Uncalled for, but the apology is nice. Maybe a little unexpected, but deserved, Bruce thinks, so there. He glances at Tony over his shoulder as he reaches for the samples they'd been working with.
"No, this is research for SHIELD. They sent some things over today -- I'm not sure what all their properties are yet, so let me know if you think you're going to sprout tentacles, okay?"
The mention of vomit gets his attention though, and he looks up from his files to gauge the likelihood of Tony throwing up all over them.
"Try to miss the research."
He finds the emptied vial and then shuffles through his papers, looking for a match; not all of these have been figured out yet, but if he remembers right, some already were... Huh. He doublechecks that the spilled vial matches up to the file he's looking at, and... Heh.
"Hey, Tony... Do these pants make my butt look big?"
Honestly it's the first thing he could think of that typically has a lie as a response. He wouldn't care about the answer; he's not really hung up about those things. Mostly he just wants to see if Tony's going to spontaneously combust trying to answer.
Tony's not really paying attention so he's a little bit stuck here. He stares up at Bruce with the good eye and shakes his head.
"They make your butt look fantastic." Wait a God damned minute-- "But that's just your butt, the pants have nothing to do with it and what the fuck, that's a truth serum." Ding ding ding, Tony's genius is back in the race.
He grumbles.
"This really is annoying. Please tell me there's a duration so I can hide in my bedroom for a few hours?"
The teasing smile is mostly replaced by a genuine one because that's so not what he was anticipating, but hey, maybe Tony's a butt guy. It's a good thing Bruce didn't get a taste of that stuff because he could be in a sticky situation with Tony here for sure; while he's pretty convinced he's just Tony's new best friend, Tony's a little more for Bruce. Oh well. At least he knows his butt's fantastic.
"Doesn't say, actually. I think that's what I was supposed to find out." He's teasing now, amused and relieved that he doesn't have to worry about accidentally blinding Tony in one eye or something.
"It probably won't be more than a few hours." Genuine answer. Then his smirk picks up and his eyes light up with mischief. "Or it could be permanent. Guess we'll have to wait and see. I should probably stick around to observe you, too. Just in case."
No, no, Bruce. You should leave him alone. But that's not good enough. That's not science. "It makes the most sense. You'll need to keep careful observation notes and holy fuck you're doing it on purpose now."
Tony's up and out of his seat, already leaving. See? Goggles? On the side table. Lab coat? On the door.
"You probably should follow me and fuck-- Actually, yes we could-- I AM LEAVING, BANNER."
He's not really sure what's going on anymore... except that he's totally following Tony. He can't pass up an opportunity to witness this, and also? He's far too much of a troll not to enjoy tormenting Tony. They're best friends for a reason. He should've been wearing his safety goggles anyway!
It takes him a second to string together the what "they actually could" -- but that's not true, right? He was misunderstanding Tony. ...Right? Well, he could ask for clarification and get it pretty immediately, but...
"Oh, good. I'm leaving too. Going to your room? Probably best to limit your interaction with anyone else. Unless you think I should invite the other Avengers over for some truth or dare."
He grins. It's maybe a little evil. Gotta get his punches in where he can... Well, the fun punches. Also no he totally doesn't want the other Avengers coming over at all; he'd much rather play one-on-one truth or dare, thanks.
"If you really wanted to have a good laugh, you'd at least invite Clint and if you don't stop asking me questions--" The thing is? "I literally have to answer you, it's like this burning in my chest if I don't, like the worst thing in the world would be to make you unhappy and--"
He makes a sort of strangled groaning noise and crawls up into his face, faceplanting on the pillow.
What sounds like: "go away, Banner" comes from the pillow followed by a: "unless you find this helpful" and then a "I've always liked talking with you." Tony is just going to crawl out of his skin and through the mattress now.
He's sympathetic to Tony's pain -- he can't not be, really -- and he's about to give up the trolling game or at least be nicer about it, when Tony goes and says that last thing. It's kind of hard for that to not make him smile like an idiot, and he's just glad Tony's face is in the pillow, and he can't see.
"I like talking with you, so we're even."
Tony's in pain, right? Or at least he's suffering. And his back's right here. Bruce chews his lip for a second, but then reaches out to give it a tentative rub, like a good consoling friend. That's all.
"I'm not going to go away, by the way. I meant it when I said you should be observed. Luckily I sincerely doubt anything you might say to me would lead us to any danger, here." He makes a face Tony can't see, inwardly struggling with himself. Don't do it, Banner, that's rude and unfair and he's in a vulnerable state.
"Unless you know different?"
Bruce Banner, you're an ass. But he's kind of smiling. Since Tony can't see. And really, what could Tony say that Bruce would find objectionable?
Oh lets see... How about: "I've read your files. Elevated heart rate...? I know I push your buttons and I really do like the Other Guy but it would be really awkward for him to just show up during sex."
But that's-- That's thrilling. That single thought.
Which... Yeah okay. Maybe that hadn't been heard? Maybe it's fine. Really fine. Maybe Banner will think its a joke. Something not 'forcefully true thanks to your fucking serum--'
Tony stills at the touch on his back and turns his eyes up at Bruce. The one is still pretty puffy.
