I ran over a woman
Today has not been a good day, neither was yesterday but for entirely different reasons. Let's start with yesterday. After a 9-5 shift I had to go to an engameent party. It is my Mum's cousin's daughter. Never have I felt really part of that side of the family and yesterday was no different. There I was, having changed quickly in the common room into skinny jeans and a pretty top only to find that I was ignored most of the time. Most of that was my fault - I was in no mood to socialise, and made barely any effort. The only person I did socialise with was an adopted cousin who I am sure was flirting with me, and even though we are not related it was still kind of weird. And I am pretty sure I led him on, because I am a fuck. The wedding is this weekend - I have to stay away from him and tell him that all this is too creepy without actually telling him. Because I am a chicken.
And then today I ran over a woman.
I was helping to push a cart (and by cart I mean a two tonne stall) and this one woman refused to move out of the way. I screamed at her and then I had to use my hand to move out of the way. Even then she reacted slowly and her foot caught on the stall and then on me. There was no blood but I am sure that her leg will bruise. I apologised then thought nothing of it. Hours later I get told that the security guards watched the footage back and think that if the woman complains they need to cover their butts. So I had to fill out a witness report of what exactly happened.
And that was it, my mood went downhill from there. Why is it my fault? That stupid woman! She was in her mid-thirties and just stood there, ignoring me completely. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Everyone is going to know about it and everyone is going to talk about it. I am going to have to brush it off as if it doesn't bother me at all. So more fakeness. I am so tired of all of this crap.
I want to have my room the way I like, go on holiday with people I want to, when I want to, and I want to be able to be upset without the whole world asking me what the fuck is wrong and why I, the smiley girl, isn't smiling.
I do have one really good friend in the Eye and he said to me that I shouldn't worry about it and that in fact I should have gone back and finished the woman off. I love him so much. He made me laugh genuinely. Those who knew about it told me not to worry about it since all the Eye was doind was to cover themseleves and if she hadn't complained by then, then she wasn't going to complain at all. I wish I could be sure. I want to work until my contract runs out. What if they fire me?
What if they fire me?
Tomorrow I am going to get my hair cut, get my ears pierced and decide on a holiday destination with Friend. And go swimming after years and years of doing nothing. Hopefully all of that will mean that I won't spend too much time at home.
Though I will be home to carry on watching the Berlin World Championships.
He made yesterday so much better for me. I saw him win, beat his own World Record and for one moment everything was absolutely perfect.
I hope so much I don't get fired. It is all that I can think of. Why did that have to happen to me? I do a good job at work - I see loads of stuff, people like me -customers like me. Please let me not get fired.
xoxo
And then today I ran over a woman.
I was helping to push a cart (and by cart I mean a two tonne stall) and this one woman refused to move out of the way. I screamed at her and then I had to use my hand to move out of the way. Even then she reacted slowly and her foot caught on the stall and then on me. There was no blood but I am sure that her leg will bruise. I apologised then thought nothing of it. Hours later I get told that the security guards watched the footage back and think that if the woman complains they need to cover their butts. So I had to fill out a witness report of what exactly happened.
And that was it, my mood went downhill from there. Why is it my fault? That stupid woman! She was in her mid-thirties and just stood there, ignoring me completely. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Everyone is going to know about it and everyone is going to talk about it. I am going to have to brush it off as if it doesn't bother me at all. So more fakeness. I am so tired of all of this crap.
I want to have my room the way I like, go on holiday with people I want to, when I want to, and I want to be able to be upset without the whole world asking me what the fuck is wrong and why I, the smiley girl, isn't smiling.
I do have one really good friend in the Eye and he said to me that I shouldn't worry about it and that in fact I should have gone back and finished the woman off. I love him so much. He made me laugh genuinely. Those who knew about it told me not to worry about it since all the Eye was doind was to cover themseleves and if she hadn't complained by then, then she wasn't going to complain at all. I wish I could be sure. I want to work until my contract runs out. What if they fire me?
What if they fire me?
Tomorrow I am going to get my hair cut, get my ears pierced and decide on a holiday destination with Friend. And go swimming after years and years of doing nothing. Hopefully all of that will mean that I won't spend too much time at home.
Though I will be home to carry on watching the Berlin World Championships.
He made yesterday so much better for me. I saw him win, beat his own World Record and for one moment everything was absolutely perfect.
I hope so much I don't get fired. It is all that I can think of. Why did that have to happen to me? I do a good job at work - I see loads of stuff, people like me -customers like me. Please let me not get fired.
xoxo