426: What's it good for?

[bethefaceless]

Away at War/Battle MemeWe all know war can be a hard time for everyone but those left behind? It can be torture. Hoping you get a letter or a call, staying glued to the television and cringing at those news stories. Guess what happens to you now? Your loved one has gone off to fight a war (battle, fight, in that ilk of things) and some time has

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Rose Tyler | Doctor Who | Open | Either, but probably Left Behind

[huffpuffblonde]

(Baw, this meme. Such a good idea.)

three... poor Rose!

[captoftardis]

[The Doctor thought the Time War was bad enough and carried enough guilt from it to last all his lifetimes. Of course the Daleks had to outdo themselves again, teaming up with races he never even heard of or thought extinct, and nearly destroyed everything as he knew it in their fit of rage and lack of thinking through their plans. Earth might've been tickled pink or confused at all the frequent meteor showers seen for the past few years, but only a few knew what was really happening.

One person being Rose, whom he left in the middle of the night leaving only a note stating, 'Forgive me, but this is one trip I must do alone.' Off he went only to suddenly reappear one night 2.5 years later, looking a bit weary and hard, but still the same Doctor.]

Hello, Rose.

Poor Doctor D:

[huffpuffblonde]

[Oh, she'd been angry. She'd been so angry, and so sad. And she waited with that note for five and a half hours, five and a half days, five and a half weeks, five and a half months. But he didn't come back. He couldn't've died, though- he couldn't have. He was the Doctor, and the thought of him dying...

And she opened her door, and there he was. Stiff and distant, wary, something about him looked... tired.

But it was him, and for a moment she forgot to be angry. She crossed the space between them, and moved to wrap her arms around him without saying a word.]

[captoftardis]

[He was surprised by the contact, at first not moving and he had to tell himself 'Stupid git, this is a hug! She hasn't seen you in ages!'. Slowly he wrapped his arms around her and pressed his cheek to the side of her head.]

You were the last person to hug me and now the first in almost 3 years... It's nice.

[huffpuffblonde]

[She closed her eyes, trying to ignore the moment of hesitancy in which he didn't respond, because a second later, he was hugging her back. The war. She'd heard about it. Torchwood kept tabs on it. It was... it was awful. It was hard to be angry with him when a moment ago, she hadn't even been sure he was alive.

She pressed her face against his chest.]

I can't believe you're here. I can't believe you left without... without saying goodbye. You could've...

[captoftardis]

I know, and I'm so sorry. [That was said with the most sincerity he could muster, although it probably came out flat.

He didn't want to leave her that way, but every time he thought he had a moment to say goodbye properly, it just became that more difficult and he couldn't bring himself to do it. He didn't want to remember their last time spent together was arguing over why it was a terrible idea she wanted to go. Instead, it was much simpler to slip away in the night like he never existed.]

I didn't want to go like that, but... I couldn't think of a proper way to say goodbye.

[huffpuffblonde]

[It did come out a little flat, and compared to all of anger and fear she'd gone through, it was a rubbish apology, but she wasn't going to demand a better one. Not after what he went through. Not so soon after finding out he was alive.

She pulled back to look at him, carefully, in concern, and slid a hand down to take his.]

Come on. Let's go... drink tea and pretend to be alright for a bit.

[captoftardis]

[Holding hands with her was surprisingly...nice. Very nice. He had forgotten what little contact with others felt like and how comforting it could be.

Once they had settled at the table, he had a look of indifference as he watched her move gracefully around the kitchen preparing it.]

Why did you wait for me? With no promises or guarantees I'd return, why did you wait?

[He should be happy, flattered, even, but all it did was confuse him.]

[huffpuffblonde]

[She moves around the kitchen with eyes lowered, setting the water on, digging out something to eat, fixing it all in reserved silence. Because it wasn't okay. It really, really wasn't. But it was... a little bit more okay now that he was here. The rest, they could sort out. Eventually. Over time. That's the one thing he had plenty of.

She glanced at him from her place at the stove, eyebrows raised at the question. Why did she wait? Why wouldn't she?]

