Knowing that their father was alive and well was great news. It was the fact that he had been perfectly fine, but he chose to cut them out of his hunt. He chose to shut them out and let them think that something terrible had happened to him. Maybe if he hadn't gone missing on Dana then Sam would not have left Jess alone like that. He was never going to stop blaming himself for her death, but maybe now he could sorta blame their dad as well. It was his fake disappearance that had started all of this. He was angry at him. He wanted to tell him, but he knew Dana hated when they fought. He didn't feel the need to do it in front of her. She didn't need that.
"Dana, you know it's not a good idea." He didn't even bother to look over his shoulder at her. He knew that if he did then she'd somehow guilt him into getting on that couch with her. Cuddling for warmth as kids was one thing. Doing it as adults knowingly on a small couch was something their father would question. He didn't want to have that conversation with his dad because he'd just wind up telling him to the truth to get him off his back. Their arguments always ended badly.
Sam stretched his arms above his head and finally laid back flat on the floor. He crossed his arms over his chest and one leg over the other. Their father seemed a little wary of Sam still. Apparently taking a break for college was grounds for being rusty or careless.
...honestly, Dana had been hurt. That she was so unneeded by John that he hadn't bothered to tell her he'd be going somewhere, that he'd forget about her completely and run off. At least Sam was already gone at that point, no need to tell him. And that had been the second Winchester man in her life to leave her behind. It was getting harder and harder to keep up the mood she usually did if she kept getting abandoned this way by the people she loved. But she hadn't shown the hurt and she probably never would if she could help it. Dana...always had to be the strong one. It was expected of her.
Sighing as Sam ignored her, just stretching out on what she knew was cold, hard floor, she just wished everything could be alright. "And you freezing to death in the middle of the night is a better one? Don't be stupid." Dana definately never wanted their father to find out about them though. She'd been taught since she was three to 'look out for Sammy'. She could only imagine the horror and disgust she'd be faced with from John for violating her younger brother in such a way.
Their father had cut all communication with Sam after he left for college. This was something he had neglected to tell Dana about. He didn't want her to know that their father had told him to go and never come back. She looked up to the guy for whatever reason. He had let them down enough already and somehow Dana had remained the guy's number one fan. He didn't want to completely ruin him for her. He kept his mouth shut, but it was harder and harder to do so right now. He was just so angry with that guy that he was tempted to just lay everything down on the table with him.
"I really don't want to explain to dad why we're spooning as adults. He's already pissed off at me." He was pretty sure their dad was still holding onto that fight before he left for college. The guy could hold a grudge like nobodies business. Maybe he was just angry about something else, but it felt like he was still mad about that night. Sam felt like a fool for thinking that their dad had been in trouble and needed their help. "Besides you grab in your sleep."
Dana knew there was a fight. Sam and Dad always fought, but that last one had been big. And she knew Sam left afterwards to go to College, leave her behind like she hadn't been the only one there for him his whole life. There'd been no contact for nearly two years.
"Then don't spoon me and just sit next to me for a bit to get warm. Besides, he's dead asleep right now anyways." And this place was so creaky, they'd hear if he got up. Wrinkling her nose though, she shot him a look. "Yeah, well, you mutter my name in your sleep." She retaliated.
He told him not to contact them. He told him to leave and never look back so Sam did. The one time Sam followed his dad's orders and it was that one. Sam had wanted to go to college and maybe his dad had given him his out. He had pushed him out for good and by cutting communication he reduced the chance that Sam would somehow wander back into this life. It caught up to Sam no matter what though. It was an infectious disease that he would have to learn how to live with if he wanted to keep people around him safe.
"Fine." Sam sat up and practically jumped onto that couch with her. He lifted the blanket enough to get under it and tucked it around his body to keep the heat in. He glanced at her and smiled. He did say her name sometimes when he slept. He couldn't make himself stop either. Most of the time it wasn't even sexual. He just said it for whatever reason. Still it could be taken as sexual by the wrong person. "I'll take saying your name over giving sleeping handjobs. I never know if you're awake or asleep."
