748. it's always darkest before dawn

[mememaker]

HURT & COMFORT RP [EXPANDED 2.0]
Hurt/Comfort - Hurt/comfort is a fan fiction genre that involves the physical pain or emotional distress of one character, who is cared for by another character. The injury, sickness or other kind of hurt allows an exploration of the characters and their relationship.

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[wherever_i_roam]

Sam, you're not gonna die... [And he couldn't fall apart on him, not now. Not after all this, he just couldn't, but he couldn't bring himself to say it.]

[Besides, Sam got him to shut up with 'Shoulda said this before we went after Lucifer' and that gets his stomach to twist a little nervously. Big confessions rarely go so well for them.]

[But what he does say... he's not sure how to feel about it. He doesn't see anything worthy of hero worship or admiration, but he can tell Sam's being sincere. He laughs, it's light and softer than earlier and he brings a hand up to rub over his face. Never thought he'd hear Sam say that crap again, honestly. Things had changed so much, they'd changed so much...] Hey, hey. You're- the pain in the ass. [He didn't have the capacity for anything better as a come back than that.]

[Well, crap. He reaches over to put a hand lightly on the side of Sam's face, a comforting little gesture, trying to make sure he was looking at hi.] I get it, Sam, I do... You're the only thing keepin' me going, you know? If you weren't here, being a pain the ass and making way too many Dick jokes, I don't know if I could... you know, get out of bed. Doing this crap for you. [Because leaving Sam alone wasn't an option, no matter what.]

[hellunbounded]

[Sam leans into Dean's hand a bit, very subtly - these little touches are rare but significant between them, and Sam always has and always will soak them up for what they're worth.] Good. I mean - good that you don't want to do this alone, either. I just don't want you to run off and leave me behind for your kamikaze Dick revenge extravaganza. [There's a lot Sam doesn't want, but more than anything he doesn't want Dean to leave him alone and get killed without him. Or just - leave him alone, period.]

[He makes a 'scoot over' motion with his hand, settling in under the covers like a five year old who's brother is pushing him off the edge. Sam might actually get an hour or so of sleep in this situation.] My Dick jokes are fuckin' hilarious. They are the shining beacon in your life. [His tones a bit lighter, but the way he presses into his brother's side gives a clear message: I'm not leaving you.]

[wherever_i_roam]

Leaving you ain't even an option, Sam. [No matter what. If they died? They died together. He wasn't even going to pretend anymore that one of them could go on without the other... at least not easily and honestly, probably not for long at all.]

[He's pretty sure if Dad had said Sam was too big at ten to have to share beds with his big brother anymore, then twenty-nine was beyond weird and ridiculous, but he scooted over to make room for his Sasquatch of brother anyway. It was a little different when your brother was seeing Hell and Lucifer and when you felt like you were mostly already dead. They could use the comfort, he figured, and this was about the only time he was going to be willing to let touchy-feely shit slide.] He snorted, cracking a smirk.] Whatever. I think you're just obsessed with dick, baby bro. It's okay if you got something, uh, buried in the closet you want to tell me, you know...

[He gets the message and he sighs, relaxing back as he lturns his head to watch Sam.] You doing okay, Sammy? [Closest he could get to asking if Lucifer was anywhere in the room.]

[hellunbounded]

[Sam smacks him on the upside of the head at that, grimacing, but good-naturedly.] Hey, at least I haven't impregnated any monsters this month.

[Sam quiets down a bit at that. Yeah, Lucifer's still in the room, but the flames aren't so bright, his laughter not so loud.] I'm... [He pauses.] Not great. Shit kinda happened after that case... [Sam remembers what his brother said, that everyone who's crazy and tries to hide it has to be dangerous. He slinks a bit lower into the bed, and edges away a centimeter or so. He doesn't...want to hurt Dean. He wouldn't do is on purpose, but he almost shot his brother once. He can't trust himself.]

[wherever_i_roam]

[That gets a watered down glare of his own.] Brat, she didn't have 'Monster' tattooed on her freakin' forehead! I just thought she was the normal type of hot chick!

[But the goodnatured bickering died down when Sam slides away a little, slinks down like that. Shit... he scooted closer and onto his side to face his brother, that hand back on his face to get him to look up at him, to remind him what was really real.] Talk to me, Sam.

