

He narrowed his eyes, wishing he could understand why this not-quite-right Naruto could do what he did to him so he could stop it, feel nothing, shut the world away. He was starting to realize that it was probably better just to not make bonds to begin with. "Leave," he said, voice flat. He wanted time to himself; time to shred the bark off a few trees, time to let out this tension the only way he knew how. He needed to train, to work himself into exhaustion and a blind numbness where he thought, heard, and felt nothing. I'm not you.

Sasuke's reaction was one Naruto hadn't been expecting. The blond would have guessed Sasuke would stare at him in complete silence before he'd guess that Sasuke would tell him to leave, and after his heartfelt confession about things he'd rather keeped locked up inside of him (because of pride issues, among other things), Naruto felt a spark of annoyance flare up inside of him. It wasn't right for Sasuke to be so damn cold after that, and Naruto wasn't sure if Sasuke was being a jerk on purpose or he was just trying to hide how he felt. Naruto often hid his feelings, but usually by smiling rather than making other people feel like crap.

"Don't tell me what to do." Naruto grit his teeth and glared at Sasuke, feeling his heart clench with pain at being dismissed so easily, but he shoved the feeling away, deeper within him. He wasn't going to allow Sasuke to get to him, friend or no friend, and he suddenly focused on the memory of how much he'd hated Sasuke before Memento, way back in the Academy. It didn't matter if this was the same Sasuke, or if they came from alternate universes - Naruto was convinced all Sasukes were the same. Stupid bastards.

"You think you can just do that?! You think you can just kiss me all the time and then when I try to figure out what the hell you're thinking and be honest with you, you think you can tell me to go away?! I'm not gonna go away because you tell me to! I didn't come out here so you can be an asshole! I really wanted to understand you and have you understand me! You're the one who started all of this! If you hadn't been all weird and wanted to kiss me as a guy then this wouldn't have happened! You're the one who's being confusing and annoying and all I'm trying to do is figure out what the hell you're thinking! It affects me too, okay?! I think about it all the time! So don't tell me to leave! I'll kick your ass!!"

Sasuke didn't have it in him to be stealthy, to be calm, to be stoic anymore. The longer Naruto screeched on about this and about that, the more he barely heard it. The longer it went on, the closer he found himself getting, and by the end of it, the only thing he could think to do was curl his right hand into a fist and punch Naruto square in the jaw.

The pain that blossomed in his hand was probably only a fraction of the pain that the blond felt, and yet it still wasn't satisfying enough, and something he couldn't quite place burned in his eyes, but they were still a smouldering black rather than the color of blood.

Without seeing it coming, pain suddenly errupted in the side of his face, spreading rapidly across his skull and down his neck. Naruto flopped to the ground as he lost balance and was dazed for several seconds, even as he gripped his head and told himself to quit acting like a baby. When he finally did open his eyes and find Sasuke, blue eyes met the older boy's pissed off gaze, which made Naruto shiver with fear. It was familiar to him in some ways, but in others completely unnatural.

"What'd you do that for?" he asked, his speech a little garbled by the fact his jaw hurt like hell. "I'm the one who's supposed to be mad here, bastard. You don't even know what you feel about me but you do that weird stuff. You're too complicated."

"Either leave or fight back, Naruto," came Sasuke's response, even as he flexed his fingers to ease the sting and provoke it at the same time. "And if you choose to fight, do it with the intent to kill, because I won't hold back."

He needed this. Even if he knew Naruto was no match for him, even if he knew that he'd probably end up hurting the boy more than he meant to, he needed to release this tension, and if Naruto wasn't going to leave, then he wouldn't really have a choice.

Naruto lifted himself to his feet, eyes suddenly very serious as Sasuke explained himself. In no way, shape, or form did Naruto want to kill Sasuke, or even intend to kill him, and he wondered why Sasuke was the exact opposite. He really wanted to kill him?

"I don't want to kill you." Again, Naruto couldn't understand. Just when he had been sure everything in his life would become simple again, Sasuke had to make him even more confused. "I didn't come out here to fight you! Why are you so pissed off? I just wanted to make sure ... we were okay! I don't like leaving you all the time and not knowing what the hell just happened!"

