567. machine of death

[mizukara]

“The machine had been invented a few years ago: a machine that could tell, from just a sample of your blood, how you were going to die. It didn’t give you the date and it didn’t give you specifics. It just spat out a sliver of paper upon which were printed, in careful block letters, the words DROWNED or CANCER or OLD AGE or CHOKED ON A HANDFUL OF POPCORN. It let people know how they were going to die.

The problem with the machine is that nobody really knew how it worked, which wouldn’t actually have been that much of a problem if the machine worked as well as we wished it would. But the machine was frustratingly vague in its predictions: dark, and seemingly delighting in the ambiguities of language. OLD AGE, it had already turned out, could mean either dying of natural causes, or shot by a bedridden man in a botched home invasion. The machine captured that old-world sense of irony in death - you can know how it’s going to happen, but you’ll still be surprised when it does.

The realization that we could now know how we were going to die had changed the world: people became at once less fearful and more afraid. There’s no reason not to go skydiving if you know your sliver of paper says BURIED ALIVE. The realization that these predictions seemed to revel in turnabout and surprise put a damper on things. It made the predictions more sinister -yes, if you were going to be buried alive you weren’t going to be electrocuted in the bathtub, but what if in skydiving you landed in a gravel pit? What if you were buried alive not in dirt but in something else? And would being caught in a collapsing building count as being buried alive? For every possibility the machine closed, it seemed to open several more, with varying degrees of plausibility.”

Note: As it is inspired by the Machine of Death anthology, this post contains discussion of various means of death including suicide, murder, and torture, and comments will likely go more in-depth.

The MACHINE OF DEATH meme

1) Comment with your character.
2) Reply to other people's comments.
3) ???
4) Profit!

If you're having trouble thinking of a scenario, roll for one of the following prompts. You can either roll for your initial comment, or for a reply.

How do you die?

1. MURDER: You're going to be killed. When and by who? You haven't a clue. Does this make you a little paranoid? Should it?
   
2. ILLNESS: Of course, your slip might be a little more specific. Maybe it says CANCER or AIDS or THE COMMON COLD. That's depressing, isn't it?
   
3. ACT OF GOD: FOREST FIRE? FLOOD? HURRICANE? Do you even live in a place where that's likely to happen?
   
4. SUICIDE: Here's a paradox for you. Maybe, after getting a result that says SUICIDE, you've just decided that there's no point in anything anymore. But would you have decided that if the machine hadn't told you you were going to commit suicide?
   
5. ACCIDENT: Does your slip go into more detail? Maybe you die from a BOTCHED SURGERY or a HOUSE FIRE? Or maybe ACCIDENT is all it says. It can be annoyingly vague...
   
6. TORTURE: Look on the bright side. Maybe a book titled Torture will fall off a shelf and kill you when it lands on your head. But probably not.
   
7. STARVATION: Or maybe THIRST? Either way, it sucks to be you.
   
8. OLD AGE: You lucked out. Well, maybe.
   
9. ROLL AGAIN: Or pick something yourself!

What are you doing in this thread?

1. You're at a Machine of Death - at a mall kiosk, in your doctor's office, or wherever - and you're getting your result taken, or maybe you've just gotten it. Now what?
   
2. You're at school, or at work, or on the bus, and somehow the conversation has turned to the Machine and your result. Are you honest about it, or do you make something up?
   
3. For some reason, you're having a heated debate on the pros and cons of the Machine. Which side are you on? Why?
   
4. You're dying, and of course your prediction was accurate. Was it straightforward, or maybe just a little bit misleading?
   
5. Roll again, or pick something yourself.

Other things to keep in mind:

1. The machine makes its prediction by testing your blood. Generally this is done with a prick of the fingertip, but other methods work too.
   
2. Therefore, if you've just had a blood transfusion, the machine can get confused.
   
3. If you're a vampire, the machine will get very confused (assuming it's even able to get a result).
   
4. If you're an alien or nonhuman of some other sort, it just plain might not work for you.