Rolling her eyes, Dana scooted over to give Sam more room to join her, glad that he had though. She really didn't want him to be so uncomfortable. Gladly sharing the blanket, she leaned into his side once he was settled, her head resting on his shoulder.
And her name was much better than the waking nightmares. But with his comment, she elbowed his side. "Hey. It's not my fault my body naturally reacts when it feels a certain something poking me in the middle of the night."
Maybe it was out of habit, but they had somehow fallen into snuggling. As soon as she leaned into him his arm lifted to wrap around her. It was more comfortable and it would probably be warmer as well. They would be prepared to break apart though if their father happened to wake up and come flying out of that room with a lead or something else entirely. The guys booze was in his bag which was in the room with him. Hopefully that would keep him in there unless he had to use the restroom outside.
He was happy the waking nightmares had slowed. They weren't as frequently and they only really popped up after a particularly brutal hunt. That was when things got rough. Normally though they didn't happen. He had some peace. "It's the middle of the night! I can't help what comes up. It happens to all guys." Sam wasn't sure why he felt the need to defend that, but he was. His arm slid down from around her shoulders to around the middle of her back. He pinched her side with a smile. "Sides you should be flattered it reacts so positively to you."
It was natural now for them, to be so close. After weeks of just them, there were habits they had fallen into. And really, ones Dana didn't mind so much.
Chuckling softly, she made a surprised noise for the pinch, turning and nipping at his jaw in turn. Her arms were too busy keeping the blanket tightly wrapped around them to fend off the cold air. "And you should be flattered I wanna give you handy's even while I'm asleep."
It was true. Most men would be all kinds of boastful about that. Sam didn't feel the need to be that way. He appreciated it. He always just chalked it up to automatic reflex or maybe just a good dream that involved some hand motions. It was interesting to think that it was because even in her dreams she wanted to be with him. "I'm very flattered. I'm a pretty lucky guy if I do say so."
Sam looked over his shoulder to take note of their father's door. Still shut and most likely locked. Good. He turned again and leaned his head down to kiss hers shoulder. "I thought I'd be happier to see him, but I kinda just wish he'd spring for his own room and leave us be in ours. I feel bad for thinking that though."
Well Dana never really slept with a guy before. She'd never been much one for cuddling. Or sticking around for that matter. But everything about Sam always drew her in, apparently even in her sleep she still wanted to touch him. "I'd say so too." She teases.
Tipping her head slightly as Sam turned a gaze back at their dad's still firmly shut door, Dana couldn't help but smile softly as he turned back and dropped a kiss down to her shoulder. This was them now. Touching, being close. Dana really didn't want it any other way, even if she never wanted their father to ever find out. "...yeah, I sorta wish so too. But he knows what's best Sam. We'll get through this."
This was Sam's area actually. Maybe not sleeping with his sister, but a relationship was. Intimacy was something he was familiar with. He had this with Jess and a few other women in the past. Sam was good at dating and being in a relationship. Casual hookups were never his area of expertise. He could engage in them, but you could be damned sure he didn't know the protocol. He would most likely call the girl or try to make another date. He really didn't know how to follow those rules.
"Dana, he's fumbling around just like us. He's smart and he's capable, but he's not the expert on everything. You don't always have to do everything the guy says. We could got the motel room. Dad could stayed out here in a insanely rundown cabin." It wasn't that Sam couldn't hack it in a cabin with no heat. It was that he didn't feel the need to listen to whatever his dad told them to do. They were adults. They didn't have to let him boss them around. His voice dropped down to a whisper. "I could be sharing a bed with you like normal and not pretending that I don't wanna be with you."
They both were so opposite, but...right for each other. As pathetic and sappy as that sounded.
"Sam." Sighing, she didn't want to get into this with him. Their opinions on their father differed to extremes and Dana just didn't want to go through this. They were a family damn it, he was their Dad. That should be all that mattered. "We're already here Sam. We can't change that."
Biting her lip, she sighs, shifting her hand under the blanket to squeeze his thigh. "I know, this is...hard. Harder than I thought. But we're going to have to get used to pretending to be just...brother and sister again eventually. There will be times Sam..." They couldn't always be strangers. There were people out there who knew who they were.
