[ There's something far more intimate to him about this than even more personal, physical, experiences. It's dizzying for a moment, the depth of sensation in comparison to previous so-called intimate moments. They hadn't been like this, not at all; he can tell because he's never wanted to just laugh because of all the warm sensations Erik's lips stirred in his gut. The smile he felt tingle at his lips whenever Erik was in his bubble of space-- even if they pointedly avoided any serious touching-- just being close had been enough for him at first. The feelings, the deeper ones, had been terrifying for him at first-- so close and so deep and Erik was a man. For all his open minded nature, that was something far out of his realm of experience, his knowledge, it had startled him. He knew the biology of it, at least what studies had proven with humans and animals, and it had never bothered him in anyone else. There was a difference though, when it was him.
He came to realize after some introspection and careful review of his own thoughts and behaviors that perhaps it was latent-- in a way. His attraction was generally limited to Erik, and Erik alone. He had seen all of the man, his pain and his brilliance alike, and found himself nearly consumed for it. It wasn't why he leapt from the boat; no, he did that to save a life. But the fervor in which he tried to make a mark on Erik, to stake a claim in his life, that had not been solely for the mission and he knew that much now when they sat so close. He can feel the warm brush of Erik's breath and he lets out a dry chuckle, voice dipping lower, ] Mmm-- Surprise. [ His eyes slip closed momentarily, his head tipping to the side and toward Erik's hand just enough to earn more contact without pulling away. Rarely did he let anyone touch his hair, and the touch starved nerves are set alight just by the simple contact. ]
[ It's a terrible kind of relief-- double-edged for him, and dangerous; but the telepath's gentle constancy does calm him; stilling the sudden upsurge of doubt; which is trodden down with such ease that it catches him. Charles leans into him; the dark hair he's envisioned threading his fingers through-- now material in his hand; and the unreality of the situation is gone, because he has Charles here, with him now-- and it's something he'd wanted before, unclassified, and unacknowledged, but still somewhat present; a malcontent with what they had established so far-- the want for more. It would be perfectly appropriate for him to close the hair's breadth of a gap-- but he holds back, enjoying that freely given potential. He's unfamiliar with how the new steps work; the progression they've just made, outside of the familiar confines of their friendship-- but Erik is nothing if not solid in his convictions; in this as with everything, and he shifts again, gently pulling the other man towards him with an encouraging press against his flank. ] How long-- Charles--
[ He pauses, swallowing, expression still light, though-- this unexpected twisting of circumstances only encourages the slow smile he's been nursing. But he's also curious, wanting to pick apart-- to understand, above all, if Charles had been similarly trapped-- pinned between what seemed the right way of going about each other, and what he wished he could do. ] How long have you wanted to do that?
[ Erik cannot resist slipping an arm around the other's waist; because he's finally been given leave to do so-- and it's utterly novel, the willingness on Charles' part, and the pliancy. Turning his head, his mouth connects with the telepath's jaw-line, breath brushing along the column of his throat. ]
[ Charles shifts against Erik, settling so easily under the hold of his arm, almost frighteningly comfortable with the feel of it-- as if the two men were fitted pieces of a puzzle. The connection had long been there, mentally, drawing the two of them close-- the first spark had rattled Charles unlike anything else had before. These new touches came close, each shooting along his nerves, the heat of Erik's skin alerting him to every point of contact, every little movement. He knows he should be startled, worried even, by the way they mesh in these movements but all he can find is satisfaction in the quell of his wants. Erik has accepted his desires; that alone was a relief, but his reciprocation brought a warmth to his chest.
The question startles him out of his contentment, however faintly, because he hadn't honestly expected him to ask that of all things. He pushes down the anxious feelings and speaks, softer than before, ] For-- for some time now. I think the feeling had always been there, but I wasn't entirely sure what it was-- or maybe I didn't want to know-- but... I could always feel it, somewhere, whenever you were around.