"You couldn't kill me even if you did want to," Sasuke stated, motioning for Naruto to attack him. "I'm saying you have to come at me like you intended to if you plan on remotely holding your own. If you aren't going to leave, either come at me with the intent to kill, or run like your life depends on it."

He didn't really intend to kill Naruto, but he knew that if the blond didn't take him completely seriously right now, he'd probably end up beating him unconscious at the very least. "Now," he hissed, eyes narrowing, "I'll give you one free shot since I took one without warning you, but only if you take it now."

Naruto had to admit that Sasuke was right: he couldn't kill the other boy even if he did want to, most likely, unless he could figure out how to harness the power of the demon fox inside of him. Even Touda had found that power interesting, and since Touda was so big and strong, Naruto found it promising. He was tired of being beat up during every fight he engaged in, especially when he wanted to win to prove himself and preserve his pride.

This matter with Sasuke was entirely different, though. Naruto didn't want to fight him at all, but there was no way he was going to run. Sasuke was pissed off worse than Naruto had ever seen him, but he problem was that Naruto didn't really know why. It had to do with what he'd said, but Naruto didn't know if Sasuke was angry because he felt rejected, or because he was tired of the subject, or even something else.

Blue eyes narrowed as Sasuke told him he could have a free shot, his mouth flattening into a grim line. It was one thing for Sasuke to get mad, for Sasuke to punch him, for Sasuke to do a lot of things. But there was no way in hell he was going to belittle Naruto and get away with it.

"Shut up, bastard," he growled, hands balling into fists. "I don't need a free shot. If you wanna fight so bad, let's fight. I'll kick your ass."

"I'm not going to hold back," Sasuke murmured, and the 'I can't' that followed was barely audible. It was all the warning Naruto had before he was upon him, this time with a kick toward his midsection.

The frustration he had with himself and the blond annoyance just wouldn't ebb, and he hoped he could at least stop himself from doing too much.

Naruto knew Sasuke would come at him, and jumped backward as soon as the other boy moved, the kick missing him by so little that Naruto felt Sasuke's foot brush against the front of his jacket.

Ducking down, Naruto spun and swiped his leg at Sasuke's ankle, trying to use the fact Sasuke was on one foot to his advantage, aiming to trip him up and knock him down.

The surprise Sasuke felt at his kick being avoided didn't register on his face, and he didn't have time to dwell on it as Naruto ducked down. Bending the knee he stood on, he pushed up off of the ground, flipping back onto his hands just quick enough to avoid getting toppled. Even still, he stumbled slightly when he landed back on his feet, feeling a slight pull on one or two muscles; he hadn't practiced that maneuver before, and the muscles weren't quite used to stretching that way.

As soon as he steadied himself (no more than a second), he launched himself at Naruto again, this time throwing a punch toward the blond's chest.

When Sasuke avoided his foot, Naruto let the momentum from his spin bring him around to face Sasuke again, pushing himself upright. Because of Sasuke's speed, he hardly had a chance to get his feet planted firmly on the ground before a fist was zooming at his chest, and he tried to dive to the side, but the punch clipped him on his right side, making him stumble clumsily.

In a split-second decision, Naruto let himself follow through with the fall to his right hand, thrusting his legs up, aiming for Sasuke's chin with a heel.

The action had been so spontaneous that Sasuke hadn't seen it coming until the last second, and by then even he couldn't avoid it completely. He leaned back, succeeding in missing the brunt of the kick, but it still clipped his chin just enough to knock his teeth together and leave a stinging scrape in its wake. He took a few steps back to reevaluate before coming in for a roundhouse kick as Naruto was getting back on his feet.

It felt good to land a hit on Sasuke, especially on his face. Naruto was so frustrated, all he was starting to want to do was kick Sasuke's face in. Another part of him was hurting, though. He wouldn't admit it aloud, but he was sensitive, and even though Sasuke's anger pissed him off in return, it also made him very depressed.

Flipping his feet over his head and to the ground after the kick, Naruto pushed up from the ground in his bent form and made to stand up, only to get kicked right in the cheek. The force from the blow made his head snap to the side as he was lifted from the ground and flew in the same direction, falling to his knees. Reaching into his pouch at his back, Naruto pulled a few kunai between his fingers and threw them at Sasuke without even looking, which was a bad idea because they were all off-target.