She was right. There would be times when they had to slip back into being Sam and Dana Winchester the son and daughter of John Winchester. They couldn't just be the mystery couple that no one really knew. They weren't allowed to be how they wanted when they were around their father. Sam understood that, but they were adults now. They could make their own decisions and that included where they slept and how they handled a hunt. Their father could go way too far and they both knew that. Sam just wanted the night for himself. He didn't need his father cutting in on that too.
Sam twisted his body on the couch to face her better. He managed to stay under the blanket as well. "He doesn't have to inch his way into every part of life though. I know he's our dad, but he cut me out a long time ago, Dana. He doesn't get to just breeze back in after freaking us out like that and pretend he wants to see me." Maybe Sam held a grudge a little longer than most as well. "I shouldn't have to pretend I don't wanna kiss you all the time."
They were adults. But they were still his son and his daughter. They were family... A majorly, fucked up family, God knows, but they only had each other.
Dana shifted, one leg scooting up underneath her as she faced Sam better as well. "...cut you out? You left Sam, you chose school over us." So did not want to talk about this. Shaking her head, she closed her eyes, pushing a hand up back through her hair.
"...I want to kiss you, all the time. And you know how good I am with self control. But we just-- we can't."
Sam paused at that. She thought he chose school over her. That made Sam stutter. He didn't want her to continue thinking that he would just choose school over being with his sister. He would have continued to stay in contact if it wasn't for their father. "Dana, I--" He took a deep breath as he struggled to find the words. Could he ruin the way she saw their father? Maybe she wouldn't think any less of their father, but he didn't want her to think that school was more important than her. Ever. It wasn't fair. Sam would have loved for her to have visited him.
"I wanted to go to college, but it was dad who cut me out. Dad told me that if I was going to go to school than I couldn't ever come back to you guys. I wasn't supposed to ever contact you. I may have left, but he closed that door on me forever. It woulda stayed closed if you hadn't come to get me. I never left you, Dana. I just went to college."
Dana's brows furrowed at his stricken face, confused. "What?"
...that...sounded like their father. But still. Shaking her head, she closed her eyes, her face etched with a frown. "It doesn't matter. The only reason he did that at all was because you wanted to leave. You always wanted to leave us. Like that time you ran away and Dad practically had my ass on a platter for losing you. I searched frantically for days Sam, do you remember that?"
"Dana, you know it's not a good idea." He didn't even bother to look over his shoulder at her. He knew that if he did then she'd somehow guilt him into getting on that couch with her. Cuddling for warmth as kids was one thing. Doing it as adults knowingly on a small couch was something their father would question. He didn't want to have that conversation with his dad because he'd just wind up telling him to the truth to get him off his back. Their arguments always ended badly.
Sam stretched his arms above his head and finally laid back flat on the floor. He crossed his arms over his chest and one leg over the other. Their father seemed a little wary of Sam still. Apparently taking a break for college was grounds for being rusty or careless.
Reply
Sighing as Sam ignored her, just stretching out on what she knew was cold, hard floor, she just wished everything could be alright. "And you freezing to death in the middle of the night is a better one? Don't be stupid." Dana definately never wanted their father to find out about them though. She'd been taught since she was three to 'look out for Sammy'. She could only imagine the horror and disgust she'd be faced with from John for violating her younger brother in such a way.
Reply
"I really don't want to explain to dad why we're spooning as adults. He's already pissed off at me." He was pretty sure their dad was still holding onto that fight before he left for college. The guy could hold a grudge like nobodies business. Maybe he was just angry about something else, but it felt like he was still mad about that night. Sam felt like a fool for thinking that their dad had been in trouble and needed their help. "Besides you grab in your sleep."
Reply
"Then don't spoon me and just sit next to me for a bit to get warm. Besides, he's dead asleep right now anyways." And this place was so creaky, they'd hear if he got up. Wrinkling her nose though, she shot him a look. "Yeah, well, you mutter my name in your sleep." She retaliated.
Reply
"Fine." Sam sat up and practically jumped onto that couch with her. He lifted the blanket enough to get under it and tucked it around his body to keep the heat in. He glanced at her and smiled. He did say her name sometimes when he slept. He couldn't make himself stop either. Most of the time it wasn't even sexual. He just said it for whatever reason. Still it could be taken as sexual by the wrong person. "I'll take saying your name over giving sleeping handjobs. I never know if you're awake or asleep."
