Sebastien in Luxembourg .... what a mistake!
If I didn't update this Journal, twas due to the fact that I needed time for myself, needed to sort out my own feelings and stuff. But now I am back here to write what I did experience, to write a bit more about what I felt the past 2 weeks.
Did drive to Frankfurt on Saturday, 26th April to pick up Sebastien....my boyfriend. Alright, we did meet at the net in December, did fell in love somehow (dunno how that happened?!) and decided to meet us to be happily together. It started already badly in Frankfurt though that morning, because Sebi missed his plane in Paris, so he called me up crying and I had to wait near Frankfurt for 6 hours...all alone...all bored...all mad because he pissed me off such a hell of a lot of times. As he arrived we just hugged, smiled and went to drive off to Luxembourg. We did speak a lot, did have some fun, did laugh and everything seemed to be alright. Sebi did stay in the Youth Hostel, the day after I should pick him up at 10.00 am. So I got him on the phone already at 8.30, I was just up and on my way to make me breakfast, he told me: 'yes I am ready now'. I said: 'yes but I just got up, didn't we say that we would meet at 10.00? Well okee I will then be there with Ringo (my doggie) at 9.30, so we can go for a walk with him. Sebi agreed, I went there, but Sebi was not there, I waited 30 minutes, decided to drive home with the dog, did drive back and he stood there. I asked him where he would have been and that I would have waited. He said that he did fell asleep again. I told him I would not believe it because I did indeed see him going up the stairs in the Youth Hostel, I did not enter though because of Ringo. Well whatever, I had anyways to speak to him about some stuff, just simply because I am honest and straightforward. I told him that I think that a relationship between him and me would not be possible. He asked me of course why and I told him that I just simply would not like it how he treated me in the past months and that there would be someone who would damn care for me a lot. He told me: 'well fine if that is your decision, I guess I have to accept it'. He was pretty sad, but somehow I was sad too, I mean 5 months almost is not really nothing either. I had decided to show him Vianden, a town in the north of Luxembourg where there is a real beautiful castles, I knew that Sebi would be interested in seeing this. We met up with Alicia, my best friend since 6 long years) and her little son Kevin. After having visited the castle, we went for lunch in a real good restaurant. Kevin did play underneath the table and decided to ripp off the wallpaper (LOL), while Sebi did of course not know what to take for lunch, I must say Sebi is damn difficult in eating, is difficult in communicating and is difficult generally in life. Well whatever, seems as if I was getting torn totally inbetween Sebi and Pascal (who cares a lot for me and whom showed me this 3 weeks ago!!), I did not know anymore what to do. I tried to stay calm though and due to the fact that I was already with Sebi together since 4 monthes and longer, I decided (after a talk with Alicia) to try it *in real life* as well with him. I told him this as we were alone in the evening, sitting in the bronx, somehow I all cried it out in his arms, I told him that I would somehow still love him. He told me the same and we kissed. No, I will now NOT say what I think about the kissing abilities of Sebi!!!! NO!!!! (LOL) On Wednesday then we went together with Alicia back into the Bronx, there were tons of people there, it was damn crowded, Sebi decided somehow to ignore Alicia and me, did stand for 2 hours! like a statue in a corner. Alicia said to me: 'I think he is not normal that guy'. Ohhh how right she was. I left the Bronx, Sebi came behind me and said: 'hey what is wrong?' I said: 'well did you came here to spend time with me, to get to know me or did you came here to ignore me?' Well I did not want to get into a fight, so I thought I would just simply chill inside and keep cool. Like 2 days later as I should pick him up, he was not there (once more), so I went up into the room, noone was there, did walk around, no Sebi around. After having waited 30 minutes, I was pissed and thought I would drive home, I did crash into a car because I was so fucking upset and I decided to drive there back later to see if he was there. Yes like 45 minutes later, he was indeed standing there and gave me once more a cheap excuse, so I told him: 'listen, we can be friends, but with there is no relationship, because you are not stable in your life, not stable in your actions.' He said that he would understand me, yet still he tried to give me a hard time even as a friend, whenever he had the chance somehow to do so. It became more and more clear as well for whom I want to stick up, for whom I want to fight: Pascal ! I was so honest and I told this to Sebi, I could have having said nothing, but then again I owe everyone around me honesty and I stick up for this always!
Well then on Saturday we departed for London, I was so damn nervous to get to see my friends from the netgoth chat, such as Nothing (Steve) and CyberFoxy, DeathBoy, Jason, MistressK and to see of course the DB Gig and to go into Slimes. I was nervous as well to meet new people, but about how I did experience London and about what I met and felt there, I will write that down tomorrow.