I promised forever, didn't I?

[As though it was the most obvious answer in the world.]

Why'd you come back? You could've left me thinking you died and moved on, forgotten about me. Why didn't you?

[It wasn't an accusatory question, or anything of the like. It was genuine, gentle curiosity.]

[captoftardis]

[He held her gaze for a moment, then looked away.] I could have, yes. A large part of me told me to, actually.

[He ran his tongue along the backs of his teeth, searching through words that seemed appropriate to piece together.] But... I had to come back. I had to at least see you. To know if you're safe, healthy... happy.

[Frowning, he realized all his answers were so calculated and methodically pieced together. Was he doing it on purpose? He really couldn't tell. Did it come off as false and insensitive? He wasn't sure. Dealing with human emotions seemed such a foreign concept to him now.]

[huffpuffblonde]

[She flicked her eyes away when he admitted to considering it. That hurt. She tries not to focus on it, though, because he came back, right? That's what matters? Sort of.

And was she happy?

She'd thought he was dead. She was here, stuck here, without him, without getting to say goodbye. His honesty... was a bit flat. Distant and emotionless. Maybe he had moved on. She shouldn't... complicate that. At least he came back to... to let her know he was safe. That... had to count for something.

Her hands were shaking a bit as she set the cup down in front of him, and plopped into the chair across from him.]

I'm alright. Can't complain. You know. Same old life.

[A pause as she stared down at her tea.]

And what about you? Are you alright, now that it's all over?

[captoftardis]

Mm, yup.

[He took a sip from his tea, and then realized he was avoiding her gaze, and he proceeded to frown.] No, actually. Well, I suppose physically I'm quite alright. [Realizing he was still looking anywhere but at her, he forced himself to meet her eyes.]

It's silly, really, but I can't look at you. I can't help to look at you and feel guilty for never telling you where I was going. How does one do that? Tell the person he cares for the most that he's leaving you behind... And if I did tell you, would you have come with me?

You say you promised 'forever', but after the things that happened, the things I saw, and accepted as facts and the 'only way' out there, would you have stayed, wanted to stay? I... [He sighed.] I couldn't have exposed you to that. I wanted to write to you, to send you something, but I felt guilty that I'd be holding you back.

[huffpuffblonde]

[It's alright. She was avoiding his as well, at least until he started speaking. Physically alright. He was always physically alright. He was almost never mentally alright. Admitting as much... it must be bad. Worse than she originally thought.

She chanced a glance up at him, pressing her lips together in sympathy and regret. After a moment's hesitation, she shoved her chair over to sit next to him, cross legged, facing the opposite wall. Not really... touching him or leaning on him, just sitting next to him, offering a bit of comfort without shoving herself on him.]

I'd have come with you. And I'd have stayed. I'd still stay. I dunno what happened, I'm not gonna ask you to talk about it, but... I'm here, yeah?

[After a beat, she held out her hand to him, wiggling her fingers.]

[captoftardis]

[He stared at the hand for a long moment. Taking notice of her short nails, the texture of her skin, the movements of the muscles as she wiggled them. All of that made up Rose... and quietly he slid his hand in hers, smiling subtly as he lined their palms together and seeing how much bigger his was before linking their fingers together.]

Thank you.

[A simple statement, but he figured nothing more needed to be said, as she clearly had forgiven him. And he remembered, this was one of the many reasons why he fell in love with her.]

[huffpuffblonde]

[She didn't say anything as she watched his hand, or at his simple statement. She just pursed her lips together and nodded softly. She knew. She knew him.

She let the silence carry for a moment, then looked up at him with a small smile.]

You came back.

[captoftardis]

[The corners of his lips moved into a smile to match her's.]

I had to come back.

[He knew anyone he came to would've been excited to see him, but who else would be as easily forgiving and understanding of him? She never demanded anything from him nor pushed him for answers immediately. Over time, he suspected he'd open back up and tell her what he saw and what happened, and maybe then she'd be able to completely forgive him.]