[hellunbounded]

[Sam shifts his jaw, biting his lip a bit before remembering that probably isn't a good idea - he doesn't want to bite clean through it. We've done a lot more with pain, Sammy. A lip-bite wont cut it. Lucifer's voice teases his ear, and Sam instinctively reaches for his old hand wound to press on it, forgetting that Dean is so close to see.]

[But that doesn't work anymore. Lucifer's still standing there, ready to wake him up from his time with his brother. Since all pretenses are pretyt much gone for tonight anyway, Sam almost launches himself into Dean's body, digging his head into the crook of Dean's neck, tears stinging his eyes.] M'sorry, Dean, I fucked up, m'sorry - [Dean said he wouldn't leave him, but Dean - he doesn't know. How shitty it is, how unsafe he is to be around. Sam doesn't want him to leave, wants to cling to him forever, but he knows it's only a matter of time.]

[wherever_i_roam]

Sam, are you seeing him now? [He saw the way he was prodding at his hand after all. He gasped quietly when he suddenly had his overgrown brother curling into him, pressed in tight.] Sammy, hey... hey, shhh.

[Shit. He doesn't know what to do beyond rubbing a hand over his back soothingly, making quiet shushing noises.] We'll figure it out, Sammy... come on, he isn't real. He's not. He can't really hurt you, not anymore. He's not there. I am though and you know I ain't gonna let anybody near you, not gonna let anybody hurt you.

[hellunbounded]

[Sam takes short, gasping breaths, trying his best to calm down, trying his best to focus on the way Dean is touching him, not Lucifer. He quiets down a bit after while, but he still doesn't move from his position. God, he shouldn't be doing this to Dean, not when he so fucking obviously has enough on his plate.] M'sorry...

[Sam still doesn't move though, and he laces his fingers around Dean's shirt, his body tense, and afraid of so many different things for different reasons. He doesn't want to be like this to Dean, but he - he has to ask. Because if he lingers in his doubts, Lucifer will just use it against him later.] ...D'you think I'm like Jeffery?

[wherever_i_roam]

[Honestly? Focusing on Sam is always better than focusing on himself... it's what he's used to, what he likes doing. Taking care of his brother... all the same? He kinds of wished he didn't have to. Sam had been doing so good, saying how he actually felt like he'd atoned, like he felt good for the first time in a long time. As much as he'd reeled against Sam not needing his big brother around to go off on his hippie adventures in Vegas, Dean had been relieved for him.]

[Now here he was, crying against his neck and Dean was holding him tight, rubbing at his back soothingly.] What?

[He shook his head, brows furrowed.] No. You're nothing like that piece of crap, Sam. C'mon...

[hellunbounded]

[Sam took a few deep breaths, clearer ones, before pushing himself up into a sitting position, his overgrown knees to his chest.] It's just...what you said. Psy...psychopaths pretend. Act like they're not crazy. And that's what I've been doing, isn't it? I'm crazy, but I keep pushing on because I can't fall apart, I can't fall apart on you - and I think it's better, this way, but maybe that's what Jeffery thought, you know? [It all comes pouring out of him like a flood, everything that's been building up in him since that case.] And, God, I don't want to turn into him, but that's just it, right? Every fucking thing that I don't want to become, I become, and I can't be that person, Dean, can't go on if I hurt other people, hurt you -

[wherever_i_roam]

Sammy... hey-- [He pushed himself up as well, until he was kneeling on the bed by Sam, his hand on his shoulder again, squeezing lightly. He kind of regretted those words, but they hadn't been aimed at Sam. Never at Sam...] Sam, you're not going to be that person... He was sick in an entirely different way, dude.

[He scooted closer, his hands cupping the other's face again and he leaned in a little closer.] He wanted to hurt them, he'd wanted to way before that demon ever got to him, you got that? I know you, Sam, and I know you'd never want to actually hurt another person. Not if you could help it.

[He let his hands drift off his face, resting lightly on Sam's shoulders.] Sam, I'm about ready to go get my baby back on the road and just... drive her off a cliff already 'cause this shit ain't ever gonna be over and I'm sick of fighting it, but I do it 'cause of you. You give up and I give up too, man. That's just how it is. Whatever problems you got, we'll fix them somehow, do something about'em.