"I don't even know why we're fighting, you bastard!" he yelled thickly, turning his head to glare at Sasuke.

If Sasuke were honest with himself, he didn't know the real reason either, but he wasn't about to say it out loud. Mostly, he would say it was because of the pain he felt, and how frustrated it made him not to even understand why he felt it. As the weapons scattered randomly, he started forward, feeling marginally better at landing another solid hit, but only enough so that his limbs weren't constantly itching for the physical repercussions of a good hard blow to flesh and bone. What he really wanted was to cover up this emotional pain with something physical, because physical pain he could deal with, and this... He didn't even know what this was.

When Naruto yelled at him, his right hand twitched with the urge to curl into a fist, but he resisted it, instead walking straight up to the blond and leaning down to grab him by the jacket. Lifting him to his feet, he returned the glare that was being given and answered simply.

"Because it's better than the alternative."

If Naruto thought about it, just thought about it for a second, he might have realized that Sasuke wasn't angry at all, because his eyes were still completely black.

Naruto let Sasuke pick him up by the coat, and from there Naruto stood on his own two feet, his glare softening into something sadder for a moment before Naruto caught himself and looked away. The alternative was what? Somehow, he imagined if he asked Sasuke that simple question he wouldn't get an answer, or at least not an answer he could understand. Sasuke was frustrating like that, and Naruto refused to believe it was because Sasuke was smarter or older than him.

"What's the alternative?" he grumbled, realizing he had to take a stab at asking, anyway. He couldn't resist the temptation of possibility; Naruto was never one to back down when the odds of failure were overwhelming.

Considering how focused Sasuke was on Naruto's face, he didn't miss the softening of the younger boy's expression. So we're both hurting here, is that it? He frowned slightly at Naruto's words, knowing the answer but not sure if he was willing to admit it or not.

However, he somehow felt compelled to be blunt and honest with the boy whose jacket he still had bunched in his fist, felt that perhaps because Naruto was honest with him, he should at least humor him with a response. He knew that it wouldn't be what the blond wanted to hear, and he would push him away, and because of it, the words tasted bitter on his tongue and sounded just as much in his ears.

"The alternative," he murmured, voice quiet, "is me kissing you again..."

Because he wanted to, and damned if he still didn't know why.

Before Sasuke told him the alternative, Naruto was sure Sasuke was going to say something like they shouldn't talk to each other anymore, or that it would be more awkward not to fight, but what Sasuke said wasn't even close to those things. Naruto didn't look at him when he said it, and only squinted his eyes into cresent slits as he felt tears burning gently at the backs of his eyeballs.

"When Tomoyo-chan told me she loved someone else ... someone who should be with someone else, but that she was happy for them, I felt really happy for Tomoyo-chan. I know she doesn't have the person she likes, but Tomoyo-chan is still happy for them anyway, and I know that all I want is for Tomoyo-chan to be happy. I thought it might have been the same for us, and I wanted you to be happy, too." But Sasuke wasn't.

Sasuke narrowed his eyes, fist clenching tighter in the material of Naruto's jacket. "Are you really that simple?" he asked, his voice bitter. "Can you honestly look at me and say you're happy the way things are? Can you honestly tell yourself it doesn't hurt just the same no matter how much you sugar coat it?" For a moment, he clenched his jaw, gritting his teeth to try and ebb his frustration and keep the weakness out of his voice.

"It doesn't matter how prettily you dress it up, you're still saying the same damn thing."

It wasn't that Naruto was ignoring that it hurt to be rejected, but he knew more important things had transpired between he and Tomoyo when they had spoken, and he knew that he cared more about her than himself. At the same time his heart soared to think of her happy, it clenched painfully in realization that she was happy without him. Still, that was something Naruto had to sacrifice in himself for Tomoyo's happiness, and he was very prepared to do that.

"All I want is for Tomoyo-chan to be happy," he admitted, his voice thick and low with emotion. "Even if that hurts me, it's worth it. I thought since you want to kiss me, and I want to kiss Tomoyo, it was the same thing. I thought maybe you would understand that's what you have to do, like I did. But I never can know what you're thinking, and you never tell me. I don't have a problem with it, but I like Tomoyo-chan. I still like her, even if she doesn't like me. I can't help it. That's all I can say."