"Clinically, I think it's a safe bet to keep that stuff away from people's eyes."
Bruce can be dense, sometimes purposefully dense, about some things, but there comes a time when his genius kicks in and goes really? Is this the second time Tony's made reference to them having sex? And he's obligated to tell the truth right now? The insecure part of Bruce is hesitating, and the genius half is throwing up its hands and stalking away. More or less. Bruce has an interesting relationship with the components of his mind.
"I'll make a note of that," and also to be concerned with the fate of Tony's eye, maybe he should get him some kind of ice pack for it? But he can't just get up and leave right now, not when there's the other thing Tony said.
"And we're... not having sex?" He doesn't mean to phrase it like a question, but then he does, and maybe he's glad for it. He doesn't take his hand off Tony's back, either; instead he draws it down to the small of his back, thumb brushing against his spine.
"I mean, it's been a while since I had any, but as I recall there was less clothes and less talking and more... other stuff." Not the smoothest attempt at sarcasm ever.
Thank God for the question. "No, we're not having sex. Disappointing." What? Why did he have to add that in? That wasn't asked. No one needed to know how he felt about it. Hell. Even Tony didn't!
He was done with the hand on his back. He wanted to be done with it at least. Tony wished that they could focus on his eye-- It didn't look like it though.
His little smidge of curiosity is going to kill him.
Bruce blinks at him for a second, and then clears his throat, sitting back and pulling his hand away.
"Do you have any Advil in here? It might help with the inflammation."
Tony's disappointed they're not having sex. Well, cool, Bruce is too, but just because they agree doesn't mean that they can do anything about that problem. On the contrary, it was better when Bruce was just mindlessly fantasizing about Tony; knowing that it could happen, but it can't, just makes everything worse.
Good. Change of subject. He's beyond thrilled for that. "I have something better than Advil." Tony's medicine cabinet is stocked. It's a good thing his addiction runs strictly liquid and psychological. Tony's never been into harder drugs.
Not that he has to be, of course. The alcohol is doing it's job already.
"It doesn't hurt. It just stings a little. The tingling in my nostril has gone away, though. So that's lucky. Does my eye look swollen or just red?"
Bruce slips right into doctor mode. The convenient thing about doctor mode is that it's safe; he's acting a part, not being himself.
"A little of both. It looks mostly irritated; can't say yet if it's something to worry about or just a side effect of having some goop in your eye that doesn't belong there. If it doesn't calm down soon, though, we should take you somewhere. Where is your 'better than Advil'?"
"Third shelf. Middle door of the medicine cabinet. Don't go for too long...fuck. I want to tell you to stop talking to me but we both know that I can't say it and mean it."
He presses his lips together in annoyance and rubs the good eye with the back of his hand.
He was so done with this. Usually he saw, wanted, took. But Banner... He can't have a tryst to stop the want. And he wouldn't either.
Bruce? Teammate. Bruce? Not someone he can have a one night stand with.
Bruce? Guest in a house he shares with his girlfriend.
If it wouldn't be better that Tony be observed, Bruce probably would just leave him alone. This is bad news; this is a dead end, and his crush on Tony has gone from the kind of sad life circumstance he can just accept to something that might ruin a friendship. Two friendships; he likes Pepper.
Bruce hunts around Tony's surprisingly impressive collection of medicines, and he settles on something; he comes back with the bottle and a glass of water, and he hands both to Tony.
"Take two. If it doesn't start to help your eye in couple hours, we can start being worried."
He stands back and slides his hands into his pockets.
"I can just sit over there and read. We don't have to talk."
Tony waits for something else to slip from his lips but thankfully there's nothing. He flops under the covers and is just settling down when he hears Bruce pull out the phone he'd given him.
Is he checking email? Taking notes?
Sending a transcript of this unfortunateness to the entire world? Tony wants to suggest YouTube but instead:
"You don't have to sit all the way over there. I think we've established that I don't might your presence."
"No, this is research for SHIELD. They sent some things over today -- I'm not sure what all their properties are yet, so let me know if you think you're going to sprout tentacles, okay?"
The mention of vomit gets his attention though, and he looks up from his files to gauge the likelihood of Tony throwing up all over them.
"Try to miss the research."
He finds the emptied vial and then shuffles through his papers, looking for a match; not all of these have been figured out yet, but if he remembers right, some already were... Huh. He doublechecks that the spilled vial matches up to the file he's looking at, and... Heh.
"Hey, Tony... Do these pants make my butt look big?"
Honestly it's the first thing he could think of that typically has a lie as a response. He wouldn't care about the answer; he's not really hung up about those things. Mostly he just wants to see if Tony's going to spontaneously combust trying to answer.
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"They make your butt look fantastic." Wait a God damned minute-- "But that's just your butt, the pants have nothing to do with it and what the fuck, that's a truth serum." Ding ding ding, Tony's genius is back in the race.
He grumbles.
"This really is annoying. Please tell me there's a duration so I can hide in my bedroom for a few hours?"