Reply
And her name was much better than the waking nightmares. But with his comment, she elbowed his side. "Hey. It's not my fault my body naturally reacts when it feels a certain something poking me in the middle of the night."
Reply
He was happy the waking nightmares had slowed. They weren't as frequently and they only really popped up after a particularly brutal hunt. That was when things got rough. Normally though they didn't happen. He had some peace. "It's the middle of the night! I can't help what comes up. It happens to all guys." Sam wasn't sure why he felt the need to defend that, but he was. His arm slid down from around her shoulders to around the middle of her back. He pinched her side with a smile. "Sides you should be flattered it reacts so positively to you."
Reply
Chuckling softly, she made a surprised noise for the pinch, turning and nipping at his jaw in turn. Her arms were too busy keeping the blanket tightly wrapped around them to fend off the cold air. "And you should be flattered I wanna give you handy's even while I'm asleep."
Reply
Sam looked over his shoulder to take note of their father's door. Still shut and most likely locked. Good. He turned again and leaned his head down to kiss hers shoulder. "I thought I'd be happier to see him, but I kinda just wish he'd spring for his own room and leave us be in ours. I feel bad for thinking that though."
Reply
Tipping her head slightly as Sam turned a gaze back at their dad's still firmly shut door, Dana couldn't help but smile softly as he turned back and dropped a kiss down to her shoulder. This was them now. Touching, being close. Dana really didn't want it any other way, even if she never wanted their father to ever find out. "...yeah, I sorta wish so too. But he knows what's best Sam. We'll get through this."
Reply
"Dana, he's fumbling around just like us. He's smart and he's capable, but he's not the expert on everything. You don't always have to do everything the guy says. We could got the motel room. Dad could stayed out here in a insanely rundown cabin." It wasn't that Sam couldn't hack it in a cabin with no heat. It was that he didn't feel the need to listen to whatever his dad told them to do. They were adults. They didn't have to let him boss them around. His voice dropped down to a whisper. "I could be sharing a bed with you like normal and not pretending that I don't wanna be with you."
Reply
"Sam." Sighing, she didn't want to get into this with him. Their opinions on their father differed to extremes and Dana just didn't want to go through this. They were a family damn it, he was their Dad. That should be all that mattered. "We're already here Sam. We can't change that."
Biting her lip, she sighs, shifting her hand under the blanket to squeeze his thigh. "I know, this is...hard. Harder than I thought. But we're going to have to get used to pretending to be just...brother and sister again eventually. There will be times Sam..." They couldn't always be strangers. There were people out there who knew who they were.
Reply
Sam twisted his body on the couch to face her better. He managed to stay under the blanket as well. "He doesn't have to inch his way into every part of life though. I know he's our dad, but he cut me out a long time ago, Dana. He doesn't get to just breeze back in after freaking us out like that and pretend he wants to see me." Maybe Sam held a grudge a little longer than most as well. "I shouldn't have to pretend I don't wanna kiss you all the time."
Reply
Dana shifted, one leg scooting up underneath her as she faced Sam better as well. "...cut you out? You left Sam, you chose school over us." So did not want to talk about this. Shaking her head, she closed her eyes, pushing a hand up back through her hair.
"...I want to kiss you, all the time. And you know how good I am with self control. But we just-- we can't."
Reply
"I wanted to go to college, but it was dad who cut me out. Dad told me that if I was going to go to school than I couldn't ever come back to you guys. I wasn't supposed to ever contact you. I may have left, but he closed that door on me forever. It woulda stayed closed if you hadn't come to get me. I never left you, Dana. I just went to college."
Reply
...that...sounded like their father. But still. Shaking her head, she closed her eyes, her face etched with a frown. "It doesn't matter. The only reason he did that at all was because you wanted to leave. You always wanted to leave us. Like that time you ran away and Dad practically had my ass on a platter for losing you. I searched frantically for days Sam, do you remember that?"
Reply
Leave a comment