405. There is no armour against fate; Death lays his icy hands on kings.

[a_scarlet_devil]

(TRIGGER WARNING. This meme deals heavy with death and also possibly with strong violence or with suicide/depression. If you are not comfortable reading about that, please PLEASE do not proceed further.)

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Dean Winchester | Supernatural | 3/1-2

[samefivealbums]

[It no longer mattered how it got this bad. He didn't sleep. When he does sleep, the nightmares pull him apart. He didn't eat. When he tries, it all comes right back up. He didn't talk. There was no one around to talk to anyway and even if there was, he's got nothing to say.]

[The hotel room was tidy and neat. He even made the bed. He was dressed in a nice pair of jeans and his favorite Metallica t-shirt. The rest of his things were packed away neatly in his duffel bag with appropriate shipping information written in a note folded neatly on top.]

[Dean laid in the bath tub with a handful of empty prescription bottles scattered around the bathroom floor. He'd methodically swallowed the pills in threes and fours with sips from the tequila bottle held loosely in his hand. his phone was lying on the edge of the tub, just in case. Just in case he decided to back out and call 911. Not fucking likely, but hey... always be prepared, right?]

[He hummed a tune that'd been stuck in his head for days and took another sip from the bottle.]

[onlytobenormal]

[Maybe things hadn't been good recently... been downright crappy, honestly, and stressful. Even worse with Dean in--well, whatever mood he was in. He didn't talk, he was closed off, and it was... downright frustrating. He didn't like the distance between them, how Dean had shut down... it worried him to death, honestly.]

[So when he came home and found Dean's belongings gone? What else was he going to do but give his brother a call? On his way out the door of their apartment, of course. He might be rusty on hunting, but he knew Dean well enough and he could and would track the idiot down. Had a bad feeling about this though.]

[samefivealbums]

[The ringing startled him out of a daze. He'd been staring, half-focused, at the ugly pattern on the wall. Who picked the wall paper in these places anyway?]

[Dean picked up the phone after a minute of fumbling and peered at the display. Sam. He debated for a minute. Might be best to just not answer, but his selfish side wanted to hear his brother's voice. He pushed the button.] Hey...

[onlytobenormal]

Dean--

[He was almost startled himself when the other answered that easily.] Don't just... hey me. I came home to your crap missing and Ozzy going crazy by himself. Where are you? [It better be an impromptu hunt or something. That... that, he could deal with.]

[samefivealbums]

Sorry. [Weirdly, that dog almost stopped him. Dumb mutt had such a sad look whenever either of them left the apartment and Dean knew he wasn't coming back this time. It was really hard to walk away.] M'just gettin' out of the way.

[onlytobenormal]

What the hell are you talking about? Getting out of the way? [He was quiet a beat or so.] Where are you going?

[samefivealbums]

Nowhere. [He took a drink from the bottle and let his head thunk back against the wall.] Not goin' anywhere.

[onlytobenormal]

[Sam didn't quite trust that. He wished he could, but you don't take your stuff and bail like that if you really plan on coming back.] Then where are you? I'll meet you. We'll go back home together, alright?

[samefivealbums]

S'probably not a good idea. You won't like it. [He sighed.] Listen... I'm sorry about the last few weeks. Hell, about everything. I do love you, ya know? I'm just not good for much.

[He rubbed a hand over his face.] I'm gonna hang up. Give Oz a hug for me. Tell him I'm sorry, too.

[onlytobenormal]

Dean, what the hell-- you're kinda scaring me, alright? [Not just kind of now, not with that kind of talk.]

Don't you hang up on me, Dean! You can't say that crap and just hang up!

[samefivealbums]

Sammy, c'mon. Fuck... [Knew he shouldn't have answered. It was only making this harder.] Just don't worry about this. Okay? Just... it'll be over soon anyway.

[onlytobenormal]

Dean! Why... why are you doing this? You said-- you promised you wouldn't leave me! [His tone was edgy, frightened.] Dean, please...

[samefivealbums]

I'm just tired, Sam. No good anymore. Can't even function. Gonna ruin your life if somebody doesn't stop me.

[onlytobenormal]

You're not--Dean, whatever the hell is going on, I can help you, alright? It's what I'm here for... so please, tell me where you are so I don't have to track you down, dude. [His tone weakened, might have cracked. He couldn't help it.] I'll find you some way... just don't want to lose my big brother, Dean...

[samefivealbums]

Sam... [He sighed. Kid never did let up on things.] I'm at the hotel we used to meet at. You won't be happy when you get here. Be better to leave it alone.

[onlytobenormal]

Yeah, well, not exactly happy now, Dean. [He was scared out of his mind, thoughts racing and everything in him just needing to get to Dean, urging him on, feet carrying him as fast as they could.] You don't- get to tell me what's for the best, Dean. I get to decide that one on my own, you know?