He couldn't help it if he liked her. Sasuke thought he might know a little how that felt, because he couldn't help wanting what he wanted, even if he didn't understand it. But not understanding was the problem, and he kept thinking that if he got what it was he wanted, maybe, just maybe, he'd be able to understand why he wanted it at all.

"Stop me," he breathed, already leaning down and pulling the blond closer. "Because I can't help myself..."

A part of him wondered if he should just give in and let Sasuke kiss him, especially since he'd let Sasuke kiss him as a girl before. That was still different, especially because it had been for fun then, and Sasuke was definitely serious now. Naruto realized he couldn't understand Sasuke's feelings. No matter how much he wanted to kiss Tomoyo, he hadn't, which seemed to be something Sasuke was having trouble with. Then again, most of the reason Naruto hadn't kissed Tomoyo before she told him she didn't feel the same way about him was because he felt too shy.

"Anyone can help themselves!" Naruto pushed against Sasuke's chest, turning his head away. "Even if I let you kiss me, it's not going to do anything! It's not just for fun with you! Since I like Tomoyo-chan, I can't kiss anyone else unless it's just for fun!"

"Maybe it is just for fun," Sasuke answered, still not letting go of Naruto's jacket despite being pushed back a little bit. "Maybe I just want to know."

It was at least half true, he reasoned, and as long as Naruto couldn't read him like a book, he didn't feel he needed to really tell him everything he was feeling, especially if he didn't really know what he was feeling. He had the inkling that what he was doing was extremely stupid, but he pushed it aside.

Blond eyebrows furrowed as he finally did look at Sasuke, scrutinizing him. "You're acting like a bastard just for fun? What do you want to know, huh? What can you find out by kissing me anyway?" He was angry, mostly because Sasuke had made it seem like he was really hurting inside, which in turn had made Naruto worry a lot about it. If it was all just for fun, Sasuke could have said that in the first place, and just remained casual about it. It was difficult because he didn't want to stay a girl through it, but it would have been easier if emotions hadn't come into play in the first place.

As soon as Naruto stopped asking questions he couldn't answer (or perhaps he just didn't feel like it), Sasuke tugged him forward, free hand twining roughly into blond hair as their lips collided. The kiss was by no means gentle, but he was frustrated, and he really just wanted the boy to shut the hell up.

Naruto's whole body tensed as Sasuke yanked him forward and twisted his fingers into his hair, but especially when Sasuke forced their lips to meet. It was annoying how Sasuke never seemed to answer his questions, and he expected Sasuke to have kissed him enough times to know whatever the hell it was he was trying to figure out.

Naruto tried to knee Sasuke in the gut while pushing his arms against his chest again, wanting to get away. There was no way he was going to let Sasuke manhandle him and not even answer his questions. It had been a bad idea to call Sasuke for a meeting.

Sasuke let go suddenly, letting Naruto stumble back. Glaring to cover up anything else he might have felt, he made sure that his voice was both steady and bitingly cold.

"Leave," he said again, pulling his cloak more tightly around himself to fend off the wind. "Don't ask any more stupid questions and get out of here." I don't like you at all, I hate you, he thought, but despite how much he wanted to blurt the scathing words, they refused to come out.

Naruto did stumble backward, but he caught himself before he lost balance. His expression was unreadable only because he had no idea what to feel, but this time he knew exactly what to do. He turned his back on Sasuke and left, walking in the direction of the apartments where he had come from. If Sasuke didn't have anything to say except to tell him to leave, then there was no point in staying.

And though he wanted to, he didn't look back before he disappeared past the line of trees around the clearing.

Once he was sure that Naruto was gone, Sasuke finally dropped his defenses, sinking to his knees in the clearing. Clenching his fist, he drove it into the ground until the skin of his knuckles cracked and bled. It didn't feel quite as satisfying as he knew a sweat and blood spar would be, but when he rose and left the clearing, he was calm again, even if just for a little while.

"I don't need you," he stated, voice perfectly even. "I don't need anyone."