(Taken shamelessly from
mememaker's 126. I can love you in so many different ways. Because I looooove
mememaker and this was one of my favorite memes.)
This meme deals with three types of love, angsty, sweet, and twisted! Please note that there are triggers abound!
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He moans softly as teeth nip at his lips, the man groaning against his skin. Sterling sucks his bottom lip into his mouth, a low murmur at the feel, the taste of skin. When he slips away, it's only to trail kisses and nips of teeth against his jaw, down his throat, sucking more marks into skin, almost possessive. Eventually his head leaning into that curve of neck and shoulder, pressing soft, lazy kisses against his neck as he nuzzled into his body.
Now... if they could just stay like this for a little while. His fingers against Cas' waist moving to slowly slide up and down his side in an almost soothing motion.]
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He sighs as he feels the skin redden under Sterling's attention, the slight hint of pain that makes it so good, and he leans his head against the other man's as he moves to rest in the crook of his neck. There's a hand moving over his side, and while there are other places- one very specific place, actually- that he'd like that contact most, he has to admit that this feels nice too.
He lets his own hands smooth down Sterling's back and settle at his hips, thumbs tracing idle patterns against the skin as he will his body to calm down, accept that this isn't going any further... At least not right this second.]
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He sighed against Cas' neck, his hand against his waist easing into hushed, quiet brushes of fingertips against skin, a silent request for the man to behave. Sterling likes this, likes being close, likes feeling Cas' skin under his hands, under his lips, sucking marks into his neck, until the other man's neck and shoulder was a messy trail of red and purple marks that made Sterling's eyes glint in the half light. He lets his other hand curl into Cas' dark hair, tugging just a little to pull his head back. He seems to consider something, pulling away just slightly from that oh-so-comfortable space against his neck, looking him over, meeting his eyes.]
I do like you, you know.
[It's lazy, drawled in the low, tinged-with-arousal tones of having so carefully skirted tumbling into bed with the other man. It's matter-of-a-fact, unabashed. Sterling didn't have a life that leads to commitment issues and an inability to use words to express feelings. He wanted something, and was willing to admit to what he wanted, it was as simple as that.]
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Sterling's hand is stilling at his side, just slow soft passes of fingertips over his skin. It's all very... Subdued, and Cas doesn't quite know what to make of it. Pleasant, he supposes, save for the fact that he's still very much hard and very much willing to move this along. The fingers curling in his hair and and tugging his head back slightly aren't helping matters at all; it's so distracting, in fact, that he only half hears what Sterling's saying.]
Huh?
[He's not really... Sure what that means. He'd have thought that much was clear, considering Sterling's half pinning him to the couch and mauling his neck in an entirely pleasurable way... And seems to be enjoying himself as well.]
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Do tell me I don't have to explain that there are types of attraction that don't revolve around shagging people whose names you can't be bothered to remember.
[Sterling had actually thought he'd been somewhat obvious in all of this. Apparently not obvious enough, but things like flowers were in short supply and he wasn't sure Cas would have taken that seriously.]
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He snorts and makes a face. Of course he's aware that there's more than just shagging- and he likes that word, he'll have to remember it- but that's generally the part of the equation that doesn't really concern him, the part that he skips... Which most people, anyway. He has no problem being physically affectionate with just about anyone, because of the way it makes him feel- warm from the outside in, because it's the best he can do- but emotional affection is a totally different animal.]
Huh. Imagine that.
[Cas knows a good deal more about Sterling than most of the other people at the camp, but he has to admit that he hadn't seen this coming. He is truly woefully unprepared for handling this.]
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Given the lack of immediate and outright rejection, Sterling was going to take this as a win.]
You make it sound as if you've never done this before.
[He wasn't asking for anything; not now, at least. But, he wasn't the sort to play a cocktease without being candid about why there were lines in the first place. He'd told him before, of course; mentions over whiskey or whatever horrible liquor about not being the sort to play bedwarmer paired with heavy glances. However, Sterling would readily admit that half the time he wasn't certain how much of what they said on those nights Cas remembered in the morning.
Sterling keeps drawing fingers through Cas' hair, hand at his side softly stroking against skin, watching him quietly through dark lashes. He's not pushing anything while he lets those lines sink in, but he's not pulling away either.]
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Why would I have?
[He's never had occasion, and the apocalypse doesn't exactly lend itself to that kind of thing. The idea is so foreign to him that he's never actually considered anything of the sort, and he's more than a little bit thrown off by the fact that it's Sterling of all people who he's having this conversation with. It's a bit disorienting.
He should probably stop this now, because it's going in a direction his has little experience with and he doesn't exactly like that. And frankly he's not sure if it's even something he wants at all. But those fingers are still sliding in his hair and smoothing over his side and there's a distant worry that if he just says it outright they'll stop, and he doesn't want them to.]
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Because you're lovely and interesting and clever, and I'm frankly surprised no one's ever admitted to it.