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"Doesn't say, actually. I think that's what I was supposed to find out." He's teasing now, amused and relieved that he doesn't have to worry about accidentally blinding Tony in one eye or something.
"It probably won't be more than a few hours." Genuine answer. Then his smirk picks up and his eyes light up with mischief. "Or it could be permanent. Guess we'll have to wait and see. I should probably stick around to observe you, too. Just in case."
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Tony's up and out of his seat, already leaving. See? Goggles? On the side table. Lab coat? On the door.
"You probably should follow me and fuck-- Actually, yes we could-- I AM LEAVING, BANNER."
Shit times infinity.
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It takes him a second to string together the what "they actually could" -- but that's not true, right? He was misunderstanding Tony. ...Right? Well, he could ask for clarification and get it pretty immediately, but...
"Oh, good. I'm leaving too. Going to your room? Probably best to limit your interaction with anyone else. Unless you think I should invite the other Avengers over for some truth or dare."
He grins. It's maybe a little evil. Gotta get his punches in where he can... Well, the fun punches. Also no he totally doesn't want the other Avengers coming over at all; he'd much rather play one-on-one truth or dare, thanks.
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He makes a sort of strangled groaning noise and crawls up into his face, faceplanting on the pillow.
What sounds like: "go away, Banner" comes from the pillow followed by a: "unless you find this helpful" and then a "I've always liked talking with you." Tony is just going to crawl out of his skin and through the mattress now.
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"I like talking with you, so we're even."
Tony's in pain, right? Or at least he's suffering. And his back's right here. Bruce chews his lip for a second, but then reaches out to give it a tentative rub, like a good consoling friend. That's all.
"I'm not going to go away, by the way. I meant it when I said you should be observed. Luckily I sincerely doubt anything you might say to me would lead us to any danger, here." He makes a face Tony can't see, inwardly struggling with himself. Don't do it, Banner, that's rude and unfair and he's in a vulnerable state.
"Unless you know different?"
Bruce Banner, you're an ass. But he's kind of smiling. Since Tony can't see. And really, what could Tony say that Bruce would find objectionable?
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But that's-- That's thrilling. That single thought.
Which... Yeah okay. Maybe that hadn't been heard? Maybe it's fine. Really fine. Maybe Banner will think its a joke. Something not 'forcefully true thanks to your fucking serum--'
Tony stills at the touch on his back and turns his eyes up at Bruce. The one is still pretty puffy.
"Clinically, I think it's a safe bet to keep that stuff away from people's eyes."
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"I'll make a note of that," and also to be concerned with the fate of Tony's eye, maybe he should get him some kind of ice pack for it? But he can't just get up and leave right now, not when there's the other thing Tony said.
"And we're... not having sex?" He doesn't mean to phrase it like a question, but then he does, and maybe he's glad for it. He doesn't take his hand off Tony's back, either; instead he draws it down to the small of his back, thumb brushing against his spine.
"I mean, it's been a while since I had any, but as I recall there was less clothes and less talking and more... other stuff." Not the smoothest attempt at sarcasm ever.
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He was done with the hand on his back. He wanted to be done with it at least. Tony wished that they could focus on his eye-- It didn't look like it though.
His little smidge of curiosity is going to kill him.
"You're having fun, aren't you?"
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Bruce blinks at him for a second, and then clears his throat, sitting back and pulling his hand away.
"Do you have any Advil in here? It might help with the inflammation."
Tony's disappointed they're not having sex. Well, cool, Bruce is too, but just because they agree doesn't mean that they can do anything about that problem. On the contrary, it was better when Bruce was just mindlessly fantasizing about Tony; knowing that it could happen, but it can't, just makes everything worse.
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Not that he has to be, of course. The alcohol is doing it's job already.
"It doesn't hurt. It just stings a little. The tingling in my nostril has gone away, though. So that's lucky. Does my eye look swollen or just red?"
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"A little of both. It looks mostly irritated; can't say yet if it's something to worry about or just a side effect of having some goop in your eye that doesn't belong there. If it doesn't calm down soon, though, we should take you somewhere. Where is your 'better than Advil'?"
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He presses his lips together in annoyance and rubs the good eye with the back of his hand.
He was so done with this. Usually he saw, wanted, took. But Banner... He can't have a tryst to stop the want. And he wouldn't either.
Bruce? Teammate. Bruce? Not someone he can have a one night stand with.
Bruce? Guest in a house he shares with his girlfriend.
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Bruce hunts around Tony's surprisingly impressive collection of medicines, and he settles on something; he comes back with the bottle and a glass of water, and he hands both to Tony.
"Take two. If it doesn't start to help your eye in couple hours, we can start being worried."
He stands back and slides his hands into his pockets.
"I can just sit over there and read. We don't have to talk."
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Tony waits for something else to slip from his lips but thankfully there's nothing. He flops under the covers and is just settling down when he hears Bruce pull out the phone he'd given him.
Is he checking email? Taking notes?
Sending a transcript of this unfortunateness to the entire world? Tony wants to suggest YouTube but instead:
"You don't have to sit all the way over there. I think we've established that I don't might your presence."
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