Me too. [ There isn't much else of a confirmation needed, but the sincerity is in his face and the timbre of his voice; pitched low with honesty and Erik can't avoid slipping both arms around the telepath at the shared confession, head dipping to kiss his shoulder and breath in the mustiness of the cardigan that makes him seem so much older than he really is-- the clothing of a scholar, no parallel to the man that Erik's slowly coming to know here. He speaks into the fabric, ] The satellite dish, Charles, that's when it was clearest. [ No one knew him as Charles did; it is a comfortable kind of coexistence that is possible between them, without the pressure that would come with any other sort of relationship. He's uncertain if he's been given leave to take this further, but he threads his fingers through the loose strands of hair that curl against the telepath's neck, pausing to really look at him for a long second, warmth in every minute twitch of expression. ]
One of us should have said something sooner. [ An experimental tendril of thought is extended; just another added level of intimacy, broaching physical and skittering into the metaphysical. ]
[ The brush of warm breath, the surprising softness of his words, all of it draws him into Erik further and further. A little tip of his head, not much, just enough to let his cheek press to the side of Erik's temple. Lips ghosting the tops of his hair, watching them sway just a tad under the pressure of his own breath. Erik had a point, on the veranda when the two of them had been so in tune; when Erik had allowed him back inside, to those deeper, beautiful memories that the man had so neglected. He had felt that connection burn so strongly it had scared him a bit; in a way he supposed he should have been grateful to Moira for the interruption. ]
Yes, but perhaps we just weren't ready. [ Charles wasn't entirely sure he was ready yet, but he refused to back down, not when he had finally taken that stop forward. He want's Erik to know that much, at least, that he wont run or abandon him-- regardless of what he's done, what he wants to do, because it's so much deeper than that. He smiles, it's light but entirely sincere and brimming with affection he no longer had to hide. ]
[ A hand reaches up to hover against the other man's jaw, fingers experimentally tracing along the edge of it; the pale skin and the most miniscule signature of the blood beneath it-- he lifts his own head, bringing them face to face again, the shock of blue that Charles' eyes always hold for him; so exclusively focused on him alone now. Covetously, maybe, be looks back-- and leans forward, broaching the gap again to kiss the telepath, aware that this is entirely within his right now, in light of that confession. It's a dangerously intoxicating movement, and he knows that this will wound them both one day-- but he's too preoccupied with that mouth; fingers now twined in the sweater in order to bring Charles closer, to pull him in. Erik shifts backwards on the bed, breaking the kiss to allow the younger man up beside him, tongue running over his bottom lip.
He looks up, no answering smile-- just that grave affection; the smallest hint of a reflexive authority, even in this situation. ] Come here.
He came to realize after some introspection and careful review of his own thoughts and behaviors that perhaps it was latent-- in a way. His attraction was generally limited to Erik, and Erik alone. He had seen all of the man, his pain and his brilliance alike, and found himself nearly consumed for it. It wasn't why he leapt from the boat; no, he did that to save a life. But the fervor in which he tried to make a mark on Erik, to stake a claim in his life, that had not been solely for the mission and he knew that much now when they sat so close. He can feel the warm brush of Erik's breath and he lets out a dry chuckle, voice dipping lower, ] Mmm-- Surprise. [ His eyes slip closed momentarily, his head tipping to the side and toward Erik's hand just enough to earn more contact without pulling away. Rarely did he let anyone touch his hair, and the touch starved nerves are set alight just by the simple contact. ]
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[ He pauses, swallowing, expression still light, though-- this unexpected twisting of circumstances only encourages the slow smile he's been nursing. But he's also curious, wanting to pick apart-- to understand, above all, if Charles had been similarly trapped-- pinned between what seemed the right way of going about each other, and what he wished he could do. ] How long have you wanted to do that?
[ Erik cannot resist slipping an arm around the other's waist; because he's finally been given leave to do so-- and it's utterly novel, the willingness on Charles' part, and the pliancy. Turning his head, his mouth connects with the telepath's jaw-line, breath brushing along the column of his throat. ]
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The question startles him out of his contentment, however faintly, because he hadn't honestly expected him to ask that of all things. He pushes down the anxious feelings and speaks, softer than before, ] For-- for some time now. I think the feeling had always been there, but I wasn't entirely sure what it was-- or maybe I didn't want to know-- but... I could always feel it, somewhere, whenever you were around.
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One of us should have said something sooner. [ An experimental tendril of thought is extended; just another added level of intimacy, broaching physical and skittering into the metaphysical. ]
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Yes, but perhaps we just weren't ready. [ Charles wasn't entirely sure he was ready yet, but he refused to back down, not when he had finally taken that stop forward. He want's Erik to know that much, at least, that he wont run or abandon him-- regardless of what he's done, what he wants to do, because it's so much deeper than that. He smiles, it's light but entirely sincere and brimming with affection he no longer had to hide. ]
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He looks up, no answering smile-- just that grave affection; the smallest hint of a reflexive authority, even in this situation. ] Come here.
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