For tonight....going out with Ringo, the best male mate on my side...apart from Pascal of course....LOL
Did drive to Frankfurt on Saturday, 26th April to pick up Sebastien....my boyfriend. Alright, we did meet at the net in December, did fell in love somehow (dunno how that happened?!) and decided to meet us to be happily together. It started already badly in Frankfurt though that morning, because Sebi missed his plane in Paris, so he called me up crying and I had to wait near Frankfurt for 6 hours...all alone...all bored...all mad because he pissed me off such a hell of a lot of times. As he arrived we just hugged, smiled and went to drive off to Luxembourg. We did speak a lot, did have some fun, did laugh and everything seemed to be alright. Sebi did stay in the Youth Hostel, the day after I should pick him up at 10.00 am. So I got him on the phone already at 8.30, I was just up and on my way to make me breakfast, he told me: 'yes I am ready now'. I said: 'yes but I just got up, didn't we say that we would meet at 10.00? Well okee I will then be there with Ringo (my doggie) at 9.30, so we can go for a walk with him. Sebi agreed, I went there, but Sebi was not there, I waited 30 minutes, decided to drive home with the dog, did drive back and he stood there. I asked him where he would have been and that I would have waited. He said that he did fell asleep again. I told him I would not believe it because I did indeed see him going up the stairs in the Youth Hostel, I did not enter though because of Ringo. Well whatever, I had anyways to speak to him about some stuff, just simply because I am honest and straightforward. I told him that I think that a relationship between him and me would not be possible. He asked me of course why and I told him that I just simply would not like it how he treated me in the past months and that there would be someone who would damn care for me a lot. He told me: 'well fine if that is your decision, I guess I have to accept it'. He was pretty sad, but somehow I was sad too, I mean 5 months almost is not really nothing either. I had decided to show him Vianden, a town in the north of Luxembourg where there is a real beautiful castles, I knew that Sebi would be interested in seeing this. We met up with Alicia, my best friend since 6 long years) and her little son Kevin. After having visited the castle, we went for lunch in a real good restaurant. Kevin did play underneath the table and decided to ripp off the wallpaper (LOL), while Sebi did of course not know what to take for lunch, I must say Sebi is damn difficult in eating, is difficult in communicating and is difficult generally in life. Well whatever, seems as if I was getting torn totally inbetween Sebi and Pascal (who cares a lot for me and whom showed me this 3 weeks ago!!), I did not know anymore what to do. I tried to stay calm though and due to the fact that I was already with Sebi together since 4 monthes and longer, I decided (after a talk with Alicia) to try it *in real life* as well with him. I told him this as we were alone in the evening, sitting in the bronx, somehow I all cried it out in his arms, I told him that I would somehow still love him. He told me the same and we kissed. No, I will now NOT say what I think about the kissing abilities of Sebi!!!! NO!!!! (LOL) On Wednesday then we went together with Alicia back into the Bronx, there were tons of people there, it was damn crowded, Sebi decided somehow to ignore Alicia and me, did stand for 2 hours! like a statue in a corner. Alicia said to me: 'I think he is not normal that guy'. Ohhh how right she was. I left the Bronx, Sebi came behind me and said: 'hey what is wrong?' I said: 'well did you came here to spend time with me, to get to know me or did you came here to ignore me?' Well I did not want to get into a fight, so I thought I would just simply chill inside and keep cool. Like 2 days later as I should pick him up, he was not there (once more), so I went up into the room, noone was there, did walk around, no Sebi around. After having waited 30 minutes, I was pissed and thought I would drive home, I did crash into a car because I was so fucking upset and I decided to drive there back later to see if he was there. Yes like 45 minutes later, he was indeed standing there and gave me once more a cheap excuse, so I told him: 'listen, we can be friends, but with there is no relationship, because you are not stable in your life, not stable in your actions.' He said that he would understand me, yet still he tried to give me a hard time even as a friend, whenever he had the chance somehow to do so. It became more and more clear as well for whom I want to stick up, for whom I want to fight: Pascal ! I was so honest and I told this to Sebi, I could have having said nothing, but then again I owe everyone around me honesty and I stick up for this always!
Well then on Saturday we departed for London, I was so damn nervous to get to see my friends from the netgoth chat, such as Nothing (Steve) and CyberFoxy, DeathBoy, Jason, MistressK and to see of course the DB Gig and to go into Slimes. I was nervous as well to meet new people, but about how I did experience London and about what I met and felt there, I will write that down tomorrow.
For tonight....going out with Ringo, the best male mate on my side...apart from Pascal of course....LOL