[There were other things he left out. Like that sadness in his blue eyes, the fact that there were moments; a certain curve of his lips, tilt of his head, or a way that he moved that made Sterling want to hold onto him. It wasn't just physical attractiveness; if it was they'd probably have been past the point of orgasm. He likes being around him as much as he enjoys anything in this broken world, and so he'll risk seeing where this goes.
Maybe it's because Cas so clearly chases pleasure, physicality, that Sterling's the only one arrogant or brave enough to actually admit to such a thing. He leans in, slowly, enough to give him time to pull away if he wants to, before nibbling on the other man's lips.]
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And then once he had fallen, well… If you spend one day in his company you've seen it all: drugs; sex; sleep; repeat/ Maybe some scavenging and whatever else Dean needed him to do thrown in there for flavour. It's just… Never been a thing. There was only one person he'd ever really thought about in that way, and it was so far from something that would ever happen ever, that, whether consciously or unconsciously, he'd just suppressed any desire for that particular kind of closeness.
And now…? He sighs into the scrape of teeth before pulling back just slightly, and leveling Sterling with the kind of fixed stare that hasn't been present on his face for years. It's not quite a squinty tilt of his head, but it's pretty damn close.]
I don't know what you want from me.
[Truly, he's at a total loss for what this sort of thing even means.]
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[Sterling brushes fingers against the side of Cas' face, and there's a waver in those dark eyes. He might not be the sort that shirks from what he wants, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't make him the slightest bit on edge. Because Cas hardly seems to grasp what Sterling's even talking about, and there is still a certain vulnerability in this. And Sterling hasn't really done this in quite a while, but he wants it, wants Cas in all the ways exemplified by dewy-eyed romantic comedies, as well as possibly some of the more edgy pornography.
He meets that gaze, still stroking his side as he touches his face, his fingers soft, trailing touches with a low murmur of breath. That slight way that he lets those walls of apathy and condescending indifference pull down even more than usual. Because he cares, as silly as such a sentiment is. And at the end of the world, it's not like there's a whole lot of second chances floating around.]
Does it help if I ask nicely? Please.
[And he can't quite help that desire to brush their lips together, so close on the couch like this, that it's hard to keep from touching him. Because he wants, so much.]
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He shifts somewhat uncomfortably. They're still so close and it still feels nice, he just... Doesn't know how to proceed with this sort of thing, frankly.]
You're not asking me to stop... [and he gestures vaguely with his hand and a shrug of his shoulders, assuming Sterling will know what he's getting at] this, are you?
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[Sterling quips back, thin smile curving his lips. He lets his fingers quietly brush through the strands of his hair, looking him over. He really doesn't think there's anything in the world that could separate Cas from the faceless sex. He thinks he needs it, that it's as part of who he is now as any of the things that Sterling likes about him. And more than that, in the sense of what Sterling actually wants, he doesn't think that it really matters; if Cas' utter bafflement about this situation has cemented anything, it's that the endless stream of bodies the man has sex with don't really matter.
If he loses him, it wont be because of some leggy blond Cas had bent over the couch or whatever position he happens to find most pleasing at that particular second in time. That is, assuming he can work this out in the first place.]
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Well in that case...
[He trails off, closing his eyes as fingers thread through his hair again. He's not sure he'd give his activities up for anyone, so to expect it is ridiculous; he's glad Sterling seems to understand that. He does need it, needs it to keep him from being so cold... Nothing compares to someone warm next to him, even if it's only for a little while, even if it doesn't mean anything more than just a physical connection.
It's as much a part of who he is now as anything else, and it's not something he's willing to change.]
I guess... I can try?
[What exactly he's trying he still isn't totally clear on-- from where he's standing (laying, really), it sounds like... The kind of arrangement they already have? Only with more pleasure, he's gathering, and that's never a bad thing. It's not as if he's never been with the same person more than once so really, how different could it be?]
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[Sterling murmured, quietly pleased with that uncertain declaration. It was at least a start, after all. It was something, it was what he wanted, and that makes him smile as he looks over at Cas, his fingers still pleasantly stroking against the other man, as if in subtle reward. Sterling had long ago found that most people were like animals- you give them pleasure when they do something that you like. He leans in and kisses him, hands touching with a slightly more intent edge.
It's different than before, at least on Sterling's part, and who know, maybe that's the part that matters. Sterling isn't the sort to be content with implication, needs some sort of vocalization before he can let himself give anything to the only person he finds himself actually wanting to. He'd been rather okay with the idea of not caring about another person again until the world finished crashing down around them.
Apparently the world had other plans.]
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It's not really important, and so Cas's mind wanders to other things like the fingers still moving through his hair and the warm brush of their lips. At least this part of the whole... Whatever this is is something he knows he'll have no trouble with. He shifts a bit to tug Sterling more properly on top of him, sighing at the solid weight of the other man's body pressing down on his own.]
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